Quoted: Discussing sexual assault in secondaries

[Doodledog]

I don't know if this is the right place to ask this, but it's the only place it'll be anonymous so here it goes...

I'm trying to answer the "explain a challenge you faced and how you overcame it" in secondary applications and I have an answer but I don't know if it's appropriate. About a year ago I was sexually assaulted by someone I was really close with and trusted. It was a really hard time for me because since I knew the guy (we'll call him X) we had a lot of mutual friends; I didn't tell any of them what happened, but obviously I stopped hanging out with X which led to arguments and most of my friends sided with X (he's a very persuasive and manipulative guy who is good at looking like the victim even though he's not).

I never talked to the police or anything because, well, it wasn't rape; I had no evidence, and it was my word against his. I felt that going down that road was going to create more harm than help.

It was a hard time for me, but I've pulled myself out of it. I was still in school, and I managed to get a 3.8 the quarter after it happened; I started running again and completed a half-marathon six months later. I guess I'm just saying that the challenge was not blaming myself and accepting that it happened, and I've worked through that. I used to think about it everyday, blaming myself for what happened, and now I lead a life where I don't think about it everyday and I know I did nothing wrong.


I just want some advice on what adcoms might think about this. I'm worried they'll see me as weak because it happened (that's how I saw myself a lot right after it happened, I thought I was weak because it happened, and I guess that fear/idea has come back).

I have a different one if this one isn't acceptable. I just think that this is the biggest challenge I've faced so far, and it's more recent than the other one. However, if the one I've described is going to affect me negatively then I will obviously want to use my back-up.

This is a difficult question because so much depends on your comfort level in talking about what happened. If you put this on your application anywhere, no one will hold it against you, think you are weak, etc. However, they may wish to discuss what happened with you, how you dealt with it, etc. Consider that some of your interviewers may be psychiatrists (or think they are ) and proceed in the interview a bit more personally than they otherwise would.

My general answer would be to use it only if you are really comfortable with discussing it.

I'd be glad to give you further input by PM.

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[ertraumashield]

This is a difficult question because so much depends on your comfort level in talking about what happened. If you put this on your application anywhere, no one will hold it against you, think you are weak, etc. However, they may wish to discuss what happened with you, how you dealt with it, etc. Consider that some of your interviewers may be psychiatrists (or think they are ) and proceed in the interview a bit more personally than they otherwise would.

My general answer would be to use it only if you are really comfortable with discussing it.

I'd be glad to give you further input by PM.

I have to agree with you, and I couldn't say it any better. It's all about her comfort level. And becuase this happended, she is not weak, she did what she could to prevent it, and that's that. But again, if she's comfortable with it, then go ahead, if she isn't, then don't mention it.

Best Wishes!

 

[eforest]

I actually wouldn't mention it on applications- you never know how people will react to things like that. It's great that you were able to cope with something like that and come out on top though.

 

[Regnvejr]

I probably wouldn't mention it.

If the interviewer has mental health background, he/she may have worries about "are you stable, will you get PTSD."

If the interviewer does not have that background, the thoughts will be the same, but without the filter of knowledge, they may assume that you have no choice but get PTSD.

Or, if they are truly jerks, they will think that you made it up, or it was your fault, or what not.

The possibilities how how many ways someone could see this negatively seem to outweigh the hope of grace and compassion in the interviewer and the looking for strengths in this.

 

[Doodledog]

I have posted this response anonymously for a poster: If they would like to have their name put with it, they can repost or PM me

Thank you anonymous question-asker!

I have considered this question as well, as it was easily one of the worst things that's ever happened to me (the top one being child abuse). Whenever someone asks the "explain a challenge and how you overcame it yadda yadda" question, I think about it and I always feel like I have to say some piddly little thing that happened in the workplace to not embarrass them.

Unfortunately for me, my interviewers will be psychologists and psychiatrists...

For what it's worth, a couple of years ago I read an article with tips on application essays and interviewing. It seems that those interviewers had read a number of essays where the applicant got graphic about the specifics of their rape/abuse -- and their advice was to not get graphic about the specifics of what physically happened.

Focus instead on your awesome recovery and how well you've been doing lately.

 

[Terpskins99]

I have considered this question as well, as it was easily one of the worst things that's ever happened to me (the top one being child abuse). Whenever someone asks the "explain a challenge and how you overcame it yadda yadda" question, I think about it and I always feel like I have to say some piddly little thing that happened in the workplace to not embarrass them.

Unfortunately for me, my interviewers will be psychologists and psychiatrists...

Honestly, if I knew the interviewers were going to be psychologist/psychiatrists... there is zero chance that I would divulge such information. If anything, these are the sort of folks that would look too deeply into the scenario and would probably hurt your chances of getting-in rather than help.