Does anyone else ever feel lonely and worthless?

[brotherbloat]

Now that the MCAT is over, and I'm job searching, I'm feeling pretty lost. I quit my job right after the MCAT (I hated my job) and now I'm looking for a new one. The job market is horrible, even for someone with a master's. I've applied to some temp agencies and I guess they're looking for me, and I'm also sending out resumes on my own. But after sending out 60 resumes over the past 3 months I'm pretty discouraged. Anyone had a similar problem?

I just feel really, really lost, as if at 28 I'm truly having a quarter-life crisis. A lot of my acquaintances feel the same way. Is it that lots of people feel this way and they just don't post on this board about it? I don't have any true confidantes, except for my husband, who's tired of hearing about it, I'm sure, so that's why I'm posting here.

I am trying to take some steps to get out of my rut and meet people:

I signed up for an advanced art class this summer, whic I'm looking forward to (I was an artist in my past life), and I also started a women's cooking club, which will have its first get together soon. I'm reading some good books on my personal reading list and trying to figure out what to do with my life. But I still feel really lost and kind of directionless. At 28, I figured that I'd have things "all figured out." But they're not figured out at all. I feel like each day lasts an eternity and having totally unstructured days (being unemployed) makes me feel really anxious and directionless.

My hubby's really busy and stressed out with work, and I really don't have anyone to talk to. I don't feel comfortable talking to my family about these things, especially since they have told me many times to just "be a doctor's wife and forget about your own ambitions." I haven't made any good girlfriends here in my city to talk about this stuff to either, though I'm trying. And counseling is just too expensive, especially being unemployed, and I don't have the money for it.

Thoughts? Am I going in the right direction?

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[SaraL124]

If you are unemployed and feeling directionless in your unstructured day, I reccommend getting a volunteer position somewhere. You could work at a school, nursing home, senior center, etc. There are lots of ladies volunteer groups.

You could also try to structure your day more soundly around certain activities you know you have to/should do. Make a schedule for yourself.
Example:

10 am: work out (running, gym class, whatever)
11 am- 4pm: volunteer (hospitals, nursing homes, schools, etc. are always looking for volunteers...you could get a volunteer position at food pantry or soup kitchen or community center. contact your local police department. they often need volunteers too!)

5pm:go grocery shopping and do other errands. plan what you'll make for dinner.

6pm: go home, relax, read the newspaper or a book.

7pm: make dinner

and the rest of the night enjoy yourself. go to a movie, a poetry reading, a free concert or outdoor movie. don't just sit at home and don't be afraid to do things by yourself.

Now follow this schedule or your own version of it, obviously everyday. don't lay around in bed until 12, get up and start doing things you need to do! make a direction for yourself!

 

[samenewme]

You could try "Get your act together", a book by Pam Young and Peggy Jones, for a system to create a structure for your day. It's kind of geared towards disorganized, happy-go-lucky housewives, but I used one of their earlier books when I WAS a homemaker, depressed, and with health problems. The card file system really did create a structure for me and made me feel much less lost.

 

[brotherbloat]

Hello there,

Things have started to seem better after the MCAT finished. However, making friends is still a huge problem. Today, for instance, I had a lovely day shopping, hanging out at Borders, and eating lunch and dinner out, only I was alone. I wish so much that I could meet even one nice female friend to hang with.

I've tried Craig's List, meeting people through events/ activities, and women living in my building but no one seems interested in making a new friend. It's so frustrating! I had one woman I went out with a few times but then I never heard from her again. I don't understand this, since we had a lot of fun and she said many times how much she liked me. I've been here 2 years already, I thought someone would come along by now.

I'm currently registered with a few temp agencies, but am jobless right now. I'm sending out resumes, but nothing is coming along. While I'm looking, I think I will start volunteering, b/c it would be good to learn some new skills.

Any other advice?

Thanks,

Bloat

 

[Sainttpk]

Hello there,

Things have started to seem better after the MCAT finished. However, making friends is still a huge problem. Today, for instance, I had a lovely day shopping, hanging out at Borders, and eating lunch and dinner out, only I was alone. I wish so much that I could meet even one nice female friend to hang with.

I've tried Craig's List, meeting people through events/ activities, and women living in my building but no one seems interested in making a new friend. It's so frustrating! I had one woman I went out with a few times but then I never heard from her again. I don't understand this, since we had a lot of fun and she said many times how much she liked me. I've been here 2 years already, I thought someone would come along by now.

