Indian resident's heartache

[rush]

I am a resident physician in a competitive residency program in the US. I came to the US a few yrs ago after finishing medschool in India, slogged my way through doing research etc and finally got into a great program. Everything's great except that even after four months into the program, I have a difficult time "mixing in" with other people in my batch. I mean, I am a very simple and friendly person, and very easy to work with, and people in my batch understand that too. But I just feel that I am kinda left out of the group, and feel like I am not really "in". It is probably becoz of the huge cultural difference. I grew up in India, was one of the smartest in my class, and was always popular with friends. But here i feel that i don't always get people's jokes or understand the slang! I just feel sad and left out!! I mean, when I am trying so hard to be a part of the group and trying to learn the "american way", shouldn't people around me just make a little effort and make me feel more welcome?!!

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[sunny123]

Don't try so hard to fit in. Just be yourself (which I am sure you are doing). One cannot force friendships or the bonding within a group setting. It will take some time. Just start to get to know one person, not the entire group all at once.

While at university here in Toronto, I've seen how hard Indian people try to fit into groups (the ones who have come straight from India). They try a little too hard, which sort of distances themselves from other people. Some people don't understand that it is hard coming to a new country, and having to make a new set of friends.

Anyways, let things come naturally, and everything should be fine. Best wishes.

 

[rush]

Hi Sunny 123,

Thanks a lot for your advice. I totally agree with you. I guess I just needed some reassurance that it was ok to be myself. Thanks for reminding

 

[786mine]

Just relax.

 

[data]

First thing you should do is observe what others around you are doing. Then you can blend in easily. Next just do onto others as others do onto you. Its a common quote but its very easy to do. Be nice and nice people will come your way. Don't worry be HAPPY!

 

[Energon]

Rush I moved to the US when I was a young teenager (13 or so) and in a way it was harder because I went to an all white school and they didnt know anything about the outside world... actually they probably didnt even know that there was a world outside their pretty little white fences.

Nonetheless, you just have to stay positive and be yourself... dont try and become "american".... trust me, people dont pull it off as well as they think they do, and then actually end up with a bigger identity crisis because they become the butt of jokes of their American co workers as well as the Indian ones. Just be yourself and give everyone a chance to assimilate you.
Best of luck

 

[BDS-DMD]

The most imp thing is to relax. As some one said here. if you try to hard, you end up driving yourself even further away. Also don't speak with a US accent. It really makes you a laughing stock.

Incidentally,which institute are you at?

 

[rush]

Thanks for all the suggestions!! Yeah, I would never try to imitate the american accent - I can't myself stand people who try to imitate the accent! Although I do think it is a good idea to try to shed the Indian accent - the twists and turns, the "V-W" dilemma and so on... It can be done without switching to the american accent.

(Sorry, can't reveal my institute - it's a small world!!)

 

[DropkickMurphy]

Be yourself. Don't worry about what your fellow residents think. If they are truly worth associating with, they'll see past any social difficulties stemming from differing origins.

 

[chintu]

I see exactly where you are coming from. I immigrated to states when I was 14 and had a very hard time fitting in high school. In college, I found a few friends who were also serious about medicine and now that I am in medschool its a whole new world again. The social life in med school here is pretty much going out and party or drink after exam. I personally don't drink and find myself uncomfortable in those settings. Even though I chat with classmates and all on a daily basis, I don't feel like we have a whole lot in common to chat besides medschool stuff. And most students feel like talking about more intersting stuff like sports, hobbies, etc. most of which I can't associate with. What makes it difficult is that there's no one in my class who came here from a foreign country at my age or later who I can hang out or share ideas with. I just found a few friends of other ethnicities who are down to earth like me and come from middle class families.

I can see how difficult it would be coming here at your age and trying to fit in the professional crowd. My advice would be similar to everyone else's, just be yourself and be patient it will be a gradual transition. It takes a little time to understand your other american colleagues, their interests, etc. Try to find common interests among them that you can spur the conversation with (news, sports, etc.) to build a little confidence in social settings. Eventually, you will start to pick up on those subtleties in their conversations. As others said, don't feel pressured into doing or saying anything you wouldn't normally want. Let things flow naturally and things will eventually get better. I am sure most of them have dealt with other IMGs at some point. Good luck!

