Indian parents

[priyanka]

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[NYCDesi]

LOL, join the club.

If I had to offer advice, I wouldn't put so much weight on what they say, that way you don't get disappointed/frustrated too often. Anytime my parents get into the whole "so what? So and So's son/daughter has done it 50 times over and in a far better way than you" or other similar veins of discouragement, I immediately jump into 'ignore' mode and look for encouragement elsewhere (usualy my brother or my friends). So far, it has done wonders for my mood(s).

Basically, just do your own thing and don't sweat it too much.

Good Luck

P.S. Besides, you'll be too busy cramming your ass off in med school anyway and you wont have time to think about what your parents think.

 

[DoctorMalki]

I think indian parents have really high expectations from their kids. I don't remember my father ever saying "good job!" in high school because he did think it was really easy compared to india. But his attitude definately changed when I got to college and he saw how hard I worked and he changed his views on how "easy" college is in america. so i guess, yes they do not know about the american college system but it is really upto us to show them and tell them what it is all about. they might still have a different view after that too but we have to try to explain things to them.
Also the comparing to other people's children thing... i used to get that a lot and I hated it like you did but after a while I just told them that it annoyed me and wasn't extreely discouraging and they have reduced it dramatically. so there is hope... I guess just try to explain your point of view

 

[sinnah83]

1) Talk to them - tell them how it makes you feel. And also tell them that you do work hard and just because education here is different from India, its not necessarily easier.
2) develop a hearing filter - you'll get more and more of unfavorable, annoying comments, unsolicited and often patronizing advice. If you don't like it, learn to just be unresponsive to it.
3) Try to understand their motivation for acting the way they do. If you look hard enough, I'm sure you'll find good intentions hidden there somewhere. Sometimes while we wish they would be more accepting and open minded, its easier to make that change in ourselves than try to change them. Hard as it may be, try to be more forgiving of them. It might make the situation less stressful for you.
But I can understand your frustrations, I have seen it and lived through it often. Like DoctorMalki said, have hope, it'll get better.
K

hey guys,
I was just wondering whether all the indian parents are the same or am I the only one?
So narrow minded: 1) Not able to accept the transition between india and the US.
2) not interested in learning the new stuff thats in US.
3) my parents dont know how the university works
4) they have this preconcieved misconception that the PEOPLE IN THE US DONT STUDY and that the studies are very easy ...so when me or my sistah get good grades they say : " I know what you study...and I know ur enjoying here just because you have to study less...so dont tell me about it...:"
there's a lot more to add to this but i beter not go there its so inexplicable and complicated
Its so frustrating....forget about someone encouraging me .... they discourage to the rate of infinity and encourage to the rate of negative infinity which is twice the infinity...which accounts to infinity..my head spins... ...

 

[vikaskoth]

if they compare you to other indian kids your age, start pullin out comparisons about other indian parents who might be more liberal, spoil their kids more, let them go out, are more encouraging. Or compare them to white parents, that should get their blood boiling. Or say "well if you like -insert goody two shoes- so much, why don't you adopt them"

 

[vikaskoth]

can't win unless you are as unreasonable as they are

 

[priyanka]

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[vikaskoth]

i definitely think girls probably have it rougher with more conservative indian parents. If that conversation is close to real and not an exaggeration, I feel for you. My parents usually get off my back if i am doing well in school, they have nothing to fuss about. My mom wishes she had a daughter to spoil but she would also drive her mad with her outdated ideas. I had it a little easier because my brother would make trouble and he prepared my parents for what i would want to do as far as going out to parties etc.. in high school. He broke them in.

 

[MD Rapper]

i like the suggestions.//...
believe me or not..i ve tried each one of them...
and i do understand that they want me to be the best....
but then...its ridiculous when they keep doubting me every night i come home they go..
.................
.................
.................
.................
.................
by the way.. i am so glad you guys responded..thanks tons!
cheers

Hey I'm really sorry that your parents are unwilling to change their attitude... I can see how this is a great source of frustration for you. Luckily, I've had parents that are much more on the liberal side and that has helped me tremendously to get to where I want to go.

Anyway, your improvised-conversation thing was hilarious! I hope you enjoyed writing that.. im sure that was great stress relief.... lol. But really, just continue to do what you do... there aren't too many solutions.. one day when you leave sd and you are not close to home you will feel a lot better. Your parents will realize that you've done great things and you won't have to talk about every little thing with them. Till then, enjoy the fact that they care, even though they show it in strange and annoying ways.

