children during med school/residency

[smilez428]

hey everyone- i could use some advice for some moms who've "been there, done that"

what do you think about having children during medical school (say 4th year) or residency?

i understand that the time constraints are pretty bad- but are there programs (or specialties in general) out there that are more flexible towards new moms?

thanks everyone

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[Su4n2]

check out MomMD.com

 

[double elle]

HI there -
I just had a baby this past November - 2 weeks before finals. I am in my second year at KCOM. I did TONS of research before deciding to get pregnant and talked to everyone I could who has done this before. In my opinion, I think I picked the right time. Bottom line - I only need to show up for exams and labs. I don't HAVE to be in class. Also, as far as residency/end of residency goes - your time isn't going to get any FREE-ER. 3rd/4th years - I don't know - your time factor depends on your rotation. However, keep in mind that most schools don't offer an official maternity leave. You'll probably end up getting behind, especially if you have problems during the preganancy (bed rest situations). There are a few people I talked to who took a year off between 3rd and 4th years to have children.

My husband and I decided to go ahead and do this for several reasons - 1)if we go away for residency, I don't want to have the baby so far away from my family 2)not having to go to class frees up quite a bit of time. 3)My husband's income is more than mine will be as a resident - we can afford it now 4)I WAS JUST READY FOR A BABY!

There are time during each day when I get stressed out and ask myself "what have I done?" - but then I look at my little girl and all my worries go away (well, except the million worries I have that pertain to her!) My grades have taken a nosedive - but I'm still passing everything. That was the hardest part - I can't be superwoman and keep making A's. I had to decide that spending time with her is way more important than those extra few percentage points and that all I have to do is pass. Ten years from now - I will remember these memories - but I won't remember my pharmacology grade.

Bottom line - if you are the type of person that NEEDS to make A's - then wait until after your first two years. 2nd Bottom line - you'll know when you are ready. However, don't kid yourself into thinking your SO will do the majority of the caregiving - while the most helpful spouses are fantastic and wonderful - you will be the one that WANTS to do everything.

Please feel free to pm me with any questions.

Also, I was on mommd.com all the time and I found that site to be very unhelpful.

 

[DRNickiTay]

My class (third year) two women are having babies. I know I am going to try next year before graduation!

 

[14931]

Originally posted by double elle

Also, I was on mommd.com all the time and I found that site to be very unhelpful.

unhelpful? why?

 

[meckley]

Hi there! I'm new here, and I'm so glad I found you!

I am not a med student, but I plan to start my pharmd this fall. One of the concerns my hubby and I had about all this was the family issue. We've been waiting for him to finish law school, and now, with me deciding to go back to school, we thought we would have to wait another 4 years or more!

I'm encouraged to hear that there are others who are persuing a professional degree that have had success with starting families!

One question for you: what are you doing with your babies once you are back in class? Does a family member watch them? Are you going with daycare? How many hours a week do you have to find someone to watch the little ones? I know that differs for every year/program, but in general, are you only apart from them during classroom hours, or do you add in a little extra time for studying? Okay, so maybe it's more than one question

 

[meckley]

I forgot to add:

Do you know of any other resources out there for women in professional programs who are trying to balance career/family? I tried mommd, and it was slightly useful, but very specific to med students which I am not.

Double elle, you mentioned that you did lots of research before getting pregnant. Where did you find the most helpful information?

 

[robe25]

I am probably not allowed to comment on this subject since I am a man (a childless man at that), but I will anyway. I can't help but think to myself, what is the point of having a child when you can be certain that you will not be able to spend much time with him/her. I understand that the AMA has finally reduced the hours of residencies to 80 a week. That does not leave a whole lot of time for family. To time this to coincide with probably the most important years of a kids development just seems does not seem like the best idea. I could see it working if the dads have very flexible schedules and are able to stay home. Again though, what would be the point of having a baby, just to stick the little guy in day care? I guess I understand that women have a desire to have kids, and you probably feel like it will be forever before the circumstances are just right to have a baby, but maybe you should think about getting a puppy or something.

 

[14931]

i dont know robe, how is it affecting you? i mean if u are "childless" they wont be asking u for any support, would they?

 

[robe25]

You are right, it does not affect me in the least. And I highly doubt that my veiws will sway their actions in the least. I am simply offering a viewpoint in the same way that I might offer a viewpoint to someone about to jump off a bridge.

