Gf Of A Soon To Be Dental Student

[Dentist2B'sGF]

Hi All!
I'm a NEWBIE! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years now. We met in college.. and have been through so much together. Our relationship is very strong and we are very supportive of each other's goals.
We are in the "acceptance/rejection" cycle right now. He has received an acceptance to his second choice dental school UMDNJ (Newark, NJ) and we are still waiting for his number one choice.. Stony Brook. If he gets into SB, he can commute and everything will be a-ok. We can move in together soon, get married, etc. If he goes to NJ, we can't. I just finished my Masters Degree and am in a really good position right now. If I give it up to go live with him for 4 years (he wants to come back to Long Island when he's done) I will never get it back. He doesn't want me to give it up either, because I am in a really good spot right now. The thing is we are just coming to the realization that dental school is here now. It's not just something in the future anymore. It's about 7 months away. Of course the cycle is not over yet, but we are preparing ourselves for the distance... and although it may only be 1hr 45 minutes.. when you add on the studying he will be doing, I know driving ANY Distance will be a big deal. We always said we would get engaged before dental school and then figure out when we will marry...but that doesn't seem to be happening either. I know that he is just focused on dental school right now, (I am too... I am so supportive of it and do anything I can to help him) but I guess I am already starting to feel neglected, and he hasn't even started yet. I was thinking just the other day, as we were signing onto the Pre-Dental forum, "Wow, I wish they had this for me" and then I scrolled down and WOW here it is. I guess I am just venting.. and would like to hear some experiences from other gf's/bf's of dental/medical students. My AIM is Redoat and one of my e-mail addresses is [email protected].... contact me

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[BlueToothHunter]

Hi there, and welcome! I'm about to start my postgrad training in dentistry soon and I know how it feels. Although my last relationship ended before I had to make this decision of staying or leaving, here are my thoughts!

Be prepared to commute! Be prepared to be away from each other!
Be really prepared to see him hang around with other female dental students!

I know... there is really no way to prepare yourself for any of the above. Sometimes you just have to accept it and... watch from the distance with lots of patience and cool...

In the worst case scenario, your boyfriend will probably get into UMDNJ and you will have to move with him. But is it really difficult for you to move with him? Have you already got a job that pays well?

Anyone here could offer you their expriences... but in the end, it would be you two who would have to choose (or sacrifice)... Hope all goes well for you and your boyfriend... good luck!!!

 

[Dentist2B'sGF]

Thanks for the response. Unfortunately, I really cannot move with him.. I am in too good of a position, career-wise, to pick up and leave, and then come back in 4 years. I wouldn't be guaranteed my position back. So moving isn't an option right now. And if he does go to UMDNJ.. he cannot commute from Long Island.. it just wouldn't be fair to him. So, if he doesn't get into SB, then we will have to deal with some distance for a while. I am not happy about it, and we won't be able to marry when we planned to... but we will have to compromise/sacrifice to make each other happy. the way i feel is that if this is meant to be.. it will be, whether he is away or living with me.. we have lasted 4 years already.. and gone through some difficult things.. I think we can do it.. but of course hearing others experiences.. ALWAYS HELPS thanks

 

[podarski]

If you're not willing to leave your job in order to marry him nows a good time to break up. It's easy to say that he's your biggest priority but actions speak louder than words. As far as "if it's meant to be" I don't get why people use this statement. If he ends up going to the school near you or you choose to go with him wherever he goes and you get married you'll be happy and think to yourself it was meant to be. If he ends up leaving and you grow distant from eachother and eventually end up marrying someone else. you will be equally happy and think it was meant to be.
My advice is put your priorities in order. If your job is really more important to you than your boyfriend than stay with your job. If you boyfriend is really more important to you than your job, do what it takes to get married, you'll find another job easy enough.

 

[ib508]

Wow, podarski, if she isn't willing to give up her job, they should break up?! Whaaaat?!

What if it was reversed? If the guy was in school and the girl was considering a job near him and one far away...should he leave school and apply to a different one just because she's gonna be further away? That's nonsense!

