How did you know you were in love?

[NeedToStudy]

I've never been in a relationship before and I've often wondered how you guys know if you're in love or not? I mean how did you know you were in genuine love and not just a temporary infatuation with somebody you happened to click with? After how long did you tell your partner that you loved them for the first time?

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[j4pac]

My wife and I were good friends in undergrad but never dated. I was not ready for a serious relationship and she was already in a serious relationship, but one in which she was treated badly. It broke my heart to see her hurt...and it still does today. I realized I loved her when I hurt when she hurt. I wanted to do everything in my power to take away her hurt and protect her.

I told her that I loved her immediately before we started dating about 4-5 years after we met. I really didn't need to...she knew. We got married about 4 months later.

 

[NeedToStudy]

My wife and I were good friends in undergrad but never dated. I was not ready for a serious relationship and she was already in a serious relationship, but one in which she was treated badly. It broke my heart to see her hurt...and it still does today. I realized I loved her when I hurt when she hurt. I wanted to do everything in my power to take away her hurt and protect her.

I told her that I loved her immediately before we started dating about 4-5 years after we met. I really didn't need to...she knew. We got married about 4 months later.

This is actually pretty sweet. If you don't mind me asking why did you recommend "The Game"? I've never read the book so maybe I'm misinformed but it seems like telling a woman you love her before dating and then marrying her 4 months later isn't something that PUA folks would do..

 

[j4pac]

This is actually pretty sweet. If you don't mind me asking why did you recommend "The Game"? I've never read the book so maybe I'm misinformed but it seems like telling a woman you love her before dating and then marrying her 4 months later isn't something that PUA folks would do..

That's because I am not a PUA.

I never used the tactics of "The Game"...and I wouldn't recommend that you do. The tactics are a guide to get laid...and though they are somewhat effective (see group theory)...I wouldn't even recommend it as a guide to get laid. The reason why I really enjoyed "The Game" is because it is an underdog story. It is about a bunch of undesirables who ended up essentially getting any woman that they wanted. It gives you confidence seeing these guys getting women. It also, I believe, is a very good insight into the female mind. Some will say that the book recommends manipulating emotionally unstable women to get laid. That isn't true at all. The book helps to define attraction. It also promotes self-confidence.

I became very successful with women by having confidence and a good understanding of what is attractive. But my intention was never to be a pick-up artist. I wanted a special woman.

Both of my friends who I recommended the book to read the book in the same context. Neither went out manipulating (or abusing) women to get into their pants. Within two years of reading the book both of my friend went from not having dates...to being very happily married to fantastic women.

As a pick-up guide...there are much better out there. "The Game" is the PUA Bible because it is entertaining, readable, gives a great overview of the underground community, and offers hope.

 

[Seth Joo]

I've never been in a relationship before and I've often wondered how you guys know if you're in love or not? I mean how did you know you were in genuine love and not just a temporary infatuation with somebody you happened to click with? After how long did you tell your partner that you loved them for the first time?

When things that normally bother you do not bother you, when you wake up in the morning and think "Life is Great"!!!

 

[NeedToStudy]

That's because I am not a PUA.

I never used the tactics of "The Game"...and I wouldn't recommend that you do. The tactics are a guide to get laid...and though they are somewhat effective (see group theory)...I wouldn't even recommend it as a guide to get laid. The reason why I really enjoyed "The Game" is because it is an underdog story. It is about a bunch of undesirables who ended up essentially getting any woman that they wanted. It gives you confidence seeing these guys getting women. It also, I believe, is a very good insight into the female mind. Some will say that the book recommends manipulating emotionally unstable women to get laid. That isn't true at all. The book helps to define attraction. It also promotes self-confidence.

I became very successful with women by having confidence and a good understanding of what is attractive. But my intention was never to be a pick-up artist. I wanted a special woman.

Both of my friends who I recommended the book to read the book in the same context. Neither went out manipulating (or abusing) women to get into their pants. Within two years of reading the book both of my friend went from not having dates...to being very happily married to fantastic women.

