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- Aug 1, 2004
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From the internet...not mine. Neither confirm nor deny...just laugh (or be disgusted).
How many have you done???
1) Ever hid between buildings so the unit sent to the scene you're
actually closer to doesn't see you.
2) Took a 12-Lead on a 20 y/o hot sorority girl that you know full well is riding the Drama Llama.
3) "Securely" immobilized the driver of a rear-ended vehicle who's
screaming that he's going to be paralyzed by the Jaguar that just hit him at a whopping 4 mph.
4) .Told the Pack Mule, er, third-rider that, yes, it IS necessary for
him/her to carry in the jump bag, O2 bag, cardiac monitor, and
front-line ACLS bag because the clipboard you carry is so much heavier because of all the responsibility.
5) Nebulized Narcan to the sky-high heroin patient that refuses an IV because he knows what's in those syringes that come in the orange boxes.
6) Stopped a patient's seizures with judicious administration of
Normal saline therapy.
7) Told a patient that you missed the line because they moved their arm.
8) Started bilateral 14's or 16's on an "unconscious/unresponsive"
patient on the transit bus that got rear-ended by a Dodge Neon.
9) Cut loose with Nazi concentration camp-strength gas in the patient compartment and blamed it on "those old catalytic converters in these ambulances".
10) Carefully transcribed a patient's foul-mouthed description of you, making sure to properly spell each curse word just to piss off QA/QC.
11) Brought a patient into the ER with a perfectly out-lined boot
print on their chest that, for some strange inexplicable reason, looks a lot your duty footwear.
12) Accidentally pushed the promethazine through the port closest to the hub on a patient that you are transporting for the fifth time in a week for the same f**king nausea/vomiting complaint.
13) Made the student sit on the bench seat so they can "practice their patient care skills" on the lower GI bleed patient while you sit in the captain's chair with a NRB on your face.
14) Cured your own hang-over the company-supplied NaCl, D50, and Thiamine.
15) Titrate the Narcan until you get to the ER, then push the last 1.5mg on the ramp.
16) Have taken vital signs by only looking at your patient.
17) Decided that naming drunks John or Jane Doe is too unoriginal and supplied your own, more…original names.
18) Waited until the foul-mouthed drunk two feet away starts screaming obscenities before telling the Invisible Voice that you're
transporting.
19) Looked for reasons to initiate Acute Agitation protocols.
20) Called for a second unit on a BS wreck with three patients and
take-off with the minor walking wounded as soon as they show up to take the two 300 pound drunks in the other vehicle.
21) Got written up for referring to a patient as a
rooter/jake/skell/etc over the radio.
22) Accidentally leaned on the air-horn just as that as**ole
supervisor walks past the truck.
23) Went into the sprint car of the aforementioned as**ole supervisor and turned off the battery switch, but turned the Whelan switch to "Phaser".
24) Told firefighters that they were welcome to practice their IV
skills on the frequent flyer that's in your truck for the second time
that shift.
25) Turned over your patient, BS'd with the hot RN, and finished your PCR before telling dispatch that you just arrived at the ER.
26) Told the Invisible Voice that the "traffic is really heavy" so
you'll be delayed to the call that's right around the corner that
you're supposed to be sitting at, but the BP station three miles out of your zone gives you free coffee.
27) Lean on the air horn going under the bridge that you know bums like to sleep under.
28) Have no idea what your patient looks when you get to the ER
because you never left the captain's seat.
29) While transporting a worthless bag of skin, mention to your
partner that "Gee, the roads really suck, don't they? Ahem, DON'T
THEY?"
30) Your partner knows exactly what you mean without having to ask.
31) "Hey! Look out for that dog!!"
32) "Accidentally" repeatedly drive over the 2" high reflectors on the side of the highway because the as**ole partner you got stuck with tonight refuses to drive and spends your all-night posting shuffle trying to sleep in the passenger seat.
33) Occasionally hit the "Alert" button on the patient compartment
control panel, then act puzzled when your partner has a nervous
break-down from the inexplicable screeching buzz in the cab that youknow "nothing" about. (This one is fun)
34) Put ammonia inhalants in an SFM or NRB mask.
35) Tell the psych patient that insists he's Jesus to please stop
talking because you're actually Satan and he's pissing you off.
