Is Your School Emotionally Abusive?

[Veyebes]

Hi, all. Second-year student at PCO here.

I am reaching out because the atmosphere amongst most of our student body, at least in my class and from who I've spoken with since I started, is absolutely horrible. We are exhausted, normalizing mental breakdowns, experiencing absurd levels of Imposter Syndrome, and we are watching our classmates drop like flies. I personally feel that I am not allowed to feel like I am making progress. Ever. The expectations, especially during practicals, are so high that they are designed to be failed. I have watched myself degrade as a person since I began here (inb4 yes, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist - actually, I see a therapist at the school, and they are so overbooked, mostly with optometry students, that there is a strict limit on how many sessions we can have per academic year and I will likely need to see an additional outside therapist soon), and I legitimately went through stages of grief during my first year, realizing how toxic this place is and how much it does not harbor a constructive academic challenge but rather one that tears you apart and leaves you hating the career you were so passionate about when you first applied.

My conflict is that I don't know if this is just how Optometry School is (which then, in my opinion, means this is a systemic issue because this dynamic and elitism could absolutely be avoided while still learning what we need to learn) or if this is an experience from those at PCO specifically. I imagine it is a mix of the two, but, guys, I am at a point where I wish the school to be audited for signs of emotional and mental abuse.

To those who are enrolled at other schools (as well as alumni if you'd like, and also those at PCO), could you please tell me your story so far? How is your mental health right now? Has your self image changed since joining the program? Do you feel respected as a person, or looked down upon? Do you feel like your professors are colleagues? Are accommodations offered for you when you need them? Does your school try to fix the root of issues, or does it simply aim for the branches? How about your practicals? Are the expectations so ungodly high that perfectly able students are being dismissed for unnecessary reasons? Or are you given a chance that feels truly fair to you? Do you feel like you actually learn the information given to you? Or are you tested on how quickly you can memorize word associations and flash cards? Do you see your preceptors and attendings as guides, or as catalysts of shame and intimidation?

I have been told that, after the second year at PCO, it gets "much better". I am banking on that, as that is the only thing getting me through these weeks currently. Whether that is true or not, what is happening right now is not okay. I feel that a lot of graduates leave and never want to touch the school again, so they don't report what happened or file any type of complaint. I don't blame them, but, right now I have that anger and pain sitting at the forefront and I want to use it to help future students here if possible.

Thank you for reading this, and thank you to anyone who shares their experience.

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[UnicornOpt]

Woah. Hope you feel better after writing this. I have no idea what the heck you are experiencing and what you are describing because honestly it didn't make sense to me, but it sounds like you're suffocating. You've got to do what you need to do to take control of your life and make it the best you can. If your institution isn't supportive, and you don't have a supportive network, then you have to carve your own path.

I'll be honest with you, I rarely had to memorize in optometry school. I didn't find it effective looking at some of my class notes so I just read intro textbooks at the school library that were helpful or I spoke with upperclassmen who were helping. If you're studying or practice isn't paying off, then it sounds like you need to reach out to new avenues of learning. I don't know what ungodly high expectations are in practicals, but if you cannot produce a correct answer or achieve the same goals that NBEO boards examinations set, then doesn't that mean you didn't accomplish what the practical is setting you up to achieve?

I mean I see some very advanced cases in practice all the time - no standard -2.00 D myope - and I have to think about what I'm doing to get the best answer I can for my patient. And if I don't give it all I have to help this guy, what's my job taking his money and selling him garbage. I would imagine your practical settings are more standard and simple, so sometimes you've got to do what is minimally competent, so I wonder what these high unrealistic expectations you are facing. I had a foreign language patient with such a large pterygium that it induced corneal astigmatism, and I could get no retinoscopy reflex, and I could get no autorefractor data, and I just had to rely on simple understanding of subj refraction and collapsing sturns conoid with power searching that I ultimately got him 20/30. I knew he wasn't amblyopic because he reported he had good vision in that eye in his youth. I sweat bullets thinking about how I would help this guy in my chair, but I used my knowledge to ultimately get this goal.

I was a student once, and I'm not underplaying what you're going through, but if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. I'm not saying to quit and give up, but continuing what you're doing doesn't sound productive or healthy for you if you came to an internet forum that gets little traffic to vent. Like I mentioned above, do what you've got to do to live your life and learn and take control, which may mean you have to change habits up.