As a pick-up guide...there are much better out there. "The Game" is the PUA Bible because it is entertaining, readable, gives a great overview of the underground community, and offers hope.

I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. You wouldn't use the tactics of "The Game" and yet you've seen it change people's lives? The book promotes self-confidence but you still won't use the tactics (one assumes that the tactics in the book are designed to help you gain confidence). You believe the book doesn't encourage men to manipulate women and yet you still don't encourage it?

I'm afraid I'm a bit lost here.

 

[j4pac]

I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. You wouldn't use the tactics of "The Game" and yet you've seen it change people's lives? The book promotes self-confidence but you still won't use the tactics (one assumes that the tactics in the book are designed to help you gain confidence). You believe the book doesn't encourage men to manipulate women and yet you still don't encourage it?

I'm afraid I'm a bit lost here.

Whether the book promotes manipulation is subject to interpretation. Some see it that way...but I don't. I think that most of the tactics promotes that guy understand psychology of the women, and to use that to their advantage. Essentially the promotes how to be attractive, different, and confidant. There are lots of gimmicks that the different pickup artists use in the book which includes magic and a bunch of other tactics. But the tactics are really secondary to the primary theme of the book which is that just about an man can attract women. The men in the book aren't naturals...they aren't your studs that girls are flocking around. They are guys who were essentially undesirables who all learned how to attract women. I believe that many men fall under the same category and that is why the book is a best seller.

If you want to get laid...the PUA books and teachings are incredibly useful for its tactics. On the other hand, if you have no desire to be a pick-up artist and want meaningful relationships, the books can serve as a starting point for someone who is lacking in self-confidence and are clueless on how to approach and feel comfortable around women.

I was previously a guy who felt comfortable around women as friend but had a difficult time escaping and/or avoiding the friend zone. I believe that the teachings helped me to better define relationships with women. When I met women I knew how to become their friend without necessarily being thrown into the friend zone. I understood the boundaries I had to set on the relationship in which I was entering. I'm sorry...it's not an easy thing to explain. Did I perform magic and ignore/neg women? No...but I presented myself in a fun, warm, and attractive manner while setting my expectations for relationship from the very beginning. I was not just living in a girls' world...we were sharing our worlds on an equal playing field.

If you are looking for a guide to get laid...there are much better ones out there. The reason why "The Game" is the PUA Bible is that it is incredibly readable, introduces you to the community in a very broad manner, and sticks to the basics of attraction.

 

[Rogert]

When the moon hit her eyes...

 

[Elizabeth1]

When you want to make her happy and realize that she doesn't only make you happy, but also makes you grow.

 

[J ROD]

she puts up with your crap

 

[bobow98]

she puts up with your crap

You realize she'll clean your babies' crap, and also your crap when you're old and decrepit.

 

[Seth Joo]

The above 5 minutes of scenes from Empire Strikes Back pretty much shows what being in love not only is like but what it means. And most times people really do not verbalize it, if you watch the video, she finally verbalizes her feelings in the very end. Most human communication is non verbal.

It also reminded me how once great film used to be, these days its all special effects and high production values over an engaging story and likable and relatable characters.

 

[NeedToStudy]

Whether the book promotes manipulation is subject to interpretation. Some see it that way...but I don't. I think that most of the tactics promotes that guy understand psychology of the women, and to use that to their advantage. Essentially the promotes how to be attractive, different, and confidant. There are lots of gimmicks that the different pickup artists use in the book which includes magic and a bunch of other tactics. But the tactics are really secondary to the primary theme of the book which is that just about an man can attract women. The men in the book aren't naturals...they aren't your studs that girls are flocking around. They are guys who were essentially undesirables who all learned how to attract women. I believe that many men fall under the same category and that is why the book is a best seller.

If you want to get laid...the PUA books and teachings are incredibly useful for its tactics. On the other hand, if you have no desire to be a pick-up artist and want meaningful relationships, the books can serve as a starting point for someone who is lacking in self-confidence and are clueless on how to approach and feel comfortable around women.

