Dating in Medical School

[PaperTrail09]

I gotta admit, I'm starting to get worried about next year because I haven't seen anyone post anything about homosexual relationship possibilities during medical school. As a single male, am I likely to find many guys like me in med school? Are homosexuals a URM in medicine? Do your schools have many/any openly gay students?

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[0Complications]

I gotta admit, I'm starting to get worried about next year because I haven't seen anyone post anything about homosexual relationship possibilities during medical school. As a single male, am I likely to find many guys like me in med school? Are homosexuals a URM in medicine? Do your schools have many/any openly gay students?

I'm going to say you're the only one. No other gay male or female has ever been admitted to medical school.

I'm sure there are going to be a few here and there, but I think you're best shot for dating would be to expand outside of your class. I'm guessing it's going to be a little harder for you if you end up in a small town or a very religious university like Loma Linda. Considering your lifestyle when choosing a school might be slightly more important for you based on the demographic of where you're school is located.

 

[bodonid]

I gotta admit, I'm starting to get worried about next year because I haven't seen anyone post anything about homosexual relationship possibilities during medical school. As a single male, am I likely to find many guys like me in med school? Are homosexuals a URM in medicine? Do your schools have many/any openly gay students?

I don't know any. But I don't know why anyone would volunteer that info in a conservative field like medicine. (maybe different elsewhere... I'm in the south)

 

[PaperTrail09]

I'm going to say you're the only one. No other gay male or female has ever been admitted to medical school.

I'm sure there are going to be a few here and there, but I think you're best shot for dating would be to expand outside of your class. I'm guessing it's going to be a little harder for you if you end up in a small town or a very religious university like Loma Linda. Considering your lifestyle when choosing a school might be slightly more important for you based on the demographic of where you're school is located.

Please, don't remind me about being the "only one". I've been worried about that for a long time. I've shadowed/been around TONS of doctors during my high school/premed years, and I've never even heard about a gay doctor, much less known one.

I'm going back to my home state school, which is in a Southern state, but the community is actually pretty liberal. My class is close to 200, so even if you say there's 50% fewer gays per capita in a medical demographic then elsewhere, there should still be 5 or 10 gay guys in my class. Again, tho, I haven't even heard of any. Maybe I'll just take the advice of the people that are like "DON'T DATE WITHIN YOUR MED CLASS!!!111!!one!!!!" and count it as a blessing that I'm forced to look elsewhere.

I'm out to about five or 10 close friends, but it never came up during the interview, so I have no idea whether or not the school will be as "accepting" as they should be. Regardless, if med school is as middle-school-rumor-mongering as everyone seems to say, the next few years are going to be fun....

 

[87138]

Medical schools (at least the students) tend to be fairly liberal as a whole in their views (at least this is my experience). FWIW, we have at least one openly homosexual male student in our class.

 

[0Complications]

Please, don't remind me about being the "only one". I've been worried about that for a long time. I've shadowed/been around TONS of doctors during my high school/premed years, and I've never even heard about a gay doctor, much less known one.

I'm going back to my home state school, which is in a Southern state, but the community is actually pretty liberal. My class is close to 200, so even if you say there's 50% fewer gays per capita in a medical demographic then elsewhere, there should still be 5 or 10 gay guys in my class. Again, tho, I haven't even heard of any. Maybe I'll just take the advice of the people that are like "DON'T DATE WITHIN YOUR MED CLASS!!!111!!one!!!!" and count it as a blessing that I'm forced to look elsewhere.

I'm out to about five or 10 close friends, but it never came up during the interview, so I have no idea whether or not the school will be as "accepting" as they should be. Regardless, if med school is as middle-school-rumor-mongering as everyone seems to say, the next few years are going to be fun....

I can assure you that you will not be the first nor the last homosexual doctor. Although, you will definitely be a minority.

I would hope that people in your class would be accepting of your sexual orientation, but you never can tell.

 

[sarahl86]

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11915527
...apparently dual-physician marriages have a pretty good shot of working out in the grand scheme of things (if they manage to survive med school, that is). And bearing in mind that n=203.

