Dating atmosphere in med school?

[lockian]

Once again to return to the topic at hand, I go to a top-30 school and for some reason I find that the vast majority of my classmates are either in a relationship, engaged, or married already. A lot of people got engaged or married while in med school, not necessarily to others in the medical field. I'd estimate there are about 10-15 intra-class couples at any given time.

So yeah, I totally thought that med school = say goodbye to relationships, but apparently a LOT of people are able to find the necessary balance.

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[journalistdoingscience]

Once again to return to the topic at hand, I go to a top-30 school and for some reason I find that the vast majority of my classmates are either in a relationship, engaged, or married already. A lot of people got engaged or married while in med school, not necessarily to others in the medical field. I'd estimate there are about 10-15 intra-class couples at any given time.

So yeah, I totally thought that med school = say goodbye to relationships, but apparently a LOT of people are able to find the necessary balance.

I agree! It's tough but absolutely not impossible. I started dating my boyfriend his first year of medical school and he's a 3rd year now and we're still going strong. I'd have to say that his surgery rotation was the most difficult part and it's been getting way better (now we actually get to see each other). I also know a bunch of students in his class who either got married last year, are already married, or are seriously dating someone. He goes to school in the Midwest though so that might be a regional thing (although his classmates are from all over).

 

[Seth Joo]

Once again to return to the topic at hand, I go to a top-30 school and for some reason I find that the vast majority of my classmates are either in a relationship, engaged, or married already. A lot of people got engaged or married while in med school, not necessarily to others in the medical field. I'd estimate there are about 10-15 intra-class couples at any given time.

So yeah, I totally thought that med school = say goodbye to relationships, but apparently a LOT of people are able to find the necessary balance.

The social atmosphere in medical school is very different from undergrad, also the expectations from you are much higher. Most people in medical school are a bit established, so yes you get a lot of people who are married or attached.

Still there are a lot of people who are single in medical school, and I know of students who date and get married to classmates. I still think its risky to get personally involved with someone with whom you already have a professional relationship.

 

[PL198]

Once again to return to the topic at hand, I go to a top-30 school and for some reason I find that the vast majority of my classmates are either in a relationship, engaged, or married already. A lot of people got engaged or married while in med school, not necessarily to others in the medical field. I'd estimate there are about 10-15 intra-class couples at any given time.

So yeah, I totally thought that med school = say goodbye to relationships, but apparently a LOT of people are able to find the necessary balance.

A lot of people actively search for a partner in med school I believe as well due to fear of running out of time and their upcoming arduous commitment for the next 10+ years. Easier to find a date when you're an m1 than when you're an intern, etc

 

[BobbyB]

A lot of people actively search for a partner in med school I believe as well due to fear of running out of time and their upcoming arduous commitment for the next 10+ years. Easier to find a date when you're an m1 than when you're an intern, etc

OFFTOPIC: are you following the powerlifting worlds? 1775 @ 198 holy chit.

 

[PL198]

OFFTOPIC: are you following the powerlifting worlds? 1775 @ 198 holy chit.

conventional is rare for someone in that weight class, that dude is a monster

 

[journalistdoingscience]

to return to the topic at hand
don't date in medical school, it's a distraction and a waste of time and money. these are both precious things of which you have a limited quantity

I disagree completely. It's incredibly important to make time for social interaction during medical school (and beyond). It prepares you to manage an effective work/life balance as a resident and is overall good for your mental health. While for some people that might mean getting together with friends, joining a student interest group or having a workout buddy, for others their outlet might be a significant other and dating is one way to get there. Perhaps you had a bad experience but I know lots of individuals who felt that their relationship with their bf/gf was a huge source of support and helped them get through the toughest parts of med school.

 

[Aloft085]

I think those of you willing to write off dating classmates are absolutely insane. It's a large pool of intelligent, hard-working, and generally in-shape individuals that you're around on a daily basis. Unless your school is located in a very advantageous location, you may not have many opportunities to meet other people. As far as the "don't **** where you eat" saying goes, how about you just don't **** on anybody at all? Seriously, handle your relationships like adults, and they'll almost always end amicably. That being said, not every med school has attractive people (midwest, ahem). If that's you, then I'm sorry.

If you're seriously considering not dating at all for four years, then you need to rethink your priorities. Honestly. Life is too short to throw away four years being miserable. What did those few extra hours of no sex and no cuddles per week gain you? A slightly higher board score? Congrats. You can use the extra few bucks of salary to pay for your mental health troubles.

