long distance advice

[vixen]

any advice from anyone in an LDR for at least 2yrs+? My bf and I have been together for 4 yrs, 3 of them have been LD, and we still have a year and a half left.....sometimes its soooo hard....and we see each other almost every weekend, but sometimes we still don't get private time together.....we talk on the phone, email, text message, sometimes write, but is there anything else anyone is doing in an LDR that helps ease the pain of being apart? Or anyone want to share their story so I know I'm not alone?

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[Smilez4me]

Hi vixen,

Wow, I really want to congratulate you for being able to put such great efforts in keeping this close contact with someone you care about so deeply despite the distance. Yet, I'm quite sadden to read about your LDR status. I apologize that I cannot offer any advice/suggestions as of now, but I can somewhat relate to your post.

My bf and I have been together for almost 2 years, and he just got into Med school. I was hoping that I would get into a "nearby" school so that we can possibly see each other every weekend, but I suppose that doesn't really work that well? We've been discussing about the difficulty of keeping a LDR, and I understand how hard it must be to really withstand 4 years of that. We were apart for 3 months this summer, and even that seemed like a really long time. I can't imagine what it would be like in the 4 years after college graduation, since for the past 2 academic years, I have been with him nearly everyday.

Thank you for sharing your story. It's tough I'm sure, and it takes a lot of determination, courage, and trust. I hope I could maintain that close bond too...

I wish you all the best, and hopefully a SNDer can give us some advice in handling this.

 

[manta]

no advice, just wanted to say that i can relate. this is a whole lot more difficult than i thought it was going to be.

 

[uclacrewdude]

honestly ... consider having an open relationship. having someone on the side may alleviate a lot of time constraints and allow you to vent sexual and emotional tension, with the safety net of having someone you can really come back home to. just as long as you don't make the guy fall in love with you, shouldn't be a lot of damage done.

 

[GoodMonkey]

you see each other every weekend? geez, if only every LDR were that fortunate. i'd be jumping for joy if that alone were even remotely possible. i understand the difficulty, and didn't anticipate it quite so much. good luck. (i have no advice, sorry.)

 

[relatively prime]

Originally posted by vixen
any advice from anyone in an LDR for at least 2yrs+? My bf and I have been together for 4 yrs, 3 of them have been LD, and we still have a year and a half left.....sometimes its soooo hard....and we see each other almost every weekend, but sometimes we still don't get private time together.....we talk on the phone, email, text message, sometimes write, but is there anything else anyone is doing in an LDR that helps ease the pain of being apart? Or anyone want to share their story so I know I'm not alone?

Tell me about it... I've been in a LDR for 4 years now and there's not even a light at the end of the tunnel. We don't even know when we'll finally be together. It's tough but you get used to it. And consider yourself very lucky to see him once a week... I only get to see my man once every 2-3 weeks.

I suggest looking at the positives...
1. He's not there to distract you when you need to study.
2. He won't complain about how you never spend time with him.
3. Everytime you see each other it's like your honeymoon.

 

[lotanna]

U see each other almost every weekend, wow, I wouldnt call that really LDR though. SOme people pray they'll see at least once a month or so. Consider urself lucky.
I dont get the part about no private time 2gether? do either of u have ur own place?

 

[dapimp]

i only see my wife 2-3 times a year and i do it cuz i have to for the next year. i dont have a problem with it cuz im not stupid

 

[jaeida8]

my husband is dapimp and we really do only see eachother 2-3 times a year. sorry about the "i dont have a problem with it cuz im not stupid" comment he made. to him, it is incomprehensible that someone would have a problem with a hurdle like 1600 miles if it meant staying with the love of their life. we have been doing long distance for 4 years, 1 more year to go. he is a marine in virginia and i'm a 2nd year med student in texas so its difficult and expensive to visit each other. one of the things that we decided to do early on was to not say "i miss you" and things like that. that just makes us think about the separation even more. we try to focus on what life's going to be like after november 2004 rather than thinking about things like "when am i going to see you next." time seems to pass by pretty fast that way. and studying a lot helps too.

 

[vixen]

its weird cause in the 1st 2yrs of LDR, we only saw each other like once a month--it sucked but we got through it...

now that we see each other every weekend, we miss each other more....its like we know more of what we're missing...

I WOULD call it an LDR....Albany to Boston is ~3hs...obviously "long distance" is a relative term though

 

[Cerberus]

Long distance sucks

 

[shizzleDDS]

Vixen,
I've been with my gf for a little over 4 years now. We started dating senior year in high school and now we're both seniors in college. We've been doing the long distance thing now all through college. It definitely blows the big one, but I don't regret any of it. We just focus on the future, and ways to make things better. Sometimes you lose motivation, but the thought of losing the one you're with will keep you from drifting too far. Right now we're waiting to see where I will go to dental school, and we'll try to plan things after that (she will be a high school teacher).

I can relate with not getting any real privacy either. She shares a bedroom with her friend, and I have 3 roomates.

My best advice though, is to just be as open and honest with each other as you can be. This way you won't be drifting apart because you're not together 5 days out of the week--you'll continue to grow together as you are apart.

 

[lisa13579]

I know how hard it is to have a LDR. My bf started residency in July on the east coast and I am in the midwest. I am a non-trad. (26 yo) and will be STARTING med school next fall. Since he is doing a prelim year, he has to apply for the match again and could end up anywhere. Basically, I have an anxiety attack about it once a day and the only thing that would make me feel better is to have an acceptance in every state I have one acceptance so far, which is exciting cause it means I'm for sure going to med school , but I just don't want to be apart from him for another 4 years. We will know our fate in March... it's so hard to wait. I see him once a month and I always fly there cause he's working 90 hours a week (surgery intern year). He's always on call one night during the weekends, which means when I visit I stay in his on call room while he gets paged all night and we attempt to sleep in a twin bed. Then we sleep until mid-afternoon the next day and have one night to spend quality time together. I've been taking off so much work for med school interviews that I can't take more than a Fri. night thru Sun. to visit him, and that's once a month. Luckily my dad is in sales and has let me use lots of frequent flyer flights, or I'd be more broke than I already am from applying

Now that my sob story is done.... ...... I can say that it's tough and I'm sad alot, but the fact that we are both extremely busy helps. I don't have (much) time to get insecure and know that he really doesn't have time to find someone else (I know it's silly, even if he did have time, I trust him. But you get crazy thoughts when you only see each other once a month). Even though he's always working he finds a few minutes here and there to call me and it really makes a difference. It makes me feel important and not forgotten and I am a support for him thru one of the hardest years of his life. I'm hoping at the very least that we can be only a few hours apart next year so we can see each other every weekend. In the same city would be ideal. Think good thoughts for me

Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in the long distance thing Good luck! If you made it this far, it's going to work out!

 

[Stroganoff]

This is by no means supposed to replace actually seeing each other in person, but you guys mention phone, e-mail text msg.

Just to give a geeky opinion some of you might not have thought about...get a webcam and a fast Internet connection. Sight and sound at once!

Best of luck guys. LDRs are tough, but if both of you believe it's worth it, then that's just proof that love knows no bounds.

Try a webcam, seriously. Logitech Quickcam Pro 4000 or something.

 

[pearl8876]

Great post, I too am in a long distance relationship. He is in California, while I pine for him in Penn. Can't wait for both of us to graduate so we can get our lives started together.

 

[vixen]

just to update...in case you guys didnt read the other forum...i got engaged a few weeks ago....


we're gonna get married in the spring 2005....thats when we'll both be able to live in the same city....yay!!! we have a future


thanks for your stories