Rosenberg has a nice intro textbook that covers years 1,2,3 that they use at SUNY. I got it through the library system while I was in my optometry school elsewhere. I read that alongside my own class notes. I got tutored by upperclassmen. And I went on to be a finalist at quizbowl. And I bought male sex toys to help blow off some steam

 

[OD 1993]

I'm a first-year and I have some of the same feelings as well: always feeling behind and struggling to just pass the courses when compared to my seemingly brilliant colleagues (somehow passed and even did better than average on a few of the standard exams though). My practical exam went poorly and I'll hopefully get a chance to plead my case before the professor to salvage my grade: I frankly blanked out and just flailed through that entire section.

On one hand, I wish for some mercy - it feels like a tsunami of academia washing over me. On the other hand, I also understand why they make the system hard: the patients have high expectations and the boards aren't kind to the unprepared.

For now at least, I just want to survive so I can graduate and return home with a career. I have thrown ideas of residencies and other high-minded goals out of my head.

I’m not sure I follow you. Your school is emotionally abusive towards its professional students ?
Could it be the workload is overwhelming for you ? I was once an optometry student and I studied hard to understand material and memorized tons of information that I had to with understanding concepts behind them to take exams and pass.

Is the academic faculty looking to weed out students ? I don’t get your point totally.

It was my understanding decades ago, that faculty does not want their own students failing out. The first two years are tough and they try to help you and do everything they can to help you succeed.

I can see your point come third year and primarily fourth year during clinical rotations. Yes, some clinical preceptors and faculty at rotations can give you some sort of emotional abuse for any reason especially if you’re not up to par with your clinical skills, knowledge base and Dx and Tx of pts. They expect you to perform at the level that you should be at.
Academically ? Hard to follow you on that.

 

[Eva Zhang]

Woah. Hope you feel better after writing this. I have no idea what the heck you are experiencing and what you are describing because honestly it didn't make sense to me, but it sounds like you're suffocating. You've got to do what you need to do to take control of your life and make it the best you can. If your institution isn't supportive, and you don't have a supportive network, then you have to carve your own path.

I'll be honest with you, I rarely had to memorize in optometry school. I didn't find it effective looking at some of my class notes so I just read intro textbooks at the school library that were helpful or I spoke with upperclassmen who were helping. If you're studying or practice isn't paying off, then it sounds like you need to reach out to new avenues of learning. I don't know what ungodly high expectations are in practicals, but if you cannot produce a correct answer or achieve the same goals that NBEO boards examinations set, then doesn't that mean you didn't accomplish what the practical is setting you up to achieve?

I mean I see some very advanced cases in practice all the time - no standard -2.00 D myope - and I have to think about what I'm doing to get the best answer I can for my patient. And if I don't give it all I have to help this guy, what's my job taking his money and selling him garbage. I would imagine your practical settings are more standard and simple, so sometimes you've got to do what is minimally competent, so I wonder what these high unrealistic expectations you are facing. I had a foreign language patient with such a large pterygium that it induced corneal astigmatism, and I could get no retinoscopy reflex, and I could get no autorefractor data, and I just had to rely on simple understanding of subj refraction and collapsing sturns conoid with power searching that I ultimately got him 20/30. I knew he wasn't amblyopic because he reported he had good vision in that eye in his youth. I sweat bullets thinking about how I would help this guy in my chair, but I used my knowledge to ultimately get this goal.

I was a student once, and I'm not underplaying what you're going through, but if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. I'm not saying to quit and give up, but continuing what you're doing doesn't sound productive or healthy for you if you came to an internet forum that gets little traffic to vent. Like I mentioned above, do what you've got to do to live your life and learn and take control, which may mean you have to change habits up.

Rosenberg has a nice intro textbook that covers years 1,2,3 that they use at SUNY. I got it through the library system while I was in my optometry school elsewhere. I read that alongside my own class notes. I got tutored by upperclassmen. And I went on to be a finalist at quizbowl. And I bought male sex toys to help blow off some steam

May you please send me the name of the textbook? Thank you!

 

[UnicornOpt]

Optometry: Science, Techniques and Clinical Management E-Book

An introduction to the theory and practice of optometry in one succinct volume. From the fundamental science of vision to clinical techniques and the management of common ocular conditions, this book encompasses the essence of contemporary optometric practice. Now in full colour and featuring...

books.google.com

Sorry the guy's name was Rosenfield. Anyhow get it through your school's library. You can preview most of the book through google books if you want to see if it appeals to you.

 

[Go against the current]

I have to go to CPPD for psychological sessions. I attempted suicide this summer then I realized how broken I was and emailed CPPD right away. We have great psychological departments and I really think, given the curriculum we have, all students should use that.

 

[pupillaryRuff]

Hi, all. Second-year student at PCO here.

