Bringing my GF along to medical school?

TankTuck

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I have been dating my girlfriend for a year. I have been accepted to medical school close to 1000 miles away from the state we live in now. We have not yet lived toghether, spending about 2-3 days a week. I am just looking for some advice or experiences. I know this is my choice. She is a great girl, but has some issues. She can be short tempered, very emotional and needs me and her family to comfort her/ talk through issues. Also, i really enjoy being with her I just don't know if she is "the one (I hate this term, but it's relevant here)." She is really excited to move with me and is planning on attending the state university. Don't get me wrong I would love some companionship coming into the hardest years of me life and appreciate her for being open to the move (she is almost more excited than I am about it). However, 1) I don't want to narrow my horizons and 2) i don't want to lead this girl on who I do love, but I don't know if I want to spend my life with her. Especially considering her family in our home state are so crucial to her and I won't be there or have the time to talk her through all her issues. I don't want to overthink this, It's just a tough situation I would rather deal with now than during a final exam. Any advice is welcome.

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"1) I don't want to narrow my horizons and 2) i don't want to lead this girl on who I do love, but I don't know if I want to spend my life with her."
 
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1) I don't want to narrow my horizons and 2) i don't want to lead this girl on who I do love, but I don't know if I want to spend my life with her. Especially considering her family in our home state are so crucial to her and I won't be there or have the time to talk her through all her issues. e.
 
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She is a great girl, but has some issues. She can be short tempered, very emotional and needs me and her family to comfort her/ talk through issues. Also, i really enjoy being with her I just don't know if she is "the one (I hate this term, but it's relevant here)."...

Don't get me wrong I would love some companionship coming into the hardest years of me life and appreciate her for being open to the move (she is almost more excited than I am about it)...

However, 1) I don't want to narrow my horizons and 2) i don't want to lead this girl on who I do love, but I don't know if I want to spend my life with her.

Your answer is staring you right in the face.
 
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Come on. There will always be something that you don't like about even "the one". Nobody is perfect and everyone has their issued. It's being able to stand and love some of the "issues" of the other person that shows if it can last. You don't have to live together, right? She can go to her college and you can go to med school. Just depends on how much this will be taking her out of her way.
 
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Come on. There will always be something that you don't like about even "the one". Nobody is perfect and everyone has their issued. It's being able to stand and love some of the "issues" of the other person that shows if it can last. You don't have to live together, right? She can go to her college and you can go to med school. Just depends on how much this will be taking her out of her way.

Always to each his own, but I've always been of the opinion (as I've opined elsewhere in the S and P forum) that no one should entertain the prospect of either A: a LDR or B: a cross country move to be with a SO without a SERIOUS commitment for eventual marriage. Otherwise, why go through the trouble? If you need someone just for cuddletime, sexytime, or companionship you can find those a dime a dozen wherever you lay your hat. Plus, if there is a LDR and cross country move without serious commitment the relationship will likely disentgrating because of the stress and those things can cause.
 
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If you don't tell her how you honestly feel, you are doing her a great disservice. Don't let this woman uproot her life to follow you when you already know you're not in it for the long haul.
 
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I have been dating my girlfriend for a year. I have been accepted to medical school close to 1000 miles away from the state we live in now. We have not yet lived toghether, spending about 2-3 days a week. I am just looking for some advice or experiences. I know this is my choice. She is a great girl, but has some issues. She can be short tempered, very emotional and needs me and her family to comfort her/ talk through issues. Also, i really enjoy being with her I just don't know if she is "the one (I hate this term, but it's relevant here)." She is really excited to move with me and is planning on attending the state university. Don't get me wrong I would love some companionship coming into the hardest years of me life and appreciate her for being open to the move (she is almost more excited than I am about it). However, 1) I don't want to narrow my horizons and 2) i don't want to lead this girl on who I do love, but I don't know if I want to spend my life with her. Especially considering her family in our home state are so crucial to her and I won't be there or have the time to talk her through all her issues. I don't want to overthink this, It's just a tough situation I would rather deal with now than during a final exam. Any advice is welcome.

Medical school is a stressful experience, its nothing like undergrad, the standards of academic performance are much higher, and you will probably have much less time to spend with her, also you moving far away from home is not going to help her situation. My input would be to part ways, it might seem hard at first, but I think it would actually be a good thing.
 
If she is not the "one" and you are going to bring her that far away and have to be her primary source of support and start med school. Not good.

Take it from experience, let her go unless she is the one and you are willing to "suffer" academically and time wise during med school. She will drag you down and you will been to hate her for it. She will hate you for moving her and not being there for her.

It has train wreck written all over it.

From your post, I think you know the answer already. You just have to grab those nuts and man up and tell the girl.
 
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You need a K-type reproductive female (think lioness or Asian, whereas R-types are like rabbits or welfare mommas). She'll be your priestess healer and you'll be her <insert combat class>. Ideally, she'll prevent mental breakdowns, not add to them. You'd be surprised how many women are less likely to screw your studies over if you initially set the terms before a whole year passes. This one already sounds iffy (crazy). "More excited than you?" My wife was like "ugh, another deployment" (similar loss of contact and quality time) and then got back to her own studying.
 
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I don't think it's as drastic as some of the other responses, but yeah, I agree that you're staring a train wreck in the face.

The number one thing any partner needs to have in order to survive that kind of transition is the ability to live his/her own life and self-regulate. She needs to be the strong independent type who goes out there, tackles things on her own, and is stable without a lot of handling required. You already said this girl is not like that. She needs her family and you to help smooth out the rough edges quite often, and you're moving her 1,000 miles away from her family. I don't see it working out unless she sucks it up and grows a spine really quickly once you two move.

In reality though, that won't happen. A big move like that is expensive and stressful, and she'll take that out on you because she'll have moved 1,000 miles only to have you spend most of your time on your studies instead of with her. She'll resent you, you'll resent her, and it'll blow up in your face. Moving away from her family will be the nail in your coffin.

I could be totally wrong and she could be the type of girl who easily goes out and makes friends and can healthily blow off steam with them, realizing that you need to focus on school first. I just don't believe it from what you've said.
 
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*Finds this post from March.*
It is now November.
Med school usually starts in August/September-ish.

Super curious as to the status of this relationship now.
 
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Needy insecure partner? Run the other way.
And that's just in general. It would be disastrous to take that person to a new locale where the only thing they have to rely on is you, and you don't have the time for them.
 
Don't waste her time, uproot her and tear her away from her family unless you are serious. Clearly, you aren't. Break up with her.

And if I were in her position, I would never, NEVER, make a commitment as big as moving 1000 miles away to be near someone without a commitment, which is to say, engagement or marriage.
 
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Don't waste her time, uproot her and tear her away from her family unless you are serious. Clearly, you aren't. Break up with her.

And if I were in her position, I would never, NEVER, make a commitment as big as moving 1000 miles away to be near someone without a commitment, which is to say, engagement or marriage.

Live like it's a long-distance marriage. You guys might cross paths one day.
 
*Finds this post from March.*
It is now November.
Med school usually starts in August/September-ish.

Super curious as to the status of this relationship now.
Now its next July. I found my balls and broke it off. Made the right choice, I new it from day one.
 
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