 

[IllinoisStudent]

i like the suggestions.//...
believe me or not..i ve tried each one of them...
and i do understand that they want me to be the best....
but then...its ridiculous when they keep doubting me every night i come home they go..
dad: why are you so late?
me: studying at the library
dad: library closes at 5 what are you talking about..n why were u home at
.
.
.
.
the thing is..i cant imagine spending my life in any other profession...i dont think nething else is as challenging...interesting..there is no other enviorenment but a hospital that can keep me awake even if i havent slept for days...its the only profession for me ...and i will not lie...but..i so want the dual thing...1)cardio surgeon( i am not sure about cardio..i love it but i notice i ve started loving neurosciences immensely) and 2)money- as well... if it was only for money i would have gone for business..if it was only patient care i could have become a nurse...but unfortunately i am selfish and i need both equally....
by the way.. i am so glad you guys responded..thanks tons!
cheers

You need a hug.
Hope things get better for you! Times like these make me feel glad that I am a boy rather than a girl.
And I don't have to put make-up on or dress up for boys.

 

[priyanka]

I wish it was exaggerating and not an under exxagerating...

neway...i was trying to delete this thread all together but I couldn't figure out how to..I did not really intend to get attention...just spitting out...you know a normal human cant contain a lot of happiness or sadness or any other emotion within one self for long...some scream..some yelll...and others..like me talk to mentors or friends to let it out...this time it was this site...

I probably shouldn't have started the thread..but .. i did so well..

Anyway, its a request to please stop replying to this thread. Let this be the last message...Thanks for everything. You guys will make great doctors or I think some of you already are..way to go... I won't be logging in for some days..so don't feel that I am rude if I dont reply.

THANKYOU.

Priyanka.

 

[priyanka]

I wish it was exaggerating and not an under exxagerating...

neway...i was trying to delete this thread all together but I couldn't figure out how to..I did not really intend to get attention...just spitting out...you know a normal human cant contain a lot of happiness or sadness or any other emotion within one self for long...some scream..some yelll...and others..like me talk to mentors or friends to let it out...this time it was this site...

I probably shouldn't have started the thread..but .. i did so well..

Anyway, its a request to please stop replying to this thread. Let this be the last message...Thanks for everything. You guys will make great doctors or I think some of you already are..way to go... I won't be logging in for some days..so don't feel that I am rude if I dont reply.

THANKYOU.

Priyanka.

oops..Error..:-I wish was exaggerating*

 

[priyanka]

oops..Error..:-I wish was exaggerating*

what the hell...
OK ... i cant rest without correcting this...
I wish it was an exaggeration not an under exagerration...
chaow

 

[DoctorMalki]

i definitely think girls probably have it rougher with more conservative indian parents. If that conversation is close to real and not an exaggeration, I feel for you. My parents usually get off my back if i am doing well in school, they have nothing to fuss about. My mom wishes she had a daughter to spoil but she would also drive her mad with her outdated ideas. I had it a little easier because my brother would make trouble and he prepared my parents for what i would want to do as far as going out to parties etc.. in high school. He broke them in.

lol yeah i do definately think that guys have it so much easier and especially you since you are not the oldest and your parents were broken into lol

Priyanka my parents did not want me to go into medicine either. They really think that I won't be married until i am 30 but u have to stand up for what you truly believe in and what you want in your life. My parents eventually came around when they saw how much I loved this field and how much dedication I had for this field. At the end of the day they want you to be happy... it just might take them a while to come around ! Hang in there

 

[DoctorMalki]

what the hell...
OK ... i cant rest without correcting this...

are you a virgo by any chance?

 

[priyanka]

are you a virgo by any chance?

virgo nah..

the fickle GEMINI

 

[KNightInBlue]

me too!! lol...GEMINI'S ROCK!!!!

 

[MD Rapper]

Good 'ol Gemini here too

 

[priyanka]

Geminis have some very unique characteristics which often go undetected by people. The modest creatures that we are, we dont explain them our "uniqueness". We simply go on adapting to the new situations and surroundings.... Hmm I dont know how many geminis agree with this?

It goes without saying that each zodiac has its uniqueness. And in many cases, this uniqueness undergoes alteration, so its understandable why zodiacs dont seem authentic and genuine to many people. Not that I am an hardcore believer either, but as far as Geminis are concerned, I find a pattern. So my hypothesis about Geminis might well be valid to a certain extent.

 

[DoctorMalki]

Geminis have some very unique characteristics which often go undetected by people. The modest creatures that we are, we dont explain them our "uniqueness". We simply go on adapting to the new situations and surroundings.... Hmm I dont know how many geminis agree with this?

