Finding a Mentor...

[Algophiliac]

I don't know why this is, but people never get terribly close to me. I mean that in a figurative sense, of course. I've even been told by many friends that I strike them as a trustworthy confidant, but more and more I am finding that teachers and older individuals are not of the same mind. I'm hoping to find some sort of mentor in college, be it a professor or a lab PI or something. Not so much for a letter of recommendation, but rather as a wiser, more knowledgeable guide. You know, like Gandalf or Brom. But I've never found this in a teacher, and I'm wondering how one goes about building such a trustworthy relationship? Has anyone had any mentor experiences they would like to share?

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[Future Doc1]

I don't know why this is, but people never get terribly close to me. I mean that in a figurative sense, of course. I've even been told by many friends that I strike them as a trustworthy confidant, but more and more I am finding that teachers and older individuals are not of the same mind. I'm hoping to find some sort of mentor in college, be it a professor or a lab PI or something. Not so much for a letter of recommendation, but rather as a wiser, more knowledgeable guide. You know, like Gandalf or Brom. But I've never found this in a teacher, and I'm wondering how one goes about building such a trustworthy relationship? Has anyone had any mentor experiences they would like to share?

You would probably have to excell tremendously in class for a college professor to acknowledge you or you can sit in the front row and
ask loads of questions on the subject to show the professor that you are very interested in what he/she is teaching
I can't really think of anything else to do besides trying to get to
know whoever it is you are trying to become mentored by and hoping
that they become interested in you.
The reason why people are becoming less-close to one another, be it
a professor and a student or any other combination is most likely because
the world has changed dramatically since the beginning of the 21st
century. All of the core countries that are controlled democratically
have become overly politically correct and also because people have
become fearful of meeting and becoming close to someone new because of the possibility of them being someone they might not like or even some kind of criminal--The world has become filled with paranoia and insecurity
due to the crazy but recent things that have happened in the last 100 years or so.
of them being some kind of crazy criminal

 

[Algophiliac]

You would probably have to excell tremendously in class for a college professor to acknowledge you or you can sit in the front row and
ask loads of questions on the subject to show the professor that you are very interested in what he/she is teaching
I can't really think of anything else to do besides trying to get to
know whoever it is you are trying to become mentored by and hoping
that they become interested in you.
The reason why people are becoming less-close to one another, be it
a professor and a student or any other combination is most likely because
the world has changed dramatically since the beginning of the 21st
century. All of the core countries that are controlled democratically
have become overly politically correct and also because people have
become fearful of meeting and becoming close to someone new because of the possibility of them being someone they might not like or even some kind of criminal--The world has become filled with paranoia and insecurity
due to the crazy but recent things that have happened in the last 100 years or so.
of them being some kind of crazy criminal

I'm not the only one who sees this then? I practically feel paranoia in everyone I speak to. Insecurity, uncertainty--all of it drives me crazy. Everyone feels out of control of their lives, and it's not how things were before. I'm just really not sure how to approach someone, and most professors I run into, I most likely will not like. And I'm really not sure how to get people to like me--some just gravitate naturally toward me and everything works out, but others don't. Actually, I believe most would see me as an intrusion in their usual state of affairs. For example, I just went back to visit a few teachers, and it seems like all I did was say hi, got asked a bunch of the usual questions, and then left in a few minutes or so. It was really awkard. I wish I had gotten to know some people better, but no one really has time for anyone else nowadays.

I think my problem is that I think too much. I want someone I can *really* talk to...about philosophy, life, and etc...but someone older and more aware of these things.

 

[Future Doc1]

I'm not the only one who sees this then? I practically feel paranoia in everyone I speak to. Insecurity, uncertainty--all of it drives me crazy. Everyone feels out of control of their lives, and it's not how things were before. I'm just really not sure how to approach someone, and most professors I run into, I most likely will not like. And I'm really not sure how to get people to like me--some just gravitate naturally toward me and everything works out, but others don't. Actually, I believe most would see me as an intrusion in their usual state of affairs. For example, I just went back to visit a few teachers, and it seems like all I did was say hi, got asked a bunch of the usual questions, and then left in a few minutes or so. It was really awkard. I wish I had gotten to know some people better, but no one really has time for anyone else nowadays.

I think my problem is that I think too much. I want someone I can *really* talk to...about philosophy, life, and etc...but someone older and more aware of these things.

I know what you mean--Way back in day, people were a lot more generous and a lot more trusting as well as trustworthy, but these days,
what with 9/11 and all the rest of the crazy violent incidents that have
happened in the recent past, along with all of the new ways to communicate the information to everybody, we've all become fearful of everyday things that we really shouldn't be afraid of. It's like an abused dog--Once it's abused it's like it's never the same--it's always on it's gaurd and is usually insecure of everyone around it.

