Best time to have kids?

[peony]

I'm a post-bacc premed student and my husband is a 3rd yr med student. We would like to have our first child at the very latest during my 4th yr of med school right after residency interviews, but ideally we'd like to have our second child then and our first child earlier. Taking into account that I have one more year of premed classes and a yr of applying (my husband and I will be a first yr resident and first yr med student together, respectively), when would be the ideal time to have a child?

My husband seems to think that giving birth during the break between 1st and 2nd yr would be ideal because then I'd have some school under my belt, but my 2nd yr would be much lighter than my 3rd yr. Also, does anyone know if schools are nice about letting you deccelerate to 5 yrs if you want to stay at home for a year?

BTW, we are 24 and 28, and my husband strongly wants to go into a lifestyle specialty with decent hrs. Thanks!!

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[Sweenracer]

My husband seems to think that giving birth during the break between 1st and 2nd yr would be ideal because then I'd have some school under my belt, but my 2nd yr would be much lighter than my 3rd yr. Also, does anyone know if schools are nice about letting you deccelerate to 5 yrs if you want to stay at home for a year?

We thought that too... we had it all planned out. Counted back weeks to determine our conception window. We had about 3 month of trying (3 very fun months ). and nothing. So we stopped trying. 6 months later we got pregnant (woops).

Over all, preganacy/babies during school are 1000% easier than in residency.

 

[peony]

Thanks for your feedback, sweenracer! I know what you mean about the timing thing! We're hoping I'm ultra fertile. Some more questions:

1) Even though it is kinda soon, would it make sense to have a child before med school so my education isn't interrrupted?

2) Does difficulty of having kids in residency vary a lot by speciality, or are even the lifestyle specialities hrs really bad during residency?

3) When you say it's easier to have kids in med school, do you mean it's easier to give birth them? Because I'm assuming that the kids you have in med school are still around during residency.

Thanks so much!

 

[peony]

Hey guys! Thanks for the one reply so far. It's been a while and not too much feedback though, and I'm wondering if there's another board (on SD or otherwise) that I can post this question. It seems like most people on here are in the dating phase.

Thanks a bunch!

 

[TMZ2007]

Hey guys! Thanks for the one reply so far. It's been a while and not too much feedback though, and I'm wondering if there's another board (on SD or otherwise) that I can post this question. It seems like most people on here are in the dating phase.

Thanks a bunch!

I joined the http://www.medicalspouse.com/forums/ site. I believe pre med students that are married to medical students are also welcome! There are a lot of women on there in the residency phase (it seems), but the insight they have from already going through it is golden.

 

[Sweenracer]

Thanks for your feedback, sweenracer! I know what you mean about the timing thing! We're hoping I'm ultra fertile. Some more questions:

1) Even though it is kinda soon, would it make sense to have a child before med school so my education isn't interrrupted?

2) Does difficulty of having kids in residency vary a lot by speciality, or are even the lifestyle specialities hrs really bad during residency?

3) When you say it's easier to have kids in med school, do you mean it's easier to give birth them? Because I'm assuming that the kids you have in med school are still around during residency.

Thanks so much!

1. If you are ready for kids before Med School, then that may work better for you. But that's all up to you. When it's time, it's time.

2. I think it may vary from specialty to specialty. I our case, my wife is in the last year of her Internal Medicine Residency (and is pregnant with our 3rd). Her hours vary from 50 to 90 hours a week depending on which type of rotation she's on... so even for us, some months are easy, some are hell.

3. Well, as a father... and watching labor twice... it's not easy to "give birth". Let's just say I'm glad I don't have to do it . But what I mean by easier in Med school is that the toughest time of having kids is the first 3-6 months... You will get little sleep at night, and the baby requires constant attention... Don't get me wrong, a 1 year old, 2 year old, 3 year old are all still tough... but you will be dealing with other things (like temper tantrums) instead of lack of sleep (which for us was the worst...). Kids in general are a lot of work... even my 11 year old stresses me out on a regular basis, but at least I do not have to change her diaper .

 

[Yourmother]

I've often thought about the best time for having kids as well. Most people tell me there is never a good time and I'm starting to agree.

 

[ahd929]

if you try to micro-manage it, down the month, you're guaranteed to have an unexpected result. It might take a while to get pregnant, and then what? Stop trying while you pick a new two-month span? I can tell you, the one thing people who have trouble getting pregnant hate is to stop trying. Or, maybe you'll get pregnant right on schedule, but the baby will come a month or two early. What if you have twins?