 

[im4real]

All I can say is that I got pregnant the 4th year of my husband being in medical school and I found it incredibly hard to cope with his Intership year and having a newborn in the house. When my friends around here in the residency program ask this very question, I am very honest in saying wait until your husband completes his Intern year. The years after Intern year are much easier to cope with. Personally, I think a good time to start a family would be 3rd year of medical school and then, wait after the 1st year of residency. That's always been my opinion. I have two boys, 10 and 2 1/2, and my husband is completing last year of residency.

Also, I find it more difficult for women who are residents to become pregnant. It's hard on them. They, in my opinion, really need to work our a time to get pregnant and may want to consider having lighter or elective rotations during times they believe they could possibly be pregnant. Obviously, this doesn't work in every situation... but I just know that my husband had a VERY hard time rearranging schedules when there were three different pregnancies from women residents. When a schedule is rearranged, it always causes a dominoe effect on the other residents... I wish it weren't so, but that's just the way it is... and boy, does that ever make it hard on the Chief Resident... (not to mention his family & family life)... I'm glad were almost finished with all that... Whhheeeewww!!

 

[gwyn779]

I think what a lot of women are concerned about is how old they are when they have children. It's not as big a deal for a man. But once the woman hits 35, incidences of birth defects, etc. skyrocket. So those who start med school later have to worry about turning 35 before they're done with residency. I'm one of those crazy people who didn't take any time off and I'm young for my class anyway, so I'll only be 28 at the end of residency, which gives me a year or so to get settled and then have children. But I know plenty of women who have had children during med school.

 

[pathdr2b]

As much as people try, conceiving a baby doesn't just happen when you want it to and contrary to popular belief, studies are showing that there are increasing numbers of men with fertility issues in their mid to late 30's as well.

My husband and I chose to have our daughter while I was in graduate school and I'll probably have my second one in medical school because I'm in my late 30's now. My major concern is finding quality child care.

If you and your husband know now that you want to have a baby, I say get started now. You don't know how long it's going to take to to actually have one and there is no such thing as the perfect time. I also read somewhere that medical residents have an abnormally high rate of miscarriage compared to other professions.

 

[DocForAll]

Hi, I start medical this fall & my husband and I will start trying to have a baby this fall also. Personally I think it would be easier in medical school than in the the crazy schedules of residencies, but I'm sure you could do it either way.

I was 10 when my own mother (a single mother of three) graduated from medical school. Although she had on occasion tucked us in over the phone from an on-call, she was always there for me!

 

[Neurogirl]

In my opinion, the best time to have kids is during the first two years of med school. Get pregnant either before you start or early in the first year. This is the best time because your time is your own. You only have to study and show up for labs and tests. Third year is not a good time as you have alot of responsibility, no real control over your schedule and no free time. Fourth year is better as you have alot of elective time and can structure your rotations accordingly. However, I would not want to be visibly pregnant during residency interviews. Program directors cannot legally discriminate against you, but why take any chances.

Many choose to wait until residency, but this is the worst possible time. If you choose this option, consider waiting until later in your residency when you have more flexibility and a lighter call schedule. Just be prepared. You will have VERY little time with your baby. Internship and residency are hard. You will be expected to work 70-80 hrs a week (the equivalent of TWO full time jobs)!

Also, prepare yourself for some hostility from your fellow residents. Believe it or not, your pregnancy DOES effect everyone else. The other residents will be forced to "take up the slack" and they won't like it! Make sure you have not only good child care, but also a backup plan for when the baby is sick and can't go to day care. FYI, you can't just "call in sick". You'll be responsible for finding someone to cover for you and the fact is, you won't get much sympathy when you have bad days.

I realize this all sounds very harsh, but it's important that you hear the truth. For those of you who might not know, residents and physicians have the highest divorce rates of ANY professional group. There's a reason for that. Just know what you're getting yourself into.

 

[vishu]

any one in dental school have gone for kids?if so which is the best yr .I will be in NYu this fall for 2nd yr.I am so ready!!but my friends say that3rd yr is better. I find it so hard to wait.Yet I need to take a wise decision.

 

[tkim]

My wife and I decided to try last year. We planned it so if I didn't get into school, that the delivery date would fall somewhere between the April and August MCATs, and also before the start of the school year, if I were lucky enough to get in.

We are both in our mid-30s, and didn't want to wait another year to figure out where we were going to be, and whether we were going to have children.

While I am overjoyed that I will have a son, he will be a little over a month old when he and my wife fly from Boston to Cali to meet me. I will have left by car a week earlier to drive with the dogs to our new place to set it up.

There are child-care, pediatrician, and living issues to have no answer right now.