From more constructive advice - did you guys consider living somewhere in between? I'm not familiar with LI or north Jersey, so I dunno if that's feasible traffic wise or housing wise, but seems like a possible good idea.

If you're not willing to leave your job in order to marry him nows a good time to break up. It's easy to say that he's your biggest priority but actions speak louder than words. As far as "if it's meant to be" I don't get why people use this statement. If he ends up going to the school near you or you choose to go with him wherever he goes and you get married you'll be happy and think to yourself it was meant to be. If he ends up leaving and you grow distant from eachother and eventually end up marrying someone else. you will be equally happy and think it was meant to be.
My advice is put your priorities in order. If your job is really more important to you than your boyfriend than stay with your job. If you boyfriend is really more important to you than your job, do what it takes to get married, you'll find another job easy enough.

 

[podarski]

I'm simply saying that if her job is more important to her than he is than she needs to find somebody else. Marriage is tough enough as it is, and requires a lot of work. And thats when you find somebody who you would do anything for. Imagine how much harder it will be when your married to somebody who is not number 1 on your priority list.
As for myself you ask if I would be willing to leave and go to another school to be with her. If that was the only option yes I would do it. I would rather be poor and be with the girl I love, Then be rich and live without her. The reason the divorce rate is above 50 % in this country is because people insist on putting trivial things such as jobs, hobbies, prestige, etc... as a higher priority than there own family, I tell you what, if these people put half the time and effort the put in at succeeding in the buisness world and becomeing succesfull into there own families. They would have a family we could all model our own after! You always excell at whats first on your priority list rarely at whats number 2 or 3.

Last words of advice. Learn to look 20 to 30 years down the road when you make decisions and not just 3 or 4, and life will be a whole lot easier and make a lot more sense.

 

[ib508]

Valid points, all of them, but still disagree.

With the job market being what it is right now, leaving a great job for nothing isn't the best decision unless there is no other way out. My parents lived apart when I was younger when there was no other way both of them could work. And their marriage is just as strong and it doesn't mean they love each other any less.

I'm planning to apply to MPH programs in a couple years. My #1 on the list right now is Hopkins. My bf will be finishing med school in Philly at that point. I know that LD relationships suck, but if I'm accepted to Hopkins and get decent finaid, I'm going there. And I don't think me thinking that way means I love my bf any less. You make it work and you can have the best of both worlds - relationship/family and school/work.

Just my 2 cents.

I'm simply saying that if her job is more important to her than he is than she needs to find somebody else. Marriage is tough enough as it is, and requires a lot of work. And thats when you find somebody who you would do anything for. Imagine how much harder it will be when your married to somebody who is not number 1 on your priority list.
As for myself you ask if I would be willing to leave and go to another school to be with her. If that was the only option yes I would do it. I would rather be poor and be with the girl I love, Then be rich and live without her. The reason the divorce rate is above 50 % in this country is because people insist on putting trivial things such as jobs, hobbies, prestige, etc... as a higher priority than there own family, I tell you what, if these people put half the time and effort the put in at succeeding in the buisness world and becomeing succesfull into there own families. They would have a family we could all model our own after! You always excell at whats first on your priority list rarely at whats number 2 or 3.

Last words of advice. Learn to look 20 to 30 years down the road when you make decisions and not just 3 or 4, and life will be a whole lot easier and make a lot more sense.

 

[podarski]

Valid points, all of them, but still disagree.

With the job market being what it is right now, leaving a great job for nothing isn't the best decision unless there is no other way out. My parents lived apart when I was younger when there was no other way both of them could work. And their marriage is just as strong and it doesn't mean they love each other any less.

I'm planning to apply to MPH programs in a couple years. My #1 on the list right now is Hopkins. My bf will be finishing med school in Philly at that point. I know that LD relationships suck, but if I'm accepted to Hopkins and get decent finaid, I'm going there. And I don't think me thinking that way means I love my bf any less. You make it work and you can have the best of both worlds - relationship/family and school/work.

Just my 2 cents.