 

[KaliforniaDoll]

I am a resident physician in a competitive residency program in the US. I came to the US a few yrs ago after finishing medschool in India, slogged my way through doing research etc and finally got into a great program. Everything's great except that even after four months into the program, I have a difficult time "mixing in" with other people in my batch. I mean, I am a very simple and friendly person, and very easy to work with, and people in my batch understand that too. But I just feel that I am kinda left out of the group, and feel like I am not really "in". It is probably becoz of the huge cultural difference. I grew up in India, was one of the smartest in my class, and was always popular with friends. But here i feel that i don't always get people's jokes or understand the slang! I just feel sad and left out!! I mean, when I am trying so hard to be a part of the group and trying to learn the "american way", shouldn't people around me just make a little effort and make me feel more welcome?!!

Your feelings sound so familiar to me. Listen to this story.

There was a FMG in New York city program like you few years ago. He was a FOB who went to medschool in India and started his internship also in a competitive program filled with american med grads. That was his very first month in the united states. He did not know anyone in the town or in the country. He felt like dropped into a strange land from an aeroplane. Hospital atmosphere was new and even everything in the hospital was unfamiliar to him. His first month was passing like decades for him. His collegues were from different US medical schools and known to each other in some way. They were hanging out with each other. This guy was left alone knowing nobody. He looked different and had nothing in common with them. He felt like an american in bagdad street.

He was also not 'mixing-in' like you and not feeling part of the group. No one made him feel welcomed. He also felt sad and left out just like you.

After the first month, residency program started teaching schedule for the residents. Every monday morning they conducted clinical case conferences. On the first monday of August, residents grouped in the conference room waiting for the faculty and chairman to arrive.

All residents were chatting before the conference time. They were chatting about everything. They were all so happy.Every one was talking except one person.
They were talking about Jerry seinfield.
Baseball.
Sex and the city.
Steak.
Jay Leno.
Trip to Hawaii.
excetras. excetras.
They were all talking about stuffs which our FOB did not know.

Chairman arrived and case conference started. Conference room was filled with medical students, tens of residents and the whole faculty. Chief resident started presenting the case. That case was an unusual presentation.
Chairman started his session of asking questions ranging from anatomy to surgical pathology. He started his usual grilling. He finally caught one PGY4 as his victim. That PGY 4 could not move forward with one particular question.

Chairman threw the question to the conference floor and asked anyone to answer his question. He waited for several minutes. No resident answered his question. No american medical graduate answered his question. There was pin drop silence in the conference floor.

There was one guy sitting in the corner of that conference room who became so restless. He knew the answer for that question but did not want to answer because he was so shy. He could not resist himself after a moment and he got up and blurted out the answer.

Every pair of the eyes in that conference floor was staring at him.

Chairman started asking more questions for the next several minutes. This FOB answered every single question. He felt so comfortable during those minutes. He felt at home. He was answering to all the questions of chairman like Bill Clinton answering the questions of CNN Larry King. so comfy. so cool.
He did not have american accent. It did not matter there. Only facts mattered there. Only knowledge was important there. Knowledge is universal language. Knowledge has no accent.
He did not know anything about Jerry seinfiled and Sarah Jessica Parker. But, he knew what an intern should know.
After that case conference, every thing changed for him.He became an equal effortlessly. He felt like he conquered the world. Every one became his friends overnight including faculty after that showtime in the conference room. His residency passed like days.

Message:
Knowledge is Power.
Power can get anything you want in life.

 

[Athene]

Your feelings sound so familiar to me. Listen to this story.

There was one guy sitting in the corner of that conference room who became so restless. He knew the answer for that question but did not want to answer because he was so shy. He could not resist himself after a moment and he got up and blurted out the answer.

Every pair of the eyes in that conference floor was staring at him.

Knowledge is universal language. Knowledge has no accent.
He did not know anything about Jerry seinfiled and Sarah Jessica Parker. But, he knew what an intern should know.

Message:
Knowledge is Power.
Power can get anything you want in life.

Great Post!!!!!

 

[rush]

Awesome post Newyorker!! So inspiring!!
Thankyou!

 

[$!n!$+er]

hey newyorker u've got a flair for writing, dude!

 

[MustafaMond]

Your feelings sound so familiar to me. Listen to this story.

There was a FMG in New York city program like you few years ago. He was a FOB who went to medschool in India and started his internship also in a competitive program filled with american med grads. That was his very first month in the united states. He did not know anyone in the town or in the country. He felt like dropped into a strange land from an aeroplane. Hospital atmosphere was new and even everything in the hospital was unfamiliar to him. His first month was passing like decades for him. His collegues were from different US medical schools and known to each other in some way. They were hanging out with each other. This guy was left alone knowing nobody. He looked different and had nothing in common with them. He felt like an american in bagdad street.