And of all specialties, psychiatry has the greatest rate of divorce. Innnnteresting. But not surprising.

But that's getting a little ahead of this thread, now isn't it

 

[DrMtChick]

I can assure you that you will not be the first nor the last homosexual doctor. Although, you will definitely be a minority.

I would hope that people in your class would be accepting of your sexual orientation, but you never can tell.

There's hope yet! One of my friends is a gay MSII at an unspecified small town med school. At first he was sad and frustrated at the lack of dating opportunities in the town and even considered transferring to a larger med school. In the end he ended up starting a large advocate group there for homosexual students and becoming the local AMSA rep, essentially coming out to the whole school. I think he's doing great now, and although he dates outside the med school pool, he's pretty happy where he is.

 

[HPSPpayissues]

just go online and google, and you will find Dr. Bob, who claims himself as gay, from the body.com
http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/SafeSex/index.html

 

[Trismegistus4]

All right, people, don't turn this into another homosexual thread. Back on track.

 

[PaperTrail09]

I know this should be the least of my worries in med school, but I've never had a long term relationship yet... everyone is going to say... oh, chances are you're around med students all the time, so you're more likely to date another med student, but seriously:

what program/year is your current boyfriend/girlfriend in?
how/where did you guys meet?

^ That was the original intent of thread, Trismegistus. I don't see why discussing homosexual relationship opportunities is getting the conversation "off track". In fact, I think it's even MORE insightful than debating whether or not there are opportunities for dating the opposite sex.


So far, we've heard of exactly TWO gay medical students out of all of the people known by posters who have read this thread. Sweet. I figured it'd be tough, but I didn't think it'd be this slim of pickings...

 

[VMSmith]

My class has 3 guys and 1 girl who are gay.

They all date outside the medical profession as far as I am aware.

 

[0Complications]

All right, people, don't turn this into another homosexual thread. Back on track.

 

[Hurricane95]

We have a couple of openly gay dudes in our class, but I tell you, EVEN the gay guys started medical school already in committed relationships. So honestly, straight or gay, whatever floats your boat, you're better off searching outside of medical school. You'll have a lot more luck.

 

[0Complications]

We have a couple of openly gay dudes in our class, but I tell you, EVEN the gay guys started medical school already in committed relationships. So honestly, straight or gay, whatever floats your boat, you're better off searching outside of medical school. You'll have a lot more luck.

Not to mention, more options.

Most med school classes are <200 students with ~50/50 breakdown between guys and girls.

That leaves 100 girls (or guys if that's your thing) to choose from, and this is at a large school. Versus the hundreds of thousands of girls outside of the med school class...

I'm going to take my chances outside of class.

 

[sebsvenmdc]

Not to mention, more options.

Most med school classes are <200 students with ~50/50 breakdown between guys and girls.

That leaves 100 girls (or guys if that's your thing) to choose from, and this is at a large school. Versus the hundreds of thousands of girls outside of the med school class...

I'm going to take my chances outside of class.

Yeah, shopping in med school is like visiting the local 7-eleven. Checking out singles in the rest of the city/state is like visiting a mall. But, I have to say that there is one big advantage about dating women in medicine...they are more likely to understand what you're going through and you share a passion. You can talk about things in medicine, and not only can she understand what the mother you're talking about, but she is more likely to empathize and relate to it.

On the other hand, the mystique is kind of lost when you stay inside the pond. There's a certain amount of allure that the non-medical world has for us. So, I would venture that you could score more "I'm-the-man" points with a non-medical chick.

 

[0Complications]

Yeah, shopping in med school is like visiting the local 7-eleven. Checking out singles in the rest of the city/state is like visiting a mall. But, I have to say that there is one big advantage about dating women in medicine...they are more likely to understand what you're going through and you share a passion. You can talk about things in medicine, and not only can she understand what the mother you're talking about, but she is more likely to empathize and relate to it.

On the other hand, the mystique is kind of lost when you stay inside the pond. There's a certain amount of allure that the non-medical world has for us. So, I would venture that you could score more "I'm-the-man" points with a non-medical chick.

