Ladies, will you change your last name after marriage?

[biophilia79]

I added my husbands last name to my last name but I want to go by Dr. madien name ... I don't know how that will work as of yet but if anyone has any insight that be great

I've read your posts on this topic and I'm pretty much in line with your thoughts. However, I'm wondering how this all works. Have you been able to legally use just one of the last names for documents or do you need to use both all the time for legal/official purposes? Also, do you have any links for me to get more information on this?

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[Pedialyte]

Me, too. I was hoping to be Dr. First Name Maiden Name His Name, and go by Dr. Maiden Name in the hospital and with patients. Can you do that? Like, with the HR department/computer system stuff, etc? I just don't want to hyphenate.

I've read your posts on this topic and I'm pretty much in line with your thoughts. However, I'm wondering how this all works. Have you been able to legally use just one of the last names for documents or do you need to use both all the time for legal/official purposes? Also, do you have any links for me to get more information on this?

 

[PBEA]

Me, too. I was hoping to be Dr. First Name Maiden Name His Name, and go by Dr. Maiden Name in the hospital and with patients. Can you do that? Like, with the HR department/computer system stuff, etc? I just don't want to hyphenate.

Hate to interrupt, pedialyte, but do you happen to know why pedialyte goes "bad" within 48hrs of opening?

 

[mshheaddoc]

Me, too. I was hoping to be Dr. First Name Maiden Name His Name, and go by Dr. Maiden Name in the hospital and with patients. Can you do that? Like, with the HR department/computer system stuff, etc? I just don't want to hyphenate.

I've read your posts on this topic and I'm pretty much in line with your thoughts. However, I'm wondering how this all works. Have you been able to legally use just one of the last names for documents or do you need to use both all the time for legal/official purposes? Also, do you have any links for me to get more information on this?

Ah I'm a lowly pre-med so I have no idea but in my research I have come across the following.

Legally I have two last names. I can use either of those last names LEGALLY if I am not defrauding anyone. I have a feeling my licensure has to state both last names (which is fine) but I will sign everything Dr. Maiden Name. I have yet to consult a lawyer on this issue but there was a woman on mommd.com that did just this. I did a search over there and this topic was discussed but doesn't get alot of traffic over there! I'll try to find the post and post it over here. I also have done some google searches and I think that it is extremely feasible.

Most women I know just keep their maiden name and use their husband's name socially which just wasn't an option for me. Plus I want to have association to my husband. I use most of my maiden name on things (like classwork, exams etc) just because its too long to write all my names.

 

[mshheaddoc]

Some threads:

http://www.mommd.com/cgi-bin/ubb-cgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=000119#000000

http://www.mommd.com/cgi-bin/ubb-cgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=000217#000000

http://www.mommd.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=5;t=000516#000001

http://www.mommd.com/cgi-bin/ubb-cgi/ultimatebb.cgi/ubb/get_topic/f/1/t/000399

http://www.mommd.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=000874#000001

http://www.mommd.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=5;t=000516#000000


I really don't see the issue in using your maiden name as it IS legally my last name I just happen to have two legal last names now. I did this on PURPOSE so I can go by Dr. Maiden Name. I have looked into the legal issues and the only issue is "fraud". I might consult a lawyer on this b/c I get sick of all the "contradicting" information out there.

 

[Chinorean]

You know, regardless of whether or not I got an MD or any degree that changes your title (I guess PhD is the only other one that does that) I was planning on keeping my last name. But I get the feeling that a lot of people expect a "valid" reason for you to hold on to your last name, like not wanting to be Dr. SomeoneElse.

 

[baylormed]

To answer the original question of this thread: I don't know.

I would normally say no because I earned my degree with my name and I would like my name to be the one to bear the respect that comes with that.

However, I have a last name that is kind of difficult to pronounce and it is a bit long, so I am not sure if it will be an issue with patients. I hope it wil not, I really think people will just have to get used to it. However, getting annoyed at mispronunciations and patients being unable to remember it might be an incentive for me to take my husband's last name if it is an easier, more common name.

