I managed to get myself knocked up. How screwed am I?

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Throwaway75324

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Current 4th year med student with FWB on birth control and one of the lucky ones who still managed to get pregnant.

How feasible is it to have a child as a single mother in residency? I'd probably have to pay for a nanny. Is it possible to afford on one resident's pay?

Any stories of people you know would be appreciated.

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Current 4th year med student with FWB on birth control and one of the lucky ones who still managed to get pregnant.

How feasible is it to have a child as a single mother in residency? I'd probably have to pay for a nanny. Is it possible to afford on one resident's pay?

Any stories of people you know would be appreciated.

As always, which specialty?

Which part of the country are you from/hoping to match in? You don't need to be specific, just general. Big city? Small town? That changes the economic equation somewhat.

Have you told your FWB? Have you told your parents? What was the response, if yes?
 
As always, which specialty?

Have you told your FWB? Have you told your parents? What was the response, if yes?

Specialty EM

FWB knows. He'd be supportive but not enough to move I don't think. He has a career here.

Parents know. They're supportive but again, they wouldn't be moving with me.
 
it will be hard, but with the guy chipping in and a resident salary, you can make it happen
 
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Specialty EM

FWB knows. He'd be supportive but not enough to move I don't think. He has a career here.

Parents know. They're supportive but again, they wouldn't be moving with me.

Is FWB supportive enough to pay child support? Do you trust him to do so?

If he does so, and if you feel that your parents could throw you some money if you need it, it's doable. Particularly if you don't go to a part of the country with an extremely high cost of living (e.g. NYC).
 
Current 4th year med student with FWB on birth control and one of the lucky ones who still managed to get pregnant.

How feasible is it to have a child as a single mother in residency? I'd probably have to pay for a nanny. Is it possible to afford on one resident's pay?

Any stories of people you know would be appreciated.
There are tons of people who would happily adopt that child, you know.
 
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It can be done, and it has been done. But it's not easy.

First, you need to give birth. This seems obvious, but the timing is important. Because you're on OCP's, you might be several months in before you noticed (since skipping a period on the pill is not uncommon). So, you need to determine your est due date, and see if you can actually graduate medical school on time. If the baby comes before you can actually graduate, then you won't be able to graduate by July 1 and won't be able to participate in the match. Also, in order to get maternity leave from your future program, you will need to actually start working there first -- if the baby comes after you graduate but before you start, then you'll simply be unemployed until you're done with maternity leave - and depends how long you want.

Second, you'll need help with child care. You'll need help for long shifts, odd hours and days. You'll need 100% reliability -- not being able to come to work because your child is ill, or your day care provider is ill, or doesn't show up isn't going to work. Most workplaces will have a place for you to pump (if you want to breast feed).

Third, you'll just need emotional help. Residency is busy. When you have a day off, you'll want to relax. A young child can be an amazing experience, but also can be very taxing.

Reasons 2 and 3 is why family are often involved. But it can be done with a live in nanny, or a reliable group of people.

I wish you the best. Children are a great joy, but a huge time sink.
 
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If you want to keep the baby, you can absolutely do it. I think you’re right, a nanny will be best. I live in a big city and nannies will run you $20-25 an hour here. Hopefully, it will be cheaper where you’re moving. Nanny shares can be easier to swing financially if you can find a good partnering family. If the father and/or your parents can help financially it will obviously help. Even if they ask you to it pay back, just remember that in 3 years you will be able to swing this just fine. I did a fair bit of moonlighting after intern year which helps too..

Also, use your resources and friends that you will make in the program. Other parents helped me as I helped them- it takes a village. Good luck.
 
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Is FWB supportive enough to pay child support? Do you trust him to do so?

If he does so, and if you feel that your parents could throw you some money if you need it, it's doable. Particularly if you don't go to a part of the country with an extremely high cost of living (e.g. NYC).
does it really matter if he supportive of paying child support...he is gonna have to pay child support.
 
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does it really matter if he supportive of paying child support...he is gonna have to pay child support.

... I think that we all know that there is a major difference between receiving a monthly check that a partner willingly sends you, and having to drag said partner into court in order to get that child support. If you think that every partner pays child support every month, without complaint, you are either naive or live in a state with exceptionally harsh penalties.

I had a patient who basically begged me to declare him disabled so that he could get out of paying child support. (He had well controlled CHF and was not, at all, disabled.)

I know of another physician whose drivers license was suspended for failure to pay child support. He took an Uber to work EVERY DAY, rather than pay that back child support.
 
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There are tons of people who would happily adopt that child, you know.

This seems like an odd comment to me considering the OP did not hint towards wanting to give her child up for adoption. She was asking advice on how doable it is financially. If she wanted to give her baby up for adoption, it’s probably safe to say she would not have posted on a forum. This just seems rude and inconsiderate to me, because she obviously knows adoption is an option and does not need anyone to remind her of that.

