M1 with possible pregnant fiancee.

[DrDewgong]

Ok, my fiancee may be pregnant. We're getting married this summer, but she's a foreigner (not in the U.S. right now), so right now I'm working on the immigration process. By the time she gets to the U.S. she'll 8mo. pregnant, and won't be legally able to work for probably another 90 days until she gets a temporary work visa---not that she'll be in any condition to work.
Basically, I'm a penniless student living on loans. How the hell do I pay for the expected hospital bills, much less get her insured before delivery of the child? And in this economic climate? I have no undergrad debt or personal debt besides M1 school loans, but I also have no credit cards, nor credit history. I've been applying for credit cards since October, but I keep getting rejected because of a lack of open accounts. I only have a checking account to my name, though I'm working on opening an online savings account. But I'm on a tangent.....Got any advice?

Oh, by the way, my fiancee is on the pill, and has been for the 4 years we've been together. So much for 98%....Anyway, she doesn't really want to be pregnant, and is hinting at maybe "taking care of it," but that's a tale for another day.

Also, she may not be pregnant. She had a period last month, and another recently, but it was considerably shorter than usual. I won't go through the symptoms (Don't want anyone to have to pull a Bill Frist) but she does have a few of them. I told her to wait a week, then get a home preg. test.

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[TMP-SMX]

How about she tries a pregnancy test? If she's not in the US and you are how exactly did this happen?

If you can't get a credit card try student credit cards. My first card was a Citi mtvU card that has great rewards. You were probably applying for the wrong cards.

As for the financial aspect, it could be tough, but if you talk to your school you may be able to figure something out and if she can get resident/citizen status that will help tremendously in terms of social programs.

 

[gstrub]

Yikes...this is a tough one.

1st, don't expect to get insurance to cover any pregnancy related care if you were uninsured. Almost all insurance companies require you to have had insurance for at least 6 months prior to conception to be eligible.

So in summary you have no credit history, no savings, no insurance, have a (possibly) pregnant immigrant fiancee, and are beginning one of the most time-consuming and rigorous training processes out there while living on student loans. I'm not judging you, but from your post, it doesn't sound like you and your fiancee are quite ready for child bearing. Believe me I know from experience because my wife's clock is running and I am constantly reminding her that right now, as a medical student, I would be an irresponsible parent.

That being said, you mentioned she hasn't had a test. Don't panic until you get one, but take the time until then to consider the pro's and con's of becoming parents at this time.

What family support do you have? It seems to me that it would be downright impossible for you to continue to go to school full time and raise a newborn without health insurance purely on student loans without the help of family to take care of your baby, especially when your wife won't be working and bringing in income. Add the tension that will undoubtedly arise between you and your fiancee with all this stress, and the very fibers of your 4 year relationship will be put to the ultimate test. Also you've worked hard to get into medical school so you can prepare for a stable career where you will make enough to raise a family, and you may put that in jeopardy by putting yourself in the difficult position of having to choose between studying for exams and taking care of your family.

In other words, if your wife isn't pregnant, learn from this experience (get some insurance now that will cover your family if she does indeed become pregnant later). If she is, you and her need to have a serious talk about where your priorities lay.

Good luck,
G

PS if you've been dating for 4 years, and have sex once a week, and assume that conception can take place ~8 days out of each cycle, then you've had sex 50-60 times when conception was possible, and if oral contraceptives fail 2% of the time, well you're about due, pun not intended...

 

[Habeed]

That 2% failure rate is a per entire year average for the couples in the clinical trials for the pill. So, there was a 7.8% chance of this happening, given no other information.

But, for those "2%" couples, there very may be differencs in the genetics of the woman that made this possible, and for those women resistant to the pill, the chance could be much higher than 2%.

 

[dragonfly99]

I think you should be able to get a credit card - maybe you are applying for the wrong ones?

My best friend had an unplanned pregnancy in college, and she and her fiancee got married and he still got into medical school and finished and became an ER doc. She also got a master's degree from an Ivy League school. She also was not a US citizen/perm. resident at the time this happened. Neither one of them had any money or family support, and they were undergrads, so it is possible to do this, but it will be hard. It will be very hard. If you want to raise a baby, you'll find a way...possibly it would be better for her to stay in your country and deliver the baby, depending on the medical care available over there, and then come over here. Even if she is uninsured there are clinics here that would not turn her away. The main problem would be hospital care, but again they won't turn away a pregnant woman. If you get to the point of her coming over here prior to deliver, you could talk w/your medical school and see whether they'll agree to do the delivery there. The main problem would be if there are complications and she or the baby needs special care...

 

[gstrub]

The main problem would be if there are complications and she or the baby needs special care...

Exactly. Please don't adopt the "they won't turn a pregnant woman away" mentality. Get some insurance as soon as possible. You don't want to be stuck living off the teat of the government from day one (especially as a medical student who should be trying to lead by example)...it will only make things worse, and could have serious repercussions if you don't have a perfect delivery and happy healthy baby.

 

[DrDewgong]

Well, my fiancee tested herself with a home kit last night---not pregnant. She'll test herself again in one week. Also, she went to see a physician today, and he/she told her she was fine. Despite that, my fiancee says that she just doesn't feel right.....

 

[Habeed]

Very unlikely that her feeling is due to a pregnancy, then. Guess you dodged a bullet on this one. Maybe you should consider upgrading her birth control before you have sex with her again, since you had this scare? Such as having her get an IUD or a ring.