 

[MicroBugs]

Ah I'm a lowly pre-med so I have no idea but in my research I have come across the following.

Legally I have two last names. I can use either of those last names LEGALLY if I am not defrauding anyone. I have a feeling my licensure has to state both last names (which is fine) but I will sign everything Dr. Maiden Name. I have yet to consult a lawyer on this issue but there was a woman on mommd.com that did just this. I did a search over there and this topic was discussed but doesn't get alot of traffic over there! I'll try to find the post and post it over here. I also have done some google searches and I think that it is extremely feasible.

Most women I know just keep their maiden name and use their husband's name socially which just wasn't an option for me. Plus I want to have association to my husband. I use most of my maiden name on things (like classwork, exams etc) just because its too long to write all my names.

Have you done any more looking into this? I called the Social Security Office today and they stated that you needed to keep everything the same now. There's a big push now and into the future because of so much fraud and whatnot. So having two legal last names, means you need to use both, blah blah blah. Then I called the NH board of medicine who said that your medical license did not have to match what was on your SS card tho it will need to match your degree. BUT, doesn't it have to be your legal name on your boards, which your diploma then has to match and thus your license? Does anyone have any more light to shine on the subject?

 

[4424]

this was sorta discussed but i still dont know if it's possible. let's say my name is mary kay smith and my husband is bob jones. can i change my middle name to be my maiden name and have my husband's last name? therefore it would be mary smith jones. could i still be dr. smith but have changed my last name to jones? is this legal? thanks for the insight..

 

[dpmd]

You can change your name to whatever you want (although I think they don't allow curse words). You can't legally call yourself Dr. Middle name though.

 

[4424]

You can change your name to whatever you want (although I think they don't allow curse words). You can't legally call yourself Dr. Middle name though.

even if my license and everything medical is dr. middle name? thanks again

 

[AtreyuRocks]

I am currently planning on NOT changing my last name. I'm Mrs. "husband's last name" for all intents and purposes, BUT I would still like to be Dr. "Maiden name". Is that odd? I think that I have to keep my maiden name legally so that I can be addressed/officially Dr. "maiden name". Is that true?

I'm curious to see what other people have to say about this topic. I realize that times are changing and a lot, though still a minority, of females are not changing their names.

I'm often amazed to see I am in the minority of women who will NOT change their name... but for some reason I have always felt this way too. To be Mrs. X and Dr. ME. I have thought so much about why I want it this way, and maybe because I am a liberal Californian, and have never fantasized the idea of being married with children (not that I don't think it is likely to happen), but there are two other reasons I have concluded as well. 1) My dad passed away when I was younger and it is the name he gave me, 2) I am now published and want to keep all things connected to my name so it is less confusing in the academic world.
oh, and why not just always be Dr. X? I think it's too confusing for the kids, the children don't need to be bothered with the fact that you are a Dr.

EDIT: oh yeah, thought of two more reasons. 3) my last name starts with a "C", so I am just used to being high up in the alphabet, LOL, 4) my last name is ethnic, and I don't want to misrepresent if I marry another race. =)

 

[mshheaddoc]

Have you done any more looking into this? I called the Social Security Office today and they stated that you needed to keep everything the same now. There's a big push now and into the future because of so much fraud and whatnot. So having two legal last names, means you need to use both, blah blah blah. Then I called the NH board of medicine who said that your medical license did not have to match what was on your SS card tho it will need to match your degree. BUT, doesn't it have to be your legal name on your boards, which your diploma then has to match and thus your license? Does anyone have any more light to shine on the subject?