Also I would just like to add that she would not be the first and most certainly won’t be the last in this situation. Life happens and you just make it work. You may have to take a slightly different route and make the necessary adjustments, but you can absolutely be a mother and physician-even during residency. You will have to get more creative and resourceful as a single parent, but it can be done!
 
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This seems like an odd comment to me considering the OP did not hint towards wanting to give her child up for adoption. She was asking advice on how doable it is financially. If she wanted to give her baby up for adoption, it’s probably safe to say she would not have posted on a forum. This just seems rude and inconsiderate to me, because she obviously knows adoption is an option and does not need anyone to remind her of that.

Also I would just like to add that she would not be the first and most certainly won’t be the last in this situation. Life happens and you just make it work. You may have to take a slightly different route and make the necessary adjustments, but you can absolutely be a mother and physician-even during residency. You will have to get more creative and resourceful as a single parent, but it can be done!

actually i don't think people think of this right off the bat...they think keep it or abortion and the idea of adoption doesn't necessarily come to mind...but there are people out there that can give this child love, support, and a home, just as much as a biological parent.

and weird that you object to someone mentioning adoption, but made no comment about the option of abortion in the post just above you...not to make this an abortion thread, but just odd to the post that you found offensive.
 
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... I think that we all know that there is a major difference between receiving a monthly check that a partner willingly sends you, and having to drag said partner into court in order to get that child support. If you think that every partner pays child support every month, without complaint, you are either naive or live in a state with exceptionally harsh penalties.

I had a patient who basically begged me to declare him disabled so that he could get out of paying child support. (He had well controlled CHF and was not, at all, disabled.)

I know of another physician whose drivers license was suspended for failure to pay child support. He took an Uber to work EVERY DAY, rather than pay that back child support.

lol...the latter.
just saying that while FWB doesn't sound like he will be that supportive, he has little choice in the option of having to be somewhat responsible...since OP the title of your thread is not so accurate...as they say, it takes two to tango and he is just as responsible as you for this pregnancy.
 
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Specialty EM

FWB knows. He'd be supportive but not enough to move I don't think. He has a career here.

Parents know. They're supportive but again, they wouldn't be moving with me.
what are the chances you can do residency close to family?

the other is have you thought about delaying graduation and then apply to residency the following year? That way your baby will be older and you may be able to then figure out what would work in residency.
 
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actually i don't think people think of this right off the bat...they think keep it or abortion and the idea of adoption doesn't necessarily come to mind...but there are people out there that can give this child love, support, and a home, just as much as a biological parent.

and weird that you object to someone mentioning adoption, but made no comment about the option of abortion in the post just above you...not to make this an abortion thread, but just odd to the post that you found offensive.

I’m very well aware that adoption can provide loving, supportive homes for children, and maybe I was quick to assume that people know adoption is an option...?

Also I honestly scrolled right past that gif above-but even if I had seen it, that person is obviously trolling so there’s no need to respond to it.

But I know Goro was not trolling and his comment came off as odd to me give that’s the only thing he said. If I tell someone I’m pregnant and ask them for resources or help and their only response is something along the lines of, “you know you can give it up for adoption...” I’m going to take offense to that. But maybe that’s just me and maybe I completely took his comment the wrong way. My point is that it seemed obvious to me that the OP wanted to keep the baby and was seeing if residency would be an actual option right away given the financial strains. And I just wanted to tell her that it’s absolutely within her ability and right to be a resident physician and a mother, though it will take a little more resourcefulness given the situation.
 
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I’m very well aware that adoption can provide loving, supportive homes for children, and maybe I was quick to assume that people know adoption is an option...?

Also I honestly scrolled right past that gif above-but even if I had seen it, that person is obviously trolling so there’s no need to respond to it.

But I know Goro was not trolling and his comment came off as odd to me give that’s the only thing he said. If I tell someone I’m pregnant and ask them for resources or help and their only response is something along the lines of, “you know you can give it up for adoption...” I’m going to take offense to that. But maybe that’s just me and maybe I completely took his comment the wrong way. My point is that it seemed obvious to me that the OP wanted to keep the baby and was seeing if residency would be an actual option right away given the financial strains. And I just wanted to tell her that it’s absolutely within her ability and right to be a resident physician and a mother, though it will take a little more resourcefulness given the situation.