And it's just as overpriced, because if it doesn't work out you're going to pay for the mistake for the next 3+ years.

 

[HPSPpayissues]

Not to mention, more options.

Most med school classes are <200 students with ~50/50 breakdown between guys and girls.

That leaves 100 girls (or guys if that's your thing) to choose from, and this is at a large school. Versus the hundreds of thousands of girls outside of the med school class...

I'm going to take my chances outside of class.

Well, out of 100 girls in the class, about 20 would be pretty cute, and 80 would be whatever - I would not do sober type. Out of the 20 cute ones, about 15 would already be in pretty serious relationships. Two of them might sleep with all most guys - you might have to worry about STD's, etc.
For guys: out of 100, there would be about 40 to 50 single guys. They have to fight over 3 cute and decent girls for relationships, and over 2 girls to get their privates wet. In other words, it is better to find someone outside your class!

 

[Textuality]

Off the top of my head, I can name 5 gay guys in my class, and there are probably more who I just haven't met. Hopefully the med school is in a bigger city where you'll have bigger social networks

Haha, we've had a lot of grad school mixers lately with the business school, nursing school, dental school, vet school... Dunno if any of my classmates had much luck there though.

 

[Excelsius]

Off the top of my head, I can name 5 gay guys in my class, and there are probably more who I just haven't met. Hopefully the med school is in a bigger city where you'll have bigger social networks

Haha, we've had a lot of grad school mixers lately with the business school, nursing school, dental school, vet school... Dunno if any of my classmates had much luck there though.

The more gays the better. Less competition for guys trying to pounce on single females.

 

[0Complications]

The more gays the better. Less competition for guys trying to pounce on single females.

 

[BlondDoctor]

Best forum ever!

Anyways, do any of you feel like previous relationships (the not engaed/married ones) fail when one of the people get to med school? Especially if they spent a lot of time together before and will have to do long distance for a year?

Seriously every couple in my class broke up within 3 months. Doesnt matter how serious they were, even couples that were living together or engaged broke up.
I was one of them and now im dating this hot guy in my class

 

[0Complications]

Seriously every couple in my class broke up within 3 months. Doesnt matter how serious they were, even couples that were living together or engaged broke up.
I was one of them and now im dating this hot guy in my class

Yeah, but you Sweed's are just crazy like that... I mean you even let child molester's and murderers into your med schools...

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/24/health/24docs.html?_r=1&em

You better run a background check on your new beau.

 

[ACGator09]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQAC-SS0or4

 

[ChiDO]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQAC-SS0or4

That was pretty funny.

 

[quiz]

I was in a long-distance relationship for 4 years. Now, she's my wife =)

good to know it's possible. i'm going to start long-distance with my fiance for the next 4 years. hopefully folks will respect that band on my left hand and not even try to tempt me and i will be too busy to pay attention if they do.

 

[quiz]

sorry single folks, that also goes to support the theory that most of the cute/pretty girls are taken . i feel for you. i really do. but mostly for the girls since it seems this forum is full of horny little boys who havent looked in the mirror in a while.

 

[Slow]

lalala

 

[ChubbyChaser]

The more gays the better. Less competition for guys trying to pounce on single females.

qft, haha

 

[ThinkTooMuch]

do women who get pregnant in med school readily volunteer to take a year or two off before residency?

 

[DrBubbles]

good to know it's possible. i'm going to start long-distance with my fiance for the next 4 years. hopefully folks will respect that band on my left hand and not even try to tempt me and i will be too busy to pay attention if they do.

Hey, best of luck. You already know it's going to be tough. But, when it comes down to it, it's not about whether people respect the fact that you're engaged; it's about whether or not you are committed to your fiance and have self-control. If you make the decision to stay faithful, you will

 

[DrBubbles]

do women who get pregnant in med school readily volunteer to take a year or two off before residency?

I am pretty sure there are other forums for this. But, some women take time off, and some women don't. I don't know what it's like at other schools, but at my school the administration is very supportive of students who need to take time off for extracurricular reasons, such as family. One student did a six-year track with two intermittent years off to have two children, and she was the only grad from here to match here in her department--it's pretty competitive!