I wish my wife and I had the luxury of being younger, having met and married younger, or having our careers settled when we were younger. We would have been able to map out our lives a little better.

But then again, I think we're incredibly lucky to have met, married, conceived, and been admitted to med school. So, we'll deal with any issues that arise.

- Tae

 

[pookiepie]

Vishu: Im applying to dental school for Fall of 2004 and Im also worrying about the children situation. I'm 26 years old, been married for one year (in a few months!). By the time I start school I will be 27. I can't imagine waiting any longer than that to start trying. Unfortunately I've heard it's best to try and take time off between 2nd and 3rd year. That means at least another 2 years of waiting until I can even get pregnant!! I've wondered if I should defer school a year and have a baby now.. my 'potential' child would be a little over a year by the time I started school. I jut don't know what to do and Im kicking myself for not having started school sooner.

 

[Neurogirl]

Obviously, you can have children whenever you want. However, the reality is that you and your baby will have to make sacrifices. Personally, I don't think it's fair to the children. The fact is, you can only juggle so much and you won't have much time for them. If you're that concerned about it (which you should be), then have your children now and go to school later. Med school will always be there, but children are only young once!

 

[vishu]

Vishu: Im applying to dental school for Fall of 2004 and Im also worrying about the children situation. I'm 26 years old, been married for one year (in a few months!). By the time I start school I will be 27. I can't imagine waiting any longer than that to start trying. Unfortunately I've heard it's best to try and take time off between 2nd and 3rd year. That means at least another 2 years of waiting until I can even get pregnant!! I've wondered if I should defer school a year and have a baby now.. my 'potential' child would be a little over a year by the time I started school. I jut don't know what to do and Im kicking myself for not having started school sooner

i understand what u say .but dont be hard on urself.we have to have patience.one my friend did have her baby betn 2nd and 3rdyr and she didnt take anytime off.graduated along with her batch mates.
so r u done with ur part1 and part2.since u have time get done with it soon.

 

[johnna]

I'm looking to start med school Fall 2010. However, I am hoping to have kids soon and am not willing to sacrifice either of these goals, so I just need to decide; when is the best time to work a baby into the curriculum ?? My fiance and I are discussing when it would be best to have one and I'm thinking either before i start, or following completion of my second year. It is important that I do well because i am anticipating a transfer. Do any of you women currently in or out of Med School have any ideas as to when is the best time and why?? Any info is great!

Thanks,

 

[kralwok]

It is definitely not a good time, but my husband and I will be having a baby this May, just before I start my intern year. He will be starting his PGY-3 year. Yes, we will not have a lot of time to spend with the baby. Yes, it is a little unfair to the child (but honestly the child will never remember). We plan to have a lot of help from family and also get help overnight when we are too exhausted to wake up for feedings. We are also consider hiring a full-time nanny.

We would love to have more time to spend with the baby, but this was a good time for us. I am just about to turn 33 and do not want to wait until the end of residency to have children. You never know when you are going to have fertility problems. We had hoped to have this baby earlier so that he/she would be a little older when I started, but that didn't work out. I fully realize the time commitment of an intern, because I have already completed an internship in another field. I know how exhausted I will be, but I am not willing to sacrifice having children for having a career or vice versa. I want both and am going to have both.

I am so thankful not to be pregnant during residency. Morning sickness and fatigue have been rough. I can't imagine working through this, though it can be done. You gotta do what you gotta do. There is never going to be a perfect time.

 

[kc2073]

Hello! My husband will be entering medical school next fall. Right now we are both working. He has been accepted to one medical school so far and is waiting to hear back from others. We will more than likely have to move and I will have to leave my job.

We have been talking a LOT about having kids lately. I want them like crazy but I know it's not a good time yet. I feel as though I am in a different position than the rest of you because it is my spouse in medical school, not me. I am mostly worried about the financial aspect, if I have children we will have no income besides his loans. Has anyone else ever done this? We have a decent savings, he has $30,000 in bonds that could pay for one year. What is everyone else's experience/suggestion? We really don't know anyone else in this situation and would really like to talk to anyone at all about this.

Please feel free to send me a private message, thank you so much!

 

[theScience]

That's one of my concerns. I went back to college after some time off (I'm 25 and my wife is 28) and something about medical school is calling me. One of those..things when you know what you want to do. The problem is, she's already had her experiences and does what she loves, teaching. She's already been through grad school and encourages me to follow what I want. I don't want her to have to sacrifice because of my goals, but these goals are for the both of us in the long run. I'm curious also as to when would be a good time to try and have a baby? Working during med school to help pay the bills seems like it'd be rather tough, or impossible, considering she won't be able to work a ton..anyone have an experience similar to this or know of one?

