His calls drive me crazy!

[Freya]

I have an embarrassing but extremely annoying problem when my boyfriend is on call. We are both doctors, but our call schedules don't usually match. Recently; we moved into a new appertment. And there comes my trouble: when I'm home alone, I'm AFRAID! ...of everthing. especially after dark. Every little sound, everything that moves outside the window, even the silence itself, it gives me the creeps. It comes down to me sitting straight up in a chair with all the lights on all night, doing nothing.
I realise very well this is pathological. I'm too embarrassed to talk about it to anyone, but I keep inventing reasons to call familymembers at the strangest hours. this cannot continue. What can I do? I've tried countless times to rationalise myself out of it, but it just won't work; who's had similar problems? help!!!!

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[fedor]

I have an embarrassing but extremely annoying problem when my boyfriend is on call. We are both doctors, but our call schedules don't usually match. Recently; we moved into a new appertment. And there comes my trouble: when I'm home alone, I'm AFRAID! ...of everthing. especially after dark. Every little sound, everything that moves outside the window, even the silence itself, it gives me the creeps. It comes down to me sitting straight up in a chair with all the lights on all night, doing nothing.
I realise very well this is pathological. I'm too embarrassed to talk about it to anyone, but I keep inventing reasons to call familymembers at the strangest hours. this cannot continue. What can I do? I've tried countless times to rationalise myself out of it, but it just won't work; who's had similar problems? help!!!!

When I was three I always thought there was someone/something inside the closet.

On a serious note, has this started only after moving into the new apartment?

 

[lovemydrhubby]

Sorry to hear that. I'm not usually the best at being alone, but it doesn't sound as serious as what you describe.

I know it may be embarrassing to you, but talk to a professional (or at least your boyfriend for now) about it. This is what they do...help people work through fears and concerns. It could have a simple solution and wouldn't you feel silly then for not asking for help? You could just be overly tired and overstimulated or something? or maybe (as the previous poster said) something in a new place could trigger a memory or emotion. Maybe everything is just new and causing some anxiety?

Alot of residency programs seem to offer free, confidential counseling services. check into it.

 

[Freya]

Sorry to hear that. I'm not usually the best at being alone, but it doesn't sound as serious as what you describe.

I know it may be embarrassing to you, but talk to a professional (or at least your boyfriend for now) about it. This is what they do...help people work through fears and concerns. It could have a simple solution and wouldn't you feel silly then for not asking for help? You could just be overly tired and overstimulated or something? or maybe (as the previous poster said) something in a new place could trigger a memory or emotion. Maybe everything is just new and causing some anxiety?

Alot of residency programs seem to offer free, confidential counseling services. check into it.

Maybe it does have something to do with both my appartment and my job being new. I've never had this before.
My boyfriend says I should pull myself together. I just can't.
It'll have to end soon or I'll just collapse with exhaustion. My nights at home are worse than those on call.... I do think it's a good idea to speak to a cousellor, will do!

 

[bananaface]

I'd recommend talking to your PCP about it. There is no reason to let your anxiety/fear build up to the point where you become non-functional.

 

[alison_in_oh]

when I'm home alone, I'm AFRAID! ...of everthing. especially after dark.

I have a friend who lives in dread of her husband going away on business. She's even been known to crash at a friend's house on those nights because it's just really traumatic being alone.

I think for women alone in a strange place there's an honest to goodness practical root to this problem. It's completely logical to feel vulnerable. But at some level the fear defies logic.

My friend has gotten some relief for her fears and for other anxiety problems through counseling.

