I found this on the internet.....it's hialrious.........by soome professor Kline.
Anonymous Surgical Dictum: "When in doubt, cut it out"
Kline's Surgical Dictation: "It's no sin to leave it in and think ag'in"
Wisdom of Voltaire: "The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease"
Kline's Contraire: "Nature kills the patient whose physician is more amused by philosophy and math than by medicine"
Occam's Razor: "Multiple symptoms and signs should be explained by a unified diagnosis"
Kline's Closer Shave: "Occam missed stuff"
Anonymous Internal Medicine Dogma: "When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras"
Kline's Dogma Collar: "If you don't know what a zebra looks like, good luck putting a saddle on that horse "
Bagliavi's Cornerstone: "The foundations of medicine are reason and observation"
Kline's Critical Keystone: "Reason and observation get much sharper when prodded by an unexpectedly abnormal lab test from the battery of random tests ordered."
Anonymous Italian Proverb: "Bene caca et declina medicos" [have good bowel movements and avoid doctors]
Kline's Italian Clarification: "Bene caca et declina describa al medico" [have a good bowel movement but avoid going on and on about it in the doctor's office]
Osler's Diagnostic Principle: "One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician"
Kline's Clean Finger Corollary: "If at all possible, become an endocrinologist"
Findlay's Boast: "The surgeon is a man of action who lives in an exhilarating world of knives, blood and groans. He may, in a relaxed moment, admit that the medical man is occasionally able to assist uncomfortable dowagers in the selection of a cathartic"
Kline's Roast: "A few more cathartics for the surgeons would decrease the amount of groaning in their exhilarating world and improve life for the rest of us"
Paracelsus' High Road: "The art of medicine cannot be inherited, nor can it be copied from books"
Kline's Download: "... yet it is readily practised by any who own computer and mouse"
Sacks' Secret: "There is only one cardinal rule: one must always listen to the patient"
Kline's Darker Secret: "... and then get the real history from the spouse"
Lydston's Certification Test: "No man is competent to pass an instrument upon a patient until he has practised the manoeuvre upon himself a few times"
Kline's Certification Jest: "It is a terrible thing to fail Lydston's gastroenterology qualifying examination"
Hippocrates' Posit: "The physician must be experienced in many things, but most assuredly in rubbing."
Kline's Opposite: "Once again, if at all possible, become an endocrinologist"
Anonymous Surgical Dictum: "When in doubt, cut it out"
Kline's Surgical Dictation: "It's no sin to leave it in and think ag'in"
Wisdom of Voltaire: "The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease"
Kline's Contraire: "Nature kills the patient whose physician is more amused by philosophy and math than by medicine"
Occam's Razor: "Multiple symptoms and signs should be explained by a unified diagnosis"
Kline's Closer Shave: "Occam missed stuff"
Anonymous Internal Medicine Dogma: "When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras"
Kline's Dogma Collar: "If you don't know what a zebra looks like, good luck putting a saddle on that horse "
Bagliavi's Cornerstone: "The foundations of medicine are reason and observation"
Kline's Critical Keystone: "Reason and observation get much sharper when prodded by an unexpectedly abnormal lab test from the battery of random tests ordered."
Anonymous Italian Proverb: "Bene caca et declina medicos" [have good bowel movements and avoid doctors]
Kline's Italian Clarification: "Bene caca et declina describa al medico" [have a good bowel movement but avoid going on and on about it in the doctor's office]
Osler's Diagnostic Principle: "One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician"
Kline's Clean Finger Corollary: "If at all possible, become an endocrinologist"
Findlay's Boast: "The surgeon is a man of action who lives in an exhilarating world of knives, blood and groans. He may, in a relaxed moment, admit that the medical man is occasionally able to assist uncomfortable dowagers in the selection of a cathartic"
Kline's Roast: "A few more cathartics for the surgeons would decrease the amount of groaning in their exhilarating world and improve life for the rest of us"
Paracelsus' High Road: "The art of medicine cannot be inherited, nor can it be copied from books"
Kline's Download: "... yet it is readily practised by any who own computer and mouse"
Sacks' Secret: "There is only one cardinal rule: one must always listen to the patient"
Kline's Darker Secret: "... and then get the real history from the spouse"
Lydston's Certification Test: "No man is competent to pass an instrument upon a patient until he has practised the manoeuvre upon himself a few times"
Kline's Certification Jest: "It is a terrible thing to fail Lydston's gastroenterology qualifying examination"
Hippocrates' Posit: "The physician must be experienced in many things, but most assuredly in rubbing."
Kline's Opposite: "Once again, if at all possible, become an endocrinologist"