 

[brownshuga22]

so you're using him so you can get honors in all of your classes.

well first of all i am not getting honors in all of my classes.. and the second thing during med school he was the first of his class 3 times.. and he enjoys helping our other friends with their study too.. he is just simply the GREATEST person i know!!!! ((n besides we get to spend more real time..not being all lovey duvy ))

 

[quiz]

But what about the conceited ones?

i don't know about them, they're too far beneath me for me to notice.

Hey, best of luck. You already know it's going to be tough. But, when it comes down to it, it's not about whether people respect the fact that you're engaged; it's about whether or not you are committed to your fiance and have self-control. If you make the decision to stay faithful, you will

Thanks for the support. The cookies' less tempting if it's not on the counter you know? I'll make sure to get periodic physicals to make sure I stay in shape.

 

[ymack]

wow this forum is scaring me. Debating on moving in w/ my amazing b/f. I don't want to mess things up. Entering MS1

 

[smq123]

I gotta admit, I'm starting to get worried about next year because I haven't seen anyone post anything about homosexual relationship possibilities during medical school. As a single male, am I likely to find many guys like me in med school? Are homosexuals a URM in medicine? Do your schools have many/any openly gay students?

Please, don't remind me about being the "only one". I've been worried about that for a long time. I've shadowed/been around TONS of doctors during my high school/premed years, and I've never even heard about a gay doctor, much less known one.

Don't be silly, you definitely will not be the only one. I've worked closely with 3 gay physicians, 1 openly gay resident, and known 6 gay med students without even trying very hard.

Most physicians and med students don't seem to announce it - it just kind of comes up in the course of conversation. Just as other people mention that they had dinner with their spouse, etc., these people mentioned that they were going to visit their partner's family for the holidays, or something like that. No big deal.

One of the gay physicians that I've worked with met his partner while he was in med school - and he went to school in the south as well. And, considering that he's in his 40s, you have to imagine that it was a LOT more conservative then than it is now. So it's definitely possible. I think, like anything else in medicine, if it's important to you, you will make time for it. So if finding a dating partner is important to you, you'll make time for it.

But, I have to say that there is one big advantage about dating women in medicine...they are more likely to understand what you're going through and you share a passion. You can talk about things in medicine, and not only can she understand what the mother you're talking about, but she is more likely to empathize and relate to it.

Also holds true for female med students dating male med students. It's a huge relief to be able to talk about your day and actually have him understand your weird jargon.

On the other hand, the mystique is kind of lost when you stay inside the pond. There's a certain amount of allure that the non-medical world has for us. So, I would venture that you could score more "I'm-the-man" points with a non-medical chick.

If you want a "non-medical chick" who is so feeble minded to think that "You're-the-man" just because you're in med school, go right ahead.

I dated a non-medical guy once. He spent the entire evening trying to discuss the state of health care in this country, and once (non-sarcastically) referred to the "lives that I've saved." What lives? I was an MS2 at the time. It gets old kind of fast.

wow this foruming is scaring me. Debating on moving in w/ my amazing b/f. I don't want to mess things up. Entering MS1

Hold off until MS 2 or at least the second semester of MS 1 - just to allow yourself time to get into a studying groove. That way, he'll also have an idea of what your schedule will be like, etc.

 

[Diksha]

I dated a non-medical guy once. He spent the entire evening trying to discuss the state of health care in this country, and once (non-sarcastically) referred to the "lives that I've saved." What lives? I was an MS2 at the time. It gets old kind of fast..

Yeah, but that's one guy. There are plenty of people not in medical school who are actually smart .

The one thing I'm getting from this thread is: medical school boys are silly. Yaaay!

 

[pianola]

Hold off until MS 2 or at least the second semester of MS 1 - just to allow yourself time to get into a studying groove. That way, he'll also have an idea of what your schedule will be like, etc.

What if he has a 40+ hour per week job and is busy himself? I ask because I am considering the same thing as the poster to whom you were responding. He's not exactly the type who demands attention.