I'm in my early thirties, by the way, if that adds any context.

 

[fancymylotus]

I think those of you willing to write off dating classmates are absolutely insane. It's a large pool of intelligent, hard-working, and generally in-shape individuals that you're around on a daily basis. Unless your school is located in a very advantageous location, you may not have many opportunities to meet other people. As far as the "don't **** where you eat" saying goes, how about you just don't **** on anybody at all? Seriously, handle your relationships like adults, and they'll almost always end amicably. That being said, not every med school has attractive people (midwest, ahem). If that's you, then I'm sorry.

If you're seriously considering not dating at all for four years, then you need to rethink your priorities. Honestly. Life is too short to throw away four years being miserable. What did those few extra hours of no sex and no cuddles per week gain you? A slightly higher board score? Congrats. You can use the extra few bucks of salary to pay for your mental health troubles.

I'm in my early thirties, by the way, if that adds any context.

Hey now, there are attractive people in med school in the Midwest!!!! ><

 

[sinombre]

Hey now, there are attractive people in med school in the Midwest!!!! ><

Sure, but it's no California

 

[fancymylotus]

Sure, but it's no California

*makes gagging choking noises*

>< ><

 

[PL198]

I think those of you willing to write off dating classmates are absolutely insane. It's a large pool of intelligent, hard-working, and generally in-shape individuals that you're around on a daily basis. Unless your school is located in a very advantageous location, you may not have many opportunities to meet other people. As far as the "don't **** where you eat" saying goes, how about you just don't **** on anybody at all? Seriously, handle your relationships like adults, and they'll almost always end amicably. That being said, not every med school has attractive people (midwest, ahem). If that's you, then I'm sorry.

If you're seriously considering not dating at all for four years, then you need to rethink your priorities. Honestly. Life is too short to throw away four years being miserable. What did those few extra hours of no sex and no cuddles per week gain you? A slightly higher board score? Congrats. You can use the extra few bucks of salary to pay for your mental health troubles.

I'm in my early thirties, by the way, if that adds any context.

I'd say if you're looking at the situation from a standpoint of either a) get/have SO during med school and be happy b) don't get/have a SO during med school and be miserable, then you're pretty desperate.... if having a SO or not is that important to your happiness then I'd think that is a much bigger issue than anyone being picky

 

[Aloft085]

I'd say if you're looking at the situation from a standpoint of either a) get/have SO during med school and be happy b) don't get/have a SO during med school and be miserable, then you're pretty desperate.... if having a SO or not is that important to your happiness then I'd think that is a much bigger issue than anyone being picky

Having a significant other is important to everyone's happiness. Psych 101, or otherwise known as not being 22 and clueless.

 

[DermViser]

Sure, but it's no California

Nothing can match California. Amazing how calm and relaxed they can be considering their entire state is going bankrupt.

 

[sinombre]

Nothing can match California. Amazing how calm and relaxed they can be considering their entire state is going bankrupt.

The politics here are beyond absurd, but it's just so damn beautiful.

 

[fancymylotus]

The politics here are beyond absurd, but it's just so damn beautiful.

No. ><

 

[DermViser]

The politics here are beyond absurd, but it's just so damn beautiful.

There was some article I read that the people in San Francisco are a lot more conservative than most of the country views SF as. They obviously tend to be the more wealthy. Needless to say, they are also liberal in so many areas which is what they are known for. UCSF actively recruits with this in mind.

 

[DermViser]

No. ><

NYC is not beautiful.

 

[DermViser]

I'd say if you're looking at the situation from a standpoint of either a) get/have SO during med school and be happy b) don't get/have a SO during med school and be miserable, then you're pretty desperate.... if having a SO or not is that important to your happiness then I'd think that is a much bigger issue than anyone being picky

Having a support system in medical school is critical. For many that includes having a significant other - and not just for sex either. You do not have to sacrifice your personal life on the altar of medicine. You'll see soon enough, when you eventually turn 23.

 

[fancymylotus]

NYC is not beautiful.

Dermie, I like you right now. But keep up with the NYhate and I will be one sad fancy

 

[DermViser]

Dermie, I like you right now. But keep up with the NYhate and I will be one sad fancy

Well certain boroughs are nice. You can guess the ones that I hate. That and New Yorkers are always looking like they are in a hurry and can be outright rude if not hostile. I don't understand why you don't like California. You can walk without bumping into someone.