It’s pretty ironic that you read so much into Goro’s seemingly innocous Post but then presume to know so much about what the OP is thinking,
 
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It’s pretty ironic that you read so much into Goro’s seemingly innocous Post but then presume to know so much about what the OP is thinking,

Im going off of what the OP said. She did not say that she was considering adoption or abortion, she was wondering if it was financially feasible to raise a child as a single parent during residency. To which I think it’s odd for someone to only respond by telling her that she can just give it up for adoption. That is offensive to me as I would not want someone to simply reply with a one liner about adoption with no other meaningful advice or encouragement. I responded to ultimately encourage the OP and let her know that she can do this. We can just agree to disagree. Like I said, I found his comment odd and that’s just how I felt.
 
Im going off of what the OP said. She did not say that she was considering adoption or abortion, she was wondering if it was financially feasible to raise a child as a single parent during residency. To which I think it’s odd for someone to only respond by telling her that she can just give it up for adoption. That is offensive to me as I would not want someone to simply reply with a one liner about adoption with no other meaningful advice or encouragement. I responded to ultimately encourage the OP and let her know that she can do this. We can just agree to disagree. Like I said, I found his comment odd and that’s just how I felt.

Lots of people think raising the child or terminating it are the only realistic options. The logistics of adoption can be intimidating. Goro simply said that it would be easy to place the child of a doctor. He offered another thing to think about for someone contemplating this difficult situation. I don’t know why that’s offensive to you and why you think this thread is about you.

Yes, I’m a man but I’ve personally been in this situation also. It’s scary and you go through the denial/bargaining/acceptance process.

Op, it can be done. I know someone who delivered intern year and did not delay training. Worst case if you can’t match near family or the father, I would think you could get a match waiver and delay start pgy1 a year. I would be shocked if you can’t get a waiver for this.
 
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He'd be supportive but not enough to move I don't think. He has a career here.

Parents know. They're supportive but again, they wouldn't be moving with me.
You haven't matched yet, so maybe no one has to move to be near you?
 
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Lots of people think raising the child or terminating it are the only realistic options. The logistics of adoption can be intimidating. Goro simply said that it would be easy to place the child of a doctor. He offered another thing to think about for someone contemplating this difficult situation. I don’t know why that’s offensive to you and why you think this thread is about you.

Yes, I’m a man but I’ve personally been in this situation also. It’s scary and you go through the denial/bargaining/acceptance process.

Op, it can be done. I know someone who delivered intern year and did not delay training. Worst case if you can’t match near family or the father, I would think you could get a match waiver and delay start pgy1 a year. I would be shocked if you can’t get a waiver for this.

I’ve stated how I thought it was offensive in the way that he suggested it without any other context. The entire point of me commenting was to encourage her that she could do it, without having to put her baby up for adoption as she clearly did not ask about that. The fact that you think I’m making this about me clearly shows that you didn’t comprehend my original comment-which was to give OP hope that she could financially make this happen during residency, which was addressing her actual question. Like I said, we can agree to disagree.

To the second part of your comment, I completely agree. I also know two people that delivered during intern year and the program was very accommodating. OP, it can be done! But the option of a match waiver is also there, as mentioned. Maybe reach out to your dean or advisor and I’m sure they can give some sound guidance/advice. I think if you reach out for help, people will work with you!
 
Lots of people think raising the child or terminating it are the only realistic options. The logistics of adoption can be intimidating. Goro simply said that it would be easy to place the child of a doctor. He offered another thing to think about for someone contemplating this difficult situation. I don’t know why that’s offensive to you and why you think this thread is about you.

Yes, I’m a man but I’ve personally been in this situation also. It’s scary and you go through the denial/bargaining/acceptance process.

Op, it can be done. I know someone who delivered intern year and did not delay training. Worst case if you can’t match near family or the father, I would think you could get a match waiver and delay start pgy1 a year. I would be shocked if you can’t get a waiver for this.

actually i don't think people think of this right off the bat...they think keep it or abortion and the idea of adoption doesn't necessarily come to mind...but there are people out there that can give this child love, support, and a home, just as much as a biological parent.

and weird that you object to someone mentioning adoption, but made no comment about the option of abortion in the post just above you...not to make this an abortion thread, but just odd to the post that you found offensive.
Ahh, refreshing to see that some people get it. Too many people view the world in black or white when it comes to becoming pregnant, when there is clearly an another option. My niece is adopted, so I'm pro-adoption, and just wanted to throw it out there to the OP.

As to huskybabe, strongly suggest that you do NOT do your residency in NYC.
 
The OP didn’t bring up adoption or abortion. She’s a medical student not a 15 year old. She knows her options and asked for help presuming she’s going to be a single mother. Seems like focusing there would be helpful.
 