However, the most important thing to me is to give my newish (6 mos) relationship a chance to survive.

 

[smq123]

What if he has a 40+ hour per week job and is busy himself? I ask because I am considering the same thing as the poster to whom you were responding. He's not exactly the type who demands attention.

Well, it's not just a question of him getting used to your studying schedule. It's also a chance to give yourself time to acclimate to medical school without the added stress of a new live-in boyfriend.

Gross Anatomy is not the best time to get into frequent arguments about whose turn it is to do the dishes, etc. The first few months of medical school can be kind of a tough adjustment; don't make it harder by adding any extra stressors on yourself.

 

[pianola]

Well, it's not just a question of him getting used to your studying schedule. It's also a chance to give yourself time to acclimate to medical school without the added stress of a new live-in boyfriend.

Gross Anatomy is not the best time to get into frequent arguments about whose turn it is to do the dishes, etc. The first few months of medical school can be kind of a tough adjustment; don't make it harder by adding any extra stressors on yourself.

Yeah those are good points.

I think he would try to help me adjust if he could. He cooks for me all the time as it is. He's very practical and knows how to get things done.

I guess I have to think about it more.

 

[Cirrus83]

I gotta admit, I'm starting to get worried about next year because I haven't seen anyone post anything about homosexual relationship possibilities during medical school. As a single male, am I likely to find many guys like me in med school? Are homosexuals a URM in medicine? Do your schools have many/any openly gay students?

Well, most medical schools don't have classes all that large so you're probably looking at about ~10 people per class and that's counting both females and males. And not everyone is open about it, and amongst the people who are open about it their ages are spread across quite a large range.

The good news is that there's also people from other grad schools, the undergrads, etc.

And there's always people who don't go to school, they do exist

It's not really much easier as a heterosexual male anyway as far as going out with someone in your class goes, since the vast, vast, majority of females are taken (at least where I am).

 

[smq123]

Yeah those are good points.

I think he would try to help me adjust if he could. He cooks for me all the time as it is. He's very practical and knows how to get things done.

I guess I have to think about it more.

Please, please think about it some more.

It doesn't matter how practical he is, or the fact that he cooks for you (just eat at his place and then go back to your place/Starbucks to study) - living with a significant other is a BIG adjustment. And so is the first few months of med school. Two big adjustments at the same time = Lots of stress.

 

[tomorrowgirl99]

It's not really much easier as a heterosexual male anyway as far as going out with someone in your class goes, since the vast, vast, majority of females are taken (at least where I am).

Its quite the opposite at my school. All the males are taken. Also, where I go to school, a very high percentage of the class is married/has kids/engaged/whatever. We have a playground and nannies where I go to school. Basically, I've completely given up on meeting a dude. Oh well, maybe in 2 years. At least that's what my mom is hoping.

 

[SolitaireAddikt]

I gotta admit, I'm starting to get worried about next year because I haven't seen anyone post anything about homosexual relationship possibilities during medical school. As a single male, am I likely to find many guys like me in med school? Are homosexuals a URM in medicine? Do your schools have many/any openly gay students?

I personally know three gay people who are med school bound. So I'd say, don't worry too much.

 

[crystalgreen]

hey guys, maybe you can help me out...i've never encountered a guy like this before. so i met someone outside of school and after knowing him for a while, he decided to ask me out...at first i was hesitant not b/c he's not attractive but b/c i didnt have time, but then i thought it might be fun so we went out for dinner. we had a really good time and he told me that he wanted to see me again before i left for summer break until i told him that im not ready for a serious relationship(which really is true) and that i really just want to have some fun if you know what i mean. however, this guy refused the "fun" and said that "i will not have fun on the first date altho i really want to". he also said that i threw him for a loop b/c i didnt want a relationship. it's not that i dont want a relationship but it's just that i dont think i can really maintain one with the little time i have and i also dont want to jump into one so quickly. after that first date, he texted me saying that he wants to try going out again now that we know each other's expectations and he also called me the day after....i called him back a day later but he didnt pick up...it's been a few days now and i havent heard from him. maybe he really wants a relationship, but wat's wrong with having fun? what is up with this? can you guys help me figure this out?

