Marriage and Name Changing

[EChipouras]

Hey - I have a question: in some formal invitations/etc you typically write something like Mr. and Mrs. Bob Smith or Dr. and Mrs. Bob Smith.

So, is it customary to always write the man's name first? So if the woman is the physician and the man is not, then it would be Mr. and Dr. Bob Smith?

Also, if both are doctors, then is it Dr. and Dr. Bob Smith?

just curious..

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[MsKrispyKreme]

Hey - I have a question: in some formal invitations/etc you typically write something like Mr. and Mrs. Bob Smith or Dr. and Mrs. Bob Smith.

So, is it customary to always write the man's name first? So if the woman is the physician and the man is not, then it would be Mr. and Dr. Bob Smith?

Also, if both are doctors, then is it Dr. and Dr. Bob Smith?

just curious..

Yes.

My dentists are married, and the wife has kept her last name. On things that have to do with their practice, they write Dr. John HisLastName & Dr. Jane HerLastName. On social events having nothing to do with their jobs, it's Mr. & Mrs. John HisLastName.

I know two PhDs who are married, and the wife took his name so they are addressed as Drs. John & Jane HisLastName.

My friend is a resident, and her husband is not a doc. They are Mr. John & Dr. Jane HisLast Name.

I don't know if those 3 examples are universal or proper etiquette.

 

[Catalystik]

I married during my fourth year of med school and wanted to keep my own easily-spelled, easily pronounced name. My husband felt stongly that I should change to his last name. We negociated. I changed my name, retaining my own last name as my middle name (making my dad happy), but extracting concessions for the future, which were honored. I've raised my kids with the idea that a person of either gender could change their name to that of their spouse, or not. I admit it is nice to have everyone in the family with the same last name.

 

[MrBurns10]

I actually think it's cool when couples combine their last names into a brand new name. I would consider doing that if my fiance's and my last name didn't produce the worst combinations in the history of names.

I have a friend whose wife is pregnant. She didn't take his last name, and for the children they're going to combine their names. So the husband, wife, and children will all have different last names. Maybe odd to some but I think it's kinda cool.

 

[Ashers]

Hey - I have a question: in some formal invitations/etc you typically write something like Mr. and Mrs. Bob Smith or Dr. and Mrs. Bob Smith.

So, is it customary to always write the man's name first? So if the woman is the physician and the man is not, then it would be Mr. and Dr. Bob Smith?

Also, if both are doctors, then is it Dr. and Dr. Bob Smith?

just curious..

I've always learned if you write first names then last you put the man's next to the last name because it was originally his last name, and not hers, if she changed her name. So it would be:

Jane and Bob Smith

This is based on a etiquette class I had to take a while back.

I've also seen writing the woman's name first if there isn't a name change, and I've done this for my graduation invitations and thank you notes with doctor couples to whom I sent it: Dr. Jane Doe & Dr. Bob Smith.

Here's an example from google just to make sure I wasn't going crazy, however, my use is probably becoming antiquated. Since I always see the guy's name listed first.

http://www.calligraphy-experts.com/envelope_addressing_etiquette.aspx

 

[EChipouras]

I've always learned if you write first names then last you put the man's next to the last name because it was originally his last name, and not hers, if she changed her name. So it would be:

Jane and Bob Smith

This is based on a etiquette class I had to take a while back.

I've also seen writing the woman's name first if there isn't a name change, and I've done this for my graduation invitations and thank you notes with doctor couples to whom I sent it: Dr. Jane Doe & Dr. Bob Smith.

Here's an example from google just to make sure I wasn't going crazy, however, my use is probably becoming antiquated. Since I always see the guy's name listed first.

http://www.calligraphy-experts.com/envelope_addressing_etiquette.aspx

thanks - great source. I found the second to last one very amusing--for a male judge and his wife: The Honorable and Mrs. Samuel Jones..no name, just 'the honorable'

 

[unsung]

If I was choosing a system I'd have maternal and paternal last name. The husband takes the wife's maternal name and the wife takes the husbands paternal name. This new conglomerate name is what the kids get. Then when they get married the boys keep the paternal name from the father and the girls keep the maternal from the mother.