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I'm not a physician, but I am a single parent with no family close by and only unreliable child support from my ex-husband who lives 12 hours away and rarely sees the kids. It is also a huge deal for me to be late for work, leave early, or call in sick. I've been on my own since I got pregnant with my second child 5 years ago. The only way I can make it work is by paying about 20% above the going rate for a rock solid reliable nanny who is willing to take care of sick kids and work when she herself is sick. I've had 2 different nannies over 4 years and they were both mothers themselves. My back up care when these ladies have needed time off tends to be women in their 20s who are not nearly as reliable. Luckily I also have a few good friends in the area that I can call in an emergency.

I assume as a resident that you would have to have someone live with you if you are not close to family. I don't know how much residents make, but I'm not sure you will be able to afford the kind of help you need without serious financial assistance from the father and/or your parents. I am the only single parent I know with no family nearby. It is hard. You will come home from work exhausted and then need to spend time with your child. I don't think I could go through a residency unless I lived with my parents.

I'm not trying to discourage you but I think you are right to be concerned about how it will work out.
 
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Ahh, refreshing to see that some people get it. Too many people view the world in black or white when it comes to becoming pregnant, when there is clearly an another option. My niece is adopted, so I'm pro-adoption, and just wanted to throw it out there to the OP.

As to huskybabe, strongly suggest that you do NOT do your residency in NYC.

I never said I didn’t agree with adoption. I just said that this came off as an odd thing to say in a one liner, and clearly I wasn’t the only one that thought that. None of us have any idea what someone else has been through in our private lives with children/family (myself included) and I don’t need to explain why that came off as offensive to me. Really not trying to start an argument here as that’s not the point of this and I’m sure the OP doesn’t care about us going back and forth about how we interpreted a message on a forum.

Not sure what an NYC residency has to do with anything...?
 
I never said I didn’t agree with adoption. I just said that this came off as an odd thing to say in a one liner, and clearly I wasn’t the only one that thought that. None of us have any idea what someone else has been through in our private lives with children/family (myself included) and I don’t need to explain why that came off as offensive to me. Really not trying to start an argument here as that’s not the point of this and I’m sure the OP doesn’t care about us going back and forth about how we interpreted a message on a forum.

Not sure what an NYC residency has to do with anything...?
*sigh* We NYers like to do stuff like use the term "F you" as a greeting, talk over your words, and finish sentences for you. My people aren't polite; they'll quickly tell you what they think of you.

If you found my comment offensive, then you'll rapidly end up as a puddle in the middle of a car on the 6 train.

So again, I know that OP didn't ask for options, but as way too many people think in terms of A or B only on this subject, it's worth the mention that C exists as well. That's all I will say. Promise. We now return you to your regularly scheduled SDN thread.
 
*sigh* We NYers like to do stuff like use the term "F you" as a greeting, talk over your words, and finish sentences for you. My people aren't polite; they'll quickly tell you what they think of you.

If you found my comment offensive, then you'll rapidly end up as a puddle in the middle of a car on the 6 train.

So again, I know that OP didn't ask for options, but as way too many people think in terms of A or B only on this subject, it's worth the mention that C exists as well. That's all I will say. Promise. We now return you to your regularly scheduled SDN thread.

I see, touché!
 
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*sigh* We NYers like to do stuff like use the term "F you" as a greeting, talk over your words, and finish sentences for you. My people aren't polite; they'll quickly tell you what they think of you.

If you found my comment offensive, then you'll rapidly end up as a puddle in the middle of a car on the 6 train.

So again, I know that OP didn't ask for options, but as way too many people think in terms of A or B only on this subject, it's worth the mention that C exists as well. That's all I will say. Promise. We now return you to your regularly scheduled SDN thread.

Hey GORO,

F YOU

I appreciate your advice. Thanks
 
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I'm sorry to hear about your situation OP--it's a tough spot to be in when you have an unintended pregnancy, and tougher when you're potentially facing it alone.

EM will be pretty rough because of the odd hours. If it’s not feasible to match where your family is (which is enough of a reason to rank any/every local program at the top), and no one will truly move with you, then I’d do what the above poster does and pay more for a great/reliable nanny. Because you will need one who can work the same odd hours you work.

An option worth considering is getting a live-in nanny. If you need to take out loans so you can learn and finish residency it would be worth it financially.

Your world will change once you have this child, even more than it’s changing already. Mostly for the better, but certainly your sleep and sanity will suffer at times. As you get older (not that I’m that old) you truly see how family is the most important part of your life. My spouse’s happiness and my son’s happiness matter more than how much I earn or love my job. It’s ironic how much effort we put into pursuing fancy jobs in specific locations, but the reality is the people we surround ourselves with have far more of an impact on our happiness.
 
