@smalltownpsych I felt similarly when trying to answer that question. "Well, I'm not looking for a program that isn't APA accredited... I'm not looking for a program that doesn't conduct research on specific interest x...I'm not looking for a program that doesn't support empirically-based interventions and conduct applied research (the latter of which is already obvious with my research interest)" Really, the only thing I had that didn't seem glaringly obvious was that I wasn't looking for a very competitive program atmosphere (in the sense that the cohort is competing against each other, rather than collaborating).
I've since gone through and reread program manuals, which has given me some more insight into the differences between them all, but I still don't really like the question.