It goes without saying that each zodiac has its uniqueness. And in many cases, this uniqueness undergoes alteration, so its understandable why zodiacs dont seem authentic and genuine to many people. Not that I am an hardcore believer either, but as far as Geminis are concerned, I find a pattern. So my hypothesis about Geminis might well be valid to a certain extent.

My mom is a gemini !! I think geminis do very well to adapt to their situations. Oh the reason I asked if you were a virgo was because you really tried to fix the error you made earlier and virgos are known to be perfectionists... I am a libra btw

 

[Idlebrain]

My mom is a gemini !! I think geminis do very well to adapt to their situations. Oh the reason I asked if you were a virgo was because you really tried to fix the error you made earlier and virgos are known to be perfectionists... I am a libra btw

Thankyou DoctorMalki,for your perfect impression on VIRGOS.

 

[priyanka]

My mom is a gemini !! I think geminis do very well to adapt to their situations. Oh the reason I asked if you were a virgo was because you really tried to fix the error you made earlier and virgos are known to be perfectionists... I am a libra btw

Dr. Malki, Am sure that you and your mom get along extremely well.
By the way are you a doctor already?

 

[priyanka]

Dr. Malki, Am sure that you and your mom get along extremely well.
By the way are you a doctor already?

oh the reason being, we all know that (air) geminis, librans and aquarians get along very well because of similarities.

 

[vikaskoth]

Geminis have some very unique characteristics which often go undetected by people. The modest creatures that we are, we dont explain them our "uniqueness". We simply go on adapting to the new situations and surroundings.... Hmm I dont know how many geminis agree with this?

I think horoscopes and signs are a bunch of BS, but surprisingly some of those above traits apply to me, maybe being a gemini might do something for me in life

 

[KNightInBlue]

Geminis have some very unique characteristics which often go undetected by people. The modest creatures that we are, we dont explain them our "uniqueness". We simply go on adapting to the new situations and surroundings.... Hmm I dont know how many geminis agree with this?

It goes without saying that each zodiac has its uniqueness. And in many cases, this uniqueness undergoes alteration, so its understandable why zodiacs dont seem authentic and genuine to many people. Not that I am an hardcore believer either, but as far as Geminis are concerned, I find a pattern. So my hypothesis about Geminis might well be valid to a certain extent.

Now if we could only do some sort of doctoral thesis on this......after all publications are supposed to help us get in.

 

[priyanka]

Now if we could only do some sort of doctoral thesis on this......after all publications are supposed to help us get in.

heehe knightinblue,
for that we will have to start considering research with respect to cognitive sciences and astronomy as well.

 

[NYCDesi]

Me : "I got waitlisted at school XYZ"
Parents : "That's a STATE school? I thought state schools are supposed to prefer in-state residents! And you still couldn't get in???"
Me: "Mom, dad, it doesn't work that way. I mean look at school ABC. It's also a state school, but of a neighbouring state, which would make me an out-of-stater and I still got in there"
Parents: "That's different! Out-of-state students must pay a larger tuition. That's why they took you!"
Me: "....?????....."

Like I mentioned in a previous post, you just have to do your own thing and not let them get you down. If its bad news, sweep it under the rug. If its good news,well........ they might end up comparing you to other students anyway so its your call whether you choose to divulge that info or not.
Basically, try to float under their radar as much as possible and look for encouragement elsewhere....siblings, cousins, friends.

 

[priyanka]

Me : "I got waitlisted at school XYZ"
Parents : "That's a STATE school? I thought state schools are supposed to prefer in-state residents! And you still couldn't get in???"
Me: "Mom, dad, it doesn't work that way. I mean look at school ABC. It's also a state school, but of a neighbouring state, which would make me an out-of-stater and I still got in there"
Parents: "That's different! Out-of-state students must pay a larger tuition. That's why they took you!"
Me: "....?????....."

Like I mentioned in a previous post, you just have to do your own thing and not let them get you down. If its bad news, sweep it under the rug. If its good news,well........ they might end up comparing you to other students anyway so its your call whether you choose to divulge that info or not.
Basically, try to float under their radar as much as possible and look for encouragement elsewhere....siblings, cousins, friends.

NYCDesi,
Thanks a lot for the encouragement,
And yes, My advice is certainly go to the out of state school hehe. I personally would prefer that because then my parents will miss me when I am far away and know my value. You should do that too, they'll realise they are missing a gem like son of theirs. Then when you go back home for a break mom will cook you yummy food...
Thanks for your support dude, its really really appreciated. YAY go on with the offers you recieved! The real thing is, instate schools give you more preference, which is atleast a rule in california. I'm sure its the same everywhere.
SO go on proudly dude!
good luck.
pri.