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Im going off of what the OP said. She did not say that she was considering adoption or abortion, she was wondering if it was financially feasible to raise a child as a single parent during residency. To which I think it’s odd for someone to only respond by telling her that she can just give it up for adoption. That is offensive to me as I would not want someone to simply reply with a one liner about adoption with no other meaningful advice or encouragement. I responded to ultimately encourage the OP and let her know that she can do this. We can just agree to disagree. Like I said, I found his comment odd and that’s just how I felt.

see , its this...you make it sound like choosing adoption as a lesser thing to do than to decide to keep a child and raise it yourself...you judge even if you don't think you are doing so.
 
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It can be done, and it has been done. But it's not easy.

First, you need to give birth. This seems obvious, but the timing is important. Because you're on OCP's, you might be several months in before you noticed (since skipping a period on the pill is not uncommon). So, you need to determine your est due date, and see if you can actually graduate medical school on time. If the baby comes before you can actually graduate, then you won't be able to graduate by July 1 and won't be able to participate in the match. Also, in order to get maternity leave from your future program, you will need to actually start working there first -- if the baby comes after you graduate but before you start, then you'll simply be unemployed until you're done with maternity leave - and depends how long you want.

Second, you'll need help with child care. You'll need help for long shifts, odd hours and days. You'll need 100% reliability -- not being able to come to work because your child is ill, or your day care provider is ill, or doesn't show up isn't going to work. Most workplaces will have a place for you to pump (if you want to breast feed).

Third, you'll just need emotional help. Residency is busy. When you have a day off, you'll want to relax. A young child can be an amazing experience, but also can be very taxing.

Reasons 2 and 3 is why family are often involved. But it can be done with a live in nanny, or a reliable group of people.

I wish you the best. Children are a great joy, but a huge time sink.

Starting an internship while caring for a newborn will involve combining two of the most difficult jobs. While plenty of parents have done residencies, it is very hard to care for a newborn during internship without the support of a partner or family (I'm not making a political statement about single parenthood - just the reality of residency). I recall one woman who did it, but it was very difficult. Nannies (or pretty much any other professional), aren't willing/able to work the hours we do. So that probably means combining daycare with a live-in nanny or 2 different nannies. You'll also need a roster of baby sitters to help in a pinch. For the mother, the combination of work-stress and motherhood-stress can be overwhelming. There is real risk of burnout and depression.

In terms of cost, it's going to be high. While nanny pay varies depending on experience and location, you will be looking for one that can handle overnight care as well as some cooking +/- cleaning (which not all do). Therefore, anyone you hire will be on the higher end of the scale. When you add the fact that you'll need upwards of 80 hours of care (depending on the rotation), and that your home will need to be big enough to accommodate yourself, your child and the nanny, the costs will be quite high.

I don't think moonlighting is a realistic option. First, it won't be available to you in your first year. Second, you'll need to have some free time to spend with your child. If the father has a career, I would do an honest assessment on what he will provide. If he won't/can't pay much, I would imagine that your loans will end up in deference and that you may even need to take on additional loans during your training. But if he can actually provide significant financial support, it can greatly soften the blow.

Emergency Medicine isn't the worst choice for a parent, since you'll have some days off, as long as you can arrange childcare during nightshifts and during call (when you're on Medicine and Surgery rotations). But EM isn't the easiest either, and it has its challenges and stresses. If you plan on doing EM, I would recommend trying to get a spot near your family or near the father (if he's expressed willingness to co-parent with you). I'm sure you are aware that other fields are more flexible (psych, path, etc), and if any of those fields hold your interest, you might want to re-consider your specialty.

Adoption and abortion are obviously options that are both available and legal, and those decisions are deeply personal. Whatever you chose to do, you won't get any judgment from me. Best of luck to you.
 
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see , its this...you make it sound like choosing adoption as a lesser thing to do than to decide to keep a child and raise it yourself...you judge even if you don't think you are doing so.

I think you’re digging a little too deep to try to find something wrong with what I said. So what you’re saying is that I’m judging the OP by trying to offer support and encouragement when she came on this forum clearly asking for “financial advice” regarding raising a child as a single parent during residency? Just give it up. It was very obviously not my intent to judge her. Quite the opposite actually, as rather than judging a pregnant medical student in a tough position, I encouraged her as I believe that she really can be both a good mother and a competent resident-this is secondary to the fact that adoption and/or abortion was not mentioned anywhere in her original post and that’s not what she was asking about.

If you look at the prior posts, we all said our peace and moved on already. Maybe you should too.
 
The OP didn’t bring up adoption or abortion. She’s a medical student not a 15 year old. She knows her options and asked for help presuming she’s going to be a single mother. Seems like focusing there would be helpful.
I think you vastly overestimate medical students.

Keep in mind that if not a majority anymore, a sizable minority have never left school and may not have experienced anything like this before and be unaware of all of the possible options.
 
