- Joined
- Dec 9, 2015
- Messages
- 35
- Reaction score
- 19
Hello,
My parents immigrated from rural North Africa. Never went to school and punished me for pursuing school (I'm their first daughter). I grew up in poverty and went to a terrible HS (guns/violence). Despite this, I did extremely well, got published, good SAT's, all AP's, etc while working full time at 16. I was so dedicated, but so poor, I walked 16 miles to take my SAT's because nobody could drive me and I had no money for transport. I was screamed at and kicked out for going to my college interviews.
I applied to 19 top uni's , pretty much went down the list of top schools because I had no idea what I was doing.
I got into every one, and got into a really selective research-mentor program at an Ivy.
Failed all my classes 1st semester except one. Probation for 2nd semester, I had no idea what was going on and didn't do well again. Probation on 3rd semester, realized I was bipolar, was put on medication that I was allergic to and had to withdraw for a health leave. Got suspended for 1 year.
Suspension- I was a waitress and homeless and slept in the coatcheck in secret. Counseling under my insurance was crappy. No money to take classes, no guidance to do anything, pretty much focused on staying alive..
Let back in- probation for the next 2 semesters- the purpose of my suspension was to focus on my skills. But I was homeless so that really did not help.
Academic dismissal.
Why did I fail so badly?
I have a letter that I wrote to myself when I was in 6th grade. I wrote it after I first asked my parents if they were saving up for college for me because I was worried. They said they weren't. I went to the bank the next day and asked about loans. I was 11. The lady laughed and told me to go home. I wrote a letter to myself to read after college. It was a letter outlining the next steps I would take in order to ensure I would get into a top private uni so I could get full aid, so I didn't need my parents, and a bunch of goals. I was supposed to have accomplished them all at this point.
I literally have no idea what to do now. I'm going to transfer into a CC in nyc that's ranked 3rd in the nation and transfer into a 4 year I guess. And maybe post-bacc. But my gpa right now is a 1.9, and I've been on multiple probations, a suspension, and the grand dismissal.
I refuse to give up, but am I being absurd not to move on from my dream?
I can't see myself doing anything else. I've tried so hard. But every time I step into a hospital or office I just know that being a doctor is the only thing that will make me happy. I know this for sure.
On a side note, since obviously trying to figure things out on my own hasn't worked out, any suggestions on a path I could take? Does my cc--> transfer into 4 year make sense? I barely have any credits since they're either failures or W's (ha). I have some B's and C's but I just wan't to start from scratch. Stuff I'm not aware about?
Any help is so much appreciated <3
My parents immigrated from rural North Africa. Never went to school and punished me for pursuing school (I'm their first daughter). I grew up in poverty and went to a terrible HS (guns/violence). Despite this, I did extremely well, got published, good SAT's, all AP's, etc while working full time at 16. I was so dedicated, but so poor, I walked 16 miles to take my SAT's because nobody could drive me and I had no money for transport. I was screamed at and kicked out for going to my college interviews.
I applied to 19 top uni's , pretty much went down the list of top schools because I had no idea what I was doing.
I got into every one, and got into a really selective research-mentor program at an Ivy.
Failed all my classes 1st semester except one. Probation for 2nd semester, I had no idea what was going on and didn't do well again. Probation on 3rd semester, realized I was bipolar, was put on medication that I was allergic to and had to withdraw for a health leave. Got suspended for 1 year.
Suspension- I was a waitress and homeless and slept in the coatcheck in secret. Counseling under my insurance was crappy. No money to take classes, no guidance to do anything, pretty much focused on staying alive..
Let back in- probation for the next 2 semesters- the purpose of my suspension was to focus on my skills. But I was homeless so that really did not help.
Academic dismissal.
Why did I fail so badly?
- No ****ing idea what I was doing, I had no guidance ( I enrolled into 20 hard science credits my 1st semester, didn't realize my ghetto HS was not enough preparation. College offers prep semester from kids of my background but they said my resume and app was so stellar it looked like I didn't need it)
- I was alone and depressed ( parents abandoned me for pursuing college away from home)
- My peers were so much more prepared. I didn't study in HS because I'm one of those kids that didn't need to, plus my HS was not idea, and so never developed any study skills
- My HS had no resources so I didn't know how to use them in college
- Health: my father is bipolar, he didn't know until now, I'm also bipolar. I did't know until after my suspension, because mental health is a stigma for my parents/they don't understand it/ I didn't know anything about it, onset of it begins at the age that I was doing poorly and played a HUGE role in not being able to handle my semesters even though I had so many issues already
I have a letter that I wrote to myself when I was in 6th grade. I wrote it after I first asked my parents if they were saving up for college for me because I was worried. They said they weren't. I went to the bank the next day and asked about loans. I was 11. The lady laughed and told me to go home. I wrote a letter to myself to read after college. It was a letter outlining the next steps I would take in order to ensure I would get into a top private uni so I could get full aid, so I didn't need my parents, and a bunch of goals. I was supposed to have accomplished them all at this point.
I literally have no idea what to do now. I'm going to transfer into a CC in nyc that's ranked 3rd in the nation and transfer into a 4 year I guess. And maybe post-bacc. But my gpa right now is a 1.9, and I've been on multiple probations, a suspension, and the grand dismissal.
I refuse to give up, but am I being absurd not to move on from my dream?
I can't see myself doing anything else. I've tried so hard. But every time I step into a hospital or office I just know that being a doctor is the only thing that will make me happy. I know this for sure.
On a side note, since obviously trying to figure things out on my own hasn't worked out, any suggestions on a path I could take? Does my cc--> transfer into 4 year make sense? I barely have any credits since they're either failures or W's (ha). I have some B's and C's but I just wan't to start from scratch. Stuff I'm not aware about?
Any help is so much appreciated <3
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