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[deleted760180]

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[bodybuilder2020]

I told them about January, but they don’t trust me because of my past habits.

but I betrayed my parents’ trust and want to pick myself back up again

So you need to earn back their trust. See if they're willing to compromise. And for that, come to the table with a concrete plan with milestones. Something like:

X weeks of review - X hours per day
Test X + review
Question bank - X days
Test Y + review
Question bank - X days
etc.

Then make the process transparent. Here are my logs of hours studied. Here are the notes I've taken. Here are the exercises I've done. Here are my test answers and scores vs targeted score. Study where they can easily see that you're studying.

Hopefully, they'll give you that chance.

 

[gyngyn]

Without regard to external factors, do not take the test until you are confident of a score consistent with success.

 

[candbgirl]

There’s a lot to unpack here. I certainly understand your side of the story and your parents side
Have you thought about talking to an unbiased person(counselor, therapist , psychologist) anyone really that can help you talk it through and help you come up with a plan. It sounds like you have some major road block floating around in your head. The good thing is the MCAT and med school will always be there when you are ready. You need a plan so you can then share it with your parents and proceed to implement it. But first you have to figure out what is causing you to question your abilities and commitment. Good luck.

 

[KnightDoc]

There’s a lot to unpack here. I certainly understand your side of the story and your parents side
Have you thought about talking to an unbiased person(counselor, therapist , psychologist) anyone really that can help you talk it through and help you come up with a plan. It sounds like you have some major road block floating around in your head. The good thing is the MCAT and med school will always be there when you are ready. You need a plan so you can then share it with your parents and proceed to implement it. But first you have to figure out what is causing you to question your abilities and commitment. Good luck.

This^^^^^. OP is definitely dealing with severe test anxiety, and the parents are dealing with severe failure to launch anxiety. The solution is NOT to take the test and get a sub par score just to temporarily appease the parents. A bad score will just introduce another obstacle to med school acceptance.

OP absolutely needs to put shame, etc. aside and get at the root cause of the procrastination before doing anything else. The parents are correct that postponing until January is not a solution to the problem created by the OP not taking concrete steps to prepare, if not since 2020, due to health issues, then at least since fall 2021, when OP resumed regular activities.

While the parents' failure to understand the lasting consequences of a poor performance needs to be dealt with, their frustration over nothing happening since September 2021 is more than understandable. OP needs to figure this out, now, and either get on track or tell the parents that med school is not going to happen and come up with an alternate career path.

 

[Spiceupyourlife]

So you need to earn back their trust. See if they're willing to compromise. And for that, come to the table with a concrete plan with milestones. Something like:

X weeks of review - X hours per day
Test X + review
Question bank - X days
Test Y + review
Question bank - X days
etc.

Then make the process transparent. Here are my logs of hours studied. Here are the notes I've taken. Here are the exercises I've done. Here are my test answers and scores vs targeted score. Study where they can easily see that you're studying.

Hopefully, they'll give you that chance.

This along with all of the previous comments. I learned early on that as long as I'm transparent and able to give my parents details about my plans and a timeline, they just trust me and my decisions and don't focus too much on my shortcomings. I definitely don't show them my specific plans and schedule but I might let my mom see my notes or glance at my planner; this usually confuses her because she doesn't know anything about science or medicine in general, but it makes her feel good about having a smart kid😂My mom constantly bugs me but when I break down what's been happening and how I'm using these lessons to be better in every aspect, she becomes more understanding.

This transparency also pertains to other parts of my life so they can see how serious I am and to maintain the trust established. Of course, there are boundaries and they aren't told everything but they know enough and see whenever I'm actively making changes and efforts. Ex: told them about my test anxiety and other issues and the work I've been doing to get better.

Also: even if they do throw out your physical books, there are plenty of free material online. Personally, I sold my physical Kaplan books (kept the Quicksheets) and used the money to help pay for my exam. If there's a will, there's a way. And if you are truly meant to be a doctor, you'll make it happen. Good luck!