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this is secondary to the fact that adoption and/or abortion was not mentioned anywhere in her original post and that’s not what she was asking about.

She asked how feasible it was to have a baby in residency. Without family or father support to care for the child it’s extremely difficult, but not impossible. This suggests that she is considering another option if the answer is that it’s not doable. Maybe that option is not going to residency. Maybe that option is abortion. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but you seem to. You are also overestimating the ease to which one can be a single mother without support as an intern.

In my experience, people who throw a fit when someone brings up the option of adoption fall into one of two camps:

1. Strongly pro-life people who think liberated sexual behavior should be punished and people should pay the price by enduring the shame of being a single mother. They don’t care about the “life” of the baby, they care about shaming the mother. You can still shame adoption a little bit, so it’s preferable to abortion, but being a single mother is the best.
2. Strongly pro-choice people who care more about abortion rights than individuals and pretend that abortion is this super simple benign thing that erases the past with no lasting emotional of physical problems for some people. To suggest another option of adoption suggests there is something wrong with abortion and we can’t have that.

Both these groups are looney and only care about themselves and their issues and not about helping people figure out what’s right for them.

So yes, it’s suspicious that you blew up over a very benign mention of adoption.
 
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1. Strongly pro-life people who think liberated sexual behavior should be punished and people should pay the price by enduring the shame of being a single mother. They don’t care about the “life” of the baby, they care about shaming the mother. You can still shame adoption a little bit, so it’s preferable to abortion, but being a single mother is the best..

I don't know of anyone who is strongly pro-life being against adoption. In fact, many Roman Catholic pro-life agencies are strongly pro-adoption.
 
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She asked how feasible it was to have a baby in residency. Without family or father support to care for the child it’s extremely difficult, but not impossible. This suggests that she is considering another option if the answer is that it’s not doable. Maybe that option is not going to residency. Maybe that option is abortion. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but you seem to. You are also overestimating the ease to which one can be a single mother without support as an intern.

In my experience, people who throw a fit when someone brings up the option of adoption fall into one of two camps:

1. Strongly pro-life people who think liberated sexual behavior should be punished and people should pay the price by enduring the shame of being a single mother. They don’t care about the “life” of the baby, they care about shaming the mother. You can still shame adoption a little bit, so it’s preferable to abortion, but being a single mother is the best.
2. Strongly pro-choice people who care more about abortion rights than individuals and pretend that abortion is this super simple benign thing that erases the past with no lasting emotional of physical problems for some people. To suggest another option of adoption suggests there is something wrong with abortion and we can’t have that.

Both these groups are looney and only care about themselves and their issues and not about helping people figure out what’s right for them.

So yes, it’s suspicious that you blew up over a very benign mention of adoption.


To say that I blew up is really dramatic. As I said, I was trying to support the OP because “how I interpreted” her original message was that she decided to have the baby and was asking financial advice. If I thought she was considering other options based on her original post, I would not have commented. It upset me that it seemed to me that she wanted to keep the child and someone came with a one liner simply stating you can give it up for adoption—rather than offering actual advice regarding her original question. Clearly I was not the only one that interpreted it all this way if you can go back and read. You know nothing about my history or my views, so please don’t pretend you do.

Stop reaching.
 
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Let's keep this on topic please and stop with the back and forth that does not help the OP in any way.

Agreed. It might not be a coincidence that the OP hasn't responded in a while. She is under no obligation to tell a bunch of internet randos what she decides, but it would be interesting to know what she ends up doing.
 
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Short answer is that yes, it is doable. I had a senior resident when I was an intern who was a single mother who delivered in late July of intern year. The long answer is that none of us can tell you for sure if it is doable for you with your baby in your future residency. We can say it will be hard.

It will be expensive. In my residency everyone who didn't have a stay at home spouse used both daycare plus a nanny given the long and odd hours we work. Consider looking for daycares with sick care as that will also make everything easier.

There are lots of things that will be slightly different if you deliver before or after starting residency. aProgDirector went over a bunch above. Also consider scheduling all your interviews as early as possible, as even though it is illegal, there are places that will discriminate against you for being pregnant.

One thing I haven't seen is your advancement to second year may be delayed if you deliver during intern year which may or may not matter in your residency. Also if you are thinking of taking a short maternity leave daycare won't take babies until 6 weeks of age so you may need someone for that time if you were considering taking less time.
 
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Can anyone speak to what is required of the residency programs? My understanding is that federal law requires large employers (such as hospitals) to provide unpaid maternity leave once you've worked for more than one year. Some states have additional protections.

But if the OP delivers in the early part of her residency or before July 1st, then anything the program provides would be out of the goodness of their heart. I imagine it would be important to know this going in. Also, be aware that it would be impossible to take a 12-week maternity leave without extending your training.