I was previously a guy who felt comfortable around women as friend but had a difficult time escaping and/or avoiding the friend zone. I believe that the teachings helped me to better define relationships with women. When I met women I knew how to become their friend without necessarily being thrown into the friend zone. I understood the boundaries I had to set on the relationship in which I was entering. I'm sorry...it's not an easy thing to explain. Did I perform magic and ignore/neg women? No...but I presented myself in a fun, warm, and attractive manner while setting my expectations for relationship from the very beginning. I was not just living in a girls' world...we were sharing our worlds on an equal playing field.

If you are looking for a guide to get laid...there are much better ones out there. The reason why "The Game" is the PUA Bible is that it is incredibly readable, introduces you to the community in a very broad manner, and sticks to the basics of attraction.

Aahh I see what you're saying now. I actually looked up the book on amazon.com and it has some pretty good reviews. I'm currently reading the dale carnegie book, when I finish it maybe I'll check out the "The Game". I know a lot of people have negative views on it, especially women it seems, but I might as well see for myself.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

The above 5 minutes of scenes from Empire Strikes Back pretty much shows what being in love not only is like but what it means. And most times people really do not verbalize it, if you watch the video, she finally verbalizes her feelings in the very end. Most human communication is non verbal.

It also reminded me how once great film used to be, these days its all special effects and high production values over an engaging story and likable and relatable characters.

Uh....no. Please don't base the definition of love on a fictional story. Especially not five minutes of clips from a fictional story.

A marriage is a business partnership first, a romantic partnership second. Of course that doesn't mean the two people involved don't love each other, but true love is so much more than the things shown in that montage. Love it not an endless parade of cutesy feelings and actions. Infatuation is a feeling; love is a choice.

 

[NeedToStudy]

Uh....no. Please don't base the definition of love on a fictional story. Especially not five minutes of clips from a fictional story.

A marriage is a business partnership first, a romantic partnership second. Of course that doesn't mean the two people involved don't love each other, but true love is so much more than the things shown in that montage. Love it not an endless parade of cutesy feelings and actions. Infatuation is a feeling; love is a choice.

I understand what you're saying but did you really have to describe it as a business partnership? I mean that just sounds so......cold.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I understand what you're saying but did you really have to describe it as a business partnership? I mean that just sounds so......cold.

Who said that a business partnership cannot be loving? Working together and being in love does not present any sort of contradiction to me.

When I say business partnership, I mean that both of you work together to do all sorts of things unrelated to romance - buying and maintaining houses and cars, finances and budgets, paying taxes, dealing with school debt, raising kids, cleaning the damn bathtub, managing retirement and investments, being involved in your community, etc etc.....those are huge parts of life that cannot be ignored, and you need to have someone who can work well with you in all these aspects. Doesn't mean you don't boink like bunnies while doing it

I don't care how romantically attached two people are - if they cannot work together to manage all the other things in life unrelated to romance (which equals most things) they will not survive.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

What about an uncommon child?

 

[J ROD]

boink?

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

boink?

Alliteration!

 

[J ROD]

I still like the way you think after all these years.....

 

[alpinism]

Uh....no. Please don't base the definition of love on a fictional story. Especially not five minutes of clips from a fictional story.

A marriage is a business partnership first, a romantic partnership second. Of course that doesn't mean the two people involved don't love each other, but true love is so much more than the things shown in that montage. Love it not an endless parade of cutesy feelings and actions. Infatuation is a feeling; love is a choice.

This is absolutely true.

There aren't any special feelings or signs. You know you're in love when you choose to love someone no matter what happens in life.

Its a conscious decision to put someone else's needs above your own.

On of my favorite quotes:

"To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart and sing it to them when they have forgotten." - Thomas Chandler

 

[alpinism]

I understand what you're saying but did you really have to describe it as a business partnership? I mean that just sounds so......cold.

Truth has no temperature.