I actually checked two state medical boards today. If you get married you have the option of going by maiden if you wish and you already have degrees in that name. But you have to be consistent, because otherwise that is when "issues" start to arise. That is the only thing. I was advised since I already have both names it would be easier to go by both. I think it depends on how stringent the medical boards guidelines are followed. With more and more women keeping their own names ... its difficult. I have also considered legally changing my name back for professional purposes (I already have one graduate degree in my maiden name) but who knows. Luckily I can put off the issue for awhile but I would suggest you consult your state medical board for their viewpoint on it.

 

[dpmd]

even if my license and everything medical is dr. middle name? thanks again

In that case why not just keep your name the same. People can call you Mrs. husband's last name socially and it won't make any legal difference. When you apply for a license in California you must use your legal name in its full form (including hyphenated names). If you choose to do business under a name that is not this name (if you want to call yourself Good doctor Inc, or if you want to call youself something that does not match the legal name on your license-which dr middle name would fall under) you have to apply for a fictitious name permit (and pay extra to get one, plus pay to renew it). I would guess other states would have similar rules about calling yourself by something besides your full legal name in your medical practice. Although, you can probably just ask your patients to call you something else to your face while keeping all documentation in your legal name.

 

[MicroBugs]

I actually checked two state medical boards today. If you get married you have the option of going by maiden if you wish and you already have degrees in that name. But you have to be consistent, because otherwise that is when "issues" start to arise. That is the only thing. I was advised since I already have both names it would be easier to go by both. I think it depends on how stringent the medical boards guidelines are followed. With more and more women keeping their own names ... its difficult. I have also considered legally changing my name back for professional purposes (I already have one graduate degree in my maiden name) but who knows. Luckily I can put off the issue for awhile but I would suggest you consult your state medical board for their viewpoint on it.

Yeah, NH is my home state and they sounded pretty lax about it. I guess it's all going to depend on where we end up for residency and such. Perhaps I'll just stick with my name for now and if it comes up that there's a way I can make both work and still be just Dr. ME, then cool, I'll switch then. Boy, isn't this fun.

 

[mshheaddoc]

Yeah, NH is my home state and they sounded pretty lax about it. I guess it's all going to depend on where we end up for residency and such. Perhaps I'll just stick with my name for now and if it comes up that there's a way I can make both work and still be just Dr. ME, then cool, I'll switch then. Boy, isn't this fun.

Yes it isn't. The woman I talked to was on of the admins for the licensing and she said she sometimes wished she hadn't changed her name ... Since I have my maiden name with me its not that big of a deal but its just so confusing ...

 

[AtreyuRocks]

Yes it isn't. The woman I talked to was on of the admins for the licensing and she said she sometimes wished she hadn't changed her name ... Since I have my maiden name with me its not that big of a deal but its just so confusing ...

agreed. i think it's time for the man to change his name... unless he is a Dr. too. then what? no one changes? or you can switch just to make it even more confusing!

 

[MicroBugs]

agreed. i think it's time for the man to change his name... unless he is a Dr. too. then what? no one changes? or you can switch just to make it even more confusing!

Haha, switching, now that would make things interesting...

 

[biophilia79]

Some threads:

http://www.mommd.com/cgi-bin/ubb-cgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=000119#000000

http://www.mommd.com/cgi-bin/ubb-cgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=000217#000000

http://www.mommd.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=5;t=000516#000001

http://www.mommd.com/cgi-bin/ubb-cgi/ultimatebb.cgi/ubb/get_topic/f/1/t/000399

http://www.mommd.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=000874#000001

http://www.mommd.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=5;t=000516#000000


I really don't see the issue in using your maiden name as it IS legally my last name I just happen to have two legal last names now. I did this on PURPOSE so I can go by Dr. Maiden Name. I have looked into the legal issues and the only issue is "fraud". I might consult a lawyer on this b/c I get sick of all the "contradicting" information out there.

thanks for this and all the other info!

 

[buctowndoc]

The only way I would agree to allow my fiance to keep her last name after we marry is if she was already established in practice. If my wife cannot take my last name and become one family unit then we should stay single. PS this may sound sexist, but any man who takes his wife's maiden name is 'weak' to put it nicely.

