Professionalism as a Grad Student

[HeyJude]

As first year Ph.D. student, I am finding it difficult to draw boundaries between being close friends with other students and maintaining professional conduct. Our department definitely seems to encourage the closeness of our cohort and it is obviously important (not to mentions fun!) to develop friendships with the people you'll be spending the next 6 years with. At the same time, I know my peers will play an important role in my future career! How do you all balance the festivities and social outings without hurting your reputation? I'm not one to dance on bars or anything (well, there was that one time...)but often personal information is revealed in such settings.

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[JockNerd]

As first year Ph.D. student, I am finding it difficult to draw boundaries between being close friends with other students and maintaining professional conduct. Our department definitely seems to encourage the closeness of our cohort and it is obviously important (not to mentions fun!) to develop friendships with the people you'll be spending the next 6 years with. At the same time, I know my peers will play an important role in my future career! How do you all balance the festivities and social outings without hurting your reputation? I'm not one to dance on bars or anything (well, there was that one time...)but often personal information is revealed in such settings.

Do you find it unprofessional to be friends with your cohort? My entire cohort is close; we go for lunch, go out to bars, go shopping, etc. I'm not really sure who else I would spend most of my time with.

 

[erg923]

I agree! I have seen alot of my classmates in varying states of intoxication, stress/anxiety, hypomania, arousal.... etc. No one wants a bunch of stiff classmates who talk about school all the time. However, I wouldn't recommend romancing or dating anyone in your cohort. I would draw a line there. Be professional in school, but let your hair down with your friends at the end of the day.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Friends from cohorts help you move.....close friends from cohorts help you move bodies.

(Adapted from an earlier saying)

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Haha trust me, some of the best moments I've had with cohort members have included sitting in our pajamas in someone's living room bawling our eyes out about various life stresses. If that's not professional I don't know what is.

 

[Ollie123]

Intra-cohort (or even intra-department) dating can cause problems.

However, I wouldn't worry about becoming friends with your cohort, that seems like its pushing the professionalism envelope WAY too far. Heck, become friends with faculty too.

Just use common sense. Don't do anything wildly inappropriate. Having a beer after work on Friday and talking about <local sports team>....good. Having a breakfast beer during your supervision meeting and asking if they know a good place to buy meth....bad.

I guess it depends on the program, but I'd definitely relax about it. Let things progress like they would with anyone else...if they're a friend, treat them like you would a friend, if you have more of a "co-worker" relationship, than that's fine too. While grad school may FEEL like a completely different universe at times, most rules of social behavior still apply. Some people you'll get close to, others you won't. If you are a fairly good judge of people (and in this field, I'd hope you are), you shouldn't run into any problems unless you miss the occasional backstabbing, genuinely awful person who can put on a good show.

Unless your program is vastly different from mine (and everyone elses it sounds like), no one is counting how many beers you have and reporting back to faculty.

 

[HeyJude]

Ok, that definitely takes a load off. I just wasn't sure of the social mores of graduate school I guess! I'm definitely looking forward to making new friends and it sounds like normal social rules apply. I think what brought on my concern was overhearing some a classmate announce how trashed they were everyday and I didn't get the best impression. I suppose that would alarm anyone!

 

[psychmama]

I second what Ollie and other posters have said. In fact, in my experience, most of the folks in your cohort will like you better for it if you're genuine and willing to be yourself. Like others have said, trust yourself to know where to draw the line. You probably would not have gotten this far if you had lousy judgment and poor social boundaries.

 

[psychanon]

There's nothing unprofessional about being best friends with your cohort-- and being close means revealing your inner secrets.

I think that unprofessionalism is more likely to rear its ugly head in the opposite scenario-- if you don't like your classmates. Sometimes people don't get along, and that's natural and sometimes impossible to avoid. But it's really important to make sure your personal feelings don't affect your professional relationship with people. Some people have trouble with this.

PS- trashed everyday?

 

[joetro]

Please do your best to make friend with your cohort; it makes things much better. They'll also definitely come in handy when you start providing therapy and realize all the issues you have that you've repressed!

I did fine, like you perhaps, that some people in my cohort seemed to still think they were in undergrad. So I'd try to be more mature about some things, but don't freak out about letting your guard down either.

 

[erg923]

Friends from cohorts help you move.....close friends from cohorts help you move bodies.

(Adapted from an earlier saying)

...Apparently not everyone thinks the way I do in my department. It's a large department with alot of different programs and I do enjoy hearing the gossip of who has done who.... Every year we have a Gala. YES, THATS RIGHT, A GALA! WHAT OF IT!? The department rents out a hall and its an open bar as well. Bad combo for people in their mid twenties. right? My first year, a drunken hook-up actually led to a solid long term relationship between 2 of my fellow Dr.'s to be... I guess you never really know what these silly kids will do.

 

[paramour]

Unless your program is vastly different from mine (and everyone elses it sounds like), no one is counting how many beers you have and reporting back to faculty.

Not beers, but allegedly someone in our program last year was reporting back to another student's advisor how many movies that he had gone out & watched over the past week or two.

 

[zeldazelda]

Not beers, but allegedly someone in our program last year was reporting back to another student's advisor how many movies that he had gone out & watched over the past week or two.

What does how many movies someone has watched have to do with the price of tea in China??

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

...Apparently not everyone thinks the way I do in my department. It's a large department with alot of different programs and I do enjoy hearing the gossip of who has done who.... Every year we have a Gala. YES, THATS RIGHT, A GALA! WHAT OF IT!? The department rents out a hall and its an open bar as well. Bad combo for people in their mid twenties. right?

We have one of those....and it definitely is an eye-opener.

 

[paramour]

What does how many movies someone has watched have to do with the price of tea in China??

Ammunition to use against said student when the prof thought he hadn't worked nearly enough hours.

Oh, this is ALL you managed to do? Yet you went out to how many movies again in the past week or two? Perhaps you should stay in more and then you'd make more progress than this.

Nevermind that the student was reportedly doing his fair share & then some (especially in comparison to some others in the program).

 

[parto123]

I don’t think you need to worry at all. School life is very different from professional life. Just act with them the same way you would with any of your regular friends at this stage of your life.

And either way, its completely normal for professionals do go out drinking with coworkers.