10 things you have to do in clinicals

[oldpro]

10 things you have to do in clinicals

1. Get coffee
2. Never talk unless asked to
3. stand and watch a lot!
4. Smile
5. Dress like you are going to church everyday
6. look up proceedures and diseases ( you will do this a lot), report it to only get a "OK". This also goes for grand rounds ( never do this unless you have to since then you will be on the firing line with the other Docs.: You will be asked Q's they know no way in heck you have an answer for)
7. Be nice to the nurses ( oh you will pay big time if not)
8. Try not to screw up anything ( but anything goes wrong it's your fault)
9. ON call? Yes be prepared for the ducolax order at 3 am
10. Have to get up so early that you wish you hadn't gone to sleep!

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[bulletproof]

1. Drink Heavily
2. Memorise the nearest exits on all hospital floors, and be able to disappear the second you are dismissed
3. Learn how to feign interest, "OMG, so thats how you insert a foley!"
4. Learn how to write a H & P in 10 minutes while drawing bloods.
5. If you can't afford cocaine, make friends with caffeine.
6. Learn how to read an attendings shorthand: squiggle followed by a dot followed by a squiggle can mean anything from "continue present management" to "discharge home".
7. Become comfortable with being the lowest and most useless member on the team. Learn how to smile and say "thank you sir, may I have another" while getting reamed on surgery or Ob/Gyn.
8. Learn how to sniff out a chart using your sense of smell alone. Using your vision is considered cheating.
9. When confronted with " What the hell do you mean you didn't have time to read up on the cause of RUQ pain in the preeclamptic patient?" , argueing "but sir, I was on call, and we had a vasa previa crash, and 3 nvds" is not going to cut it. The diligent student will learn how to read while scrubbed in holding the bladder blade, or else....
10. Make friends with the nurses, keep your mouth shut, "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar", eat well, sleep when possible, drink heavily(did I mention that?).

 

[oldpro]

1. Drink Heavily
2. Memorise the nearest exits on all hospital floors, and be able to disappear the second you are dismissed
3. Learn how to feign interest, "OMG, so thats how you insert a foley!"
4. Learn how to write a H & P in 10 minutes while drawing bloods.
5. If you can't afford cocaine, make friends with caffeine.
6. Learn how to read an attendings shorthand: squiggle followed by a dot followed by a squiggle can mean anything from "continue present management" to "discharge home".
7. Become comfortable with being the lowest and most useless member on the team. Learn how to smile and say "thank you sir, may I have another" while getting reamed on surgery or Ob/Gyn.
8. Learn how to sniff out a chart using your sense of smell alone. Using your vision is considered cheating.
9. When confronted with " What the hell do you mean you didn't have time to read up on the cause of RUQ pain in the preeclamptic patient?" , argueing "but sir, I was on call, and we had a vasa previa crash, and 3 nvds" is not going to cut it. The diligent student will learn how to read while scrubbed in holding the bladder blade, or else....
10. Make friends with the nurses, keep your mouth shut, "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar", eat well, sleep when possible, drink heavily(did I mention that?).

I love the "Sniff out charts!" so True and how about When you ask the nurse, you should be able to have divine information about the patient IE: already know the answers to the questions, Hows the patient, What is the patient's current medications...............Your supposed to be the Student DOCTOR (medical student who did not order all the crap the patient is on!) How come you do not know??????? LOL (Nurse laughing at me)

 

[Top Gun]

3. Learn how to feign interest, "OMG, so thats how you insert a foley!"
quote]

Even better. Say, "Can I do the Foley? Please, pleeeaase???"

 

[bulletproof]

3. Learn how to feign interest, "OMG, so thats how you insert a foley!"
quote]

Even better. Say, "Can I do the Foley? Please, pleeeaase???"

Absolutely. The only conceivable way to top such gunnery is by offering to do the rectal while you're at it. You score browny points if you manage to actually have a precious vile of the developer to test for occult blood. That stuff is like gold where I've worked, the whereabouts of which is known only to the head honcho'...ie. the nurse.

 

[Top Gun]

You score browny points if you manage to actually have a precious vile of the developer to test for occult blood. That stuff is like gold where I've worked, the whereabouts of which is known only to the head honcho'...ie. the nurse.

I know. You know how many times I've had to search for it? And the nurses where I worked guarded it with their lives. Said too many residents were taking it and not putting it back!