For me, having my German Shepherd around is a blessing. She wouldn't hurt a fly, but when a "thing that goes bump" sets my heart racing, she either ignores it or sets up a convincing growl -- and both responses make me feel better. Unfortunately I don't know that a two-doctor household would have the time to devote to raising a dog. :|

 

[LADoc00]

I have an embarrassing but extremely annoying problem when my boyfriend is on call. We are both doctors, but our call schedules don't usually match. Recently; we moved into a new appertment. And there comes my trouble: when I'm home alone, I'm AFRAID! ...of everthing. especially after dark. Every little sound, everything that moves outside the window, even the silence itself, it gives me the creeps. It comes down to me sitting straight up in a chair with all the lights on all night, doing nothing.
I realise very well this is pathological. I'm too embarrassed to talk about it to anyone, but I keep inventing reasons to call familymembers at the strangest hours. this cannot continue. What can I do? I've tried countless times to rationalise myself out of it, but it just won't work; who's had similar problems? help!!!!

Dear Lord, get a grip. No, this is not normal. In all honesty, I think you should move out of your BF's place and live alone for a couple years before marriage or you will be a nightmare wife.

 

[beancounter]

I used to be the same way. I even had an alarm system installed, and it did not help. I then came to realize that my fear had very little to do with my physical security in a certain house, but rather an emotional insecurity I was dealing with at the time. I was pretty stressed about some things at work, that I felt I did not have the experience to handle. I felt incompetent and like a ***** about my situation at work. As well, we (my husband and I) had just moved to a new neighborhood that I was unfamiliar with. I guess I channeled these insecure feelings into my home environment. I don't know if you are doing the same, but either way I would talk to someone about it . It is a miserable feeling living in fear that you know is irrational. I know.

 

[Pretty POHA]

Dear Lord, get a grip. No, this is not normal. In all honesty, I think you should move out of your BF's place and live alone for a couple years before marriage or you will be a nightmare wife.

I seriously doubt your post will help anything!

When I feel afraid, I do things to take me away from the situation to calm myself down...
Sometimes that means getting up and making some tea or taking a shower or something that takes me away from the situation that scares me. If you feel like your fear is completely above and beyond what it should be and you need help with treating it, you should speak with someone that can help you work through the situation. If you think you can manage it on your own, and if you want suggestions, PM me, and I'll give you a million and one ways to calm yourself down. I have personally experienced many panic attacks, and your situation sounds pretty familiar.
The point is, you're not crazy, and you can overcome your fears, it's just going to take time and effort. (both things which I'm sure are not foreign to you!)

I know you have it within you to overcome your fears!
Ash

 

[LADoc00]

I seriously doubt your post will help anything!

When I feel afraid, I do things to take me away from the situation to calm myself down...
Sometimes that means getting up and making some tea or taking a shower or something that takes me away from the situation that scares me. If you feel like your fear is completely above and beyond what it should be and you need help with treating it, you should speak with someone that can help you work through the situation. If you think you can manage it on your own, and if you want suggestions, PM me, and I'll give you a million and one ways to calm yourself down. I have personally experienced many panic attacks, and your situation sounds pretty familiar.
The point is, you're not crazy, and you can overcome your fears, it's just going to take time and effort. (both things which I'm sure are not foreign to you!)

I know you have it within you to overcome your fears!
Ash

Sigh..stop validating her weakness. Not being able to be at home alone at 28+ years of age is seriously sick. If she isnt already, she will likely be the type who prowls bars at night looking for company and ends up regretting it.
She needs to go cold turkey and just be on her own. In the long run, she will FAR better off than limping along using your "million ways to calm down" nonsense.

 

[Pretty POHA]

Sigh..stop validating her weakness. Not being able to be at home alone at 28+ years of age is seriously sick. If she isnt already, she will likely be the type who prowls bars at night looking for company and ends up regretting it.
She needs to go cold turkey and just be on her own. In the long run, she will FAR better off than limping along using your "million ways to calm down" nonsense.

LADoc00, from this and the other posts I've seen from you, you seem to be a very invalidating person. You write posts that indicate that you take joy in putting other people down, especially if they are different from you. What is it about yourself that elicits such a feeling? Perhaps you should think about it...

Freya didn't say she had a problem with loneliness. Perhaps you (LADoc00) should reconsider your decision of going into a helping career. You're going to have to deal with a number of people that are different from you, and you'll be expected to present yourself in a professional and empathetic manner. Giving someone an opportunity to explore their ailment without immediately passing judgment on them is not enabling them to continue their "disorder"... perhaps it gives the person an opportunity to think about and address their situation personally.
P.S. contrary to popular belief, your knee-jerk reactions to people MIGHT not always be right.