 

[PL198]

Having a significant other is important to everyone's happiness. Psych 101, or otherwise known as not being 22 and clueless.

... or you can have other relationships that make you feel you have a strong support system? I promise you, all single people are not miserable. but yeah continue on with your " I need a SO right now or my life is over," because you're going through a mid life crisis and recognizing your mortality.

 

[DermViser]

... or you can have other relationships that make you feel you have a strong support system? I promise you, all single people are not miserable. but yeah continue on with your " I need a SO right now or my life is over," because you're going through a mid life crisis and recognizing your mortality.

Unless you plan on having relations with family members, at some point or another you will want someone other than family. Is it absolutely necessary? No. But there is a reason that even in the workplace, people who are with significant others (fiancee) or married tend to do better and move up the ladder. You're very much looking at this thru the lens of a 21 year old to where everything has to have a utilitarian purpose.

 

[boogaloo]

Unless you plan on having relations with family members, at some point or another you will want someone other than family. Is it absolutely necessary? No. But there is a reason that even in the workplace, people who are with significant others (fiancee) or married tend to do better and move up the ladder. You're very much looking at this thru the lens of a 21 year old to where everything has to have a utilitarian purpose.

I agree with both of you, and therein lies the problem. There's no right or wrong in either of you guys' stances. I'm young-ish, single, and in my prime right now. I have been single since medical school started. I love being able to flirt with women and not having to worry about hurting anyone's feelings, coming home and doing whatever I want to do and not having to answer to anybody. This is where I am at in life right now, and I am so happy. I'm applying to residency and likely moving away in a year, and I'm enjoying the hell out of life right now with absolutely zero stress. Maybe I'll start looking for somebody eventually, but the "hole" simply isn't there for me at this point. I've got great friends who have gotten me through the tough times in med school, and they have been more than enough. I guess I can understand why there's a stigma, but man, life is good.

 

[DermViser]

I agree with both of you, and therein lies the problem. There's no right or wrong in either of you guys' stances. I'm young-ish, single, and in my prime right now. I have been single since medical school started. I love being able to flirt with women and not having to worry about hurting anyone's feelings, coming home and doing whatever I want to do and not having to answer to anybody. This is where I am at in life right now, and I am so happy. I'm applying to residency and likely moving away in a year, and I'm enjoying the hell out of life right now with absolutely zero stress. Maybe I'll start looking for somebody eventually, but the "hole" simply isn't there for me at this point. I've got great friends who have gotten me through the tough times in med school, and they have been more than enough. I guess I can understand why there's a stigma, but man, life is good.

And that's perfectly ok. It would be stupid to be in a relationship bc you feel you "have" to be in a relationship, or get engaged, or get married. But to say it has no purpose at all is crazy. It obviously does, bc guys do it, and bc eventually for guys hopping around gets old, and that's when you move on from that once it's all out of your system. Relationships/getting engaged/etc. take time. You can't just snap your fingers and get it.

 

[boogaloo]

bc eventually for guys hopping around gets old, and that's when you move on from that once it's all out of your system. Relationships/getting engaged/etc. take time. You can't just snap your fingers and get it.

It's true. I agree that good relationships do take time. On the other hand, so many relationships have failed or are failing, especially in medical school (and many of which took years to build), that taking the time to invest in a relationship when you're twenty vs. thirty doesn't really matter in my opinion--as a male, at least. Most of us "grow up" and eventually want to settle down, but I don't anticipate having any trouble taking the time to form meaningful relationships as a thirty-something-year-old out of residency. One of my interviewers told me, "Focus on learning during residency. Don't worry about the women. They will come to you. Trust me. A lot of you young guys make that mistake. They will come to you." And he nodded his head slowly with a huge grin on his face. Great interview.

 

[Sportsdude89]

You have the rest of your life to be settled down and married. I don't understand why people marry so young and nonetheless without a solid pre-nup.

I love not having to check in with a s/o, I have more time with my friends, and to play football or hit the gym. I can't imagine being married to one person for the rest of my life. I get sick of girls so easy and look back and say how did I ever like her because I just find I'm in a different place in my life.

I'll prob just have a kid with someone in mid 30s no need for the whole marriage extravaganza. Will find a chick that balances me looks and smarts to take to those silly get togethers in the future.