I like people like you, willing to agree to disagree! To many people on this board want to fight and make everyone think like them. I hope It all works out for you!

 

[ib508]

hehe...thanks you too

I like people like you, willing to agree to disagree! To many people on this board want to fight and make everyone think like them. I hope It all works out for you!

 

[Dentist2B'sGF]

Ok.. well.. being that I am the person who POSTED the thread.. I think I should respond. I completely disagree! Why should we break up because both of our careers are important to us? I could switch it around and say.. well if him being a dentist is more important than me... FORGET IT!!! But I am not shallow like that! My career is important because SOMEONE has to be making decent money for the next 4 years.. and he is going to be in school. Why should I be the one to relocate? Doesn't that sound a bit one sided? It's not a matter of being poor and with him or rich and without him... It's the matter of not losing what I went to GRADUATE school for... just so that he can go for his career. If I give up my career to follow him wherever he goes...then I lose my own identity. He loves me for who I AM.... and my education and profession is part of that... he wouldn't want me to give that up in order to go to school with him. But why say, BREAK UP? I know how hard marriage is.. and I would do ANYTHING FOR HIM... but this is an unnecessary move, when he wants to come back here in 4 years anyway. If he got sick, or needed my help or whatever the situation, I would drop my life for him... but why should one person give up their career to follow the other's career???

I also AGREE TO DISAGREE!!

 

[pink-rose57]

Ok.. well.. being that I am the person who POSTED the thread.. I think I should respond. I completely disagree! Why should we break up because both of our careers are important to us? I could switch it around and say.. well if him being a dentist is more important than me... FORGET IT!!! But I am not shallow like that! My career is important because SOMEONE has to be making decent money for the next 4 years.. and he is going to be in school. Why should I be the one to relocate? Doesn't that sound a bit one sided? It's not a matter of being poor and with him or rich and without him... It's the matter of not losing what I went to GRADUATE school for... just so that he can go for his career. If I give up my career to follow him wherever he goes...then I lose my own identity. He loves me for who I AM.... and my education and profession is part of that... he wouldn't want me to give that up in order to go to school with him. But why say, BREAK UP? I know how hard marriage is.. and I would do ANYTHING FOR HIM... but this is an unnecessary move, when he wants to come back here in 4 years anyway. If he got sick, or needed my help or whatever the situation, I would drop my life for him... but why should one person give up their career to follow the other's career???

I also AGREE TO DISAGREE!!

AND...onetwothree BREEEEAAAAAATHHHHEEEEE. Relax. I am a hopeless romantic meself. I believe if it's meant to be...then it will be. Who says LD relationships will never work? It will. You keep your job. Invest well...

 

[jaqydoc]

and the outcome of this captivating story was..?

 

[ABaverage]

1:45 hrs is totally doable as a long distance relationship.

I wouldn't agree that just because you are not willing to move for him temporarily (for four years) doesn't mean that it can't work or you don't love him. You are your own person and you need to make your own decisions about what is good for YOUR life. He is your BOYFRIEND, not your husband.. yet. You aren't expected to put a halt to your great life just to get up and move for your BF. This is illogical. You are doing the smart thing: staying where you are.

You can drive, he can drive.. 1:45 is not bad AT ALL. People make it through longer distances..

nd if things don't turn out for the best for ya'll because of this short distance, you will know that it just wasn't meant to be.

Good luck.

 

[UES Girl]

1:45 hrs is totally doable as a long distance relationship.

I wouldn't agree that just because you are not willing to move for him temporarily (for four years) doesn't mean that it can't work or you don't love him. You are your own person and you need to make your own decisions about what is good for YOUR life. He is your BOYFRIEND, not your husband.. yet. You aren't expected to put a halt to your great life just to get up and move for your BF. This is illogical. You are doing the smart thing: staying where you are.

You can drive, he can drive.. 1:45 is not bad AT ALL. People make it through longer distances..

nd if things don't turn out for the best for ya'll because of this short distance, you will know that it just wasn't meant to be.

Good luck.

Thread is from 2004, they either had 5 babies by now or are totally separated.