I'm currently registered with a few temp agencies, but am jobless right now. I'm sending out resumes, but nothing is coming along. While I'm looking, I think I will start volunteering, b/c it would be good to learn some new skills.

Any other advice?

Thanks,

Bloat

maybe u should try church? You can find plenty of young women in these types of support groups who would be willing to hang out.

However I am a bit puzzeled by your post, you are a married woman, is your husband just not giving you enough attention? GL.

T

 

[brotherbloat]

My hubby is a resident--he doesn't have much time to spend with me, thus I am seeking to make female friends.

 

[QofQuimica]

Any other advice?

Thanks,

Bloat

I have an idea, BB. Why don't you look for people to "hang out with" here on SDN? You may even be able to find someone who lives close enough to you to physically go out and do things, but if nothing else, you could find some pen-pals and have people to talk to who can relate to your situation. I write or talk on the phone with several people that I've met from this web-site and it's really nice. If you use the internet (which you obviously do!) or a cell phone, you can talk to people nationwide easily and cheaply. I'm hoping that I'll get to meet some of my SDN pals face-to-face once I start going on interviews.

And I do have to confess, your posts kind of worry me, too. I remember you because I've seen at least a dozen of your threads in this forum and the non-trad one, and like previous people said, they're all about being scared, lonely, and depressed. Will you swear to us that you're not going to hurt yourself???

 

[brotherbloat]

Hi there Q of Q,

I really and truly don't consider myself depressed. I'm in a very transitional period of my life, however, being 28 (almost 29) and embarking on a totally new career change (from art to science.) I am, however, very introspective, questioning, very in touch with my feelings, very self-aware, and contemplative, maybe more so than most people, I don't know. As a result, I'm always seeking to better myself, to get ideas from others, and to try to actively improve situations for myself that don't seem ideal. That's why I'm so outspoken about my innermost thoughts and feelings on this board. I am optimistic that things can improve--maybe I'm lonely now, but I'm always hoping that a good friend is just around the corner.

If you met me in person, I bet you'd never guess I'd be the type to write these types of things. I defintiely don't come off as depressed or melancholy. But then again I don't discuss these types of "deep" thoughts with friends--only my hubby.

From conversations with good friends from college, it appears to me that many people just aren't self-aware, and don't have these intospective musings that I post on these boards. My hubby doesn't, for instance. I also have a LOT of time on my hands. One friend from college remarked, "you know, I just don't know myself the way you do. I never seem to know what I want. I really admire how you analyze different situations and then go after what you want."

I thought being a senior in college was a confusing time; this time in my life is far more confusing! I guess I haven't quote found myself yet. But getting there.

Thanks for the concern, though. I really do enjoy getting feedback from a variety of people on these forums. And I love being online, too (maybe a little too much.)

-BB

 

[brotherbloat]

Hello everyone,

Just thought I'd post an update on how things are going. Unfortunately, still the same.

I have registred with 6 temp agencies and would you believe after one month of being with all 6 none of them have anything for me. Not even a job as a secretary! I continue to send out resumes on my own, even removing my master;s entirely from my resume, but I have not been offered any interviews (I'm applying for entry level positions and those that require a grad degree; since I'm applying for jobs not directly in my field of study (which was art), such as non-profits. I went to Swarthmore for my BA, and I think part of the problem is not living in PA there are very few alums here who might see my resume and help out as a contact. I am working with my undergrad career center to tweak my resume, and in the meantime I guess I'll start looking for a waitress position, though I feel very upset that it will come to that instead of a professinal position after 6 years of higher education. I have tried the informational interview thing, networking with alums, and even cold-calling. Either the market is so unbelievably bad or I am just swimming upstream trying to find a non-art position that's not menial labor.

My depression or whatever you'd call it is pretty severe now, since I feel like I'm totally not able to use my "potential," and as a result feel even more worthless and useless to society than I did before. Try as I might, I can't seem to, as alison suggested, consider my real life what goes on after work hours. Because being alone all day and all night, I'd feel better at a job.

My hubby is still unavailable; when he comes home after his 12 hour days I feel that he is so wrapped up in studying that we don't really interact much. We usually end up on the couch for most of the night, him studying and me reading or on the computer. He goes to bed at 10 and I stay up untill 2 or 3, trying to keep busy, but the lonliness is pretty overwhelming sometimes. I am supportive of his career and respect that he needs time to study, but wish he'd be more interested in making the effort to go out and plan some romantic activities in his non-study times. But I feel that every single one of his brain cells is wrapped up in residency to the point where he just can't make the effort. Just him making the effort would help so much, and I told him this many times, but it never seems to happen. I never thought residency would end up being so incredibly all-consuming for him (after the first year).