 

[crystalgreen]

hey guys, maybe you can help me out...i've never encountered a guy like this before. so i met someone outside of school and after knowing him for a while, he decided to ask me out...at first i was hesitant not b/c he's not attractive but b/c i didnt have time, but then i thought it might be fun so we went out for dinner. we had a really good time and he told me that he wanted to see me again before i left for summer break until i told him that im not ready for a serious relationship(which really is true) and that i really just want to have some fun if you know what i mean. however, this guy refused the "fun" and said that "i will not have fun on the first date altho i really want to". he also said that i threw him for a loop b/c i didnt want a relationship. it's not that i dont want a relationship but it's just that i dont think i can really maintain one with the little time i have and i also dont want to jump into one so quickly. after that first date, he texted me saying that he wants to try going out again now that we know each other's expectations and he also called me the day after....i called him back a day later but he didnt pick up...it's been a few days now and i havent heard from him. maybe he really wants a relationship, but wat's wrong with having fun? what is up with this? can you guys help me figure this out?

assuming you aren't trolling, I'd say that a many guys these days get a lot more hung up on relationships than girls. part of the reason is that a girl can have fun anytime because she can pretty much control the pace of how far things progress. guys really can't and they tend to want to have something stable with a girl because they don't know the next time they will click with another girl. the girl on the other hand probably can have 5 guys lined up if she wants.

I had a friend who had "fun" a few times with a girl but had to cut it off because it wasn't emotionally satisfying to him. Girls for some reason don't have as big a qualm about sex as they did maybe a generation ago.

ok, i see what you mean. during that date, we had some really interesting conversations about his and my life and he actually thanked me for talking to him.

 

[crystalgreen]

so what do you think you are going to do?

i really dont know! i dont even know if he's still interested in me. what do you think i should do? we had alotta laughs that day and i thought he really liked me...how can he lose interest just cuz of this?

 

[crystalgreen]

yes, he is interested. relationships are tough. if you can't handle or want one, then be firm about that to him or try your best to make a relationship work. yes, he can lose interest just cuz of this. perhaps he was hurt before. ask him.

but he's not even returning my call so how do u know if he's interested? to be honest, im a little hurt about this. i actually decided to not date anyone during my first 2 years, but i changed my mind and went out with him b/c i liked him and i wanted him physically b/c im was attracted to him.

 

[251478]

Alright check it out. 90% of your classmates will be either married or in a relationship they've had going for 8 years. Most female med students aren't gorgeous and have rather low self esteem, meaning that most are hanging on to whatever guy they've managed to get in their pre-medschool lives. They'll hang onto this guy relentlessly, even if he IS an automechanic or the cashier at Shaw's, because they're comfortable with him and for fear of ending up alone.

The other 10% will be either nothing you'd be interested in or that awful, snobby, I'm-from-a-rich-family and I'm-too-good-for-everyone type. These women are flying high on the pretentiousness they were taught as children, and will declare themselves too good for anybody but a venture capitalist from Harvard business school with 3 ponies in the stable and rock-hard abs. Most of these latter type aren't too pretty but act as if they are, and are altogether just as cocky.

MY ADVICE: GO FOR A LOCAL GIRL WHO ISN'T IN MEDICAL SCHOOL. You get a lot more bang for your buck. For the same effort you'll get someone more attractive, requiring less maintenance, and who will likely NOT have any delusions about being as intelligent as you, and will thereby not argue with you all the damned time.

I will have to remember that when I move to my new town. Haha.

 

[251478]

there are NO hot girls in medical school. Even the ones that were remotely attractive at the onset became somehow weird once you got to know them better (i.e a weird laugh or a sneeze that is ridiculously loud, or man-hands.. basically anything that theres a seinfeld episode about.) Its like there is a filter for hotness at med school. I suppose it goes for the guys too.

You have just been around them too much. EVERYBODY has little annoyances to other people, you just need to find one who you can stand for long periods of time.