 

[deleted760180]

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[KnightDoc]

I could not agree more and I need to get my s*** together. Your comment summarizes the issue at hand and what needs to be done. My parents are right and at this point I will need to sit down and get it done. Medical school is my dream and I loved every ounce of my time spent on clinical activities--this is what I want to do in life. And my parents have sacrificed a lot for me (only child); the root of my procrastination and lack of motivation was just being faced with free time I hadn’t had before in my life, and abusing it. I’ve woken up and it’s time to go headstrong for a May 2023 application.

I will push hard for these 2 months and stay out of my room where I’ve been attempting to study this whole time.

I will treat it as if September is my true test date; I don’t want to think about going just to void, but if my FLs are poor leading up to September, I need to void so I won’t have a bad score on paper. It won’t appease them if I do poorly, and more than that, it’ll show bad judgement on my part.

Question: Would it be foolish to study extremely hard now, void in September, then continue to study and work on volunteering from September until January? This is the plan I had in mind that seems most feasible to me.

Once you regain their trust, there is really no reason to go in September. If it was me, I'd take the summer to clear my head and figure things out.

Then, if I was really going to go forward, I'd start studying in September for January. This will give you time to get your score back and schedule a retake in March or April, if necessary, before applying in May. I'd also establish whatever consequences you can agree upon with your parents (moving out, getting a full time job, etc.) if satisfactory progress is not made in the fall toward a January test date.

Given where you are right now, I just don't think you will do you best testing in September, and there is no reason for it, other than showing your parents that you are serious. I am almost certain that not pushing back until January will do more harm than good to a future application.

You risk major burn out if you drag preparation out too long, plus you have to deal with diminishing returns. 3-4 months is ideal. That's why September-January will be perfect for you, and why July-September, in your current state of mind, probably won't work. Good luck!!

 

[deleted760180]

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[Spiceupyourlife]

I could not agree more and I need to get my s*** together. Your comment summarizes the issue at hand and what needs to be done. My parents are right and at this point I will need to sit down and get it done. Medical school is my dream and I loved every ounce of my time spent on clinical activities--this is what I want to do in life. And my parents have sacrificed a lot for me (only child); the root of my procrastination and lack of motivation was just being faced with free time I hadn’t had before in my life, and abusing it. I’ve woken up and it’s time to go headstrong for a May 2023 application.

I will push hard for these 2 months and stay out of my room where I’ve been attempting to study this whole time.

I will treat it as if September is my true test date; I don’t want to think about going just to void, but if my FLs are poor leading up to September, I need to void so I won’t have a bad score on paper. It won’t appease them if I do poorly, and more than that, it’ll show bad judgement on my part.

Question: Would it be foolish to study extremely hard now, void in September, then continue to study and work on volunteering from September until January? This is the plan I had in mind that seems most feasible to me.


Thanks for the valuable advice. At this point though, I need to show them rather than tell them my plans even somewhat, because I have unfortunately done this too many times and haven’t followed through. I’m just going to stay honest and push.

KnightDoc always have the 🔥 advice! I concur with spending the rest of summer resting. Gather your thoughts so you can be in a better headspace once you resume studying.

You're welcome! Well, tell and then back it up with actions. No point in wasting money on a test you're going to void. Might as well take a free diagnostic full length from some 3rd party, then build a schedule based on that. If you have anki, you can add the heatmap addon which will track your progress and how much you study daily and you can show that to your parents. (I also find it a nice motivator when I realize I've been slacking). Track your practice FL scores and other stuff on a spreadsheet -for your parents and especially yourself.

As someone who is a procrastinator and has mixed ADHD, I definitely recommend making a schedule, with added free time/breaks, and try your best to stick to it. I've always relied heavily on a structured schedule growing up but forgot about it in college (huge mistake). If you have your day planned out reasonably and with some short term goals to work towards, you'll have less time to actually procrastinate.

 

[Goro]

Hi everybody,

I am currently undergoing a difficult period of time at home with my parents and need help. I'm so sorry for the long post.

