Intern getting married next year, should a Pre-Nup be on my radar?

[AthleteDoc7]

Edit: Emotions seem to run too high over this topic. Thanks anyway y'all

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[NITRAS]

Planning a divorce before you get married is a pretty good indicator your not ready to get married.

Seriously, get good pre-marriage counseling.

Edit: y’all both have nothing. My wife has made way less than me since I’ve become staff. It’s or money. Our house, our kids.

In case of significant difference in assets prior to marriage, a pre-nup might prevent weirdness. In your case, it would just be a cause of relational disunity.

 

[sumtimesuwonder]

Consider? Sure. It would be a great CYA move, and it clearly makes sense for you, the one making more money. If you think your significant other would not take offense/ have it not affect your relationship why not?

However, I had a difficult time turning around to my SO who had been with me 10 years and had moved with me to a completely different place and uprooted her life in order for me to support my career and will probably have to continue to do so as my career moves forward and say "What if I change my mind?" Its not the best start to a marriage.

Could it come back and bite me in the butt one day? Yeah, especially if you go look at the statistics. The way I look at it is that I would not be where I am today if she was not there to support me. If things go belly up one day, she probably deserves something for the sacrifices shes made along the way.

 

[AthleteDoc7]

Planning a divorce before you get married is a pretty good indicator your not ready to get married.

Seriously, get good pre-marriage counseling.

this is the typical emotional response I somewhat expected. thanks for your opinion.

 

[AthleteDoc7]

Consider? Sure. It would be a great CYA move, and it clearly makes sense for you, the one making more money. If you think your significant other would not take offense/ have it not affect your relationship why not?

However, I had a difficult time turning around to my SO who had been with me 10 years and had moved with me to a completely different place and uprooted her life in order for me to support my career and will probably have to continue to do so as my career moves forward and say "What if I change my mind?" Its not the best start to a marriage.

Could it come back and bite me in the butt one day? Yeah, especially if you go look at the statistics. The way I look at it is that I would not be where I am today if she was not there to support me. If things go belly up one day, she probably deserves something for the sacrifices shes made along the way.

I generally agree with everything you’ve said and hadn’t really thought about it until this recent run in with one of my attendings whose life is “in shambles” according to him, so figured I should do my due diligence and at least ask how others have thought about this. obviously no one goes into a marriage expecting things to go badly, and I certainly couldn’t imagine that for my own very healthy, stable relationship, but that doesn’t stop us from having insurance in every other part of life. thanks for taking the time to write a thoughtful response.

 

[BC_89]

Putting my emotional verdict aside and running with financial thoughts, a couple of questions come to mind:

Do you have property or kids from a previous marriage? Do you currently foresee having an issue with automatic property rights upon your death and/or divorce? If nothing as complicated as that occurs, I don't see much of a use for a pre-nup as a broke med student going into residency.

Now, as marriage goes on... should you come to fast money (independent investment in a start-up company that puts amazon to the ground or a rich cousin that dies leaving his inheritance) coupled with your income and growing funds (Company Roth, mutual, HSA, back-door roths, etc) I can understand a need to start a post-marital agreement. I've even heard of some people beginning a private pension account and spread the funds out over different investment avenues (CD's are a prime example) and contributing the retirement fund for both themselves and spouse along with a survivors benefit plan. Should anything go south such as death or divorce, you could initiate (or lawyer for that matter) the post-marital agreement outlining your arrangement.

Of course, I would focus the topic on death rather than divorce. Been married over 6 years with two kids and already have an SBP put in place with contingency plans if anything goes south (death more so than divorce).

To each their own.

 

[AthleteDoc7]

Putting my emotional verdict aside and running with financial thoughts, a couple of questions come to mind:

Do you have property or kids from a previous marriage? Do you currently foresee having an issue with automatic property rights upon your death and/or divorce? If nothing as complicated as that occurs, I don't see much of a use for a pre-nup as a broke med student going into residency.

Now, as marriage goes on... should you come to fast money (independent investment in a start-up company that puts amazon to the ground or a rich cousin that dies leaving his inheritance) coupled with your income and growing funds (Company Roth, mutual, HSA, back-door roths, etc) I can understand a need to start a post-marital agreement. I've even heard of some people beginning a private pension account and spread the funds out over different investment avenues (CD's are a prime example) and contributing the retirement fund for both themselves and spouse along with a survivors benefit plan. Should anything go south such as death or divorce, you could initiate (or lawyer for that matter) the post-marital agreement outlining your arrangement.

Of course, I would focus the topic on death rather than divorce. Been married over 6 years with two kids and already have an SBP put in place with contingency plans if anything goes south (death more so than divorce).

To each their own.

extremely informative and helpful, thanks a lot! this is extremely valuable information I'll be sure to keep in mind in the future.

 

[TMP-SMX]

If you have no assets a prenup won't make a difference. Depending on your state (community vs not community) half your assets since marriage will be divided.

 

[Stroganoff]

If you have no assets a prenup won't make a difference. Depending on your state (community vs not community) half your assets since marriage will be divided.

Agreed. But there's some caveats when it comes to division of retirement accounts e.g. 401(x)/403, IRAs, 457s, etc. I've read horror stories where those get raided (sometimes worse than 50/50). I'm considering looking into options like "what's mine is mine (individual accounts), and what's yours is yours (individual accounts), what's ours is 50/50 (joint accounts)" to avoid the headaches and heartaches with splitting an IRA or whatever. With the knowledge that both spouse and I will be maxing out those accounts anyways, so it should be a wash.

Same with an agreement that covers things like alimony and child support in advance of a divorce that hopefully never happens.

The fact that OP doesn't have significant assets prior to the marriage makes things much simpler. I don't see how a 50/50 split post-marriage is morally wrong unless the other spouse did sketchy things to trigger the divorce in the first place.

