Gaining Family Support

[Gooser2019]

Hi all! I'll try to keep this brief I was accepted into both Iowa State University and the University of Missouri. After looking at the schools, I genuinely feel that Mizzou is the school for me. However, getting the support from my family has been somewhat of a challenge. My parents don't seem to understand why I can't just go to school at Iowa State, since I am already here. "It's a great school"...."You'll be closer to us"....etc. etc. etc.

Has anyone else encounter this? If so, what is the most effective way to show my parents that going to Missouri is really the best choice for me, and it is what I want to do?

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[WhtsThFrequency]

What does it matter? You're an adult. At a certain point, you have to stop needing parental approval for everything. It's your life. You don't need to show them or convince them of anything.

 

[Gooser2019]

I understand that, and what they feel isn't going to change my decision, I am not asking for parental approval. But my parents have always been 100% supportive in everything I've ever done, so it's almost strange that this is where that support falters a bit.

A little sensitivity would be nice.

 

[dyachei]

Why do you think it is a better choice for you?

Explain that to them. And why it is more important to you than what's important to them

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I understand that, and what they feel isn't going to change my decision, I am not asking for parental approval. But my parents have always been 100% supportive in everything I've ever done, so it's almost strange that this is where that support falters a bit.

A little sensitivity would be nice.

I wasn't being insensitive. I was being realistic. This is the wake-up call that people, even those closest to you, will not always be 100% supportive in your life choices and that, more importantly, you need to 1) be ok with that and 2) not feel the need to justify said choices to people who are not affected by them.

I would concentrate more on redirecting your efforts to feeling more independent as outlined above rather than trying to convince them of something that doesn't affect them (unless they are paying your tuition, of course - then I'd put on the dog and pony show ).

 

[CalliopeDVM]

Well, I'm not sure if you can get your parents' support for going to Mizzou, but if you're in Iowa already, my recommendation is to go there. Not because it's a better school, and not because it's what your parents want.....I'd recommend you go to your IS school because it will save you a lot of money and (unless your family is independently wealthy), a lot of debt. Going to Iowa as an IS student could probably save you over $65,000 or so in tuition and living expenses, which could mean a difference of close to $100,000 or so once you include compound interest on student loans.

 

[chickenlittle]

Another vote for going to the cheapest school, not your favorite school. No matter which school you go to, there will be aspects of vet school that you love and aspects of vet school that you hate. Ten years from now, the only time you'll think of vet school is when you're cursing it as you make your student loan payment.

 

[Ashgirl]

When I decided to matriculate at Mizzou I wasn't getting support from my family either (my parents were fine with it however), as they all heavily supported another school and were absolutely furious with me. They made a lot of mean and hurtful comments before school started. However, what I did (and may work for you), is to let them make the comments and then allow them to see how much you love the school. My family was 100% against it but is now completely supportive after they saw how much I enjoy it here and how happy I am. Bottom line, it might take a while, but hopefully they will warm up to the idea

Also, are you IS for ISU? Have you calculated it all out loan-wise? Getting IS tuition at Mizzou after one year is a definite plus, though as Calliope said you will want to work out the financial differences and see which one will be best for you.

 

[CalliopeDVM]

FYI, the numbers I used are from this map of in state and out of state tuition, including living costs, and calculated with built in annual increases: http://www.vinfoundation.org/AppUti...833&objecttypeid=10&redirectFromMiscDefault=1 It also includes switching to in-state once a student.

 

[MustangJumperPony]

Has anyone else encounter this? If so, what is the most effective way to show my parents that going to Missouri is really the best choice for me, and it is what I want to do?

I was a bit worried about this for a while. I ended up making a decision that was very different from what I had grown up thinking I would do/what my parents I expected I would do. Ultimately, it is your decision to make. Look at all of your pros and cons for each school (including cost) and decide what you want to do. Try to make your decision solely based on what is most important to you, since you are the one who will be at that school for the next four years and who will be paying off your student loans, etc. It's nice to have your family's support, but this decision will affect you much more than it will affect them, so it should truly be your decision.

FYI, the numbers I used are from this map of in state and out of state tuition, including living costs, and calculated with built in annual increases: http://www.vinfoundation.org/AppUti...833&objecttypeid=10&redirectFromMiscDefault=1 It also includes switching to in-state once a student.

This is helpful and interesting to look at! Some of the living expenses seem to be a bit high, but I've found that all schools I visited estimated for pretty high costs of living.

 

[Gooser2019]

Thanks everyone! I am IS at ISU, and I of course looked at costs. However, I will be gaining residency after my first year to get IS tuition at Mizzou, and my soon-to-be husband has an amazing job down in Missouri that would greatly buffer costs and essentially make the schools (money-wise) equal. If those two factors weren't the case, I would most definitely be staying at ISU.

That being said, my family did say some hurtful things the first time I mentioned it, which was two weeks ago. Since then they have appeared to calm down. My next conversation with them about this will be in the next couple of days, and I feel it could go better, but the same stuff is sure to rise. I understand most people don't really care what their family thinks, and in the end I will make the decision I want, but when this comes from family who has never once questioned any decision you've ever made in your life, it's pretty tough to deal with.

 

[k80rigs]

but when this comes from family who has never once questioned any decision you've ever made in your life, it's pretty tough to deal with.

Well...... I sure hope that is an over exaggeration....

 

[hedgehogcatcher]

If you are supporting yourself, don't think about it too much. Be nice, explain your reasoning, explain you'll still see them sometimes, and give them only a few chances to say their case. After that, leave it there. Focus on school.
If they are helping you, DO spend some time explaining your case. Show them the numbers, the programs you are interested in, the living situation, your fiance's stake in it and support, etc etc, and when you'll be able to visit them, and ask them what their objections are and address those.

It sounds mostly like they'll miss you, so do be patient on that point and reassure them a little. Maybe they need a bit of support while you're, for the first time, REALLY leaving the nest.