Though it would be a discriminatory practice for programs to inquire about pregnancy during an interview, it might be worthwhile to disclose this so you know what your protections are.
 
Can anyone speak to what is required of the residency programs? My understanding is that federal law requires large employers (such as hospitals) to provide unpaid maternity leave once you've worked for more than one year. Some states have additional protections.

But if the OP delivers in the early part of her residency or before July 1st, then anything the program provides would be out of the goodness of their heart. I imagine it would be important to know this going in. Also, be aware that it would be impossible to take a 12-week maternity leave without extending your training.

Though it would be a discriminatory practice for programs to inquire about pregnancy during an interview, it might be worthwhile to disclose this so you know what your protections are.
maternity policy should be in the disclosed information at all interviews (without residency having to ask)
 
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Pregnancy isn't a disease. Just sayin'.
I believe the EEOC has basically grouped pregnancy as a temporary disability. There was a famous case a few years ago with a pregnant UPS driver that went to the US Supreme Court that affirmed that position.

In addition, there's explicit protection against discrimination against someone based on their pregnancy status that goes over and above the other protected classes.

Even so, there's no federal law that gives you any right to leave within the first year of employment - some states (CA comes to mind) have their own stricter versions of the FMLA rules, but most of the time any leave during intern year is an internal institutional policy. They usually have it spelled out in the documents they hand folks during interviews, but not always.
 
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Can anyone speak to what is required of the residency programs? My understanding is that federal law requires large employers (such as hospitals) to provide unpaid maternity leave once you've worked for more than one year. Some states have additional protections.

I can try.

Federal: First, as mentioned, there are anti-discrimination laws that make it illegal to not hire someone because they are, or might get, pregnant. So if someone interviews with us and it's obvious they are pregnant, and we can "do the math" and determine that the due date would be right after starting working, we can't hold that against them. Of course, some people could rank those people lower and "find a reason" to do so.

The main law here is FMLA. Federal FMLA allows employees to take 12 weeks of UNPAID leave for a number of reasons, which would include birth of a child. There are rules that determine which employers must abide, but any hospital / GME system will be large enough to be covered. FMLA just guarantees that you get your job back after the leave. FMLA leave can be paid if you have vacation / earned time / etc, else it is unpaid. Employees are not entitled to FMLA until they have worked for 1 year at an employer -- however many employers simply treat all employees the same and allow everyone the same FMLA courtesy.

The ADA does not cover pregnancy, unless there are complications (pre-ecclampsia, etc). All employers will work with employees who, upon return, want to pump breast milk. Employers must supply a private space (NOT a bathroom) for employees to pump, and most supply a refrigerator to store, and must provide reasonable breaks for pumping.

State: Some states may have more protections. Several states have started paid FMLA (of which the rules are different for each state). It's hard to say much more, since each state is different.

Medical Disability: In most places, post-delivery is considered a medical disability. This allows women to claim disability pay post partum -- short term disability is usually full pay, or sometimes less pay but tax free (depends on how it's done). Hence, what usually happens is that women can get 6 weeks post partum paid disability (which counts towards the FMLA "clock"), and then an additional 6 weeks FMLA usually unpaid (although could use vacation, etc).

ABIM: Training time is affected. The ABIM requires that you complete 36 months of training. They allow you to miss one month per year for leave, including vacation. unused leave/vac doesn't "roll over". But, the PD can apply to shorten training by 1 month if your performance is fine (which, if it's not fine at 35 months, it won't be fine at 36 months either, so you've got bigger problems). Practically, this allows a woman to take a single maternity leave of 6 weeks -- 4 weeks paid disability leave and 2 weeks of vacation -- and still finish right on time. You could actually stretch that a bit, if programs offer 3 weeks of vac, thats 21 days and there are 31 days in a month (well, at least some months...). So she could miss 4 weeks + 10 days paid disability + 2 weeks of vacation, for 7.5 weeks. Anything more than that and you extend for the time (but can still shorten a month). So a 12 week leave usually extends by 1 month or so. My experience is that this has minimal effect on fellowship chances -- programs know ahead that you'll be a month late, and someone has to start on a non call block, so it's no big deal.

It gets more complicated than that, but that's the basics.
 
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I can try.

Federal: First, as mentioned, there are anti-discrimination laws that make it illegal to not hire someone because they are, or might get, pregnant. So if someone interviews with us and it's obvious they are pregnant, and we can "do the math" and determine that the due date would be right after starting working, we can't hold that against them. Of course, some people could rank those people lower and "find a reason" to do so.