As for what I'm personally trying to do to make improvements (outside of looking for a new job), I started a women's cooking club and we're meeting twice a month, and I am taking guitar lessons and practicing on my own. I'm reading a couple of books a week, as well. I volunteer on the weekends. But my days feel like an eternity, one long undending abyss of lonliness and uselessness, and I still can't manage to make structure to my days, except for taking care of routine chores and mailing out resumes/ job searching/ going to the library and reading for 3 hours a day. I do feel like a "desperate housewife" though I've never seen that show. And moving out of state or out of my city to take the "perfect job" just doesn't make sense to me. Moving to a whole new city and doing this all over again (no friends, etc.) sounds like an awful idea to me. Plus, like alison said in a previous post, it's the daily interaction that we do have that I cherish so much, even though it's miniscule right now. Moving away would create far more problems than it would solve.

I feel more alone now than I did when I had a job, even though it was a stupid, pointless job for someone with a grad degree. And no we don't have the money for me to see a therapist, and I can't consider that option right now, as we have bare bones health insurance and we live on a strict budget.

I really need someone to talk to, I don't feel that I can talk about this with any of my acquaintances, and certainly not my family, thus the long post. I just paint a happy picture for all of them whenever I talk to them, but underneath I'm crying inside.

-Bloat

 

[OSURxgirl]

You want to go to med school, right? Why not take a nurse's aide or EMT course and use that to get employment in the health care field?? This will give you the opportunity to make new friends in the class and get health care experience for med school. Instead of seeing all this extra time as a bad thing, USE it to your advantage. I could only dream of having empty days to fill with things. Work on studying for the MCAT,go to your cooking group, read books that interest you, volunteer at places that are meaningful to you, exercise....there is more to you than your relationship with your husband...focus on yourself for awhile. Don't beat yourself up about the job issue, just keep trying. Get out there. Every person you meet is a potential contact for a job. I've been in a similar situation where I've had difficulty making friends but you have to keep trying...they're not gonna come find you...you have to find them and you do it by getting out of the house and DOING SOMETHING! Now, no more feeling sorry for yourself...be proactive and kick your troubles in the a##!

 

[brotherbloat]

Hi there,

Thanks for the suggestions. The MCAT is over, and I really can't afford to take any more courses, I live on a strict budget and I have tons of student loan bills each month. Plus I need to find a permanent full-time job that pays at least $15 per hour in order to cover my student loans, and other expenses. I know that nursing aides don't pay very well.

I sent out 30 resumes today. We'll see what happens.

Maybe I'll get a head start on studying for biochem later this summer, but I'm still very undecided about med school, that only worsens things. I'm not sure what else I can do on my end to make the decision, as I've worked in a hospital, job shadowed a lot, talked to doctors and med students.

Here's my daily schedule during the week

6 am-10 am: job search online, send out resumes, network
10-12 lunch and whatnot
12-1 nap
1-3 clean apartment, pay bills
3-6 go to library to read or walk around a park
6-7 make dinner, chat with hubby
7-bedtime Read books, work on guitar practice, bake, surf the web

Any thoughts of how I can improve things to make myself feel less lonely, worthless, and like a desperate housewife? I feel like I'm frittering away my time.


-Bloat

 

[sacrament]

Hi there,

Just wondering--how do you guys seem to always remember my posts--needlestick and career? I never seem to remember who posted what. How is that? Just wondering.

I can't speak for anybody else, but I remember because of your bizarre frickin' nickname. Brotherbloat? WTF?

 

[tkim]

Finding Nemo

 

[brotherbloat]

That's right, Brotherbloat was a fish in Finding Nemo. I loved the movie and I loved Brotherbloat.

 

[OSURxgirl]

No one can make you not feel lonely and worthless but you. I am akin to agree with some of the previous posters. I think that you need to talk a therapist and/or get an Rx for an SSRI. There are too many issues here...your loneliness, feelings of worthlessness, perfectionism and need to be a breadwinner, confusion over your career path, difficulty making friends, etc. You need someone to help you sort it all out and help you work on the most important issues first. Until you are okay with you and resolve all these issues, you are probably not going to be happy no matter what job you get.