BTW, does anyone else think a husband and wife with different last names just seems sorta dumb? I don't care how you decide what your last name is going to be (coin flip, jam the two names together, hyphens, come up with a brand new name, whatever) but come up with something. Just my opinion.

I like the system you described of names passing down paternally/maternally.

The important thing to keep in mind about having different last names is that plenty of cultures in the world have done exactly this for hundreds & hundreds of years. Western women have traditionally changed their last names upon marriage. Billions of non-Western women have traditionally kept their last names upon marriage. Tomato/Tomato.

(And no, this didn't confuse their offspring or scar them for life . In fact, even here today in the US, I've never once had a problem with people getting confused by my mom having a different last name. It's just a null issue.)

 

[LanaJade]

Thanks, Curlygirlie106! I'm getting married next year between MSI and MSII and you just solved my dilemma! My fiance doesn't care what I do but we like your idea. It's a great idea for those who aren't too concerned about the Dr title outside of work.

Just in case I change my mind down the line--for those of you who did change your last name, was it easy to do during school? I could imagine it getting more difficult the further you go into your career.

I've always seen the woman's name first if she is a physician, no matter the profession of her husband. From the link mentioned before, it say that same sex couples are named by alphabetical order of last name. Wonder if that still applies if one is a physician. Does the physician get listed first just like with heterosexual couples?

 

[34140]

if i got married before med school i guess i'd have changed my name. but now that im in med school, i can't imagine changing my last name. i might do the whole hyphen thing, our kids will def. have his last name.

 

[labwork]

as a general rule, i think most people keep their maiden name when practicing medicine but use their married name in all other situations.

 

[Danbo1957]

It is diffucult for a mother, in everyday life, to have a different last name than her children.

 

[sunshinedoc]

I always said I would never change my name. But when I got married earlier this year, I went ahead and changed it because it was really important to my husband. My maiden name was really hard for people to pronounce, but even so, it is still odd to hear people call me by a different name. I will tell you that it is a pain in the ***** to change your name. After almost six months, the school still doesn't have my new name on all of my paperwork . . . annoying

 

[Samoa]

At this point in my life, I can't see myself marrying the kind of guy who would actually care whether I took his name or not. Which is a good thing because it's not a great idea to change the name people know you by professionally.

 

[quiz]

I've never been a fan of the hyphen thing. What do your daughters do? Because Mrs. Momsname-dadsname-married name. Its just awkward and I've always thought it looked silly.

I think usually when people hyphenate, the girls eventually hyphenated their father's last name with their husbands (if they chose to hypenate).

BTW, does anyone else think a husband and wife with different last names just seems sorta dumb? I don't care how you decide what your last name is going to be (coin flip, jam the two names together, hyphens, come up with a brand new name, whatever) but come up with something. Just my opinion.

i'm getting married in about 3 months and the name discussing hasn't really been a big deal. we played around with it to test some combinations, but they all sounded funny. anything other than my name sounds funny to me and anything other than his sounds funny to him. plus it's customary in my culture for the wife to keep her maiden name and he's the only male in his. we're also both fairly independent. like a strawberry and a banana. just because we got married doesn't mean we stuck ourselves in a blender and became a homogenous smoothy as tasty and simple as that sounds. it's really not a big deal and changing your name is such a pain. most of my friends who recently married kept their maiden name. they all work professionally. i've always known them as friend maidenname and just because they got married it doesn't change who they are. their husbands are all fairly successful, happy guys.

