Snapshot of Being Married to a Medical Student

[pinkie]

I am currently dating an unconventional 2nd year medical student. We are both in our early 30s and have discussed marriage. For those spouses/significant others out there, can anyone provide a snapshot of what the remaining years of medical school and residency are like? Just want to understand what I'm signing up for. Thanks all!

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[Mom2five]

My husband was in early 30s when he started. We have 5 young children. Honestly, this has been some of our best years. (We've been married 10 yrs.) But we had kids before starting med school so had been thru some of those challenges already. There are hard aspects...for me it's all the unknowns of moving (where he's going to match for residency etc) that make it hard to plan ahead and such. You have to be a strong person and not put pressure on them to make you happy. Students have limited time and need to feel supported and not that they are always coming up short at home. I am able to keep very busy with the kids and their activities and am even able to do some things I enjoy. Also, we have not lived near family during med school. Hoping that will change for Residency....I'm ready for some help.

I guess what I'm saying is that it hasn't been as bad as some said it would be. But I'm fairly optimistic about life in general. Good luck and something to keep in mind is that you will always age so you might as well age while doing a job you like. (Husband was back and forth about going to school when he did).

 

[tlew12778]

Hm. Well I am married to a 3rd year surgery resident. We are waiting to have kids until he is in his last year of residency. That was just personal preference though. None of the other residents on his team have kids yet. In fact, we all got married while the medical person was in residency, not in med school. Residency offers more financial stability than med school and we were all just older and mature enough by then.

Anyway I honestly found med school a lot more demanding time-wise in some ways. It was very unpredictable bc he would have to study for exams ALL.THE.TIME. He stills studies now but not to the same extent that he did while in med school. BC of the constant exams (or impending exams) he was always mentally weighed down by work. Now, on the other hand, he can pretty much forget about work once he leaves the hospital (unless he is on call of course).

It will really depend on what your BF wants to specialise in. All specialties are different in terms of how demanding they are. For instance if he chooses something like anesthesiology, he might be able to do more shift work and not have to be called in for emergencies (like surgery requires).

 

[MathisGreen]

***removed By Poster****

 

[LoveGrace]

I started dating my guy mid year in his 2nd year of medical school, It was GREAT he had time, we had time... time to date time to chill and it was such a plus that he had structure to his scheduled, oh the memories! Third year different story in my opinion it was horrible hardly saw him compared to the previous year .He was mostly doing many rotations more than usuall also having to finish /study / and pass many testes on top of his registered classes, as he was juggled all of this It was all very intense he gained about 30+ lb due to the stress. Third year I believe is the most difficult / demanding for every med student. It is very important to be an anchor for them a reliable source of support and a team player, and to be honest with you it isn’t easy all the time you start to think I deserve to get wined and dined .... wooed, but for your love for them you put your selfish thoughts away and lend a shoulder to lean on and a ear to listen or you give them enough space to unwind and clear there minds of the their busy day and endless to-do list. Love always conquers all the the free time that we have is precious!
I've come the realization that it is the quality not the quantity of time that we share that is truly important. we've been dating for about 5 years now .
Upon Graduating from medical school it was and is a huge accomplishment and relief!! and once match was over and began it was a completely different animal... there is no schedule to the sick in a hospital, therefore his schedule was very random and unreliable the first year I would stay up late waiting for him to come home or call but really knowing that he wouldn’t be able to and quite frankly he didn’t have the time to so. But I still waited. I’ve learned to let him be and love all of him including is passion for the health of others. But overall Txt mssging is the way to Go! thats he best way of reaching him .I always let him sleep but once he is up I try to make dinners special for him, most residents only eat hospital food , food on the go or they dont eat at all ! I hope i dodnt overwelm you w/ info thats my snapstop of dating / loving a med student and resident.
My advice is be very attentive and understanding, take full advantage of your youth and time. Enjoy each other while you can, residency is only 4 -6 years depending what he chooses to pursue. overall while you have the time , build a strong loving foundation ! the rest will be history

 

[MDsWife]

I know how you feel, I am in the same process with my man. I hear that there isnt much time for "us" and money is hard. Depending on the amount your significant other needs to do in order to achieve their ideal grades....I know my boyfriend needs ALOT of study time to feel confident, so I am planning on being quite lonely for awhile. GOOD LUCK!

 

[Isykitty]

Hm. Well I am married to a 3rd year surgery resident. We are waiting to have kids until he is in his last year of residency. That was just personal preference though. None of the other residents on his team have kids yet. In fact, we all got married while the medical person was in residency, not in med school. Residency offers more financial stability than med school and we were all just older and mature enough by then.

Anyway I honestly found med school a lot more demanding time-wise in some ways. It was very unpredictable bc he would have to study for exams ALL.THE.TIME. He stills studies now but not to the same extent that he did while in med school. BC of the constant exams (or impending exams) he was always mentally weighed down by work. Now, on the other hand, he can pretty much forget about work once he leaves the hospital (unless he is on call of course).

It will really depend on what your BF wants to specialise in. All specialties are different in terms of how demanding they are. For instance if he chooses something like anesthesiology, he might be able to do more shift work and not have to be called in for emergencies (like surgery requires).

Glad to hear residency is less mentally taxing than school. One is never done with the day. There is always more one can study and it can get very overwhelming.

 

[sumstorm]

I guess what I'm saying is that it hasn't been as bad as some said it would be. But I'm fairly optimistic about life in general. Good luck and something to keep in mind is that you will always age so you might as well age while doing a job you like. (Husband was back and forth about going to school when he did).

I just thought what you said is so important; being optimistic. It means so much so often. My husband doesn't assume I am blowing him off because I don't love him enough; he is optimistic that the extra time devoted to studying will earn me a higher grade. I think that so describes what makes everything work for us; mutual optimism and a belief that this is the right course right now.