 

[dpmd]

So by the same logic, you want your wife to be the weak one and take your name. Becoming a family unit has many other aspects more important than name. The fact that you talk about allowing her to keep her own name says a lot about your views on women. I hope the person you fall in love with shares those views.

 

[bananaface]

Ah I'm a lowly pre-med so I have no idea but in my research I have come across the following.

Legally I have two last names. I can use either of those last names LEGALLY if I am not defrauding anyone. I have a feeling my licensure has to state both last names (which is fine) but I will sign everything Dr. Maiden Name. I have yet to consult a lawyer on this issue but there was a woman on mommd.com that did just this. I did a search over there and this topic was discussed but doesn't get alot of traffic over there! I'll try to find the post and post it over here. I also have done some google searches and I think that it is extremely feasible.

Most women I know just keep their maiden name and use their husband's name socially which just wasn't an option for me. Plus I want to have association to my husband. I use most of my maiden name on things (like classwork, exams etc) just because its too long to write all my names.

There is a doc at a local FP clinic who is Dr. W-O. She has patients refer to her as Dr. O, but signs her Rx's as Dr. W.

 

[DentalRecruiter]

It's up to the ladies!

 

[PathOne]

Personally, I like the way they do in Iceland. There, absolutely nobody will ever change their name. In fact, family surnames don't even exist. Your surname is your father's first name, with a "son" attached for males, and a "dottir" (daughter) for females. So if Mary Jane's father is named Thor, she'd be Mary Jane Thorsdottir from she's born until she dies.

Apart from that special case, I simply cannot understand why anybody should be expected to change their name in mid-life. Men would certainly never dream of doing that, and I really can't see that a couple is less married because the woman keeps the name she was born with. That also solves any chance of misunderstanding or legal issues. But I do realize that I'm in the minority.

 

[mshheaddoc]

There is a doc at a local FP clinic who is Dr. W-O. She has patients refer to her as Dr. O, but signs her Rx's as Dr. W.

yeah all these legal issues. I'm seriously contemplating changing my name back to my maiden name although I wonder what the hassle it will be. Maybe I'll just become a gardner instead

 

[coriannegirl]

I'm adopted from Korea and had my name changed at 3 months old to something really Italian (both my parents are). I'm engaged to someone with a German last name. It seems like a pretty big deal to me to change my name again, so I'm against it. Besides, who wants to be Dr. Italian German who looks Korean?

 

[Roshario]

Before I got married, I told my husband I wanted to keep my last name as my dad had two daughters and no sons....etc, etc. He didn't have a problem with it at the time until close to our wedding day. I was a bit upset. I really like my last name. Anyway, we compromised and I hyphenated my last name. I'm 90% happy about it, but that last 10% longs for Dr. MaidenName.

 

[hilseb]

I didn't either time. Our house is a hodge podge now, with my two boys, each with their dad's last name and mine. However, that is only on their birth certificates. They use their dads' names each in school as common name (as is the tradition in some Latin American cultures, like my ex husband's.) . I can see how that can be "difficult" to some people, but so is life after divorce and remarriage, which is a fact for 50% + of families. Old friends have been able to find me, and I didn't have to go through bureaucratic hell each time I got married and when I got divorced. Less time in lines and on hold for me, thank you. I didn't think giving up my name and family identity was the default setting and would have still ended up with two kids with two last names, in the long run.

It is a very rare choice. I have met many other women who don't, but it was in a very progressive situation (at a free standing birth center where I trained as a midwife - you are already talking about a select group). Outside of that situation, where a huge amount of women for some reason weren't using their husband's name, I have met few other women who didn't. Now, I am just starting medical school and have not even examined that wrinkle, although one of the few women I know who didn't change hers is now a doctor. If I already had a reputation as a practitioner, that would be even more incentive for me to keep my last name.

