How do you deal with toxic premed advisors?

[deleted1161543]

I had a meeting with our school's advisor who constantly compares us to our school's T20 accepted students. She started going off when I told her I'd like to apply to a couple T20s next year, telling me that nothing I have done was competitive enough and proceeded to tell me to retake my 518 because "that score is not competitive for Harvard, Yale, UPenn or any T20 as an ORM".

What is the best way to deal with such people? I didn't even make T20s a big deal, I simply just said I wanted to add a couple schools like Harvard but was primarily interested in going to my state schools, but she was so bent on telling me I wasn't good enough. I obviously understand 518 is on the lower end for top schools, but it was very discouraging to hear that from her, and any strategies for blocking out the noise would be super helpful!

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[jhmmd]

SDN

 

[deleted1161543]

SDN

Haha true, but the problem is I have to meet with her pretty regularly as part of my school's HPAC requirement and it would be such a drain on my mental health if every meeting went like this

 

[wysdoc]

Get your school list from Faha on SDN and use the unfailingly polite thankful approach while dealing with your advisor while meeting all the deadlines for your committee letter.
Or don't get the committee letter if it is too crushing to deal with this advisor.

 

[LizzyM]

Don't over share. You are under no obligation to tell the advisor everything that you are thinking. What she is saying might be true and she might think she is doing you a service by tempering your expectations but if you are easily demoralized by honest talk, then just don't give her the ammunition she needs to hurt you.

 

[Goro]

I had a meeting with our school's advisor who constantly compares us to our school's T20 accepted students. She started going off when I told her I'd like to apply to a couple T20s next year, telling me that nothing I have done was competitive enough and proceeded to tell me to retake my 518 because "that score is not competitive for Harvard, Yale, UPenn or any T20 as an ORM".

What is the best way to deal with such people? I didn't even make T20s a big deal, I simply just said I wanted to add a couple schools like Harvard but was primarily interested in going to my state schools, but she was so bent on telling me I wasn't good enough. I obviously understand 518 is on the lower end for top schools, but it was very discouraging to hear that from her, and any strategies for blocking out the noise would be super helpful!

You ignore and rely on the advice you'll get hear. Your advisor is simply data point # 300029272262354948 that they're aflicted with marginal intellectual capacity.

 

[LunaOri]

Everyone has a couple of “reach” schools on their list. Ignore her advice, make sure your list is balanced. My kid’s school also had a toxic premed advisor who thought it was her job to scare away anyone who would dare to apply with less than a 4.0/520. She is just trying to protect her stats—wants to be able to say that 99% of applicants from your school are accepted to medical school.

 

[jhmmd]

I had a meeting with our school's advisor who constantly compares us to our school's T20 accepted students. She started going off when I told her I'd like to apply to a couple T20s next year, telling me that nothing I have done was competitive enough and proceeded to tell me to retake my 518 because "that score is not competitive for Harvard, Yale, UPenn or any T20 as an ORM".

What is the best way to deal with such people? I didn't even make T20s a big deal, I simply just said I wanted to add a couple schools like Harvard but was primarily interested in going to my state schools, but she was so bent on telling me I wasn't good enough. I obviously understand 518 is on the lower end for top schools, but it was very discouraging to hear that from her, and any strategies for blocking out the noise would be super helpful!

If she's taking time out of her day in order to help you, then maybe you should take her advice.

Other strategies:
1) Do not post a selfie or picture of yourself as your avatar on SDN.
2) Do not gossip about your pre-med advisor on SDN.
3) Do something relaxing, such as grocery shopping or yoga or dinner with friends. Enjoy.

 

[LizzyM]

If she's taking time out of her day in order to help you, then maybe you should take her advice.

Taking time out of her day??? A pre-med advisor is a person on the university payroll who is paid to advise students. It's her job, not something she takes time out of her day to do.

 

[jhmmd]

***edited for privacy***

 

[Angus Avagadro]

Faculty advisors are often terrible folks to get actual advice from. My advisor told me I'd never get into medical school and should go into research. I think your best approach is not to ask for too much advice and take your advisor's advice with a grain of salt. I'm certain she might have a couple good points. I would apply to schools where my app would be most competitive. Some where I would be highly competitive, and a couple reach schools. The T20 hype is not all that important. There are few medical schools that would not provide the culture to allow you to rise to the level of your integrity, ability, and grit. So don't stress about all that T20 stuff. Good luck and best wishes.

 

[DarkBluMage]

Don’t further divulge your plans in future visits and just get your committee letter. I was told I wasn’t competitive enough for med school and that I wasn’t getting a committee letter because of that. Yet here I am a 3rd year med student. Take what they say with a grain of salt and plan for your future.