Unsupportive parent

[Nocturnius]

I'm not sure if this belongs here, but we'll try.

I'm a student planning on entering into podiatry. I was raised in a very tight-knit family, and my parents' opinions and support are extremely important to me.

First, understand that my original career incentive was very different. I actually was originally going to be an art student. I wanted to be an interior designer. But after serious thought and consideration, I realized that wasn't what I really wanted to do. I think I chose it mainly because everyone said I should be some sort of professional artist/designer.

I realized what I really wanted to do was be a podiatrist. I actually did a hefty amount of research to make sure it was something I wanted to do. My friends, my fiancé, my (ex-)teachers and my dad were all very supportive of the decision. (My dad's exact words: "I think it's a fantastic idea.")

My mom, however, was not. It's even gone past the "unsupportive" level - she's been saying hurtful things like "I don't think you have the guts to handle surgery" and whenever the subject comes up she rolls her eyes and is suddenly completely uninterested. I don't know why, and I don't know what to do. I want her to be supportive so I don't feel stupid when I try to talk to her about it. I can openly talk to my dad about it, but she always wants to cut our conversations short when it's mentioned now.

I don't know why she isn't supportive of my decision, either. I almost feel like it's part of empty nest syndrome - I'm the youngest of five kids (there's a twenty-two year difference between me and the oldest) and it almost seems like maybe she doesn't want to support it because it's a reminder that her baby is all grown up. It's like she thinks if she doesn't support it, she'll change my mind, I won't leave and I can be her baby forever.

I just don't know what to do - I want her to support my decision so badly that just thinking about it makes me cry. Is anyone else in this position?

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[dawg44]

Make a copy of your post and give it to her. Unless you are a CEO for Enron or work dancing around a pole your parents should always support what you do.

 

[mrfeet]

I'm not sure if this belongs here, but we'll try.

I'm a student planning on entering into podiatry. I was raised in a very tight-knit family, and my parents' opinions and support are extremely important to me.

First, understand that my original career incentive was very different. I actually was originally going to be an art student. I wanted to be an interior designer. But after serious thought and consideration, I realized that wasn't what I really wanted to do. I think I chose it mainly because everyone said I should be some sort of professional artist/designer.

I realized what I really wanted to do was be a podiatrist. I actually did a hefty amount of research to make sure it was something I wanted to do. My friends, my fiancé, my (ex-)teachers and my dad were all very supportive of the decision. (My dad's exact words: "I think it's a fantastic idea.")

My mom, however, was not. It's even gone past the "unsupportive" level - she's been saying hurtful things like "I don't think you have the guts to handle surgery" and whenever the subject comes up she rolls her eyes and is suddenly completely uninterested. I don't know why, and I don't know what to do. I want her to be supportive so I don't feel stupid when I try to talk to her about it. I can openly talk to my dad about it, but she always wants to cut our conversations short when it's mentioned now.

I don't know why she isn't supportive of my decision, either. I almost feel like it's part of empty nest syndrome - I'm the youngest of five kids (there's a twenty-two year difference between me and the oldest) and it almost seems like maybe she doesn't want to support it because it's a reminder that her baby is all grown up. It's like she thinks if she doesn't support it, she'll change my mind, I won't leave and I can be her baby forever.

I just don't know what to do - I want her to support my decision so badly that just thinking about it makes me cry. Is anyone else in this position?

As I am an only child I faced similar problems in the past from my parents in regard to several different things. The bottom line is: YOU HAVE TO PLEASE YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE. This is sometimes a difficult principle to understand and to live by, but ultimately who are we trying to please in this world? Are we trying to please ourself or our parents?

I know that you want your Mom to support you, as would any child. However, if she doesn't, then shake the dust off of your sandals and keep on going. And, as far as the "I don't think you can handle surgery" comment. Realistically, who can handle surgery in the beginning? That is why we go to school. We are taught how to do surgery along with everything else that we will need to practice our craft.

Keep your head up and go for it if its truly what you want to do.

 

[mrfeet]

P.S. This post certainly belongs here. In fact, this post belongs here a lot more than most of the crap that is posted!

 

[Cheetos]

If she loves you then she will have to eventually support you. You are an adult now who's already engaged and she will have to face that reality sooner or later. It seems more like a phase that most parents go thru especially within close knit families. If you truly love Podiatry, then you should go for it because in the end, it is you who is living with your life. There is nothing wrong with Podiatry and it is a respectable profession. Just give it time and don't give up. I'm sure everything will be better in the end. Goodluck!

 

[dawg44]

Better support me now mom. Remember I'm the one that will be putting you in a nursing home 30 years from now.

 

[Podman]

I don't know you personally nor do I know your mother or family for that matter but it seems to me, from what I'm reading at least, that your family obviously care for you and respect your decision. Your mother's reaction could be that of denial rather than "non-support". I know when I had moved out of my home to go to school, my sister completely assumed that I wasn't going through with it - and when I finally was saying Good-bye, she broke down in tears and accepted this fact - and most of all gave me her absolute love and support.

I'm not 100 percent sure that this was going through your mother's mind or motive behind her actions but I can tell you that once you make the decision and go with it, your family will always support you no matter what. If you are passionate about this profession and you genuinely want to make a difference, then not only will you be obtaining your family's support (including your mother) but ours as well. We need more people with your desire in our profession.

 

[MossPoh]

I am still in the weird limbo deciding what I really want aka aim for medical or podiatry (I don't see podiatry as a substitute for medicine) and I get the similiar vibe. Not as much from my mom as my dad. My dad is an MD and while he was "very impressed" with the pod guy he still kind of has that old school feeling running through the back of his mind and says that he has faith that I "can do something more than podiatry school" ....he doesn't mean it as a knock but it kind of turns that way to me. He has been my role model my entire life so it makes it a bit harsher. Bottom line is like the others say just force her to sit down discuss why and if she doesn't take it ..well tight knit or not bite your tounge and do it anyway. Long post just to say that but yea..

 

[Dr_Feelgood]

Our parents want what is best for us, but sometimes they fear more for us than they should. Moss, it sounds like you dad is afraid that you won't have as much success as he hopes. Nocturn, you mom is just worried, that is what moms do.

I walked away from medicine after school and moved to FL. My mom said a lot of hurtful things when I did that, but I did it for me. When I moved back and decided to go into podiatry, my mom was supportive. Now that I am having some much success she is elated. And I now that when I walk across the stage to receive my diploma that she'll be proud and probably cry.

This is the same for both of you. I am expecting my first kid in September and I'm already worried about what he will face in the future. Why b/c I'm a parent, and I think that parent in ancient Sanscrit means "to worry about your children, in good times and bad with hope that they will never fall and love for when they do." ( I just made that up and impressed myself)

Now let my cowbell ring out to the masses.

 

[IlizaRob]

The good news is you have the support from the majority of your family. I understand that support from your mom may be the most important. Give it some time and I think she will come around. I dont think you should turn away from your own desires to please her however, you will always regret it. Find out why she doesnt support you. She may be surprised by her own answer.