The main law here is FMLA. Federal FMLA allows employees to take 12 weeks of UNPAID leave for a number of reasons, which would include birth of a child. There are rules that determine which employers must abide, but any hospital / GME system will be large enough to be covered. FMLA just guarantees that you get your job back after the leave. FMLA leave can be paid if you have vacation / earned time / etc, else it is unpaid. Employees are not entitled to FMLA until they have worked for 1 year at an employer -- however many employers simply treat all employees the same and allow everyone the same FMLA courtesy.

The ADA does not cover pregnancy, unless there are complications (pre-ecclampsia, etc). All employers will work with employees who, upon return, want to pump breast milk. Employers must supply a private space (NOT a bathroom) for employees to pump, and most supply a refrigerator to store, and must provide reasonable breaks for pumping.

State: Some states may have more protections. Several states have started paid FMLA (of which the rules are different for each state). It's hard to say much more, since each state is different.

Medical Disability: In most places, post-delivery is considered a medical disability. This allows women to claim disability pay post partum -- short term disability is usually full pay, or sometimes less pay but tax free (depends on how it's done). Hence, what usually happens is that women can get 6 weeks post partum paid disability (which counts towards the FMLA "clock"), and then an additional 6 weeks FMLA usually unpaid (although could use vacation, etc).

ABIM: Training time is affected. The ABIM requires that you complete 36 months of training. They allow you to miss one month per year for leave, including vacation. unused leave/vac doesn't "roll over". But, the PD can apply to shorten training by 1 month if your performance is fine (which, if it's not fine at 35 months, it won't be fine at 36 months either, so you've got bigger problems). Practically, this allows a woman to take a single maternity leave of 6 weeks -- 4 weeks paid disability leave and 2 weeks of vacation -- and still finish right on time. You could actually stretch that a bit, if programs offer 3 weeks of vac, thats 21 days and there are 31 days in a month (well, at least some months...). So she could miss 4 weeks + 10 days paid disability + 2 weeks of vacation, for 7.5 weeks. Anything more than that and you extend for the time (but can still shorten a month). So a 12 week leave usually extends by 1 month or so. My experience is that this has minimal effect on fellowship chances -- programs know ahead that you'll be a month late, and someone has to start on a non call block, so it's no big deal.

It gets more complicated than that, but that's the basics.

Thanks aPD, great information as always. Every job I've had has offered some form of short-term disability, but my understanding is that this isn't always a legally requirement. Do you typically have to work for a period of time before you become eligible to claim benefits? Or can a person claim short-term disability starting on day one?

This is a little complicated, but if an employee goes out on short-term disability but isn't yet eligible for FMLA leave (due to being in their first year of employment) do they have legal protections against termination? I would hope that a hospital wouldn't resort to this, but would the resident have legal rights?
 
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The most economical child care is full time day care. All the ones around here are 6 am to 6 pm, Monday-Friday. Closed major holidays. Also remember that children get sick, and they can't be in daycare for a couple days. Day cares team with viruses. I was never so sick as the first year our son was born.

I have not looked into nannies, but anytime child care sounds very expensive. I did interview at El Paso once, and all the residents had housekeepers (not sure if any had nannies), but times have changed. . . . a lot.

Frankly, if you can't get significant family help, I'd strongly recommend looking at an office based residency. When you interview, also look at daycares. You'd be surprised at the waiting lists.
 
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When are you due? You need to be on open terms with your future chief regarding schedules/rotations. When you go to interviews, enquire about family friendlyness - do other residents have kids? See if you can speak to a few of them and find out how they are managing? Is there onsite daycare? Subsidized for employees?

In my residency, we had quite a few babies born, most had one stay at home or flexible job parent, or grandparent that could stay with the child for the first few months. Parents of older children used nannies and daycare to cover their schedule- which was only affordable with two parents, i suppose a nanny-share is also possible. One resident (img) had the child stay with her parents in a different country untill she finished intern year - i cant imagine how that felt emotionally.


There are a lot of ways to make it work, most of them expensive unfortunatley. Children are expensive! Also, keep in mind that the first year of the child's life is the most challenging, where you learn so much about being a parent - ditto for intern year and your speciality. Good luck!
 
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Technically the federal pumping protections only apply to hourly employees. So while all hospitals also have hourly employees and therefore should have someplace for women to pump there is no federal protection for residents to have time to pump. Also there is no requirement for the pumping location to be anywhere near any particular work area per the federal law.

ACGME core program requirements will soon (July 2019, but no citations until July 2020) include "clean and private facilities for lactation that have refrigeration capabilities, with proximity appropriate for safe patient care;"
https://www.acgme.org/Portals/0/PFAssets/ProgramRequirements/CPRResidencyImplementationTable.pdf

Again some states have additional, stronger protections that do apply to residents.
 
Consider a LOA, delay graduation for a year. In practical terms, you'll be better off starting residency when the kid is a little older.
 
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