Parents, Dealing with

[dj_smooth]

Each time I've mentioned to another doctor that I am interested in peds they stand back and gasp "you know that you are treating parents, right?". Although I haven't done my peds rota yet, I am starting to worry that dealing with parents is going to be a major pain; how do you deal with parents? They always talk about that they would have considered peds except dealing with parents was such a pain; either they are super-overly concerned or could-care-less types. I am hoping this is a gross oversimplification.

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[HiFi]

there are lots of internists that didn't do peds because they can't outsmart a 2 year old, or out-shmooze a nervous mother.

parents can be a huge pain!!

I am quite good at dealing with unhappy, high maintenance parents of sick infants.
It starts with allowing them to vent. Some people just want to be heard, and have you them tell them that you understand, and were you in their place, you would be upset and nervous too.
I can't tell you how many times, I've been asked to speak with some upset family member, and in 5 minutes I have them eating out of my hand.

The other thing that you can do is to place the burden of good bahavior on them...." I understand how you are upset and nervous, but your sick child needs you to be strong for them. If they see you upset, it will only frighten them"

I could write a book " How to sell refrigerators to eskimos"...actually we did just get a paper accepted called " Whose child is it? Dealing with difficult parents in an NICU setting"

Dealing with the kids is the easy part. Dealing with the parents can be challenging, but it is a learned skill that once mastered, becomes a very valuable asset.


There is nothing wrong with hating peds, or hating parents. You should pick a career that you enjoy, and if parents schmoozing is something you hate, pick another specialty. However, if you think parents are a pain, wait until you are in the adult ICU and you have to deal a room full of sisters fighting about Mom's DNR status!

 

[KS123]

Try it out and see. But honestly, if you don't like dealing with parents and think of them as a pain you will not enjoy pediatrics nor be very good at it. If you are just "dealing with the parents" and not working with them then you are not really doing the job.

This is something I feel very passionately about. My neice was diagnosed with leukemia when she was 5. Her pediatrician and pediatric oncologists were some of the greatest people and doctors I have ever known. Not just for everything they did for her, but for everything they did for my sister. Everyone of them and all of the nurses that treated her came to her funeral when she passed away.

When parents are coping with very sick and dying children they are not always at their best. My sister had to watch as her healthy active little girl deteriorated before her eyes. She had to brush her hair and see her little blond curls fall out and hold her over the bathtub when she was horribly sick vomiting and too weak to even stand up anymore. There were days when she was completely hysterical and I'm glad the doctors were so understanding. It's kind of hard to sit back and judge someone saying that they are over-protective or care-less parents if you have never had to deal with it yourself. It takes a very empathetic, understanding, and patient person to be good at peds.

That said, the people with those kind of attitudes that you spoke of made the right choice not to go into peds. It isn't for everyone. There's nothing wrong with that. But if you are the right person for the job, then you will enjoy your patients and their parents and probably find it very rewarding.

 

[dj_smooth]

i was with a vascular surgeon today that asked me what I was thinking about going into and I mentioned peds to him...same reply regarding dealing with parents. Interestingly enough he mentioned he thought that kids were far more complex physiologically than adults; it seems that i've been hearing that adults were more complicated. Anyway, i look forward to peds (it's a ways away rotationwise for me).

 

[docmartin]

Hey Dj Smooth,

I feel your pain, I get the same response when I tell doctors I am interested in peds. Right now I am doing my peds rotation and I love it. You get all kinds of parents, good ones, nervous ones, the occasional neglectful/bad ones, and overbearing ones, but you just kind of go with the flow. I think if you are able to communicate well with them, and empathize with their situation, they will be more open to what you have to say.

I have to say though, coming off my FP rotation last month, it's so nice to just take care of 1 or 2 complaints that the kids has vs. 10 or 12 aches/pains of adults. I got frustrated w/ seeing adult pts w/ multiple med problems (e.g. DM, HTN, LBP, arthritis, etc) and non compliant!!!