To paraphrase a common saying, life happens. My daughter was born probably at the worst possible time for us - 10 days before M1 year started. In a two-week span, we had a baby, moved 200 miles away, and started school. Rough. But we survived and we wouldn't take any of it back.

When you feel like you and your husband are ready to have kids, have kids. There is no perfect time, and if you try waiting for the perfect time you will be waiting forever. You could pick the worst possible time, like we did, and it'll happen, and you'll survive and have a family. What more could anyone ask for?

During my M1 year, one of my classmates had a baby, in December. During my M2 year, babies came in August, December, one due in January, and one due in May. Every one was or will be a struggle, I'm sure, but there an awful lot of happy new parents in my school. As a woman, it might make sense to take a year off with your first baby, because it will be hard to take 6 weeks off without taking off the whole year (and, in fact, one of my classmates did exactly that). I guess to sum up: just do it, and you won't have any regrets.

 

[MathisGreen]

***removed By Poster***

 

[Coastie]

After your residency in one of the E-ROAD specialties.

Otherwise, good luck.

 

[doctawife]

Thanks for your feedback, sweenracer! I know what you mean about the timing thing! We're hoping I'm ultra fertile. Some more questions:

1) Even though it is kinda soon, would it make sense to have a child before med school so my education isn't interrrupted?

2) Does difficulty of having kids in residency vary a lot by speciality, or are even the lifestyle specialities hrs really bad during residency?

3) When you say it's easier to have kids in med school, do you mean it's easier to give birth them? Because I'm assuming that the kids you have in med school are still around during residency.

Thanks so much!

As a woman in medicine, I can safely say that there is no good time for babies. Any plan will set you back months, possibly years. That's just the price of having children - no way around it. So go to med school whenever you get into medical school.

1) Even if you have your first child before medical school, your second will be during medical school or residency. So, see paragraph above.
2) Residency is always bad, but some are worse. Worse - surgery. Better - pediatrics, psych, derm.
3) It's easier to take the time off to have the children. Not necessarily easier to manage them.

 

[MJB]

I'm curious about this as well....as I'm 31 and just finished up my 1st semester of MS....and my wife is 32 on Saturday...

We don't live anywhere near family, so we likely won't have a ton of help in that regard if/when we decide to try to have kids...

I was thinking it might be better to wait until I'm in rotations, but not sure.

Any pointers?

My wife is a nurse in an outpatient surgery center that apparently does not offer maternity leave, yet.

 

[Coastie]

You won't have as much time in the process of becoming a doctor as you will in medical school.

With that said, shoot for a delivery in between 1st and 2nd year. You have some work to do, soldier!

I'm curious about this as well....as I'm 31 and just finished up my 1st semester of MS....and my wife is 32 on Saturday...

We don't live anywhere near family, so we likely won't have a ton of help in that regard if/when we decide to try to have kids...

I was thinking it might be better to wait until I'm in rotations, but not sure.

Any pointers?

My wife is a nurse in an outpatient surgery center that apparently does not offer maternity leave, yet.

 

[MJB]

You won't have as much time in the process of becoming a doctor as you will in medical school.

With that said, shoot for a delivery in between 1st and 2nd year. You have some work to do, soldier!

That might be a little difficult...as the earliest full term would now put us in the 2nd month of 2nd year.

 

[TMZ2007]

I don't know if I have the best perspective as we are in our 3rd year right now. I would say that passing Step 1 is a big deal. It was a big deal for us. There was a lot of stress and pressure to make sure that was passed. I would say if you could try and plan on not being due close to that exam, life might be a little better. I thought life was crazy our 1st year until I went through the 2nd year and the same for 3rd year. It doesn't seem to be slowing down at all! I would venture to say trying to have a baby during the 1st year might be best. On the other hand my husband thinks it would be best to try and have a baby right around his graduation. He thinks this would give him all the baby time he could ever want between gradation (april in our case) and the start of residency.

 

[Coastie]

That might be a little difficult...as the earliest full term would now put us in the 2nd month of 2nd year.

Then shoot for beginning 1/3 of 4th year. That will give you the rest of 4th year and a bit after graduation to enjoy your time as a new family.

 

[Tappat]

Hey guys! Thanks for the one reply so far. It's been a while and not too much feedback though, and I'm wondering if there's another board (on SD or otherwise) that I can post this question. It seems like most people on here are in the dating phase.

Thanks a bunch!

Yes, there is another board. It's www.mommd.com and you will find this topic discussed in great detail. There are a lot of people on that board who have kids already, and had them during all phases of training. Make sure to browse/search the old posts. This exact question will come up many times.