Another factor influencing my decision is that my mom kept her maiden name, and us kids got our dad's last name, and it was a constant source of confusion. No one believed she was my mom because our last names didn't match. I didn't want my kids to go through the same thing.

and

It is diffucult for a mother, in everyday life, to have a different last name than her children.

it really was never that hard for me as a child and never that hard for my mother. i told my teacher she was my mother and it wasn't questioned. what kinda hardship are you talking about? maybe in the er, but it usually gets straighten out pretty quickly. especially now, when it's fairly common for mothers to have a different last name than their kids (divorces, single mothers, wives keeping their names)

I'll be getting married in December and plan on changing my name. I do have one friend who didn't change her last name and her husband is a bit bitter about it. I am more traditional and always planned on changing it.

i don't know if it's a good sign. it seems to me an expression of a desire to own someone if you want them to change their name to yours so badly. does he have low-confidence? that no one will know they're married otherwise? must they know? i cringe at the thought of having a name being forced upon me. this woman my dad used to work for tried to give me a new name because my first name was hard for her to pronounce, but i just looked at her quizzically whenever she said it. that stopped that.

my favorite when when a couple in college changed their last name to honeydew.

 

[unsung]

it really was never that hard for me as a child and never that hard for my mother. i told my teacher she was my mother and it wasn't questioned. what kinda hardship are you talking about? maybe in the er, but it usually gets straighten out pretty quickly. especially now, when it's fairly common for mothers to have a different last name than their kids (divorces, single mothers, wives keeping their names)

I've never had a problem with this either. No one's ever questioned me or my mom or gotten confused, etc. I think the people who "warn" others it's a huge problem are probably the ones who don't have personal experience with the issue. It's so common nowadays, and not just because of women electing to keep their names after marriage. Like you said, so many people divorce/remarry, lots of cultures where different names are the norm, etc. etc. Then again, medicine's a conservative field, so maybe the "traditional" mindset is more prevalent and people have more of a problem with this...

 

[little pebble]

we're also both fairly independent. like a strawberry and a banana. just because we got married doesn't mean we stuck ourselves in a blender and became a homogenous smoothy as tasty and simple as that sounds.

The dancing banana was called for. I think I'm going to use that as an explanation for my fiance's and my name difference from now on. One point on the addressing thing -- it's really important to remember that if the couple is married, they go on the same line. If they're not, even if they live together, they should be on separate lines. So don't address it as:

Dr. John Doe
Dr. Jane Smith

if they're married. (this actually happens...) Also, if the couple is using two different last names, don't give the wife the same last name as her husband *unless* she's going by Mrs. HisLastName socially. That's super rude. I learned this because my future MIL does this *all the time*!

That's all for the pointless etiquette -- I'm sure my aunt is thrilled that I am passing on this info.

 

[Slow]

lalala

 

[quiz]

traditionally women didn't work or become doctors either. i do believe in the grounding that tradition can bring, but sometimes that can only take you so far.

also what if it was her family's tradition to keep her maiden name?

does yours override hers simply because you're male?

 

[Slow]

lalala

 

[uofigirl]

I was very happy to find this thread! Very interesting. I am a MSI and my fiance is a MSIII. We are getting married in July. I am very attached to my last name and have always envisioned being Dr. mylastname just like my dad is Dr. mylastname. I hope to someday move back to the town where I grew up and practice there. Although my fiance is okay with me keeping my last name, deep down I really think he wants me to take his last name. Overall, I think it is a nice idea to take the man's last name, but I just don't think I can do it. I thought of changing my name to be Dr. mylastname hislastname, but it is really long (5 syllables) and we both have hard to pronounce Eastern European names. It would really be a tongue twister but I guess that's still not completely out of the picture. My fiance is also very attached to his last name, so I think he understands my attachment. As of now I want to be Dr. mylastname and I am ok with being Mrs. hislastname socially.

I am glad to know there are lots of ladies out there who have kept or who are planning on keeping their maiden names!

 

[quiz]

What kind of a loaded question is that? Of course it does.