 

[LADoc00]

LADoc00, from this and the other posts I've seen from you, you seem to be a very invalidating person. You write posts that indicate that you take joy in putting other people down, especially if they are different from you. What is it about yourself that elicits such a feeling? Perhaps you should think about it...

Freya didn't say she had a problem with loneliness. Perhaps you (LADoc00) should reconsider your decision of going into a helping career. You're going to have to deal with a number of people that are different from you, and you'll be expected to present yourself in a professional and empathetic manner. Giving someone an opportunity to explore their ailment without immediately passing judgment on them is not enabling them to continue their "disorder"... perhaps it gives the person an opportunity to think about and address their situation personally.
P.S. contrary to popular belief, your knee-jerk reactions to people MIGHT not always be right.

My knee jerk reactions are right because they stem from common sense. And by the way, I didnt go into a "helping career." Im a pathologist and a fairly mean one at that. j/k

Sorry bout my harshness, I was half joking, but seriously only half. The other half says she should face this crap and move out on her own for a bit.

 

[Rudy Guliani]

Jesus F****** Christ, you're a doctor and you're afraid of being alone in your boyfriend's apartment? How did you get into med school in the first place?

 

[LADoc00]

Jesus F****** Christ, you're a doctor and you're afraid of being alone in your boyfriend's apartment? How did you get into med school in the first place?

Exactly.

 

[1Path]

And there comes my trouble: when I'm home alone, I'm AFRAID! ...of everthing. especially after dark. Every little sound, everything that moves outside the window, even the silence itself, it gives me the creeps.!

After a best friend from high school who lived across the street from me (in a middle/upper class neighborhood)was brutally murdered, I had a VERY difficult time being alone in my home/sleeping through the night for a very long time. Even now as my husband and I look for a new place, I'm thinking we should just get a condo instead of a 4000 sq ft home so I won't get the "willies" being there alone. While I don't think it's pathological (it did take me about 20 years to sleep through the night when I'm at home alone), I'll still occasionally sleep with the TV on just so it won't be so dam quiet in the house.

As an aside, I think some of you have the bed side manner of a porcupine. Often times when people experience these types of things it's due to some tragic situation, But even when it's not, showing a little compassion wouldn't kill you.

 

[MoosePilot]

After a best friend from high school who lived across the street from me (in a middle/upper class neighborhood)was brutally murdered, I had a VERY difficult time being alone in my home/sleeping through the night for a very long time. Even now as my husband and I look for a new place, I'm thinking we should just get a condo instead of a 4000 sq ft home so I won't get the "willies" being there alone. While I don't think it's pathological (it did take me about 20 years to sleep through the night when I'm at home alone), I'll still occasionally sleep with the TV on just so it won't be so dam quiet in the house.

As an aside, I think some of you have the bed side manner of a porcupine. Often times when people experience these types of things it's due to some tragic situation, But even when it's not, showing a little compassion wouldn't kill you.

Sorry to hear about your friend.

Bedside manner is for patients. A doctor/patient relationship is an important professional obligation. You can't apply it to every person you ever talk to, or you'll have nowhere to go to just be human - no better and no worse than the average Joe. You know what I mean?

 

[1Path]

Bedside manner is for patients. ?

"What you do most is what you do best."
Dr.Ben Carson

If you can't show humilty and understanding on an internet forum, WHERE does that come from when dealing with patients? I'd bet that most frequent posters on internet forums post in ways that are pretty representative of their personalities. Ya dig?

 

[fourthyearmed]

Do you live in a not so safe part of town or maybe just have a lot of unprotected doors and windows? I can understand that maybe you live in a place that you would feel safe in if he was home but not by yourself. As a female who lives by herself I know how important it is to live somewhere you are not scared even if it costs a little more or requires a longer commute. I recommend an alarm system.