 

[nogolfinsnow]

Very unlikely that her feeling is due to a pregnancy, then. Guess you dodged a bullet on this one. Maybe you should consider upgrading her birth control before you have sex with her again, since you had this scare? Such as having her get an IUD or a ring.

Buy some condoms too. If you really don't want to have kids, having 2 levels of protection will let you sleep better at night.

 

[philomina]

Ha ha nogolfinsnow! thats a great suggestion. but if she is not pregnant why dont you take all the precautions not only regarding pregnancy, but getting a Student CC, taking up some job to support your self...

 

[TMP-SMX]

Ha ha nogolfinsnow! thats a great suggestion. but if she is not pregnant why dont you take all the precautions not only regarding pregnancy, but getting a Student CC, taking up some job to support your self...

Right. Working during medical school is a good idea. Though I do know some people that work one day a week every couple weeks.

 

[DrDewgong]

Just call me Neo---cause I'm dodging bullets like no one's business! WOOOOOOOOOO! Second test came out negative. From now on, I'm using 2 forms of birth control.

Oh yeah, about IUD. We just finished up the Pelvic region in Gross anatomy. One of the x-rays in the lab was of a pregnant woman. in the RU quad. above the fetus, you could see a squiggly metal thing----it was an IUD.

 

[Habeed]

Yes, but the failure rate for copper IUDs is as low as sterilization. So that X-ray proves nothing, I'm sure you could find a picture of a pregnant lady with the scar from having her tubes tied.

 

[alwaysaangel]

Yes, but the failure rate for copper IUDs is as lower as sterilization. So that X-ray proves nothing, I'm sure you could find a picture of a pregnant lady with the scar from having her tubes tied.

Yeah but they usually won't give an IUD to a nulliparous woman so its probably not an option for the OP. The risk of complications are just too high.

 

[dpmd]

Yeah but they usually won't give an IUD to a nulliparous woman so its probably not an option for the OP. The risk of complications are just too high.

Not true. The old way of thinking was that if they put an IUD in a nulliparous woman who later had infertility, the blame might fall on the IUD (rightly or wrongly). In a woman without a stenotic os, an IUD can be inserted safely enough to make the risk benefit ration favorable if long term contraception is desired and STD risk factors are low. I recommend this as a simple option (taking a pill daily is hard to do perfectly, hence the increased risk of pregnancy with typical use versus perfect use), and if you are still nervous about it she could continue the pill. Two methods and no latex to get in the way.

 

[alwaysaangel]

Not true. The old way of thinking was that if they put an IUD in a nulliparous woman who later had infertility, the blame might fall on the IUD (rightly or wrongly). In a woman without a stenotic os, an IUD can be inserted safely enough to make the risk benefit ration favorable if long term contraception is desired and STD risk factors are low. I recommend this as a simple option (taking a pill daily is hard to do perfectly, hence the increased risk of pregnancy with typical use versus perfect use), and if you are still nervous about it she could continue the pill. Two methods and no latex to get in the way.

I guess it depends who you talk to. I used to work at a clinic and they still wouldn't put IUDs in nulliparous women. Not because of risk of infertility but because of the size of the cervical os. Without the vaginal delivery its still tiny and the IUD causes inflammation and infection in something like 80% of these women instead of the typical 25%. This is what they taught me in my sexual phys class of med school too.

But like many things - it probably depends on who you ask.

 

[CaMD]

I've seen lots of IUDs placed in young, nulliparous women.

 

[kelaskov]

Yeah but they usually won't give an IUD to a nulliparous woman so its probably not an option for the OP. The risk of complications are just too high.

Totally not true, please look into the research. From personal experience, an IUD- including the paraguard (copper one), is an excellent choice for a nullip.

 

[kelaskov]

I guess it depends who you talk to. I used to work at a clinic and they still wouldn't put IUDs in nulliparous women. Not because of risk of infertility but because of the size of the cervical os. Without the vaginal delivery its still tiny and the IUD causes inflammation and infection in something like 80% of these women instead of the typical 25%. This is what they taught me in my sexual phys class of med school too.

But like many things - it probably depends on who you ask.

Again, totally not true. Unless there is stenosis, the os has nothing to do with the ability to safely insert an IUD which is tiny and requires very little dilation. Furthermore- inserting a IUDs does not cause inflammation or infection as you suggest. For updates and accurate research into these matters, please refer to pubmed or the journal contraception.

 

[Habeed]

As a man, the IUD copper IUD seems like the ideal solution to the problem. I've read the insertion can hurt and there's a risk of problems within the first few weeks after it is put in. But, after that, the woman stops being able to feel it, and it doesn't affect her brain or behavior in the slightest. No weight gain, libido changes, nothing. Her brain at a low level still tries to make her behave like a fertile female trying to get pregnant...

And so you can have sex with a woman on an IUD whenever, wherever and not be afraid that you're just one ejaculation from changing your life forever...

 

[xscpx]

Well, my fiancee tested herself with a home kit last night---not pregnant. She'll test herself again in one week. Also, she went to see a physician today, and he/she told her she was fine. Despite that, my fiancee says that she just doesn't feel right.....

I wouldn't trust the test. I was told I had probably had cancer. Pregnancy tests were negative (blood and urine). I went for xrays and an ultrasound for pictures of this "mass" in my stomach. Luckily the xray appointment got canceled and I had the ultrasound first....7 and a half months pregnant! (no symptoms that weren't easily explained by something else) I was on the depo shot at the time too! If she doesn't feel right, tell her to trust her gut and get a second opinion.