Does your insecurity cause you to lash out? Hey, this is fun!

not lashing out- just asking a question. so that you at least think about it rather than simply plowing through.

 

[potato head]

At my school you can have them make you a new diploma when they do the ones for graduation that year.

this is good to know.

anyways, i'm personally not a fan of the hyphenated names. i think the name becomes burdensome and somehow sounds a bit sterile to me.

i would pick whichever name you want/sounds better/has more personal value to you. i know several female doctors who kept their last name and i've never thought twice about it.

edit.

as a general rule, i think most people keep their maiden name when practicing medicine but use their married name in all other situations.

i like this too.

 

[Samoa]

To counter Samoa, I can't picture myself having a wife that cares about keeping HER last name over the tradition, simplicity, and symbolism of taking my family's name (and moving her last name to the middle if she wants).

Looks like you and I won't be getting married anytime soon.

 

[DrJD]

Just going to say that as a husband, it was really important to me that my wife take my last name. All that to say, if your significant other says they don't care, really make sure. Make sure they won't care when they are out of their 20's and start to care about more familial related issues. That can be hard to predict, but a lot of times people feel differently about things 20 years down the road. When you are forty, it may bother your husband that nobody ever knows your married, and it may bother the women that nobody ever knows that she's their kids mother.

I guess my point is that if you haven't met your SO yet, there are still guys out there who think its important, such as myself...

Just a heads up

EDIT: Clarification: My point is mainly to be careful to trust the sentiments of this thread as generally prevailing.

 

[Slow]

lalalae.

 

[sugeny]

really? In practice together? I mean, I know that lots of couples make it work to 'work' together, but what do you talk about when you get home?

"So, how was your day sweetie?" "Well, I was with you the entire time, soo...how 'bout those Mets?"

btw, hearty bellylaughs = awesome

 

[CharmCityRunner]

I can understand the reasoning behind keeping your maiden name- it is perfectly logical. The tradition of changing your last name is left over from a time when women were essentially the property of their husbands. Even now in our profession changing your name seems to be viewed on some level as submitting to your husband... as if my changing my name inevitably means that I will be the one who stays home and cares for the children full time, giving up my professional career just because that is the traditional way. For me, my name is just that- a name. It does not change my family or where I come from. My decision to change it will not change the path of my career.

I guess what I am saying is that you need for forget about the social implications of changing or not changing your name, and figure out what is important to you personally. For me, I liked the idea of sharing a last name with my husband and my future children (if we decide to have them). We have been married two years, and it makes me feel closer to him. Of course, this will not be important for everyone... its whatever you make of it.

I will mention, however, that it was a huge pain to change, and not exactly cheap either. There are just sooo many places to change it... and I'm still stuck in a spot where I don't know which name places will have down for me. I recommend keeping your old driver's license with your maiden name for awhile... I wouldn't have made it through airport security last month without it.

 

[Concordia]

I was always proud to be Ms. Concordia, and for years I was dreaming about being Dr. Concordia. Plus, I know how proud my parents would be to have a Dr. Concordia in the family.
And while my bf is not too crazy about the idea, I plan on keeping my last name--I have accomplished a lot as Ms. Concordia and I want to remain connected to it. We decided to have our kids be Concordia-HisLastName. Since both of our last names are pretty long, chances are they end up being referred to as HisLastName, which is fine with me, and it makes him happy.
And I do like the idea of being Dr. Concordia officially and Mrs. HisLastName on all and any unofficial business.
As always, this is a personal choice, and it's pointless to judge anyone based on what they decide to be called.