 

[Rexhina]

this topic is very interesting
My concern is the same. I am married, but i don't have children yet. Mainly because of financial situation. I am not in medical school yet, but i am assuming that by 2010 i should be in one (keeping my fingers crossed), however i will be 25 years old, and I would like to have a baby earlier than 30...maybe 27 or 28, since everybody keeps saying there is no perfect timing to having a baby

 

[Combatbarbie]

I'm premed right now and I'm due in may with my first.

 

[cc8]

I love this topic.

DH is 1/2 way through his 2nd year of med school. We're a bit older than your average couple (DH is 35, I am 33 - we started late - long story but he has a PhD, hated research, wants to be a MD etc).

We have a 3 year old daughter and a son who is about to turn 3 months....so our son was born fall term of DH's 2nd year.

As for me, I work full time (tho am on maternity leave right now).

When we decided to embark on this med school journey, we vowed not to put our lives "on hold" for med school and things have turned out great. It is a lot of work, but DH is very hands on with the kids. We have not regretted our decision to have our 2nd kiddo when we did.

Of course, things would be totally different, I think, if it were ME in med school vs my husband....having said that, one of his classmates had a baby over the summer between year 1 and year 2 (the mom is the med student) and they are doing great.

 

[JPmamd09]

This is a difficult topic, because it's a very personal decision and there's no right answer. I myself got pregnant during my second year (surprise!) and had my son just before third year started. I was lucky to have understanding residents and attendings, particularly in the beginning who were flexible when I needed it. My husband, a law student, had a much more flexible schedule than I did, and we had a family member who did in-home daycare watch him during the first year. It took patience on my husbands part, and energy, but wasn't as hard as I thought. Well, missing my son was harder than I anticipated, but you'd see that in any profession, not just medicine.

Most women at my school opt to have kids at the very beginning of fourth year. This seems to work particularly well especially if you can get heavy fourth year rotations (sub-i's, etc) out of the way before the baby. Just remember to factor in time for both parts of Step 2 and residency interviews when figuring out vacation time. I've also known some people who've had kids in first and second year. If possible, try for the summer or a prolonged break period; I have a friend who had her baby during our first block of spring semester exams, and she ultimatley needed to take a semester off (best decision she could have made in the end).

My advice is to always plan for the unexpected. We all hope and pray for healthy babies, but unfortunately it isn't always the case. Or, you could have some unanticipated difficulties in your own recovery. Talk with your administration to make sure you'll have someone on your side and can make contingency plans. It's good to have people support you if you need to take a leave or something like that. Talk with your significant other and make sure they're ok with taking care of the baby by him/herself when you're on overnight call q4. Look into daycare programs asap. Remember to factor in studying for and taking boards and residency interviews. Talk with other women at your school who've had babies - they'll have good insight for you. Ultimately, you've got to figure out what works best for you, be ready to compromise and for the unexpected, but it's SO worth it.

PM with questions, happy to try and help.

 

[SDN2013]

my mom had me during fellowship right after she finished residency, and believe me, the first few years of my childhood sucked. If your SO doesn't have a very demanding occupation then I guess it could be much better.

 

[jinx520]

Obviously, you can have children whenever you want. However, the reality is that you and your baby will have to make sacrifices. Personally, I don't think it's fair to the children. The fact is, you can only juggle so much and you won't have much time for them. If you're that concerned about it (which you should be), then have your children now and go to school later. Med school will always be there, but children are only young once!

I agree here, which is why I'm 40 and applied this cycle. The factory is closed now, and my two youngest are ready for preschool. I felt that now would be a good time to go back to school w/ the least amount of guilt over leaving my babies. However, balancing family and med school/medical career is tricky no matter what point in time you have your babies. And no matter what, sacrifices will have to be made. Having said that, though, making sacrifices is pretty much inherent in having a family, and NOBODY can have it all. As long as you are realistic about not being the "perfect" parent, spouse, med student, or doctor, I think you will do fine no matter when you have your babies. To quote the fabulous Tim Gunn, "make it work!"

 

[medstud4]

To quote the fabulous Tim Gunn, "make it work!"

Like!

That is a useful adage to put to use in many aspects of life

 

[cheruka]

By all means, have children during med school/residency if you can pull it off. But realize, once you have them, you must be willing to foego all else in favor of them if it turns out they need more time from you than you are giving.