 

[Katee80]

Even though you don't hear from me as much as the others, I can honestly say I remember you as the one with all the problems..constantly asking for advice.


you asked.


Katee

 

[Law2Doc]

Here's my daily schedule during the week

6 am-10 am: job search online, send out resumes, network
10-12 lunch and whatnot
12-1 nap
1-3 clean apartment, pay bills
3-6 go to library to read or walk around a park
6-7 make dinner, chat with hubby
7-bedtime Read books, work on guitar practice, bake, surf the web

Any thoughts of how I can improve things to make myself feel less lonely, worthless, and like a desperate housewife? I feel like I'm frittering away my time.


-Bloat

The tasks in the first 9 hours of your day really should take you about 3. Lose the nap -- unusual sleep patterns (i.e. not all in one block) for some people really screw up their focus, and it's simply a bad habit to get into lying around the house sleeping all afternoon. And do something more athletic -- go join a gym, (or maybe a YMCA/YWCA if there's one as its more affordable, or maybe something affiliated with your husband's program or a school for which you still have an ID?) and do some weight training (there are lots of books and videos on how if trainer costs are prohibitive, and if you ask people nicely how to use a given machine they will usually tell you for free). Or take up running, eliptical, swimming walk on a treadmill etc., anything that requires you to exert yourself and work up a sweat. Improving yourself physically helps many people have a better outlook mentally. And it's important to always be striving for something positive and attainable. It doesn't matter if you are already in decent shape, or that are "comfortable" with the way you look - anyone can be improved and feel a benefit from it. Plus you will be at a place where there are people so that will already be less depressing than hanging out at home all day.

 

[alison_in_oh]

Any thoughts of how I can improve things to make myself feel less lonely, worthless, and like a desperate housewife? I feel like I'm frittering away my time.

I often like to think of what I'd be doing if I didn't have to go to my stupid job. (Oh, and BTW, I am overqualified for my secretary job but I still don't expect them to throw themselves at my feet because of it. In fact, I'm a mediocre secretary at best, redeemed only because my college education and science ability allow me to perform chemistry-related document design and such more readily than most. And menial though it may be, it pays reasonably well, extraordinarily well when you take hubby's and my tuition breaks into account, it has great benefits, they don't miss me much when I go on long vacations, and I don't have to devote one single brain cell to work except during the hours of 8:30 to 5.) I'm going to be an at-home mom in a couple of years, and although childcare will obviously take up a big chunk of my time and energy, I think it's possible to be a productive homemaker with or without kids.

I would like someday to split up my week similarly to that of the 50s homemaker. "Monday washing, Tuesday ironing, Wednesday mending, Thursday marketing, Friday cleaning, Saturday baking." Maybe less mending and more crafting on Wednesday, including knitting and embroidery and sewing (though I'll have to learn to sew, LOL!) At least I can darn and sew buttons already!

I'd pay more attention to my washing, separating my clothes properly and taking proper handwash care of my delicates so they'd last longer. And I'd keep my hubby in ironed shirts and slacks.

I would have a more extensive garden. If I were in an apartment it would have to be containers, more herbs and flowers, but if I had any access to a yard I would totally do a biodynamic vegetable garden! I had one two or three houses ago, and it was incredible how much produce I got out of that little 6 by 15 foot bed!

I'd take more scrupulous care of my pets. Keep multiple catboxes (no. of cats plus 1), clean them daily or more often; I'd walk my cats (they're leash trained but it's time consuming to get them out one at a time!); I'd train my dog (she loves working on new skills but she's so well mannered that I just don't make the time).

I second the recommendation for physical activity. I can't believe you stay up until 2 or 3 and then get up at 6! My bedtime is 10, I think I've stayed up past 11 maybe once or twice in the last six months. Getting a daily workout is great for falling into bed and zonking out for eight hours. In fact, you say you're pretty fit -- can you think of any athletic goals to work toward? I'm going to enter my first bike race this weekend! A lot of people work toward cycling 100 miles, or running a half marathon or marathon, or racing a sprint or olympic length triathlon, or whatever floats your boat! Weight training is really important for women to build bone density, and a good way to see yourself make progress in changing your body composition. Check out this site that was linked on another board! http://www.stripper-faq.org/tools.htm I would love to do the stripper weightlifting routine, and some yoga as well! A more straightforward and very inspirational site about women's weight lifting is http://stumptuous.com/weights.html