 

[JeffLebowski]

I got married the summer between my MSI and MSII years (I'm finishing up MSII now). I've kept my name, but with a twist. I am using my maiden name professionally but my husband's name socially. There were a couple of reasons behind this. Firstly, I'd just always envisioned myself as being Dr. Curlygirlie106. Secondly, I like the idea of being the "next" Dr. Curlygirlie106 since my dad is Dr. Curlygirlie106. Thirdly, I wanted to create some separation between work and home life. How do I pull this off? Legally, I didn't change my name. SS#, driver's license, insurance, school paperwork, everything, it's stayed them same. On the other hand, I don't correct people if they address say, an invitation to me as Mrs. Hubby, and I actually encourage them to. When we have kids, they'll be given my husband's name. I'm hoping to model my cousin, who's been practicing for years and lives by a "white coat rule." When she's in Doctor Mode she's Dr. Cousin, but when she's helping out with the kids' field trip she's Mrs. Hubby or when she sends out Christmas cards, they're from Mr. and Mrs. Hubby. This might sound confusing, but people have actually taken to it quite readily. Friends and family and everything unofficial? Married name. Patients and colleagues and all the official paperwork? Maiden name. While I'm not a doctor yet, I've had a year of being Student Dr. Curlygirlie 106 at school and Mrs. Hubby with the Junior League and so far, I'm loving it!

In case you women are wondering - this is the correct way to do it. It's not rocket science.

 

[Xerxes1729]

I don't want to change my name. Why would I expect her to change her name?

 

[Lil Mick]

Plan to keep my last name for professional usage (publications, teaching...) and use his socially.

 

[searun]

Just make up a brand new name for your professional life as a physician. As writers do with pen names. Mark Twain, the author, was Samuel Clemens in his non-literary life.

My mother began using her maiden name as her middle name, after she got married, and used my father's last name as her last name. So she uses both her maiden name and my father's last name. No hyphen, though. Personally, I am not a fan of hyphens. If my wife wanted to keep her last name, I really would not care. It would be her choice.

 

[NickNaylor]

Just going to say that as a husband, it was really important to me that my wife take my last name. All that to say, if your significant other says they don't care, really make sure. Make sure they won't care when they are out of their 20's and start to care about more familial related issues. That can be hard to predict, but a lot of times people feel differently about things 20 years down the road. When you are forty, it may bother your husband that nobody ever knows your married, and it may bother the women that nobody ever knows that she's their kids mother.

I guess my point is that if you haven't met your SO yet, there are still guys out there who think its important, such as myself...

Just a heads up

EDIT: Clarification: My point is mainly to be careful to trust the sentiments of this thread as generally prevailing.

This is a very good point. I'm sure there are plenty of people who actually don't care, and for them that's fine. As a man as well, however, my wife taking my name will be very important to me. It wouldn't be a deal-breaker if she didn't want to for whatever reason, but it is important.

I think most guys in med school aren't worried about family situations in the future. To many, that probably seems like a long way down the road. When that times comes, however, I would be willing to bet that they have some desire for their wife to keep their name (or wish their wife had taken their name). Again, this doesn't apply to everyone, but the prevailing opinion on this thread isn't, I would say, the prevailing public opinion.

 

[Reecit]

I think you have to do whatever makes you and your husband-to-be comfortable. I was married for 2+ years before I finally changed mine. My husband was getting a little irritated, but his last name sounds better and I was never really attached to mine.

I am glad I got it changed prior to starting med school though, that would have made it even more complicated than it already was.

 

[Tristy]

I'm getting divorced soon so I can get my last name back and be Dr So&So.


Just kidding, hehe (I think I'm the only one laughing here, ooops). I am getting a divorce and I can't wait to get my maiden name back! I think it sound nicer since it's italian, hehe

What I've seen are women doctors that marry but don't loose their entire last name, they just hyphen it with hubby's last name

 

[Skymastre]

Before the World Wars, men wearing rings were rare. When men started going abroad to war women insisted they wear rings as a symbol of sorts...

Names are like rings. When my wife and I got married, I told her she could keep her last name but I'd be keeping my fingers ring free.


She gladly changed her name and we've been happily married ever since.


