i lost my first patient, an 18 year old female in a car accident. i am an EMT student, and i was doing a shift at the emergency department as a requirement for my course. the day was going great, i was being extremely helpful and the nurses and doctors all loved me. towards the middle of the shift the ED staff invited me to come with them and observe, and we had some really interesting cases come in. then they all rush out and they ask if i know how to do chest compressions, i said "yes" and they told me to scrub in. while waiting for the patient i was so hopeful that we are gonna save her life, and be hero's. everything was just like a movie, the staff was extremely organized and ready to go, and so was i. the girl was brought in and they all started working on saving her life. and then it hit me, this is real, this is not a movie, these are not characters, and the patient is not acting, this is all real. i started praying and begging god to save her, and for a moment i saw hope, until i heard "19:19 time of death". 19:19 is the only thing i can think about, 19:19 proved that the girl is really dead, and the cameras are not going to stop rolling, and we are all going to continue with our lives like nothing happened. i wanted to take her soul and shove it back in her, i wanted to jump in and save the day, but all i could do is stand there and watch. she was 18, with her whole life ahead of her. now she is the diseased patient in the morgue. i cant close my eyes without rehearsing that moment over and over again, and i cant stop thinking of "19:19 time of death".
my first patient death
- Thread starter hamodeh
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