How to deal w/ demoralizing and condescending supervisors?

[4s4]

I'm currently doing a research course, and my supervisor has been really sarcastic and demoralizing lately. I don't mind criticism, in fact I welcome it, but it's hard to improve when you're in a very stressed out environment.

Does anyone have suggestions or advice? I could talk to him, but I'm afraid it's going to get worse, and I feel that the more stressed out and intimidated I get, the more he attacks the way I perform.

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[relentless11]

I'm currently doing a research course, and my supervisor has been really sarcastic and demoralizing lately. I don't mind criticism, in fact I welcome it, but it's hard to improve when you're in a very stressed out environment.

Does anyone have suggestions or advice? I could talk to him, but I'm afraid it's going to get worse, and I feel that the more stressed out and intimidated I get, the more he attacks the way I perform.

1) Find new advisor (if possible)

2) Talk to advisor, maybe he has been in a bad mood for some personal reason. "It takes two to tango..."

3) Drop the research course

4) Don't leave him room to criticize your performance.

5) Deal with it. Being afraid, being stressed, and being intimidated are things instrinsic to YOU. Self-confidence and proper stress management are key.

There's two sides to every story, so although I sympathize, you should find out what triggers him to come down on you like that. I'm not implying that its your fault, but as a mentor to our undergrads, I have run into a few students who's performance is quite frustrating. Again I'm not saying that this may be you, but its good to look at both sides too.

In all honesty, there is no miracle cure to this situation. It is my impression that you are looking for one, but there comes a time to step up and deal with people, including the good, bad and ugly of the world. I'm sorry that you found a bad mentor, but beyond options 1-5, you just have to resolve this issue on your own. Good luck!

 

[4s4]

Thanks for the advice! I know some of it lies on my part as well, but I'm trying my best, and it seems like nothing I do is right anymore.

And every single sentence that I say gets corrected by him. I find it really hard to work under these conditions, especially when there's some things I think he could really let slide. For example, if I verify instructions, he'll end up mocking me in a very sarcastic way.

It's too late to drop out or switch, but I'm just wondering if I should say anything when it gets a bit too much to handle. For example, if I find that he's being utterly disrespectful, should I just wallow it up because I'm a measly student or stand up for myself? I'm not talking about the content, but rather the behaviour, i.e. slamming the door in my face, embarassing me in front of the lab, etc. I've talked to other people, and I'm heard that he's like this to a lot of people, but I don't know if I'm just expected to deal with it or if I have certain rights as well. Thanks.

 

[relentless11]

Thanks for the advice! I know some of it lies on my part as well, but I'm trying my best, and it seems like nothing I do is right anymore.

And every single sentence that I say gets corrected by him. I find it really hard to work under these conditions, especially when there's some things I think he could really let slide. For example, if I verify instructions, he'll end up mocking me in a very sarcastic way.

It's too late to drop out or switch, but I'm just wondering if I should say anything when it gets a bit too much to handle. For example, if I find that he's being utterly disrespectful, should I just wallow it up because I'm a measly student or stand up for myself? I'm not talking about the content, but rather the behaviour, i.e. slamming the door in my face, embarassing me in front of the lab, etc. I've talked to other people, and I'm heard that he's like this to a lot of people, but I don't know if I'm just expected to deal with it or if I have certain rights as well. Thanks.

Yea thats a tough situation. Well you can at the very least talk to the administration to see if there is any way to switch. If this guy has a bad reputation, then some of the staff may understand.

Personally, if this was a temporary thing (semester long), then I'd just suck it up and wait it out since December is just right around the corner. Talking to the guy can go either way. You are the best person to evaluate the situation at hand since you interact with the guy. Personally, if I felt that talking to him would not help, then standing up to him probably wouldn't help either. In that case, I would just focus on minimizing situations where he can do all those things. Aslong as the guy isn't violating any laws or university policies, I can't see any other way that would have him stop what he is doing. There may be services at the university which mediate such problems between PI and student, but thats usually focused on grad students and their PIs.

This is certainly tough situation, but not an uncommon one either. Many people get into labs which may not be ideal due to conflicts between student and PI. In fact we had one student in my program get booted out from his lab. So it happens. At the very least, you can come out of this experience knowing how to deal with awful people, and learn to research who your mentors can be. Good luck!

 

[blinknoodle]

How are things going now?

I found myself in the same situation during my honours thesis. I confided to a prof who told me to chat with my assistant dean. He wanted to be in the loop in case there were repercussions and my marks were deflated. He was willing to switch me out but I felt that was suicide for my thesis at that point in the stage so I declined.

I ended up chatting with my supervisor. I ended up crying because I was so stressed. I think that was the shock that he needed as a wake up call. Things went much better after that although we were much more cautious with each other. I didn't even tell the other lab members what had happened until MONTHS later. Once they found out, they congratulated me and said that must have been when he started treating everyone else in the lab with respect as well! It all ended well for everyone in the lab.

 

[4s4]

I haven't checked this in so long haha, but thanks so much for the support, relentless11 and blinknoodle =)

Things have gotten slightly better, but not by much. Thanks for sharing your story blinknoodle; makes you feel a bit knowing that I wasn't a complete weakling for bursting into tears three times in a month over this. I've just learned that this prof has a history of not treating lab members and students with respect, but kind of late now...I guess I got "picked" this time, and I don't even know how I'm going to cope things out. Worse comes to worse, the drop deadline is sometime in Jan/Feb and if it comes to that, it will have to. It's also hard to deal with in the sense that one day, the prof is very very nice, understanding, and accomodating, and the next moment, he will completely change into another person. It's very brave of you to speak with the assistant dean; I really don't think I have the guts to do that in case it gets back to him and they probably wouldn't trust me anyway.

All in all, I think the saddest part of this is my loss of interest in research. I know I shouldn't just based on this one experience, but I can't help but feel frustrated if this is what research will be like for the rest of my life =(