 

[NeuroChaos]

Not sure how a simple question became a discussion on everything from economy to politics to social standards...

Any ways, to answer your question OP:

Your mentor does not need to be your best friend. Some mentors are more lor less like friends, but others deal with you in a very professional manner (they still give you awesome advice). I would suggest finding a professor that you think is knowledgeable in your areas and just start bugging him from the first day of classes/semester. Ofcourse, start out by asking questions related to class work, and over time you wiill develop a relationship with the dude. This may take some experimentation.

 

[Doodledog]

I've been a mentor since LONG before 9/11 and I rather doubt I've changed much in this regard.

For the OP: When you are in college, you'll not be looking at the professors who teach large lecture classes as your mentors. Instead you'll be looking for those who are teaching smaller seminars, laboratory research leaders AND their graduate students and post-docs as mentors.

But, to make it work, you too have to be willing to share about yourself and make the mentor interested in you as a person they would like to see succeed and are willing to take their time, in short supply, to assist. If you only walk in and say "I have a 3.5 average and want to be a doctor, what should I do?" you won't enthuse a mentor. Mentoring is about relationships and you need to put some energy into it. Good luck.

 

[Future Doc1]

I've been a mentor since LONG before 9/11 and I rather doubt I've changed much in this regard.

For the OP: When you are in college, you'll not be looking at the professors who teach large lecture classes as your mentors. Instead you'll be looking for those who are teaching smaller seminars, laboratory research leaders AND their graduate students and post-docs as mentors.

But, to make it work, you too have to be willing to share about yourself and make the mentor interested in you as a person they would like to see succeed and are willing to take their time, in short supply, to assist. If you only walk in and say "I have a 3.5 average and want to be a doctor, what should I do?" you won't enthuse a mentor. Mentoring is about relationships and you need to put some energy into it. Good luck.

Well, I'm not just talking about 9/11
and a lot of this also depends on where you live and how you act towards
people as well.

 

[Algophiliac]

I've been a mentor since LONG before 9/11 and I rather doubt I've changed much in this regard.

For the OP: When you are in college, you'll not be looking at the professors who teach large lecture classes as your mentors. Instead you'll be looking for those who are teaching smaller seminars, laboratory research leaders AND their graduate students and post-docs as mentors.

But, to make it work, you too have to be willing to share about yourself and make the mentor interested in you as a person they would like to see succeed and are willing to take their time, in short supply, to assist. If you only walk in and say "I have a 3.5 average and want to be a doctor, what should I do?" you won't enthuse a mentor. Mentoring is about relationships and you need to put some energy into it. Good luck.

Perhaps you haven't, but society as a whole has changed considerably both before and after 9/11. But maybe this is just from my point of view, since I grew up in a place where no one kept their doors locked.

This is exactly what I'm looking for--someone who is just as willing as I am to take the time and get to know someone else. The problem is that such people are exceedingly scarce everywhere I look, but maybe I've been looking in the wrong places. In any case, how can I appeal to a professor or researcher in a personal manner? Sometimes the line between professional and friend is so razer-thin, I'm not sure how to avoid crossing it.

 

[FuturaDocta]

Well, if it is professor-student relationships your looking for, consider researching. You can always get to know your professors really well given all the time you spend in the lab with them. Plus, they like that you are interested in the same thing as them. Now, there are also other ways to know your professor well: go to office hours (if they have them), go to a small school, make really good grades and show up to class super early , be a TA, etc. There are several ways.

Also, the relationships between high school teachers and college professors are kinda different IMO. I think that high school is great and all, but college is ten times better when it comes to getting to know your professors. However, there are still some pretty snooty ones that you should try to avoid.

Now, don't take this the wrong way (I think you should always be yourself with friends and all), but have you heard of "the game theory"?

 

[Terpskins99]

I don't know why this is, but people never get terribly close to me. I mean that in a figurative sense, of course. I've even been told by many friends that I strike them as a trustworthy confidant, but more and more I am finding that teachers and older individuals are not of the same mind. I'm hoping to find some sort of mentor in college, be it a professor or a lab PI or something. Not so much for a letter of recommendation, but rather as a wiser, more knowledgeable guide. You know, like Gandalf or Brom. But I've never found this in a teacher, and I'm wondering how one goes about building such a trustworthy relationship? Has anyone had any mentor experiences they would like to share?

Let me preface this by saying that I think mentors are a bit overrated. I've always thought it was a little silly for someone to say "that professor is my mentor".