In short, having ownership of people is important. Keep your last names if you want, but all I see is the divorce statistics climbing higher. There is something to be said for bonding traditions.

 

[Jolie South]

before the world wars, men wearing rings were rare. When men started going abroad to war women insisted they wear rings as a symbol of sorts...

Names are like rings. When my wife and i got married, i told her she could keep her last name but i'd be keeping my fingers ring free.


She gladly changed her name and we've been happily married ever since.


In short, having ownership of people is important. Keep your last names if you want, but all i see is the divorce statistics climbing higher. There is something to be said for bonding traditions.

o rly? A name that you never call her by is going to change the relationship you have with each other?

 

[Skymastre]

o rly? A name that you never call her by is going to change the relationship you have with each other?

As much as a ring does. Same as folks who are now all about being called Ms. instead of Mrs.

Traditions arise for reason. There is power in ceremony and ritual and a lot of bonding happens when you give yourself wholly over to someone. I'm all about feminism and free spirit and all that fun sounding stuff...but she is much happier that I have this chain in my finger and I'm happier that she has my name.

 

[Jolie South]

As much as a ring does. Same as folks who are now all about being called Ms. instead of Mrs.

Traditions arise for reason. There is power in ceremony and ritual and a lot of bonding happens when you give yourself wholly over to someone. I'm all about feminism and free spirit and all that fun sounding stuff...but she is much happier that I have this chain in my finger and I'm happier that she has my name.

Well, that's great if it improved your relationship.

I just don't personally feel it's necessary. I've been married for three years now and I've never felt less "bonded" because I didn't change my name. I guess it depends on the relationship and the people involved. I like to think that losing my personal identity isn't necessary for a successful marriage.

 

[sindadel]

What a disgusting power play, at least the way you have told the story here.

Marriage does involve compromises - but wearing a ring is rather less of a violation of your self than changing your name.

Can't recall the OP exactly but I originally changed my name and then changed it back about a year later. Three kids later, there has not been so much as an eyelid flicker over the fact that I have a different last name than my husband and kids. It just doesn't matter as much as you think it does when you are in the agonies of decision making. We've been happily married for 11 years, and deeply bonded, without any need for me to efface my identity into his.

P.S. I also *shock* go by Ms. *MyLastName* but honestly, most people just call me *MyFirstName* including my kids' friends.

 

[Skymastre]

Well, that's great if it improved your relationship.

I just don't personally feel it's necessary. I've been married for three years now and I've never felt less "bonded" because I didn't change my name. I guess it depends on the relationship and the people involved.

That's really great! Congrats on the three years!

PM me in 10. That's when your likelihood of staying together decreases precipitously.

Chance favors the prepared.

 

[Jolie South]

That's really great! Congrats on the three years!

PM me in 10. That's when your likelihood of staying together decreases precipitously.

Chance favors the prepared.

I don't see how refusing a superficial change alone is predictive of marital failure. I think there are much more important factors that contribute to divorce.

 

[Skymastre]

What a disgusting power play, at least the way you have told the story here.

Marriage does involve compromises - but wearing a ring is rather less of a violation of your self than changing your name.

Can't recall the OP exactly but I originally changed my name and then changed it back about a year later. Three kids later, there has not been so much as an eyelid flicker over the fact that I have a different last name than my husband and kids. It just doesn't matter as much as you think it does when you are in the agonies of decision making. We've been happily married for 11 years, and deeply bonded, without any need for me to efface my identity into his.

P.S. I also *shock* go by Ms. *MyLastName* but honestly, most people just call me *MyFirstName* including my kids' friends.

To each his or her own. I don't wear jewelry, so having a ring was a very big sacrifice for me.

It's great that you've defied statistics. As I've posted before, I'd love to see a case control study of divorce rates that adjusts for things like name changes, salary differences, residency choice etc..

I'd bet rings and name changes significantly attenuate divorce rate, probably interacting with variables such as political views/who looks after the kids etc.

