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- Feb 25, 2004
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StudentX said:
No, dear boy, you aren't crazy. It's a natural human feeling to desire sharing one's life with another person. But you're still young and you may have much to learn about YOURSELF before getting involved with someone. There are many advantages to being single. The most important thing for you right now is to grow spiritually and learn to find happiness despite being single. There are all sorts of ways to find happiness...it's up to you to find out how. If you feel good about yourself, you can contribute to a healthy relationship, if not, you may get involved in an unhealthy one.
Let me tell you something about "eyes being lit up"...well, I have finally found what makes me happy and I think my "eyes light up" even though I am single because I find something to look forward to everyday, but admittedly, some days are bad but that's only human. Yes, I find something to look forward to every day because I know how fragile life is and how short it is too. I don't have time to waste. I try to find something beautiful everyday.
I find that you only get as much love as you give. If you are loving toward the janitor, the cleaning lady, the taxi driver, a child, an old man or woman, family, friends, a collegue or a patient- basically any relationship you have with human beings you interact with on a daily basis...this can light you up! If you can look at a rose as if it were the first rose of spring or the last rose of summer , then you will appreciate them ever the more. If you can rest after a long day of work, listening to your favorite recordings, you can also light up! If you can sing even though you haven't been blessed with a great voice, yet still sing happily, you can light up! To sum up...your eyes can light up if you are single. You have to find out how to be happy on your own so that you will be able to share this happiness with someone else one day.
Perhaps the "one" for you is not "ready" for you but will be in one year or two years or more...maybe this "one" for you has to discover certain things about themselves before they ever get involved with you.
Remind yourself: about 50% of marriages fail in North America. Most married people won't tell you what goes on behind closed doors . Even though a couple may "look happy" it may just all be for "show" to give everyone else an illusion that they are happy but really are not.
Do you know the Ecclesiastes (Old Testament) passage in the Bible ?...(it was made into a song in the 60s I think)
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck that which is planted....
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose, a time to keep , and a time to cast away;
A time to love, and a time to hate, a time of war , and a time of peace etc.
Well, I strongly believe that if you seek for something desparately, you have chances of making a grave decision (at least according to my experience and the experience of others). My mother always told me that you shouldn't seek for this so called "soul mate"- just live your life and one day, when you least expect it, this person will be searching you. You have to live NOW! Don't wait to become happy overnight when you fall in love with someone! Besides, when you fall in love with someone it is usually hormonal in the initial stages. But to RISE in love- that is , to find true love, now THAT takes time and patience. You know that Supremes song...
"You Can't Hurry Love"? Well, it is definitely true.
Tomorrow doesn't wait for anyone- so live today! Live now! It was hard to get that concept into my stubborn little head when I was younger but I realize how true it is now. Some things in life are mysterious- you never know when or how these certain things will happen. Doesn't the element of mystery add spice to your life? Doesn't mystery add excitement to your life? You never know what is waiting around the bend...
Don't fall for the "idea" that meeting someone will make you happy. Very often when you depend on someone for your happiness you give them the power to destroy you. If the way someone treats you determines how you feel about yourself, you're placing yourself in a very vulnerable position. Happiness doesn't "happen" to you- you are happy or you are not happy. It is a state of being which you can only discover on your own. No one will "give" it to you.
I'll leave you with another thought... a popular Doris Day song
Que Sera Sera (french for "what will be, will be")
When I was just a little girl,
I asked my mother, "What will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?"
Here's what she said to me:
Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see,
Que sera, sera,
What will be, will be.
When I was just a child in school,
I asked my teacher, "What shall I try?
Should I paint pictures?
Should I sing songs?"
This was her wise reply:
Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see,
Que sera, sera,
What will be, will be.
When I grew up and fell in love,
I asked my lover, "What lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows day after day?"
Here's what my lover said:
Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see,
Que sera, sera,
What will be, will be.
Now I have children of my own,
They ask their mother, "What will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?"
I tell them tenderly:
Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see,
Que sera, sera,
What will be, will be.
Good luck
in your search for happiness and love 
