How do you avoid growing apart?

[ruhroh_raggy]

Hi, all,

This is my first post to the forum, though I've been reading it for a while and have loved the insights from both the students and significant others. I have a question for couples in which both people are pursuing different but equally demanding paths.

I'm a second-year medical student and my boyfriend is a vocal music major. Thankfully we live in the same city, but he works at least as hard as I do and our schedules can be such that it feels like a long-distance relationship sometimes. We do our best to make time for each other, and we're still learning how to balance our lives as each semester seems to be busier than the last. But even though we're growing more with each other as time goes on, the fact is that we're each going through something unique without each other and experiencing 95% of our lives apart. The summers are no reprieve as the last two have been mostly long distance (one of us traveling) and this summer seems to be much of the same as he is planning on doing an opera program in Italy that starts before I take Step I and I will be starting M3 rotations by the time he returns. And then of course there's third year...

We want to eventually get married, but it won't be practical to do so until he graduates next year, and it sounds like we'll have to wait until then if we want to share much more with each other than we do now. As much as he is my best friend and our relationship is wonderful when we're together, I'm just sad that our lives are so different and it feels like we're scraping for whatever little time and experience that we can manage that's just for us. We both still feel very strongly that we want to spend our lives with each other, and I know he is worth it and that God wants us to grow through this challenge. However, I would love any practical advice that people might have - can we do anything to now make things better than this, and if so, how? How do we keep "us" when we go through 95% of our lives as individual people? Thanks so much!

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[mshheaddoc]

Sometimes that individuality can make your stronger as a couple. If you both try to make time for each other and still have everything else in place, I commend you both for learning how to successfully make your relationship work. Do not worry about the what ifs. You will go insane, trust me.

I would make sure you have at least one date night a week, make sure you make time for each other no matter what. Make sure you are both involved and interested in the others lives. This will make things transitioning for the future easy as well.

Once you start to live together (get married) things do get a little eaiser I have to say. But then you will be working alot and he will have his own life. As long as there are no major problems in your relationship, I might even say this is normal in some relationships. As in life I wish there was an 8 ball to tell you the answers to the questions which you seek . But I can only offer the hope of things are what you make of them and wish you in keeping a healthy relationship.

 

[Ride Big Sky]

just have lots and lots of sex

a happy penis = happy relationship

 

[Ionna]

just have lots and lots of sex

a happy penis = happy relationship

well if he is an ER resident then he is in trouble.

 

[Doc Voltron]

If you guys plan to marry next year, patience and perseverence ftw.

Marriage and serious commitment transform situations that kill boyfriend-girlfriend relationships into trying times that can bring a husband and wife closer over the long-term. It's serious business.

 

[Ionna]

If you guys plan to marry next year, patience and perseverence ftw.

Marriage and serious commitment transform situations that kill boyfriend-girlfriend relationships into trying times that can bring a husband and wife closer over the long-term. It's serious business.

Is marriage the answer?

 

[sosarah]

If you guys plan to marry next year, patience and perseverence ftw.

Marriage and serious commitment transform situations that kill boyfriend-girlfriend relationships into trying times that can bring a husband and wife closer over the long-term. It's serious business.

While this may be true in some situations, PLEASE don't get married thinking it will solve all your problems. I've seen this happen to a few of my friends, and it's just ridiculous. Do what MshHeadDoc says.

 

[herpes]

relationships are suppose to be fun not cause stress

 

[theCamel]

well if he is an ER resident then he is in trouble.

wait i don't get it : (

 

[ruhroh_raggy]

I don't get it, either...i think it was in response to someone's advice to have lots of sex, which unfortunately won't apply to me and my SO until we're married. Oh, well, no big...

 

[dnl425]

I think it's wonderful you two are independent and have unique lives. It's so boring to see couples who can't be apart and have to do everything together - what do they have to talk about at the dinner table every night?

I agree with the previous post to make date nights and stick with them. Use this time as an opportunity to hear about the others' lives and catch up with each other. It sounds like you two have a mutual respect for each other, but you just worry that you're growing apart. My best advice is start looking at the situation as a pro of being individuals rather than a con. You can enrich each others' lives because of your diverse backgrounds and careers.