I'd shop more carefully for healthful food and good bargains. I'd hit the local markets for produce and other fresh foods, and the health food co-op for bulk grains and legumes. I'd do more time-consuming cooking, like bread from 3 day old starters or casseroles with tons of ingredients (http://www.drweil.com/u/Recipe/Recipe10092/ is messy and time consuming, especially if you make your bread crumbs from scratch, but SO worth it!) I'd join an organic produce co-op and find new ways to use unusual ingredients -- which reminds me, I have to use the remainder of my gift certificate to http://diamondorganics.com/, the first box we got from them was AWESOME, I'd never cooked kale or swiss chard before but they were great and the raw baby spinach almost melted in your mouth it was so sweet!

I'd make more of my cleaning supplies from scratch -- I love doing that, my husband gives me so much grief for the different ways I use baking soda but it's so fun! I'd do a more thorough cleaning of the house each week, from washing the floors and baseboards to using the vacuum attachments in the nooks. (For inspiration for the many ways, important and unimportant, that you can pamper your home check out the book Home Comforts!) My book Clean & Green has all kinds of cleaning recipes I've yet to try.

Anyway, I guess the grass is always greener. Whenever I'm left at home I'm often bored out of my gourd myself, or else I just pore over websites until it's late and I jump up and try to do something semi-productive! I think setting goals and schedules is important, so good luck with that. Sorry so long, but this is honestly something I think about a LOT.

 

[brotherbloat]

People, PLEASE stop suggesting therapy. My health insurance does not have mental health benefits and most therapists charge $125 per hour in cash. We have a strict food budget of $60 per week so I cannot possibly afford even one therpay session!

That's why I'm posting on here, to get feedback and ideas.

Anyhow, alison, that was an interesting suggestion of how to allocate your time. I enjoyed reading it. I don't think, though, that I even have enough "chores" to fill up a different day. We do laundry once a month together. Cleaning our one bedroom apt. for me really only takes an hour a day, since I keep things pretty tidy most of the time.

I've decided to just go and apply for waitress/server positions. I'm going to go looking today and Monday. I was hoping to avoid this, as I really wanted a sit-down position that could possibly turn into something permanent/professional, but it's clearly not happening. Alison, how do you avoid feeling like you're not living up to your potential with the secretary position? How does it not bother you?

You're right about the exercise--I really don't do any, probably b/c I'm slim--but not "in shape." I'm going to try that today--a long walk through the park and I do have a small apartment gym here, I've never actually been to it!

What else can I do to get myself out of the house? I sure do a ton of reading--probably about 6-7 hours a day, all counted. So my brain is definitely getting a lot of stimulation!

Doesn't anyone else feel any of these same feelings--I know I may be unusal in broadcasting my deepest, darkest feelings on an Internet forum, but that's because there is no one I can talk to about it. I don't want to burden my hubby, and I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone else about it either. I feel like in the past two years, my self-esteem has plummeted. Back in college and grad school, my self esteem was totally great and I was plagued with none of these feelings. I'd say it was in grad school, when my hubby graduated from med school and went into intern year, that I first started feelign this way. That's when I moved here knowing no one but my hubby, started the post-bacc, started feeling lonely b/c I never saw my hubby after seeing him all the time in med school, and feeling general worthlessness.

Well, guys, this is my last post on SDN. I thought I'd find a supportive group amongst you all, but I guess I was wrong.

 

[f_w]

People, PLEASE stop suggesting therapy.

You are describing plenty of symptoms compatible with depression (e.g. disruptions in sleep wake cycle, feelings of worthlessness).

You don't need a therapist. What you need is a formal evaluation by a psychiatrist to determine whether you need medical or other therapy, period

 

[jennie 21]

Your symptoms are very compatible with depression. I know this isn't what you seem to be wanting to hear, but there's a reason many different people keep saying it over and over. Even if your health insurance doesn't cover mental health care, your primary care physician can write you a prescription for an antidepressant and that alone might do a lot to make you feel better. It's worth a try anyway, if you can't get access to any other psychiatric care. There are also clinics which offer therapy on a sliding scale (maybe even FREE if you're really poor) so that's another option. You're dealing with a lot of issues and people on a message board aren't going to be able to help you enough or in the right ways. You need help from a professional and treatment for your depression. In the meantime, try to keep yourself busy, preferably with activities that involve some level of social interaction. There's nothing like sitting around the house alone not doing much to make you feel depressed. I think the job as a waitress or whatever sounds like a good idea.