 

[WisePrincess227]

Answering original post: I think that it depends on where I am in my career when I get married....yes, now I would choose to change my name because I have yet to begin medical school. I have a very generic name sort of like the female version of "John Smith" and I have always thought that accepting my husband's name causes more oneness (personal opinion). I would take his name with pride and if I decided if I was extremely far in my career and a name-change would only cause confusion then I would consider a hypenate last name...but keeping my maiden name and no change whatsoever---probably not.

 

[hilseb]

Personally, I like the way they do in Iceland. There, absolutely nobody will ever change their name. In fact, family surnames don't even exist. Your surname is your father's first name, with a "son" attached for males, and a "dottir" (daughter) for females. So if Mary Jane's father is named Thor, she'd be Mary Jane Thorsdottir from she's born until she dies.

Apart from that special case, I simply cannot understand why anybody should be expected to change their name in mid-life. Men would certainly never dream of doing that, and I really can't see that a couple is less married because the woman keeps the name she was born with. That also solves any chance of misunderstanding or legal issues. But I do realize that I'm in the minority.

I totally agree, and thanks for that explanation of the Icelandic system.

 

[Lakambini19]

The answer to the Original Q. First of I never thought that you guys exist. I always thought I am alone on this matter. I went through a lot of grief becoz I chose not to change my lastname. I did before,but as I get older I started to reclaim my identity. This reclaiming is even get more solid when my Dad passed away. I will never give up my lastname again for anything/any reason. I strongly feel that my father is the only man that is worthy of my devotion.My lastname is my son's middlename ,I am so glad that my father lives in both of us.

Here are the real men & women allowing each other to be who they are.There are also men that won't allow their wives not to have a short hair.And as a dentist, I mostly notice that women doctors usually are the ones who can carry out their wishes up against the societal stigma of any sort.Therefore I must conclude that it is a definite power/assertiveness issue.

 

[LexiLuthor]

I didn't change my last name when I got married. My husband kept his name as well. We have discussed choosing a new last name to both take, and may still do that in the future. No one in my family or his has been negative about our choices, although we both come from relatively conservative Catholic families.

I never considered changing my name. My middle name is my mom's last and my last name is my dad's last. I like that. And I'm lazy and didn't want to deal with the name changing paperwork My name is part of my history.

I know that having the same name wouldn't make me any more or less committed to my relationship, no matter how society views things like that. We've been together for almost a decade and going strong b/c we respect and love each other as we are.

I think if someone really wants to take their spouse's last name, or add it, male OR female, that's great. No one should feel pressured. It's a personal choice, and who am I to judge?

I think the idea of one spouse "allowing" the other spouse to do something is nuts (IMO). Of course we make major life decisions together- like me choosing where to go to school based on areas that work both for me as a student and where his career can develop- but to not "allow" a haircut? I never would have considered marrying someone like that, because I am not the kind of person who would do that to another person, or who would put up with that crap.

 

[Noeljan]

what about combining last names? I am just starting medical school this fall (in 4 weeks actually), but I have wondered about this. I mean what about research you have done beforehand or during school? It's a tough question/decision.

 

[mustang sally]

I changed my last name. I like that we all have the same last name and can be known as the "Smith" family or whatever. Also I never really felt that my maiden name defined me. Ironically, I still have many people refer to me as [first name] [maiden name] [last name] even though this is not my legal name! It even gives my maiden name as my middle name on my masters diploma for some reason. Maybe society just expects that this is how scientific/professional women want to be referred to?

 

[Doctor Bagel]

I didn't change my last name when I married. I've been a feminist since I was 8 and was already pretty adament about that one. It's sort of funny how it confuses everyone here and sometimes sort of irritating, too. My last name isn't spectacularly wonderful and it's amazingly common, but it's mine and reflective of my family. I married my husband, but I didn't marry his family.