 

[PL198]

And that's perfectly ok. It would be stupid to be in a relationship bc you feel you "have" to be in a relationship, or get engaged, or get married. But to say it has no purpose at all is crazy. It obviously does, bc guys do it, and bc eventually for guys hopping around gets old, and that's when you move on from that once it's all out of your system. Relationships/getting engaged/etc. take time. You can't just snap your fingers and get it.

reread my words. I never said it had no purpose at all. I said that it's not the difference between happiness and misery. A support system isn't just your family and SO, there's this thing called friends.... I'm not approaching this from a utilitarian perspective, especially since I've been in a LTR while in school. My point is that people shouldn't get so invested where it's the end of the world if something bad happens or their world is magical if things are great.

 

[Aloft085]

reread my words. I never said it had no purpose at all. I said that it's not the difference between happiness and misery. A support system isn't just your family and SO, there's this thing called friends.... I'm not approaching this from a utilitarian perspective, especially since I've been in a LTR while in school. My point is that people shouldn't get so invested where it's the end of the world if something bad happens or their world is magical if things are great.

Your perspective will change as you get older.

 

[Aloft085]

... or you can have other relationships that make you feel you have a strong support system? I promise you, all single people are not miserable. but yeah continue on with your " I need a SO right now or my life is over," because you're going through a mid life crisis and recognizing your mortality.

I'm not getting into a pissing match with someone who can't even rent a car in all 50 states. Your ideas on what is important in life will change as you gain maturity. If you're happy being single for the next decade of medical school plus residency, then you do your own thing. Your arrogant presumption to know what is best for others, however, is not acceptable.

 

[SoundofSilver]

If you're seriously considering not dating at all for four years, then you need to rethink your priorities. Honestly. Life is too short to throw away four years being miserable. What did those few extra hours of no sex and no cuddles per week gain you? A slightly higher board score? Congrats. You can use the extra few bucks of salary to pay for your mental health troubles.

Words of wisdom. Didn't date at all for the first half of med school. Realized I was miserable. Started dating, became less miserable.

School/career should always come second to a healthy relationship with a SO as well a healthy social life. Obviously, the time constraints in med school and residency make this tough, but you have to make it work. Otherwise, life is going to suck far more than it has to. And if you think you're happy being alone, then perhaps you just don't realize what you're missing (this was me for awhile).

 

[PL198]

I'm not getting into a pissing match with someone who can't even rent a car in all 50 states. Your ideas on what is important in life will change as you gain maturity. If you're happy being single for the next decade of medical school plus residency, then you do your own thing. Your arrogant presumption to know what is best for others, however, is not acceptable.

Wait, so I'm the one that said not everyone is going to be miserable without a spouse, yet you're the one saying I'm making arrogant presumptions? lol you can't make this stuff up

I'm also glad your non-trad insecurity came out

 

[fancymylotus]

Something something be happy with yourself and being alone before you try to be happy with someone else more something something.

Look, a relationship with someone in medical school is NOT easy, regardless of whether youre in it with them or not. There are far more difficult/taxing/rough/draining times, especially in the ****ing joyous celebration that is third year, than anything else. But really, sometimes its just about the companionship and having someone who loves you unconditionally and understands that they might not be your #1 priority, at least during that time, and is okay with it. Someone that has their own life and things to take care of and doesnt hinge their happiness 100% off of you. And is okay with all of the above. That person is probably someone who spent some amount of time alone, in order to be able to (happily) handle/tolerate all of this.

*jumps off soapbox, lands in gigantic pile of snow*

 

[Mgod]

EMDO, Doctorate in Trollology. Made this thread fun weee.

 

[lockian]

...Here's the thing that frustrates me, though.

To quote Seinfeld, "(male) doctors are the supermodels of the dating world." Hence whoever said that doctors should be dating women who rate as 10's. (Women-doctors are a whole different ballgame, it's actually harder for them.)

But seriously, you're IN the medical field, people. Surely you know that doctors aren't as rich as most people think? And while most docs are smarter than the average population, we're looked down on by PhDs in physics and math, so it's really all relative. Plus, the novelty of your specialized knowledge will wear off pretty quickly to a "layperson."

The majority of us also have some form of debt, and having 300K upon graduation -- and counting -- is not uncommon. It takes a long time to work that off, if you want to graduate and actually live like a human being.

Also, the truly wealthy doctors -- the surgeons -- work crazy hours. From that standpoint, there's truly no "good" time to have a relationship. So to each their own, but I really do think that maybe it's best to grab someone who cares for you when you're still a poor student than to have to plod through gold-diggers later on.

 

[fancymylotus]

Too much to read, summary plz?

 

[lockian]

Too much to read, summary plz?

