Time for a break..a gen chem joke...

[USAF_Dentman]

Chemistry Mid Term
The following is an actual question given on University of IOWA chemistry mid term. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you." Taking into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

The student received the only "A".

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[dexadental]

Chemistry Mid Term
The following is an actual question given on University of IOWA chemistry mid term. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you." Taking into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

The student received the only "A".

As a chemistry major and enthusiast within the field, I figure that the system encompassing the more vague and abstract concept of hell should and by proof, be confirmed as of an endothermic nature. First of all, the concept of hell is variant across not only the globe, but also within the universe...it is fairly safe to assume that our vast knowledge of the universe is by all means minimum, allowing a greater than 99.9% chance that yes, by all means, there are intelligent life forms abound and within the ranks of "universe". While the concept of hell to us is certainly explainable, others certainly have different interpretations. An interesting comment worth noting is the fact that those of atheist beliefs are completely void within this woman's proof of the existence of hell, furthermore obstructing the existence that hell is of an endothermic or exothermic state. Social "hooey" and logic could infer hell to be endothermic, as bad souls, and pain, are more loosely related to heat than cold. Of course science and prospective assumptions about the energies of forces can never be so frank and based upon petty assumptions.
I conclude that hell is endothermic under two main directives...one based upon the belief of religion, and another rightfully from that of an athetist's perspective...the more scientific approach.
1). Hell emits heat, incredible amounts...abound and within the earth is a common notion of hell's central existence...yet hell is abound and active within life in the choices we make, ect...
The large concentration of heat, death, and "souls" that make up hell, inclusive of the misery and destruction that operates within this system noted hell will certainly expel some reasonable amount of heat. The supernatural is by all means, a powerful and unexplored force. It is believed that the energy of the supernatural is more powerful than that of the natural. Therefore, an endothermic heat radiates from that of the unknown.
2. This is a complete waste of time...back to studying for my organic final...

 

[rocknightmare]

thats one old question can i get another one?

 

[USAF_Dentman]

i like the last part...about his TA

 

[Tzips]

Just to add another one:

So my orgo prof calmly states one day that he'd like to convince the chem dept to offer a special, non-mjor level class just on bonding... it could be called CHEM 007.

it took us a while to get it, though.

 

[dexadental]

okay okay...
If a bear in Yosemitie, and a bear in Alaska fall in the water at the same time, which one dissolves first?






Give up?
The bear in Alaska, because its polar...
ho ho ho...just a little pre-final humor to brighten your holiday,

 

[Eddie830]

I've heard a similar joke before, yet it's still funny.

The alternate ending for the joke that I read is:

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!"

 

[Comet208]

thats one old question can i get another one?

since you asked...!

Two new chemical elements have recently been discovered. Here for the first time is a description of their properties: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!) Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses Strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. CAUTION: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. ------------------------------------------------- Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command. CAUTION: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

 

[rocknightmare]

lol now that i have seen b4 thank you

back to studying the female reproductive organs... why do they have to be so many words?

 

[mwsung]

This is not related to chem but... since I need to study for bio, I will summarize the story...

One guy was sailing on a boat. Great storm came and his boat sank. He lost consciousness. Fortunately, he survived, woke up, and found himself lying on sand beach, mysterious island. "Hello anybody here? Hello??" Nobody.
No mankind existed there, except himself.
Remember the movie, Blue Ragoon? He lived like that... being dependant on fishing, fruits, etc.... everything the island can provide...
Time passed... He had no concerns at all.. He had a shelter, plenty of food, and most of all, TIME... One day, he realized that there is something missing... "What is it? Am I not satified yet? I am alive... what should I expect more?"

Few days later, he was fishing as usual and suddenly, he realized that he had been HORNY! Yes... he missed his sexual partner. Ever since, he couldn't resist his natural instinct.. day and night, he wanted to do it, but there was nobody in that @#$%ing island. He tried to masterbate but failed cuz it wasn't as realistic as his last time he could remember. 5 days, 2 weeks, 3 months.... He searched the whole island to find his partner. Day 99, he almost gave up and prayed: "God, why didn't you kill me when you could? I am alive but this ain't a life. This is not what I want. God, you know what I want desperately.. Please... send me a PARTNER!!!" On his way back to his shelter, he complained "There is no God... stupid me...." Then, he saw a female monkey five feet away from him. FEMALE!!! "Thank GOD!! I LOVE YOU!!!" This guy tried to catch the monkey and the monkey ran away... He ran and ran but the monkey was so fast that he couldn't catch! "Stay there!! I am gonna catch you!! I need to do something and you gotta help me!! Ms. Monkey!! Don't run away!! It's me!! I am the one who prayed!!"

Isn't he tired of running? hell no... he's been waiting for this for so long. Monkey chasing wasn't easy but he didn't give up. While he was chasing after the monkey, he found a naked woman on beach. She was unconscious AND GORGEOUS. Yes, she was sent by God to ease his pain. This guy wispered to her. "hey, wake up..." She woke up, ready to have sex with him (programmed by God).. He continued... "You see that little cute monkey over there? Can you help me to catch that monkey?"

 

[fruity_trident]

my bone and skeletal disorders class had a multiple choice option last yr, in the final, that read:

"Fluoride ions can replace hydroxyl ions in the hydroxylapatite lattice of boners "

the statement is *oh so* false...LOL