I'm not going to comment on whether certain areas are safe for you & your wife since I don't know your situation or limitations, but I did decide to attend a school that is, on paper, in a state where I have reduced rights & protections based on my demographics, and I've found the university & city to be SUBSTANTIALLY safer/more accepting/welcoming than I would have ever thought. You might consider making a brief visit to the campuses before you entirely rule them out - you might be surprised about the actual environment present on each campus, as opposed to some possible wider cultural impressions. Keeping your out-of-state residency can also potentially help with safety options, such as if you find yourself needing to *ahem* go camping out of state.
You'll be approved for the full cost of attendance (including tuition & costs of living) for any AVMA-accredited school with full federal loans, you shouldn't need to go for private loans unless you pick a school that is not accredited. BUT, I honestly agree that just because you'll get the money doesn't mean you should go there. I was lucky enough to receive multiple acceptances last year, and I turned down seats in competitive programs close to home purely because I knew the cost was more than I could stomach. I wasn't prepared to increase my loan balance by more than 100k simply to be closer to home & go to an Ivy. I also specifically made my application decisions based on cost - I didn't bother applying to high-cost programs even if I knew I'd be more likely to get in (newer schools, Caribbean schools, etc). I spoke with countless vets in my personal life who MAJORLY regretted going to vet school due to their debt, but they also 1) only applied 1 cycle, and 2) only applied to a few high-cost schools. I don't necessarily blame them for their lack of knowledge as young college students...but yeah, that probably WAS a bad financial decision. I wasn't willing to put myself into over 500k of debt because I couldn't wait a cycle.
Also, not to be the downer, but you never know what might take you out of school & leave you with debt and no degree. I've seen people fail out & be stuck with debt that they never in their life thought they'd have without at least becoming a doctor from it. I am having to tack on an extra full year of debt just because I got diagnosed with a major illness & missed the withdrawal deadline from spring classes, and have to restart. I'm not saying any of this is likely, but it's not impossible. This is why I prioritized going to the cheapest school I got into, because I still won't even have as much additional debt as I would have if I was attending that more expensive program.