Maybe consult with a marriage/divorce lawyer in your state? Also read as much as possible?

Asset titling in the United States - Bogleheads

www.bogleheads.org

Prenuptial Agreements

You're planning your wedding -- should you plan on a prenuptial agreement, too? Prenuptial agreements allow spouses to decide how they want to deal with their financ

www.nolo.com

 

[Mman]

Edit: Emotions seem to run too high over this topic. Thanks anyway y'all

if you don't have emotions related to marriage, perhaps you should not be getting married

 

[Stroganoff]

if you don't have emotions related to marriage, perhaps you should not be getting married

I don't believe that's what he meant.

 

[ArdorAyurveda]

Should a pre-nup be on my radar?

Yes

 

[Merely]

Prenup makes sense if you have money before the marriage. If you have no money what are you protecting against? She will take half of everything you make when you’re together and you can’t stop that. Good luck.

 

[cde]

You can limit alimony to x number of years, how much of your pension is shared but assets accumulated during the marriage are split 50/50

 

[managedcarefin]

So, I'm in the opposite of your situation. I make money now but my future spouse will out earn me long term unless I make partner. Financially the incentive is to me to create a prenub given that I have move my life, I've been supporting her all these years and will continue to support her through residency. But emotionally it doesn't make sense because I knew that I would have to do this prior to asking her to marry me. These are the things you have to think about, yes people change but is it worth the emotional headache...

 

[redfish955]

I'd agree to that. You pay all the bills including my Audi note and Starbucks. I'll keep working and pocket every cent of my salary. I'll never be a stay at home parent because I can't risk losing my six figure salary and career. If I get laid off you better be ready to move wherever I can find a job.

 

[redfish955]

I would not get a prenup but I would push my partner to become stronger financially and possibly delay marriage until they are strong.
1st make sure they have the education of a upper middle class individual.
2nd make sure they are saving for retirement.
3rd consider relocating so that your spouse can be more successful. Some locations suck for certain types of work and others are great.
4th consider living in a lower cost of living area where you can save more and worry less about keeping up with the Jones.
All of these are things that can minimize the impact a divorce will have on you.

 

[DokterMom]

Do consider what you each bring to the marriage. Yes, you bring high earning potential. But do you also bring $200,000 worth of debt? You'll also bring long work hours and a schedule that will be very demanding of her. (If you can't run to the grocery store, that means she has to do it...)

Also consider the type of life you envision together. Do you (or she) want her to be a stay-at-home mom? Do you want her to (or assume she will) be primarily responsible for the home and for your family's social and logistical arrangements? All of those things take time and cost money. If she does them, they will greatly diminish her own earning potential, and that 'hit' tends to be pretty permanent. (Hence, alimony.) If that's the type of life you envision, then it probably makes sense to talk about it now and agree on what you both conclude is fair.

On the other hand, if she is a career professional and you two decide to pay for the household support, then it seems reasonable for alimony (and your debt) to be taken off the table.

Prenup makes sense if you have money before the marriage. If you have no money what are you protecting against? She will take half of everything you make when you’re together and you can’t stop that. Good luck.

Your tone is offensive here, implying that what is earned during the marriage is rightfully 'his' until she 'takes' it in a divorce. Not saying this never happens, but it's certainly not a given.

 

[Merely]

Do consider what you each bring to the marriage. Yes, you bring high earning potential. But do you also bring $200,000 worth of debt? You'll also bring long work hours and a schedule that will be very demanding of her. (If you can't run to the grocery store, that means she has to do it...)

Also consider the type of life you envision together. Do you (or she) want her to be a stay-at-home mom? Do you want her to (or assume she will) be primarily responsible for the home and for your family's social and logistical arrangements? All of those things take time and cost money. If she does them, they will greatly diminish her own earning potential, and that 'hit' tends to be pretty permanent. (Hence, alimony.) If that's the type of life you envision, then it probably makes sense to talk about it now and agree on what you both conclude is fair.

On the other hand, if she is a career professional and you two decide to pay for the household support, then it seems reasonable for alimony (and your debt) to be taken off the table.



Your tone is offensive here, implying that what is earned during the marriage is rightfully 'his' until she 'takes' it in a divorce. Not saying this never happens, but it's certainly not a given.

Oh you’re offended? Sorry I didn’t mean to offend you

 

[managedcarefin]

Oh you’re offended? Sorry I didn’t mean to offend you

Found the single guy.

 

[Merely]

Found the single guy.

I’m a girl LOL

 

[managedcarefin]

I’m a girl LOL

Ok, so what?

 

[Merely]

Ok, so what?

So stop whining about being offended and grow up..

 

[managedcarefin]

So stop whining about being offended and grow up..

Haha, so your gender determines what exactly? You are complaining on the internet. Crawl back in your hole.

 

[Merely]

Haha, so your gender determines what exactly? You are complaining on the internet. Crawl back in your hole.

Wtf lol

 

[managedcarefin]

Wtf lol

k.

 

[Mad Jack]

Prenups rarely cover post-marital assets in most states. Won't do you much good, unless you are specifically referring to clauses dealing with assets in the case of infidelity etc

 

[Stroganoff]

Prenups rarely cover post-marital assets in most states. Won't do you much good, unless you are specifically referring to clauses dealing with assets in the case of infidelity etc

I kinda like the infidelity clause idea. And clauses for other unfortunate scenarios that I can't think of. It mitigates a vengeful or predatory person from tanking a marriage then essentially still getting 50% of marital assets or alimony, etc.

Maybe infidelity, violence and proven domestic abuse (except I've seen people fake stuff like this and I've taken 911 calls from scheming spouses that initiate violence then only hubby gets arrested anyways), drug and alcohol addiction, etc.