 

[DoctorMalki]

Dr. Malki, Am sure that you and your mom get along extremely well.
By the way are you a doctor already?

yeah we do actually

 

[Buckeye(OH)]

My parents have been married/in this country since 1973. I wasn't born unitl 1981, so fortunately for me, they had most of the Indian-ideals washed away. What helped even more is that my dad did his graduate education in this country so he understood how are system works.

Since my parents have now spent the majority of their life here, they are definately about as Americanized as you can be. So much so in fact, that my mother was dreading her recent trip to India.

There is one thing that I am catching hell for. I applied to both MD and DO schools. I have already been interviewd/accepted at a few DO schools and they keep saying, "well it would be nice if you got into an MD school also."

That really irks me, but whatever.



Adrian (yes, I know its not a very Indian name)

 

[priyanka]

My parents have been married/in this country since 1973. I wasn't born unitl 1981, so fortunately for me, they had most of the Indian-ideals washed away. What helped even more is that my dad did his graduate education in this country so he understood how are system works.

Since my parents have now spent the majority of their life here, they are definately about as Americanized as you can be. So much so in fact, that my mother was dreading her recent trip to India.

There is one thing that I am catching hell for. I applied to both MD and DO schools. I have already been interviewd/accepted at a few DO schools and they keep saying, "well it would be nice if you got into an MD school also."

That really irks me, but whatever.


Adrian,
Good for you! And you can't complain..you certainly should consider MD as your first preference because not only your parents, but every Tom, Dick and Harry know that it is the better one. I was laughing when you said, "my mom is dreading a trip to India" haha. Nevertheless, I'm sure she'll love it!
Good Luck!

 

[ice_23]

Adrian,
Good for you! And you can't complain..you certainly should consider MD as your first preference because not only your parents, but every Tom, Dick and Harry know that it is the better one.

Uh oh priyanka...you'd better not post this in the DO lounge...

-Ice

 

[DoctorMalki]

Uh oh priyanka...you'd better not post this in the DO lounge...

-Ice

I personally don't think being a DO is inferior to being an MD. You do the exact same thing. you still get to see patients and are active in improving their health. It's all about prestige fror some people ..... If that's what is imporatnt to you then that's your own opinion but to say that MDs are better than DOs is probably not a fair statement. Just my two cents.

 

[DoctorMalki]

There is one thing that I am catching hell for. I applied to both MD and DO schools. I have already been interviewd/accepted at a few DO schools and they keep saying, "well it would be nice if you got into an MD school also."

Congratulations on those acceptances !!!

 

[Buckeye(OH)]

I personally don't think being a DO is inferior to being an MD. You do the exact same thing. you still get to see patients and are active in improving their health. It's all about prestige fror some people ..... If that's what is imporatnt to you then that's your own opinion but to say that MDs are better than DOs is probably not a fair statement. Just my two cents.

Part of the problem is that India doesn't recognize DO's as physicians, thus, they don't have any practice rights in India.


It doesnt help that like most Indian families, the majority of my extended family are physicians.

I once said I wanted to be an automechanic and my parents were NOT happy....sigh.



Adrian

 

[DoctorMalki]

Part of the problem is that India doesn't recognize DO's as physicians, thus, they don't have any practice rights in India.
Adrian

do you want to practice in India in the future?

 

[Buckeye(OH)]

do you want to practice in India in the future?

No, I don't. But I dont want to go there to visit and not be called a doctor by the rest of my family....

 

[priyanka]

oh damn,
i really dint mean to say that DOs are inferior to MDs, Maybe it sounded like that.
I was just trying to have Adrian look at the positive side of the situation.
I wouldn't mind personally if I get into DO or MD and unlike Adrian's parents my parents wont ask me "why dint you get into a MD school but a DO school" because apparently they don't know the difference. Adrian's parents do and as far as I think indian children should make their parents happy whether its right or wrong by not regreting, what they expect from us, but just looking at the positive side of it and accepting it, thus going for it..

Come on you guys taught me this(dont get discouraged) , I am giving it back.. Seriously I dont consider DO to be inferior!!

this shows how different parents react differently its so wierd......

 

[Buckeye(OH)]

oh damn,
i really dint mean to say that DOs are inferior to MDs, Maybe it sounded like that.
I was just trying to have Adrian look at the positive side of the situation.
I wouldn't mind personally if I get into DO or MD and unlike Adrian's parents my parents wont ask me "why dint you get into a MD school but a DO school" because apparently they don't know the difference. Adrian's parents do and as far as I think indian children should make their parents happy whether its right or wrong by not regreting, what they expect from us, but just looking at the positive side of it and accepting it, thus going for it..