 

[Skymastre]

I don't see how refusing a superficial change alone is predictive of marital failure. I think there are much more important factors that contribute to divorce.

Wedding ceremonies are superficial. Christmas is superficial. The majority of rituals that we participate in are superficial. So aren't our symbols. But working together, the provide a framework for social cohesion and help differing people align. Ignore them at your own risk.

There's probably interaction or confounding going on. If you're the type to keep your name, your likely to be independent etc (not bad traits by any means). Those other traits are likely contributors.

 

[AK_MD2BE]

I have a shelf exam coming up, so I didn't have time to read through the entire thread. However, ladies out there, let me tell you something. As a happily married man of almost two years, I can tell you that there is a tremendous amount of truth to the saying, "Women need to be loved, men need to be respected."
By telling your future husband that you are not going to take his last name...a sign of total disrespect (barring extraording circumstances). So you are not called "Dr. MyLastName". Get over yourself. Marriage is all about compromise and submitting to the needs/hopes/desires of your significant other. So ladies, please get your marriage started off "on the right foot." Please take you husband's last name.

Stepping off of the soapbox,

AK

 

[Jolie South]

I have a shelf exam coming up, so I didn't have time to read through the entire thread. However, ladies out there, let me tell you something. As a happily married man of almost two years, I can tell you that there is a tremendous amount of truth to the saying, "Women need to be loved, men need to be respected."
By telling your future husband that you are not going to take his last name...a sign of total disrespect (barring extraording circumstances). So you are not called "Dr. MyLastName". Get over yourself. Marriage is all about compromise and submitting to the needs/hopes/desires of your significant other. So ladies, please get your marriage started off "on the right foot." Please take you husband's last name.

Stepping off of the soapbox,

AK

You're assuming that all men care as much as you do about a name change.

 

[Skymastre]

You're assuming that all men care as much as you do about a name change.

You're right. It is too big of an assumption to make.

I'm sure all men don't care. Also, some men are probably OK with staying at home and taking care of kids and cooking meals.

I'll assume, however, that most men care a lot about it.

 

[Jolie South]

I don't think there is one "correct" way. People are different and thus relationships are different. As long as both parties are in agreement about the way things like name changes are handled, I don't think there is a problem.

 

[SoCuteMD]

Before the World Wars, men wearing rings were rare. When men started going abroad to war women insisted they wear rings as a symbol of sorts...

Names are like rings. When my wife and I got married, I told her she could keep her last name but I'd be keeping my fingers ring free.


She gladly changed her name and we've been happily married ever since.


In short, having ownership of people is important. Keep your last names if you want, but all I see is the divorce statistics climbing higher. There is something to be said for bonding traditions.

I have a shelf exam coming up, so I didn't have time to read through the entire thread. However, ladies out there, let me tell you something. As a happily married man of almost two years, I can tell you that there is a tremendous amount of truth to the saying, "Women need to be loved, men need to be respected."
By telling your future husband that you are not going to take his last name...a sign of total disrespect (barring extraording circumstances). So you are not called "Dr. MyLastName". Get over yourself. Marriage is all about compromise and submitting to the needs/hopes/desires of your significant other. So ladies, please get your marriage started off "on the right foot." Please take you husband's last name.

Stepping off of the soapbox,

AK

It's a good thing not all men feel the way you two do. I never have been and never will be anyone's property. No man I've ever dated seriously has ever expected that I would become such, either, even when marriage was discussed.

 

[Skymastre]

It's a good thing not all men feel the way you two do. I never have been and never will be anyone's property. No man I've ever dated seriously has ever expected that I would become such, either, even when marriage was discussed.

Update your post when you actually get engaged.


As stated, name changes and rings are powerful symbols. The may represent ownership to some, love to others, fill in the blank for what it means to you. They are important symbols and to disregard them is to challenge social norms and traditions.

Have fun with that.