I am reaching out because the atmosphere amongst most of our student body, at least in my class and from who I've spoken with since I started, is absolutely horrible. We are exhausted, normalizing mental breakdowns, experiencing absurd levels of Imposter Syndrome, and we are watching our classmates drop like flies. I personally feel that I am not allowed to feel like I am making progress. Ever. The expectations, especially during practicals, are so high that they are designed to be failed. I have watched myself degrade as a person since I began here (inb4 yes, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist - actually, I see a therapist at the school, and they are so overbooked, mostly with optometry students, that there is a strict limit on how many sessions we can have per academic year and I will likely need to see an additional outside therapist soon), and I legitimately went through stages of grief during my first year, realizing how toxic this place is and how much it does not harbor a constructive academic challenge but rather one that tears you apart and leaves you hating the career you were so passionate about when you first applied.

My conflict is that I don't know if this is just how Optometry School is (which then, in my opinion, means this is a systemic issue because this dynamic and elitism could absolutely be avoided while still learning what we need to learn) or if this is an experience from those at PCO specifically. I imagine it is a mix of the two, but, guys, I am at a point where I wish the school to be audited for signs of emotional and mental abuse.

To those who are enrolled at other schools (as well as alumni if you'd like, and also those at PCO), could you please tell me your story so far? How is your mental health right now? Has your self image changed since joining the program? Do you feel respected as a person, or looked down upon? Do you feel like your professors are colleagues? Are accommodations offered for you when you need them? Does your school try to fix the root of issues, or does it simply aim for the branches? How about your practicals? Are the expectations so ungodly high that perfectly able students are being dismissed for unnecessary reasons? Or are you given a chance that feels truly fair to you? Do you feel like you actually learn the information given to you? Or are you tested on how quickly you can memorize word associations and flash cards? Do you see your preceptors and attendings as guides, or as catalysts of shame and intimidation?

I have been told that, after the second year at PCO, it gets "much better". I am banking on that, as that is the only thing getting me through these weeks currently. Whether that is true or not, what is happening right now is not okay. I feel that a lot of graduates leave and never want to touch the school again, so they don't report what happened or file any type of complaint. I don't blame them, but, right now I have that anger and pain sitting at the forefront and I want to use it to help future students here if possible.

Thank you for reading this, and thank you to anyone who shares their experience.

As someone who went to PCO - I can confirm that this school is emotionally abusive. They say they want us to succeed, but I don't believe that for a SECOND.

They think punishment is in our best interest, but it is really traumatizing and makes things worse. EVERYONE is miserable there. Everyone (including myself) regrets choosing to go there.

The expectations are ungodly high for practicals, and the process is not fair at all and completely subjective - it depends on the student patient you get as well as the preceptor that is grading you. Some are sticklers for, say, pupils and cover test, but not for trial frame. If you take the test more than once, you might fail one skill and not another, then fail a different skill but not the first one by doing the exact same thing.

They need to be investigated into their practices - very few people report instances of verbal abuse, sexual harassment, discrimination, or, in one case, making fun of someone's disability by two faculty members.

You have a disability and want accommodations? They will say you are "lowering the bar" for other students. You will have to jump through hoops to get them and they won't provide them for practical exams, even though it is against the LAW. AND if something goes wrong, either you are blamed or "the University" is blamed. PCO claims accommodations are "not their problem."

It really is a horrible situation. They need some negative media attention or something. And fast.

 

[britbits]

Just saw this
I felt your pain once….
I graduated a very long time ago (1985) from SCO
We experienced the same sort of abuse from the faculty.
I thought this was just the times we were in, and that everything was much more PC by now.
It’s frightening that this continues in today’s world.
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t have become an OD anyway!

 

[Drjc1977]

In my opinion, professional school abuse should be treated as any other abuse. There is no reason to humiliate a student or resident as part of their professional education under the guise of making a better doctor. This seems to me to be a transgenerational problem; i.e. "I was abused therefor it is appropriate to abuse you". This is a good place for bullies to thrive and there are bullies in the professions. The various professional associations need to lobby for laws protecting the learner. The learner already works for slave wages and is expected to be at top performance though she/he may have not slept for over 24 hours. The professor/senior resident/staff doctor has tremendous power and all too often is exercised improperly.

 

[goldmaple]

To reply to the original poster, certain preceptors at my optometric institution (I choose not to elevate it by calling it a school) could be described as emotionally abusive, surprisingly/alarmingly unaware of the ADA, and also disturbingly ignorant of how NBEO and the real world operate.