I really do like the idea of combining names, too, but with lots of names, it's hard to come up with something that works. Also, it's a real pita for men to change their name because they have to go through the whole formal name change process. There actually was a lawsuit about that a while ago regarding a man who planned on taking his wife's last name, but I don't know how it worked out.

 

[Doctor Bagel]

I was surprised, too... and impressed. It's good to know that most of the women who post here are level-headed enough not to go around yelling "discrimination!' at the drop of a hat.

We aren't any more or less intelligent and independent with our husbands' names than with our mothers'.

Well, I have to say that I do think the tradition of name changing is sexist. Too bad that means you don't think I'm "level-headed."

 

[mshheaddoc]

People try to hypenate my name, I don't like that so I try to politely tell them there is no hypen. I have gotten a few dirty looks. If I don't PUT a hypen, do NOT assume there is one. Ugh.

 

[McGillGrad]

I wouldn't marry a woman who wanted to keep her name, no matter how ridiculous or sexist it seems to me.

 

[LexiLuthor]

I wouldn't marry a woman who wanted to keep her name, no matter how ridiculous or sexist it seems to me.

Seems like the women who don't want to change their names wouldn't marry you right back, so no problem there

If you put yourself in the other person's shoes... if you wouldn't be willing to do the same for them, why would you expect it of them

 

[McGillGrad]

You would be surprised at what women would do for the right man.

If I were a woman, then it would be a tough decision. It would depend on the person. It is like saying that I would never sacrifice my life for another person. You can hold any opinion you want, but circumstances dictate decisions, not idealistic notions.

Seems like the women who don't want to change their names wouldn't marry you right back, so no problem there

If you put yourself in the other person's shoes... if you wouldn't be willing to do the same for them, why would you expect it of them

 

[RN wanna be DOC]

Just to give a different perspective, I am a man and when I got married BOTH my wife and I took a hyphenated last name. We both come from different cultural groups (which our last names make pretty obvious) and it was important to both of us that we keep both names not only for outselves but also for our kids, when they come. It's really an issue of what's important to you. If keeping your last name has some value to you, then do it or at least talk about the idea of a hyphenated last name.

 

[LexiLuthor]

You would be surprised at what women would do for the right man.

If I were a woman, then it would be a tough decision. It would depend on the person. It is like saying that I would never sacrifice my life for another person. You can hold any opinion you want, but circumstances dictate decisions, not idealistic notions.

I am not sure that you're understanding me.

For me keeping my name was not idealistic, it was something very important to me. My husband respects that and it wasn't a big deal to him (i.e. has no strong feelings about name changing one way or the other). After years of dating you get to know someone well, so I didn't expect him to be hung up on names.

You saying that your "right woman" not changing her name would be a dealbreaker for you is the same as a guy expecting/requiring me to take his would be a dealbreaker for me.

Would you change your stance on name changing for the "right woman"? Or would her not being cool with changing her name invalidate "right woman" status? You would be surprised at what a man would do for the right woman

So, I am overall a very flexible person and my husband and I are a great team and make major life choices together, but there are just some things that are non-negotiable for me right now.

 

[McGillGrad]

You are contradicting yourself because your situation included a husband who did not mind. If he had been against it, then you may have had to possibly yield if you loved him enough.

There is no right woman for me. Women are interchangeable to me, so if one wants to keep her name then she can keep it without me. I have never had any issues with attracting acceptable women, so if one is not happy with the way I see things, then she can find someone more malleable.

I am not sure that you're understanding me.

For me keeping my name was not idealistic, it was something very important to me. My husband respects that and it wasn't a big deal to him (i.e. has no strong feelings about name changing one way or the other). After years of dating you get to know someone well, so I didn't expect him to be hung up on names.

You saying that your "right woman" not changing her name would be a dealbreaker for you is the same as a guy expecting/requiring me to take his would be a dealbreaker for me.

