Hoping to find support

[LvsGoldens]

Hello,
My boyfriend is currently entering his second year of med school. It has been a huge transition for us and trying to learn what the other needs while he is in classes. To make matters worse we are doing the long distance relationship and I am starting graduate school myself this Sept. I joined to hopefully find support and answers to what I can do for him and myself to make it through.

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[MD Helper]

High stress environments + long distance + weakly defined relationship (boyfriend rather than fiancée or husband) = TOUGH TIME WORKING OUT. Best of luck to you and him.

 

[beannaithe]

Long distance is definately doble as long as you both talk about your expectations. Communication is the key to making it work and not properly communicating can cause a minor misunderstanding to explode.

I've been in an LDR with my boyfriend for my first 2 years of dental school and while, we've still got my last 2 to go. We've been able to make it work for the worst part of school. So if you have any questions, let me know.

 

[AllianceKL]

I married my husband during his second year of medical school. Shortly after we were married, my job required that I work out of town Mon.-Friday for five months. We tried to talk as much as we could and spend whatever weekend time together that we could. We have just recently celebrated our 25th anniversary, so I want you to know that it is possible to make it work. Communicating and compromising is the key. I wish you well.

 

[BabyPsychDoc]

I had a long-distance relationship with my BF - then fiance - then husband for almost 2 yrs before we could move in and live together. Then, three years into our marriage, we had to spend another 5 months in a long-distance relationship. It can suck, but if you BOTH are committed to making things work, it is doable.

It can also be quite nice to have a break from each other - makes you appreciate the other person so much more.

 

[Joy123]

My husband is a Fourth year med. student. We have been married now for 8 years. Currently he is off doing away rotations and rural rotations. I moved back home where I had family and friends because he was going to be gone for 5-6 months this year.

I think what makes the time away so difficult is that we have a 3 1/2 yr. old at home. Every day he tells me how much he misses daddy. This breaks my heart.

So, what do we do? We now video conference every single day. This at least gives us an opportunity to see each other and for our son to see his daddy. We also talk on the phone at least 5-6 times a day. I know this probably seems excessive but even just a quick "hello, I love you" can really make a difference.

Finally, we keep everything in perspective. Being away from each other is a temporary issue. It is a means to an end. Keep busy, have a life and make sure you always communicate. Also, when you are together make it memorable. We always have special date nights and family nights.

The time will go by don't get frustrated or too lonely. remember your SO is feeling the same way as you. My husband is quite lonely right now because he is in a state where he knows no one and he is set up in a dorm with 10 other people(not the most ideal situation). He is working hard and missing us. At least I have family nearby.

Good luck and keep smiling!!!

 

[selinagirl]

If you are still at the BF stage with this person, I highly recommend that you decide to move on without him.

I wish I had done the same 7 years ago when my BF at the time, now my husband, decided to go to medical school. I have spent the last 7 years thousands of miles away from family and friends (his family to0, haven taken a 60% paycut and live in a house I hate -- all because I love this person so much and wanted to respect his calling.

I may sound bitter, but I honestly wouldn't wish this life on anyone. There is more than 1 person out there for you. Perhaps they live right around the corner and a "normal" job and your love will be enough for them!

Good luck and God bless.

 

[Sophitia]

High stress environments + long distance + weakly defined relationship (boyfriend rather than fiancée or husband) = TOUGH TIME WORKING OUT. Best of luck to you and him.

now things like this kind of upset me. she wants to know how to work it, not find reasons to not make it work!

i think you will both need to understand that communication between the two of you might become very little. but it doesn't hurt to at least spend 5 minutes talking to each other a few times a week or spend 20 minutes of your day e-mailing each other about the going-ons (or is it goings-on... but, this sounds weird) in both of your lives. although it will most definitely not be easy, i think if the patience, understanding is truly there you can work it out. also look at it in this way, if you guys lived closer to each other, i'm sure your bf wouldn't have much time (and perhaps neither would you) to put in the effort to see each other/hang out with each other. so long distance kind of removes that but you can still interact and keep your relationship alive assuming the both of you are honest and blunt in what you want from each other and respect each other

and also to the person above, that might be your opinion, but my current bf and i are in a long distance relationship with me hoping to one day get into medical school (oh how i wish!) and we have talked about the future and know we would like to live with each other in the future. i don't think anyone has to get truly serious during medical school. it should most likely be a kind of relationship though, where you know it will most probably get serious in the future. and that thing about having love for someone else, it's not easy starting over and getting to know someone. not everyone is the same. to me, that's like a pre-medical student who did not do the pre-med track because it was too hard and went instead to pre-law route (hey it's just an example lol; pre-law is just as stressful!) BUT! just my opinion

 

[DrJosephKim]

My wife and I survived a long-distance dating relationship when we were both in medical school. It's possible, so hang in there!

 

[eternalsunshine]

If you are still at the BF stage with this person, I highly recommend that you decide to move on without him.

I wish I had done the same 7 years ago when my BF at the time, now my husband, decided to go to medical school. I have spent the last 7 years thousands of miles away from family and friends (his family to0, haven taken a 60% paycut and live in a house I hate -- all because I love this person so much and wanted to respect his calling.

I may sound bitter, but I honestly wouldn't wish this life on anyone. There is more than 1 person out there for you. Perhaps they live right around the corner and a "normal" job and your love will be enough for them!

Good luck and God bless.

It's unfair to encourage people to break up just because it didn't work out the way you planned. Medical school and careers in medicine put strain on relationships, but many doctors are able to have healthy relationships with their spouses and families. Just because their career makes them busy, doesn't mean that your love isn't enough for them. They sacrifice their time with you, just like you sacrifice time with them. Giving up time together and predictable schedules goes with the territory. The important thing is to remember not to blame each other for it, or to make them feel bad about pursuing their chosen career. Talk about how you feel BEFORE you start feeling resentment toward them.