Deferral from T5 school

[premed770]

Anyone considered deferring medical school acceptance a year to wait for a SO to finish school so you can live together?

Currently considering this as I got accepted to a T5 school too far to commute from where my SO is in school and considering deferring so we can stay together instead of committing to a much lower tiered school, assuming I don't get into any other schools that are closer and similarly ranked.

Does that one year make a difference if I were to start school a year later? How easy is it to get a deferral? I can stay in my research job and be productive or look for another productive activity.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[chilly_md]

Deferral is usually granted for only extraordinary circumstances such as illness. I do not believe wanting to stay with your SO for a year would count. It is also an extra year lost of a physician's salary.

 

[LizzyM]

Why not do a long distance relationship for 1 year?

Depending on how over-enrolled a school is (and the T5 are less likely to be in that boat), they may be happy to grant a deferral but as @chilly_md noted, this is not the type of reason for which a deferral would be readily granted (e.g. profoundly ill, pregnant, prestigious fellowship tos tudy abroad for 1 year).

 

[Mr.Smile12]

We survived isolation for 1.5 years of a pandemic. Technology allows for FaceTime or Zoom or whatever your camera phone allows.

I don't want to sound cynical, but if it's just about reducing your costs of housing so you could both share a nice 1 BR apartment, find a good place with a roommate or few. It's just 1 year.

I also presume the SO is going to apply to Med school where you are attending? Hope it works out if this is true. If not, what is the SO going to do?

Remember that it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that ring.

 

[MDMechEngr]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

 

[GoSpursGo]

Remember that it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that ring.

This is cliche, but true: you should not make life-altering decisions based on a non-committed relationship. Time to talk to your SO and discuss your long-term goals for the relationship, and if the long-term goal really is for you to live happily ever after then there should be some concrete commitment (traditionally I would think engagement, but I understand marriage isn't for everyone so whatever that may mean for you). If one or both of you is not ready to make a firm commitment, that is understandable and fine--but then this is not a relationship that you should should prioritize over the chance to attend your dream school.

Beyond that, I am leery of long-distance relationships in general, however when they are clearly time-limited (ie in this case a 1 year difference in time frame) I think they can work.

 

[MDMechEngr]

Remember that it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that ring.

Beyonce? Nah.. she said "all the single Ladies... If he wants it he better put a ring on it"

 

[GoSpursGo]

Beyonce? Nah.. she said "all the single Ladies... If he wants it he better put a ring on it"

Maybe he was referring to the 95-96 Bulls

 

[LizzyM]

It's a play on words, "It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing."

 

[Mr.Smile12]

Maybe he was referring to the 95-96 Bulls

I definitely appreciate the alternate quote from the jazz song. I worry that the generational gap is working against me now...

Of course, I worry that people don't know who Scottie Pippen is. Many of these students weren't even born when the Bulls won 72.

 

[Fluidity of Movement]

To echo some of the experts above, I remember from psychology class the three components of a romantic relationship:

Trust, Intimacy (not necessarily physical), and commitment.

It's extremely common in today's culture for romantic relationships to be over with a couple taps of a phone button. If neither of you has any real stake in the relationship then it's easy to quit when things get tough.

It sounds like being together is really important to you, as well as is your medical career. This won't be the last time that these two things butt-heads.

I would consider escalating things prior to matriculation, because you definitely don't want to be dealing with a long-distance breakup in your first year.