oasis786 said:
But I'd really like to hear any perspectives from those of you who had parents that were professionals...from a child's perspective, how bad was it? How did the experience of having parents who weren't there as much during youth translate to a relationship (working, loving, dysfunctional?) now that you've grown up?
Thanks in advance for sharing - I really appreciate it.
My mom was working on her first part of her physical therapy master's degree when I was born (my sister also born two years later). She basically quit that to raise us up while my father worked over seas (civil engineer) to provide for us. We were in Egypt back then, and he worked in Saudi Arabia and Qatar.
Due to his working afar, my father was seldom present in my early years as a child, but he was for my sister when she was born. I didn't really know or feel anything, as both my sister and I grew up normally and we had full support (as well as being "raised" by our grandma at one point of our childhood). We accepted the norm that our dad would visit perdiodically.
Well, having gone through a period of heavy self reflection recently (over the reasons to want to do medicine, but searching more deeply) I became intrigued to learn that my father's absence during my early childhood may have affected me somewhat. My mom discussed with me recently that as a child I would seek out actions by myself and since I only had essentially half of the approval of parents (only my mom) I came to not seek approval or rather justify to myself - and perhaps others - how or why my actions were right or seemed right. It was a bit of stubborness, but slightly more complicated.
This is a quality I have in myself. I'm very independent, always seeking out and researching things for myself. On the other hand, I also became very resistant to change for myself and in fully considering others' advice, because of course I did my own things and set my own justifications.
Translating to my age now, I'd often during early undergrad be resistant to parents' advice, not rebeliously, but because of this quality I had, to always do my own things, find out things on my own, learn from my mistakes by myself, etc. You can see how this may not necessarily have been the best thing, since sometimes the advice of others/outside sources would be handy and beneficial. In talking about some past mistakes I may have made, my parents would often quip that their advice would've saved me a ton of grief, but I would just reply back "yes, but I had to discover it for myself" - owing not only to the necessity that one has to discover and learn things by his/her ownself, but also to how hard it was for me to change some actions because I took it upon myself to undertake those actions and in doing so have justified my reasons to myself for doing them.
It didn't harm me, mind you, but I did have to reassess my reasons and motivations for medical school (which I'm thankfully recouping from now after extensive self reflection over the past several months) and why it was hard for me to bring myself to do something without having a clouded conscience about it, and I didn't understand why.
As for my "quality," I understand and accept that it's part of me now...I just have to realize it is and work to correct/over ride any potential shortcomings it can create in me.
It was actually pretty interesting finding that out about myself, because I never understood the underlying reasons for it. I don't know much about child psychology, but my mom did notice these qualities in me during my father's absence (and more interestingly, the absence of these qualities when my father was home visiting).
Not to freak you out though, I'm quite normal
(and I do well in school
)
My two cents though: Be there for your kids. Even though it sounds like you won't be working outside the country or anything like that, you still need to get involved in every aspect of their lives, not in a hindering manner, but in a constructive and supportive manner. Maybe you can wait till after your residency and after your wife has an established career then you can have kids. Oftentimes we feel like life is a race, where we always have to accelerate everything. Why not take it at a good pace so as not to miss anything? Especially with something as important as having kids, where their early development will affect them consciously or subconsciously probably for the rest of their lives
I apologize for the long post. I hope you enjoyed it though
and I hope that it helped