To summarize my current standing:

• I graduated in 2020 with a 3.6 cGPA/3.5 sGPA and have not done any remedial coursework (upward trend, with last 44 credits being 3.8-4.0). I have been living at home since. I just turned 24.
• I went through 2 operations in 2021; one in April and the second one in December.
  • Had energy issues and felt tired almost all the time despite enough sleep, later attributed to a parathyroid and thyroid issue. Fixed with surgery and medication mid 2021
  • 2nd surgery was jaw surgery to fix breathing issues and a bad bite (in December)
  • Recovery time for both was ~4 months and I feel back to normal and much better.
  • Worked a clinical job from September 2021 - April 2022. Been working on a research project with a friend of mine during this time also.
• I will be applying in May 2023 God willing, but still need significant non-clinical volunteering hours (more details about my app are on my previous post).

However, a big issue for me has been the MCAT and it has been looming over my head for 2 years. It has been stressing out me and my parents a lot, since I have not yet taken it. I'm ashamed to say that I have only been studying for it on and off, not taking it seriously, and it has taken a toll on my relationship with my parents.

I oftentimes just get scared of the exam, study, get freaked out/demotivated, and give up. I have delayed the test so many times now. This was very unlike how I was in college.

I am currently scheduled for the September 10 exam but I've only scratched the surface for content review and some practice. I don't know if 2 months is enough to flesh out my studying. My parents are forcing me to take the exam in September (regardless of a bad or good practice exam results) or give up this path completely.

I told them about January, but they don’t trust me because of my past habits. They say that me taking it in January will enable my old cycle of habits and lead to more exam delays. They are threatening to throw out my books if I decide to have to retake or take in January. I still live with them and am financially dependent on them. I can’t move out; rent is too expensive where I live.

I am crying out for help and pleading for a new beginning. I don’t know what to do or where to start. Right now, I’m at a library outside the house completely. I am so beside myself and know this is what I want to do for my life, but I betrayed my parents’ trust and want to pick myself back up again. Thank you.

Go see your doctor or a therapist or counselor for your anxiety issues. This is NOT giving medical advice.

 

[Goro]

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Question: Would it be foolish to study extremely hard now, void in September, then continue to study and work on volunteering from September until January? This is the plan I had in mind that seems most feasible to me.

Yes, because the temptation to simply score the exam when done, instead of voiding, will be too great.

Do NOT take a high stakes, Career deciding exam until you are 100% ready for it

 

[Princeton Medical Student]

I see two fundamental issues at hand here

1. Test anxiety
The MCAT is the single exam in your career that can be done whenever you please. You can spend two years studying for it if you truly wished. The issue is that once you are admitted your exams will occur at regular predetermined points of time with not a ton of flexibility. Having too much anxiety to study during dedicated will simply not work in med school. The time to resolve the issue with a mental health professional is now.

2. Parents
While them pushing you to take the exam in September is understandable, it’s also an absolutely awful idea. For most test takers 3-4 months is absolutely a must.

 

[Proudfather94]

Op I think you need to just focus on studying day by day. Big steps are done in little steps and if you focus on preparing for the entire test at once that's going to be too much. Pound out some practice questions each day and take a practice test every few weeks and see how you're improving.

 

[deleted760180]

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[gyngyn]

Have you considered moving in with a roommate, getting a job and taking all the time you need?
You still have health insurance until 26 which will allow you to find a therapist to address the anxiety issue.

 

[SooConfused]

Have you considered moving in with a roommate, getting a job and taking all the time you need?
You still have health insurance until 26 which will allow you to find a therapist to address the anxiety issue.

How does this work if a parent wants to cut you off? My understanding was that the law required the employer to offer the coverage, but there is no requirement that the parent has to take it. I am pretty sure everything has to go through the parent.

In this case, if the parents are going to act out of spite and literally force OP to move out, what's going to compel them to continue to pay for junior's employer subsidized health insurance? I guess OP can always go on Medicaid, in which case the trick might be finding a therapist that takes Medicaid. Am I missing something?

 

[deleted760180]

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[gyngyn]

I guess OP can always go on Medicaid, in which case the trick might be finding a therapist that takes Medicaid. Am I missing something?

Emphasis on the bolded.
If the parents are that spiteful, there is all the more reason to leave.