36) Gave another EMT/medics name to a pissed off bystander that said they were calling your boss to complain. Then acted like an as**ole even more.
37) Rolled up your partner's window and hit the window lock just
before you cut loose with the aftermath of bad Taco Bell. Then laugh.
38) Make a point of being the person pushing the stretcher into the truck as you load that hot sorority chick in the skirt.
39) Ever gave a pre-arrival report and told the ER that your 84 year old female is suffering from Grand Ma seizures.
40) Exaggerated the ambulance bill just to convince a patient that
they really don't need to go to the ER.
41) Convince a patient in the ghetto that if they wanted the best care possible, they should be transported to the nicer hospital that just happens to be twenty miles away, up in the slow zones.
42) Catch yourself asking a patient if they "got the blood", "got the sugars", or "bin vomiking".
43) Gave a patient bus fare out of your own pocket. Not because you want to be nice, but because a buck fifty is worth not taking their nasty ass and their rug rats to the ER for a forty-eight hour check-up from the LAST time you took her.
44) Gave a patient a pen and a PCR and told them to put in their own information.
45) Told a hot patient to "come by the station later tonight so we can make sure you're doing alright".
46) Stuck your cell phone out the passenger-side window while you're going code because your buddy's voicemail just picked up. (This is fun, too)
47) Climbed out of the truck on a call for a BS regular and asked the patient "What the f**k is your problem THIS time?"
48) Played Ghetto Apartment Cockroach Bingo with your partner.
49) Went onto a porn site and entered your supervisor's email and name as your log-in information. Then check "Yes, please send me offers for merchandise" and "Yes, please share my information".
50) Got in trouble by your company because you got these cool bumper stickers from your buddy overseas that say "Stay Back 100 Meters Or You Will Be Shot" and they somehow ended up on all of the ambulances.
51) [I will add] - On a 3am radio report...when you think no one is really listening...you give the low down on a mild stomach ache and classify it as a "Drama Activation" and have the surgical team meet you in the room. As your face turns red, you look at the triage nurse and say "DRAMA...D...DRAMA...NOT T...TRAUMA..." The trauma surgeon laughs and says..."funny, but you woke me up sh*thead; give it a consult the next time so I can send someone else."
How many have you done???
1) Ever hid between buildings so the unit sent to the scene you're
actually closer to doesn't see you.
2) Took a 12-Lead on a 20 y/o hot sorority girl that you know full well is riding the Drama Llama.
3) "Securely" immobilized the driver of a rear-ended vehicle who's
screaming that he's going to be paralyzed by the Jaguar that just hit him at a whopping 4 mph.
4) .Told the Pack Mule, er, third-rider that, yes, it IS necessary for
him/her to carry in the jump bag, O2 bag, cardiac monitor, and
front-line ACLS bag because the clipboard you carry is so much heavier because of all the responsibility.
5) Nebulized Narcan to the sky-high heroin patient that refuses an IV because he knows what's in those syringes that come in the orange boxes.
6) Stopped a patient's seizures with judicious administration of
Normal saline therapy.
7) Told a patient that you missed the line because they moved their arm.
8) Started bilateral 14's or 16's on an "unconscious/unresponsive"
patient on the transit bus that got rear-ended by a Dodge Neon.
9) Cut loose with Nazi concentration camp-strength gas in the patient compartment and blamed it on "those old catalytic converters in these ambulances".
10) Carefully transcribed a patient's foul-mouthed description of you, making sure to properly spell each curse word just to piss off QA/QC.
11) Brought a patient into the ER with a perfectly out-lined boot
print on their chest that, for some strange inexplicable reason, looks a lot your duty footwear.
12) Accidentally pushed the promethazine through the port closest to the hub on a patient that you are transporting for the fifth time in a week for the same f**king nausea/vomiting complaint.
13) Made the student sit on the bench seat so they can "practice their patient care skills" on the lower GI bleed patient while you sit in the captain's chair with a NRB on your face.
14) Cured your own hang-over the company-supplied NaCl, D50, and Thiamine.
15) Titrate the Narcan until you get to the ER, then push the last 1.5mg on the ramp.
16) Have taken vital signs by only looking at your patient.
17) Decided that naming drunks John or Jane Doe is too unoriginal and supplied your own, more…original names.