 

[OSURxgirl]

<<People, PLEASE stop suggesting therapy.

You are describing plenty of symptoms compatible with depression (e.g. disruptions in sleep wake cycle, feelings of worthlessness).

You don't need a therapist. What you need is a formal evaluation by a psychiatrist to determine whether you need medical or other therapy, period>>

Actually, clinical psychologists are therapists who are trained to diagnose depression. A clinical psychologist would refer her to a psychiatrist for medication if the therapist thinks it necessary. Whether or not she is prescribed anything, she does need therapy. A pill isn't usually enough.

 

[jennie 21]

Actually, clinical psychologists are therapists who are trained to diagnose depression. A clinical psychologist would refer her to a psychiatrist for medication if the therapist thinks it necessary. Whether or not she is prescribed anything, she does need therapy. A pill isn't usually enough.

True, OSURxgirl, but if meds are all she can get that's probably better than nothing. If her health plan doesn't cover mental healthcare (and many don't) and she's on a limited budget she may not be able to afford to pay for therapy. In that case, an antidepressant can be better than nothing at all if a person truly is depressed. Sometimes, antidepressants alone can do a lot to make a person feel better, although it's better if they go along with therapy too.

 

[Katee80]

People, PLEASE stop suggesting therapy.

You are describing plenty of symptoms compatible with depression (e.g. disruptions in sleep wake cycle, feelings of worthlessness).

You don't need a therapist. What you need is a formal evaluation by a psychiatrist to determine whether you need medical or other therapy, period

You can say THAT again.

Katee

 

[Katee80]

People, PLEASE stop suggesting therapy. My health insurance does not have mental health benefits and most therapists charge $125 per hour in cash. We have a strict food budget of $60 per week so I cannot possibly afford even one therpay session!

That's why I'm posting on here, to get feedback and ideas.

Anyhow, alison, that was an interesting suggestion of how to allocate your time. I enjoyed reading it. I don't think, though, that I even have enough "chores" to fill up a different day. We do laundry once a month together. Cleaning our one bedroom apt. for me really only takes an hour a day, since I keep things pretty tidy most of the time.

I've decided to just go and apply for waitress/server positions. I'm going to go looking today and Monday. I was hoping to avoid this, as I really wanted a sit-down position that could possibly turn into something permanent/professional, but it's clearly not happening. Alison, how do you avoid feeling like you're not living up to your potential with the secretary position? How does it not bother you?

You're right about the exercise--I really don't do any, probably b/c I'm slim--but not "in shape." I'm going to try that today--a long walk through the park and I do have a small apartment gym here, I've never actually been to it!

What else can I do to get myself out of the house? I sure do a ton of reading--probably about 6-7 hours a day, all counted. So my brain is definitely getting a lot of stimulation!

Doesn't anyone else feel any of these same feelings--I know I may be unusal in broadcasting my deepest, darkest feelings on an Internet forum, but that's because there is no one I can talk to about it. I don't want to burden my hubby, and I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone else about it either. I feel like in the past two years, my self-esteem has plummeted. Back in college and grad school, my self esteem was totally great and I was plagued with none of these feelings. I'd say it was in grad school, when my hubby graduated from med school and went into intern year, that I first started feelign this way. That's when I moved here knowing no one but my hubby, started the post-bacc, started feeling lonely b/c I never saw my hubby after seeing him all the time in med school, and feeling general worthlessness.

Well, guys, this is my last post on SDN. I thought I'd find a supportive group amongst you all, but I guess I was wrong.

It isn't that people here aren't supportive. Look back on all the responses you got in the from of feedback and ideas. I feel the people here have accomodated you and your issues been MORE than enough. You just dont like the fact most people think you need some serious help from a trained professional outside of this forum.

You say you don't want to burden your hubby. WTH? He's you hubby,,your husband..your partner in life..through sickness and in health. What do you mean you can't burden him? That's got to be one of the most worrisome comments you've made in my opinion. And the most ridiculous. BOTHER him! Tell him how you feel. At least HE can hug you and give you more support than we ever could on a one to one basis. If hes a good hubby.

I would mention your symptoms to your PCP and get a referral to a psy. A psy isn't necesarily going to put you on meds right away because you may not need them. Just a chat .

Good luck !