I got by in second and third year by:
1. Deliberately finding ways to numb myself, emotionally. This wasn't about drugs or alcohol; it was a psychological approach I took while completing tasks at the institution. Check out mindfulness-related stuff.
2. Reminding myself of the reasons why I chose the profession and how the individuals whom I admire in the real world of optometry are nothing like the poor performing preceptors at my institution.
3. Focusing my time and attention on the preceptors who DO give a damn, and those at my institution who are worthy of the title of Teacher.
4. Yes, at times, just memorizing. It got to the point of treating tests like memorizing a 5-act Shakespearean play - and enough of it stuck so that I passed NBEO Part 1. I'm continuing to teach myself the information now, in 4th year, using techniques that are better suited to me.
5. Getting help for optical/binocular issues OUTSIDE of my institution
6. Later, forming the hypothesis that the worst preceptors also tend to be the most ignorant--and lowest paid, and that consciously or not, they tend to lash out defensively when topics get too close to their areas of weakness. They may also feel grouchy about underlying institutional issues, too, and they tend to "kick the dog" by taking out their frustration on students. Again, spare your personal and psychological energy, and only ask questions of those who can and want to help you.
7. Stopping trying to fix or understand a system that was broken and didn't want to fix itself, and just accepting that I needed to treat it as being on call, 24-7, due to the institution's incompetence.

It's appropriate to get psychological counseling if you need it. That said, I also recommend doing your best to shift your focus and energy to passing and getting out of your institution and away/out of their reach. That is your primary goal at this time. Focusing on the injustice of how bad they are does not benefit you at this time. It burns away precious energy that would be better used in meeting your life goals.

I spoke out on some abuses while I was at the institution, and I intend to do a little more once I leave, because it's especially unforgivable in my mind that an institution that is supposed to specialize in recognizing and treating binocular issues is so obtuse/stubborn/bitter when extending the same values of compassion, humanism, and quality instruction towards its students. That said, again - it's important to take issues to those who care, can comprehend what you are saying, and have the will/ability to do something about it.

What you wrote resonated strongly with my experience, and while I'm sad it happened to you, too, it's also somewhat comforting to know that had I transferred, it would have been about the same (I thought a lot about transferring). It's been a while. I hope you made it to this point in your program.

 

[Drjc1977]

To reply to the original poster, certain preceptors at my optometric institution (I choose not to elevate it by calling it a school) could be described as emotionally abusive, surprisingly/alarmingly unaware of the ADA, and also disturbingly ignorant of how NBEO and the real world operate.

I got by in second and third year by:
1. Deliberately finding ways to numb myself, emotionally. This wasn't about drugs or alcohol; it was a psychological approach I took while completing tasks at the institution. Check out mindfulness-related stuff.
2. Reminding myself of the reasons why I chose the profession and how the individuals whom I admire in the real world of optometry are nothing like the poor performing preceptors at my institution.
3. Focusing my time and attention on the preceptors who DO give a damn, and those at my institution who are worthy of the title of Teacher.
4. Yes, at times, just memorizing. It got to the point of treating tests like memorizing a 5-act Shakespearean play - and enough of it stuck so that I passed NBEO Part 1. I'm continuing to teach myself the information now, in 4th year, using techniques that are better suited to me.
5. Getting help for optical/binocular issues OUTSIDE of my institution
6. Later, forming the hypothesis that the worst preceptors also tend to be the most ignorant--and lowest paid, and that consciously or not, they tend to lash out defensively when topics get too close to their areas of weakness. They may also feel grouchy about underlying institutional issues, too, and they tend to "kick the dog" by taking out their frustration on students. Again, spare your personal and psychological energy, and only ask questions of those who can and want to help you.
7. Stopping trying to fix or understand a system that was broken and didn't want to fix itself, and just accepting that I needed to treat it as being on call, 24-7, due to the institution's incompetence.

It's appropriate to get psychological counseling if you need it. That said, I also recommend doing your best to shift your focus and energy to passing and getting out of your institution and away/out of their reach. That is your primary goal at this time. Focusing on the injustice of how bad they are does not benefit you at this time. It burns away precious energy that would be better used in meeting your life goals.

I spoke out on some abuses while I was at the institution, and I intend to do a little more once I leave, because it's especially unforgivable in my mind that an institution that is supposed to specialize in recognizing and treating binocular issues is so obtuse/stubborn/bitter when extending the same values of compassion, humanism, and quality instruction towards its students. That said, again - it's important to take issues to those who care, can comprehend what you are saying, and have the will/ability to do something about it.

What you wrote resonated strongly with my experience, and while I'm sad it happened to you, too, it's also somewhat comforting to know that had I transferred, it would have been about the same (I thought a lot about transferring). It's been a while. I hope you made it to this point in your program.

Excellent comments. Isn't it a shame though that a situation exists prompting you to offer such advice?