Come on you guys taught me this(dont get discouraged) , I am giving it back.. Seriously I dont consider DO to be inferior!!

this shows how different parents react differently its so wierd......

Well, like I said, I applied to both. Where else I get in, in terms of MD schools is out of my hands at this point.


Adrian

 

[DoctorMalki]

Well, like I said, I applied to both. Where else I get in, in terms of MD schools is out of my hands at this point.


Adrian

Good Luck adrian let us know how it goes.
I am also currently applying to medical schools and I must say this whole process is very draining and stressful. I just hope we hear good news soon !!

 

[Premedtomed]

hey Adrian, are you a Christian? i have an Indian friend named Adrian and he's Christian

 

[Buckeye(OH)]

hey Adrian, are you a Christian? i have an Indian friend named Adrian and he's Christian

Yeah, I am Catholic. Please don't tell me your name is Ramesh.




Adrian

 

[DoctorMalki]

Yeah, I am Catholic. Please don't tell me your name is Ramesh.




Adrian

 

[Premedtomed]

Yeah, I am Catholic. Please don't tell me your name is Ramesh.




Adrian

Naah Siddharth, close enough haha

 

[Buckeye(OH)]

Naah Siddharth, close enough haha

Well, it was just ironic that you asked that because A) I have an Indian friend and B) He's in medical school, and C) he obviously has a Christian friend named Adrian.


Wow, ironic.

 

[Premedtomed]

Well, it was just ironic that you asked that because A) I have an Indian friend and B) He's in medical school, and C) he obviously has a Christian friend named Adrian.


Wow, ironic.

I have a cousin with a Christian name and he isn't a Christian!
So I asked since like him you were born and raised here.

I was just trying to be nice

 

[Buckeye(OH)]

Whoa, whoa. I think you are misunderstanding me. I was just saying how weird it was that you asked me since I also have an Indian friend so I thought you might have been him...his name is Ramesh.



Adrian

 

[priyanka]

hmm people should understand HUMOR! - its not all about med school

 

[Premedtomed]

hmm people should understand HUMOR! - its not all about med school

Of course we all do.

Back to the topic of this thread.

My parents have never forced me to do one thing or the other since none of them is a doctor. My relatives being an overly interested in my life as they are
were more discouraging than other wise. I have had to pull n push my way through on my own. I can't wait to go to medical school !

Quite the opposite, isn't it Priyanka?
I would never force it upon my kids, if I ever have any i.e. if I can ever find a chick, any chic, Indian chicks are snobby

waaaah why did I move to the US

 

[priyanka]

Of course we all do.

Back to the topic of this thread.

My parents have never forced me to do one thing or the other since none of them is a doctor. My relatives being an overly interested in my life as they are
were more discouraging than other wise. I have had to pull n push my way through on my own. I can't wait to go to medical school !

Quite the opposite, isn't it Priyanka?
I would never force it upon my kids, if I ever have any i.e. if I can ever find a chick, any chic, Indian chicks are snobby

waaaah why did I move to the US

premedtomed,

Your parents totally rock I should say in that respect. My parents do it just because they think that is the way to do it. sigh. And kudos to you regarding your ability to fight your way through your relatives' attitude. No matter what, but I respect my parents and believe that it was something i did to my children in my last life ( might sound silly)and it just gets back to you, but hmm well i say it my sound silly because it all sounds silly to my parents. NO one on earth believes that I am their child.. welll thats that I still love them because directly or indirectly they are making my to-be child's life wonderful don't you think so? I'd do all for my kids( if i marry or have kids etc) which my parents haven't done or what i felt was wrong on their part. so it gets better every generation. I'm glad you are on your way to med school and all excited about it. I'm sure u'll see many indian chicks there lol coz indian doctors are everywhere in the world. Oh yes about girls being snobby, believe me, not all are like that. A well cultured indian girl guided by her parents would want to dedicate her love to just one person and the only one. But then her demands aren't less, she would expect the same from you. She'd probably not like it if you had a relation with some/many other girls before her, but shes sensitive and if you let her know (by ur actions and not ur words) that you wannt to commit to her for your entire life and if you guys have a special relationship going on then certainly she has a huge heart which melts pretty easily. If the guy cheats on her, she'd pblly die out of crying.....maybe an overexagerration in other girls' cases i donno, personally for me it holds true.
hmm i dont know how real it is with the other indian gurls i think i talked a lot about my character rather than other indian girls coz i just cant speak abt others since i do not know a lot of american born indian girls- they are scary and for some reason reluctant to identify themselves as indians...
oh well.. alls good when,
All one tries to do is be oneself and pursue whatsoever is in the hand.
good luck on ur med schhool ! enjoy!