Katee

 

[robinpsy]

I'm sorry that I didn't know about this website until now. I totally understand what you're feeling. I'd love to talk to you more about this. Send me an email or a pm.

R

 

[xSTALLiONx]

Hi guys,

Thanks for your responses. Though I think the taking a class to meet people or volunteering is highly overrated. How many people who already have their support networks in place are really willing to take the time to get to know a stranger? I do yoga, and I can honestly say that no one has ever made small talk with me, nor are they interested in hanging out when I approach them. I also volunteer tutoring adults in an inner city program, and there are no people my age to hang out with in that situation either. When I've taken wine tasting classes, etc. for fun, same deal.

The bottom line is that for me, the only thing that has remotely worked is Craig's List. My hubby's residency program doesn't have any sort of spouses group, he's already looked into that. I just find that in general, people are not open to making new friends because they already have their support system in place. Maybe if there were some way to find people who just moved here and no know one, like myself, that would be good--but how would I find such a group?

Also, I think it's hard to make friends when you're looking only for friends of one gender, and also preferably around the same age. Many times when I post on Craig's List I end up with 20 year olds emailing me, and I don't think that would work out.

For those whose spouses/ sig o's are residents, how do you deal with the call every four days, or whatever, and how do you deal with the lonliness/ lack of time you can spend with your partner? Because it really gets me down sometimes.

Thanks,

BB

try friendster.com

 

[Celiac Plexus]

Hi there,

Thanks for the suggestions. The MCAT is over, and I really can't afford to take any more courses, I live on a strict budget and I have tons of student loan bills each month. Plus I need to find a permanent full-time job that pays at least $15 per hour in order to cover my student loans, and other expenses. I know that nursing aides don't pay very well.

I sent out 30 resumes today. We'll see what happens.

Maybe I'll get a head start on studying for biochem later this summer, but I'm still very undecided about med school, that only worsens things. I'm not sure what else I can do on my end to make the decision, as I've worked in a hospital, job shadowed a lot, talked to doctors and med students.

Here's my daily schedule during the week

6 am-10 am: job search online, send out resumes, network
10-12 lunch and whatnot
12-1 nap
1-3 clean apartment, pay bills
3-6 go to library to read or walk around a park
6-7 make dinner, chat with hubby
7-bedtime Read books, work on guitar practice, bake, surf the web

Any thoughts of how I can improve things to make myself feel less lonely, worthless, and like a desperate housewife? I feel like I'm frittering away my time.


-Bloat

i do not suggest therapy... i suggest doing something. "lunch, nap, and whatnot..."? I could do your whole day's worth of work in 3-4 hours. Quit floundering in self-pity, and get a f***in' job.

getting a job is not hard. getting one that pays 15 bucks/hr is not hard if you don't care what you are doing. go to a temp agency, read the paper, whatever it takes. and if you can't find one right away that pays 15 bucks/hr, find one that pays something/hr... something is better than nothing per/hr which is what you are making right now. lose the wimpy, woe is me mentality, and get going.

having a place to go to every day for work is good for your mind, and good for the bottom line. i'm sure your husband/so will appreciate the extra cash, and not having to hear about your tough days of 2-3 lunch/whatnot naps, and your 2 hour park walks.

quit floundering, and just get some traction in your life. you have so many whiny complaints about not meeting people, not having a job, not feeling this or that... jeez. just get a f***in' job, and start living lfe.

 

[OSURxgirl]

"quit floundering, and just get some traction in your life. you have so many whiny complaints about not meeting people, not having a job, not feeling this or that... jeez. just get a f***in' job, and start living lfe."

Okay previous poster...that post was really rude. She wouldn't be posting here if she felt she didn't need help. Help doesn't equal such harsh judgement. And the reason people are suggesting therapy is that she has classic symptoms of depression. To someone who is depressed, things like getting a job or meeting people seem impossible and overwhelming and stressful. Depression leads to inaction and people feel helpless and hopeless and things that seem easy for others are very difficult. The depressed person deep down wants to "Just do it!" and get on with life, but feels that they are stuck and unable. Unless you've been there, you wouldn't understand. I have been there, and I suggest getting help.

 

[bananaface]

This forum has always been cutthroat. Its like the pre-allo of the relationship world. I really don't see why people need to be so hostile. Really, who wakes up in the morning and says to themself "I think I'll pick on an emotionally vulnerable person on the internet today..."? *shakes head*

 

[samenewme]

People, Elvis has left the building. Whom are we advising now, anyway?