Lacking support

[SMD83]

Long story short...
-got married at 17, had a baby girl, divorced him at 18,got my nursing licence, single mom, he is out of the picture (physically, emotionally, financially.. he doesn't see her--his choice)...
My dream is and always was : cardiovascular surgeon
My reality is: I have a daughter (no support, parents live far away..so it's me and her all alone)...
She is 7 yrs old now,my biggest concern is that I won't be there for my daughter during my dream persuasion. Im the only person she depends on.
I only have one chance to raise her right, be there for her and by persuing my dream career I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to give her what she needs..."her mom".
Who will be there for her when she gets home from school?
Who will tuck her in at night?
How will I be able to be "mom", nurse, med school student without having my child being raised by "strangers"?

It has been a constant battle since she was born... I applied to med school 2 times already, got accepted and rejected the offer..

My daughter's quality of life vs.my dream career...

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[LADoc00]

Wow. Well because you have a dream doesnt mean you are meant to follow it. Being a CV surgeon is a lifestyle more than a career, IT demands you place it first, always. CV Surgery is jealous mistress and doesnt particularily tolerate distraction. Certainly not while you are training. And figure a good 12 years+ including med school before you are anything less than a peon in the field.

You already know the answer to your query, who will be there for your daughter when you are a CV surgeon, answer: no one.

But its okay, I dont mind being a sounding board for your thoughts.


Keep working, caring for your daughter and religiously using birth control.

You have a fatherless abandoned daughter who is seriously at risk growing up as a young woman, better to focus on her.

 

[SMD83]

Thank you for your thoughts

I'm plain miserable due to two of my most valued attributes are in the constant"crash" mode.

Persuing profession:"selfish","inconsiderate", and a potential failure as a parent.

Staying in this "idle" mode:"underachieved", "great sense of loss" present,and generally "unhappy" searching for solutions of incorporating "mom" to surgeon instead of sending a message: career is number #1.

The other day I discussed my fears "on her level"...
Her response: mom its simple, you can have both.When I'm in class you are in class, but after we can both study in a library... that way we can spend most of "out of school" time together...
So I explained that its not going to be a year or two but 10 or more...
She said: mom that's perfect cause I have 11more years to study before I graduate. We can be study buddies...

I love her for trying to make things easier for me...

 

[LADoc00]

almost everyone is an underachiever...Hell last night I spent the evening with my wife watching some chick flick, I couldve been making mad $$$...I UNDERACHIEVED and in fact I do it daily.

Im typing this and mad underachieving. I could be on a conference call with my attorney buying distressed property or doing consulting for Genetech.

Dont worry

 

[xanthines]

They're great when they're that young and you're their best friend. Not so during the teenage years, though.

You're right in that you're choosing between a career and your kid. Both are going to take up A LOT of your time, so something's gotta give. By my calculations you're actually still pretty young and right at the average age of entering med students. I started as on older student (older than you are now) and I other than when people don't haven't heard of Atari, it hasn't made much of a difference.

I don't think there's anything wrong with waiting a bit and then trying again. Just my opinion, though.

-X

P.S. LaDoc00, what are you doing around these parts? Aren't you supposed to be berating the billionth poster for inquiring about dermpath salaries?

She said: mom that's perfect cause I have 11more years to study before I graduate. We can be study buddies...

I love her for trying to make things easier for me...

 

[LADoc00]

P.s. Ladoc00, What Are You Doing Around These Parts? Aren't You Supposed To Be Berating The Billionth Poster For Inquiring About Dermpath Salaries?

Im Saving Lives! One MILF at a time.

 

[peppy]

The best compromise might be to become a physician assistant so you can then assist with vein graft harvests for CABG and such. You'd still get to be part of surgery without totally missing out on your daughter's life.
Try to think about what it is that appeals to you about being a doctor and think of ways you can achieve that in another career that won't require sacrificing so much.

 

[Neuronix]

Persuing profession:"selfish","inconsiderate", and a potential failure as a parent.

Cardiovascular surgery is possibly the most intense career you can choose on this planet. I don't know how it is in Canada, but in the states it is 10 years of training at 80-100 hours a week. As an attending it doesn't get a whole lot better. I'm not saying don't go to medical school if that's your interest. That takes a good 40 hours a week of classes and studying to get in and then med school itself is roughly that to do okay IMO until third year. You can choose a medical specialty that has family friendly hours.

So I'm not saying you're being selfish or a failure as a parent to go to med school. I'm saying it's not possible to be a CV surgeon as a single parent unless you have your parents raising your kids or you put them in a boarding school.

 

[Dejavu]

If I did the math correctly, you must be 24-25 yrs old. If she is 7 now, why don't you wait ten years and then go to med school. I was a nurse, then a nurse anesthetist and entered med school when I was 38. Now I am an anesthesia attending and doing great.

That way, you get to follow your dream and be there for your daughter. At 17-18 yrs old, she will not need you nearly as much. Also, by then you will see that with all the interventional cardiologists/radiologists techniques being a cardiovascular surgeon may be less appealing and you will go into anesthesiology, which is what you should do anyway.

I know it's a long-term plan, but realize that is can work.

 

[MD Helper]

We have a good friend who is a nurse practitioner specializing in surgery at UNC-Chapel Hill. She has a TON of autonomy and flexibility and gets to be in the OR as much as she wants. Obviously it isn't the same as being one of the MD surgeons, but she gets to do what she loves (surgery) without time and expense of med school & residency.

Another thought: if you truly have no support in your current locale, why not move?

Just somethings to consider.

 

[Dr.Millisevert]

We have a good friend who is

a nurse practitioner specializing in surgery

she gets to do what she loves (surgery) without time and expense of med school & residency.

cough.. sorry. A.. what? I'm confused.

 

[MD Helper]

She's a NP who working exclusively in the surgery ward at UNC-CH. She didn't "specialize" in NP school, but that's what she does working.

I may not be using the exact proper lingo, but as my user name says, I'm an MD HELPER, not an MD.