There's this prevailing notion that once you're a doctor you'll be able to get chicks because doctors are universally perceived as smart and rich -- so what's the point of getting committed too early? But so many of us have tons of debt that'll take us years to work off, so it's kind of an illusion. So yeah, "they will come to you"... but they will also leave just as quickly. Better to get with someone who's into you when you're still a poor student, neh?

 

[PL198]

Any chick that comes up to you because you're rich probably isn't someone you want to date, so that thought is just *****ic. It's like asking for a leech. I don't even tell people I'm a med student if they ask, I say I'm an apprentice in " insert random craft here."

Why would you ever want someone who only wants you because of your job. That's the definition of gold-digger. It's just people asking to be someone's credit card and commonly plays out so well for the leeches because most guys get out of residency within a few years of 30 which is right when most women start to sense their fleeting muliebrity and looking for a stable financial partner to settle down with.

 

[fancymylotus]

Any chick that comes up to you because you're rich probably isn't someone you want to date, so that thought is just *****ic. It's like asking for a leech. I don't even tell people I'm a med student if they ask, I say I'm an apprentice in " insert random craft here."

Why would you ever want someone who only wants you because of your job. That's the definition of gold-digger. It's just people asking to be someone's credit card and commonly plays out so well for the leeches because most guys get out of residency within a few years of 30 which is right when most women start to sense their fleeting muliebrity and looking for a stable financial partner to settle down with.

I tell people I'm a professional shopper.

 

[fancymylotus]

There's this prevailing notion that once you're a doctor you'll be able to get chicks because doctors are universally perceived as smart and rich -- so what's the point of getting committed too early? But so many of us have tons of debt that'll take us years to work off, so it's kind of an illusion. So yeah, "they will come to you"... but they will also leave just as quickly. Better to get with someone who's into you when you're still a poor student, neh?

Ah. So basically my life, in reverse

 

[EventualMD]

Nothing can match California. Amazing how calm and relaxed they can be considering their entire state is going bankrupt.

And dry and with tremendously expensive real estate and often the ability to travel on "freeways" at 10 rather than 5 mph...

 

[fancymylotus]

And dry and with tremendously expensive real estate and often the ability to travel on "freeways" at 10 rather than 5 mph...

I like you.

 

[Aloft085]

I wouldn't consider a woman that would prefer to marry a physician over a janitor to be a "gold digger"; it's just natural to be attracted to a successful person. Just be clear from the start that there will be a prenup, non-negotiable.

 

[EventualMD]

I wouldn't consider a woman that would prefer to marry a physician over a janitor to be a "gold digger"; it's just natural to be attracted to a successful person. Just be clear from the start that there will be a prenup, non-negotiable.

 

[Aloft085]

Speak for yourself.

 

[fancymylotus]

Kids! Stop arguing

 

[fancymylotus]

I wouldn't consider a woman that would prefer to marry a physician over a janitor to be a "gold digger"; it's just natural to be attracted to a successful person. Just be clear from the start that there will be a prenup, non-negotiable.

#noprenupzone

 

[lockian]

My point is that a lot of doctors are a LOT less financially stable than is commonly believed.

Prenup? I mean, sure. Whatever. It's not like I have much besides my debt for the next 20 years. I recently spoke to an attending who's been in practice for 10+ years and he only just got to a point where he's worth as much as he owes.

I was mostly responding to the people a while ago who were saying that doctors are likely to have a wide pool to pick from, and some old attending's comment "they will come to you." That attending probably went to school when med school tuituon was $300 a semester.

 

[PL198]

Pre-nups are worthless. It's not even possible to make one rock-solid in court, and to get one anywhere near it is going to take a crap ton of money in lawyer fees for both you and your future spouse. Don't act like it's your trump card when they don't even work. They get thrown out 99.9 % of the time.

 

[EventualMD]

My point is that a lot of doctors are a LOT less financially stable than is commonly believed.

Prenup? I mean, sure. Whatever. It's not like I have much besides my debt for the next 20 years. I recently spoke to an attending who's been in practice for 10+ years and he only just got to a point where he's worth as much as he owes.

I was mostly responding to the people a while ago who were saying that doctors are likely to have a wide pool to pick from, and some old attending's comment "they will come to you." That attending probably went to school when med school tuituon was $300 a semester.

And student loans aren't able to be discharged in divorce.

http://www.divorcesource.com/research/dl/debts/01mar52.shtml

Haha, imagine that...