18) Waited until the foul-mouthed drunk two feet away starts screaming obscenities before telling the Invisible Voice that you're
transporting.
19) Looked for reasons to initiate Acute Agitation protocols.
20) Called for a second unit on a BS wreck with three patients and
take-off with the minor walking wounded as soon as they show up to take the two 300 pound drunks in the other vehicle.
21) Got written up for referring to a patient as a
rooter/jake/skell/etc over the radio.
22) Accidentally leaned on the air-horn just as that as**ole
supervisor walks past the truck.
23) Went into the sprint car of the aforementioned as**ole supervisor and turned off the battery switch, but turned the Whelan switch to "Phaser".
24) Told firefighters that they were welcome to practice their IV
skills on the frequent flyer that's in your truck for the second time
that shift.
25) Turned over your patient, BS'd with the hot RN, and finished your PCR before telling dispatch that you just arrived at the ER.
26) Told the Invisible Voice that the "traffic is really heavy" so
you'll be delayed to the call that's right around the corner that
you're supposed to be sitting at, but the BP station three miles out of your zone gives you free coffee.
27) Lean on the air horn going under the bridge that you know bums like to sleep under.
28) Have no idea what your patient looks when you get to the ER
because you never left the captain's seat.
29) While transporting a worthless bag of skin, mention to your
partner that "Gee, the roads really suck, don't they? Ahem, DON'T
THEY?"
30) Your partner knows exactly what you mean without having to ask.
31) "Hey! Look out for that dog!!"
32) "Accidentally" repeatedly drive over the 2" high reflectors on the side of the highway because the as**ole partner you got stuck with tonight refuses to drive and spends your all-night posting shuffle trying to sleep in the passenger seat.
33) Occasionally hit the "Alert" button on the patient compartment
control panel, then act puzzled when your partner has a nervous
break-down from the inexplicable screeching buzz in the cab that youknow "nothing" about. (This one is fun)
34) Put ammonia inhalants in an SFM or NRB mask.
35) Tell the psych patient that insists he's Jesus to please stop
talking because you're actually Satan and he's pissing you off.
36) Gave another EMT/medics name to a pissed off bystander that said they were calling your boss to complain. Then acted like an as**ole even more.
37) Rolled up your partner's window and hit the window lock just
before you cut loose with the aftermath of bad Taco Bell. Then laugh.
38) Make a point of being the person pushing the stretcher into the truck as you load that hot sorority chick in the skirt.
39) Ever gave a pre-arrival report and told the ER that your 84 year old female is suffering from Grand Ma seizures.
40) Exaggerated the ambulance bill just to convince a patient that
they really don't need to go to the ER.
41) Convince a patient in the ghetto that if they wanted the best care possible, they should be transported to the nicer hospital that just happens to be twenty miles away, up in the slow zones.
42) Catch yourself asking a patient if they "got the blood", "got the sugars", or "bin vomiking".
43) Gave a patient bus fare out of your own pocket. Not because you want to be nice, but because a buck fifty is worth not taking their nasty ass and their rug rats to the ER for a forty-eight hour check-up from the LAST time you took her.
44) Gave a patient a pen and a PCR and told them to put in their own information.
45) Told a hot patient to "come by the station later tonight so we can make sure you're doing alright".
46) Stuck your cell phone out the passenger-side window while you're going code because your buddy's voicemail just picked up. (This is fun, too)
47) Climbed out of the truck on a call for a BS regular and asked the patient "What the f**k is your problem THIS time?"
48) Played Ghetto Apartment Cockroach Bingo with your partner.
49) Went onto a porn site and entered your supervisor's email and name as your log-in information. Then check "Yes, please send me offers for merchandise" and "Yes, please share my information".
50) Got in trouble by your company because you got these cool bumper stickers from your buddy overseas that say "Stay Back 100 Meters Or You Will Be Shot" and they somehow ended up on all of the ambulances.
51) [I will add] - On a 3am radio report...when you think no one is really listening...you give the low down on a mild stomach ache and classify it as a "Drama Activation" and have the surgical team meet you in the room. As your face turns red, you look at the triage nurse and say "DRAMA...D...DRAMA...NOT T...TRAUMA..." The trauma surgeon laughs and says..."funny, but you woke me up sh*thead; give it a consult the next time so I can send someone else."