Would you change your stance on name changing for the "right woman"? Or would her not being cool with changing her name invalidate "right woman" status? You would be surprised at what a man would do for the right woman

So, I am overall a very flexible person and my husband and I are a great team and make major life choices together, but there are just some things that are non-negotiable for me right now.

 

[Doctor Bagel]

There is no right woman for me. Women are interchangeable to me, so if one wants to keep her name then she can keep it without me. I have never had any issues with attracting acceptable women, so if one is not happy with the way I see things, then she can find someone more malleable.

Well, more proof that the woman you'd dump for not changing her name isn't losing out on too much.

 

[McGillGrad]

I fail to understand why your self-perceived inadequacies allows an anonymous person's confidence to upset you so much that you abandon all logic and insult that person without provocation.

You don't know me from Adam, yet you assume that I am undesirable based on the notion that I disagree that people are special snowflakes and irreplaceable. That is a naive outlook on life. It is preposterous to assume that any one of us is so special that we could not be replaced by something just as good. Just as women are interchangeable to me, I am interchangeable, too. Unless you have only had one relationship in life, you would agree.

Well, more proof that the woman you'd dump for not changing her name isn't losing out on too much.

 

[LexiLuthor]

When you know someone you get to know their personality. I make it pretty clear that I am a stubborn feminist so there's little risk of a last-name freakout as one nears the altar and I knew my husband was the type of guy who wasn't traditional about that sort of thing. If he was super-traditional we wouldn't have gotten to the point of getting married.

I clearly stated that changing my last name would be a dealbreaker for me. I don't feel that I contradict myself when I say that I would not drop my name just b/c a guy wanted me to. If a guy "required" me to change my name I'd reconsider marrying him. And we'd both be better off for it b/c we wouldn't be a good match. Leaving him to find another snowflake or cog or whatever. I've broken up with or declined to date men when we don't see eye to eye on various things; it's hardly shocking I married someone with similar views to mine. Most people tend to do that, which was the root of my original comment.

 

[Savantrice]

i'm pretty sure i'd keep my name. i've got a very unique last name, and its part of my identity. if i changed my name, even for marriage, i feel like i'd be losing a part of myself.

if he was from the same culture I might be content with hyphenating, but if he was American with a (no offense), fairly generic name i'd just keep mine...and insist the kiddos had my maiden name as their middle name. just to add a bit of flavor lol

 

[LuckBALady]

When I married 5 years ago, I changed my last name to match my husbands. It took a little while to get used to when signing my name but now I don't even have to think about it. Marriage to me is all about becoming two parts to a whole... If your already having issues with the name you will be signing on a piece of paper or being called Mrs. So and So, how do you expect to withstand several decades of being married. Marriage isn't about individualism..it's about connecting and compromising. I love the fact that I have my husband's last name.. as do our children. I wouldn't have it any other way..plus my madien name's initials were G.A.S. I was more than happy to give that baby up.

 

[rgerwin]

I have to say that equating name changing to the ability to compromise in a marriage is one of the more ridiculous things I've heard. Shockingly, of all the major life issues me and my husband have successfully dealt with, none of them remotely involved a name.

 

[LuckBALady]

Perphaps I didn't word it correctly. I'm not equating a name change to compromise. Name changing represents your allegiance to a new person and a starting over as a couple. If the husband doesn't have a problem with the name not changing then more power to you. If the husband does have a problem, and you still continue to refuse to take his name, it can definitely be representive of not compromising. To me, giving up my name was a small compromise. It took a much greater effort to change locations, time after time, for my husband's job. I'm just saying that there will be bigger issues in a marriage to stress over without "sweating the small stuff". I can respect that certain cultures may have more emphasis on surname than others. In any instance if there isn't an objection, then don't change your name. I gave my opinion on the topic, void of sarcasm, and would appreciate if the same was done in return.

I have to say that equating name changing to the ability to compromise in a marriage is one of the more ridiculous things I've heard. Shockingly, of all the major life issues me and my husband have successfully dealt with, none of them remotely involved a name.