That said, I had plenty of professors and physicians that held some sort of role-model/adviser capacity during my pre-med years. If you have a class that you are particularly interested in, let the professor know. Don't be shy about approaching your professor about it. If the subject is appropriate enough, you could even ask if you can participate in research or a side-project of some kind. One other way to get to know your professors better is to attend office-hours on a regular basis. Some professors will make excellent use of this time, even turning it into an informal lecture tailored just for you. Showing up at office-hours almost always leave a positive impression because it shows you have interest in doing well in that professor's class (and by extension... have an interest in what the professor is talking about).

With regard to other mentor-types... the best way to find these is through volunteering gigs. Shadowing a physician, helping out at a free clinic (an excellent opportunity should you find one) and/or lab research.

 

[Future Doc1]

Let me preface this by saying that I think mentors are a bit overrated. I've always thought it was a little silly for someone to say "that professor is my mentor".

That said, I had plenty of professors and physicians that held some sort of role-model/adviser capacity during my pre-med years. If you have a class that you are particularly interested in, let the professor know. Don't be shy about approaching your professor about it. If the subject is appropriate enough, you could even ask if you can participate in research or a side-project of some kind. One other way to get to know your professors better is to attend office-hours on a regular basis. Some professors will make excellent use of this time, even turning it into an informal lecture tailored just for you. Showing up at office-hours almost always leave a positive impression because it shows you have interest in doing well in that professor's class (and by extension... have an interest in what the professor is talking about).

With regard to other mentor-types... the best way to find these is through volunteering gigs. Shadowing a physician, helping out at a free clinic (an excellent opportunity should you find one) and/or lab research.

This is probably the way to go

 

[tennisball80]

*Smile and joke around with everybody. <-- You need some classmates that don't tell the teacher about your bad stuff.
*Create a positive impression when first meet <-- This is important because teachers tend to decide which students are smart at the beginning of the semester. Creating a positive impression will give you marks way easier.
*Interest in his subject<-- Yup. Treat his subject as your girlfriend.
*Some occasional small talks <-- Weather, news, how are you doing, etc... Find the topics the person is interested in. It usually takes about three-five hours.
*Volunteer to help <--Do you need help with *********?
*Good attitudes <-- Sit up straight, listening, eye-contact, showing confidence...etc.
*Try to be the cool smart guy, not the nerdy smart guy<-- Be the cool guy with everybody. Don't just study and be a nerd. The teacher usually likes the people who have social skills too.
* Coffee, chocolates, and etc.. for additional + effects <--Just don't bribe too much. And people like to take stuff.

These basic rules have always been working for me in my school life. I have always been good with teachers. Hope these will work in college too.

 

[Pepipanda]

*Smile and joke around with everybody. <-- You need some classmates that don't tell the teacher about your bad stuff.
*Create a positive impression when first meet <-- This is important because teachers tend to decide which students are smart at the beginning of the semester. Creating a positive impression will give you marks way easier.
*Interest in his subject<-- Yup. Treat his subject as your girlfriend.
*Some occasional small talks <-- Weather, news, how are you doing, etc... Find the topics the person is interested in. It usually takes about three-five hours.
*Volunteer to help <--Do you need help with *********?
*Good attitudes <-- Sit up straight, listening, eye-contact, showing confidence...etc.
*Try to be the cool smart guy, not the nerdy smart guy<-- Be the cool guy with everybody. Don't just study and be a nerd. The teacher usually likes the people who have social skills too.
* Coffee, chocolates, and etc.. for additional + effects <--Just don't bribe too much. And people like to take stuff.

These basic rules have always been working for me in my school life. I have always been good with teachers. Hope these will work in college too.

I agree with this pretty completely. Not every teacher is one you'd be able to form a good relationship with, but I try with lots of them.

The two biggest things, I think, are showing interest in their subject, and making conversation. This shows that you are interested, not only in what they teach, but also in them as a person.

Oddly enough, the teacher that I have become really good friends with, is my fifth grade teacher, whose classes I hated more than anything (mostly due to the strictness and large homework load). I now talk to her every day before school about anything in my life, and she comes to see me in school plays and things like that. So, I'm not sure how you want to take that, since it defies all my usual ideas of becoming closer to a teacher, except, perhaps, the "getting to know them as a person" part.

 

[FuturaDocta]

I agree with this pretty completely. Not every teacher is one you'd be able to form a good relationship with, but I try with lots of them.

The two biggest things, I think, are showing interest in their subject, and making conversation. This shows that you are interested, not only in what they teach, but also in them as a person.

Oddly enough, the teacher that I have become really good friends with, is my fifth grade teacher, whose classes I hated more than anything (mostly due to the strictness and large homework load). I now talk to her every day before school about anything in my life, and she comes to see me in school plays and things like that. So, I'm not sure how you want to take that, since it defies all my usual ideas of becoming closer to a teacher, except, perhaps, the "getting to know them as a person" part.

Heck yes! Most of the time it is the game theory that gets you through.