He was also not 'mixing-in' like you and not feeling part of the group. No one made him feel welcomed. He also felt sad and left out just like you.

After the first month, residency program started teaching schedule for the residents. Every monday morning they conducted clinical case conferences. On the first monday of August, residents grouped in the conference room waiting for the faculty and chairman to arrive.

All residents were chatting before the conference time. They were chatting about everything. They were all so happy.Every one was talking except one person.
They were talking about Jerry seinfield.
Baseball.
Sex and the city.
Steak.
Jay Leno.
Trip to Hawaii.
excetras. excetras.
They were all talking about stuffs which our FOB did not know.

Chairman arrived and case conference started. Conference room was filled with medical students, tens of residents and the whole faculty. Chief resident started presenting the case. That case was an unusual presentation.
Chairman started his session of asking questions ranging from anatomy to surgical pathology. He started his usual grilling. He finally caught one PGY4 as his victim. That PGY 4 could not move forward with one particular question.

Chairman threw the question to the conference floor and asked anyone to answer his question. He waited for several minutes. No resident answered his question. No american medical graduate answered his question. There was pin drop silence in the conference floor.

There was one guy sitting in the corner of that conference room who became so restless. He knew the answer for that question but did not want to answer because he was so shy. He could not resist himself after a moment and he got up and blurted out the answer.

Every pair of the eyes in that conference floor was staring at him.

Chairman started asking more questions for the next several minutes. This FOB answered every single question. He felt so comfortable during those minutes. He felt at home. He was answering to all the questions of chairman like Bill Clinton answering the questions of CNN Larry King. so comfy. so cool.
He did not have american accent. It did not matter there. Only facts mattered there. Only knowledge was important there. Knowledge is universal language. Knowledge has no accent.
He did not know anything about Jerry seinfiled and Sarah Jessica Parker. But, he knew what an intern should know.
After that case conference, every thing changed for him.He became an equal effortlessly. He felt like he conquered the world. Every one became his friends overnight including faculty after that showtime in the conference room. His residency passed like days.

Message:
Knowledge is Power.
Power can get anything you want in life.

Great advice...from one FOB to another..

 

[KaliforniaDoll]

Great advice...from one FOB to another..

Damn! musta...
FOBs rulez America....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[thirdclius]

I see exactly where you are coming from. I immigrated to states when I was 14 and had a very hard time fitting in high school. In college, I found a few friends who were also serious about medicine and now that I am in medschool its a whole new world again. The social life in med school here is pretty much going out and party or drink after exam. I personally don't drink and find myself uncomfortable in those settings. Even though I chat with classmates and all on a daily basis, I don't feel like we have a whole lot in common to chat besides medschool stuff. And most students feel like talking about more intersting stuff like sports, hobbies, etc. most of which I can't associate with. What makes it difficult is that there's no one in my class who came here from a foreign country at my age or later who I can hang out or share ideas with. I just found a few friends of other ethnicities who are down to earth like me and come from middle class families.

I can see how difficult it would be coming here at your age and trying to fit in the professional crowd. My advice would be similar to everyone else's, just be yourself and be patient it will be a gradual transition. It takes a little time to understand your other american colleagues, their interests, etc. Try to find common interests among them that you can spur the conversation with (news, sports, etc.) to build a little confidence in social settings. Eventually, you will start to pick up on those subtleties in their conversations. As others said, don't feel pressured into doing or saying anything you wouldn't normally want. Let things flow naturally and things will eventually get better. I am sure most of them have dealt with other IMGs at some point. Good luck!

It's so funny that I thought I was the only one with this experience. I moved to the US when I was 14 and had a hard time fitting in. Hence, I hated high school. College was fun for I was around people who were immigrants myself or at least 2nd generation immigrants.
Now, while in my Master's program, I was back to not being able to relate with my classmates. I hate the bitter taste of beer so whenever we have parties I feel bored because I can't relate to the things my classmates talked about. Thank goodness I had an American friend who was a PeaceCorps Volunteer who kept me company the whole time. Basically, she and I were together during these parties because we just couldn't relate to our classmates (most of the time). Now when they pop out the hukkah, then I get to have fun with my classmates.
To the OP, in my experience it is difficult to adjust here in the US especially during the first year. First year is the toughest in my opinion because we are longing for our country, our loved ones, and our culture, and yet no one can share this feeling with us. Just hang there buddy, time will come when your colleagues will be able to relate to you - Just allow yourself and your colleagues some time and soon you'll be talking and hanging out with them. Or maybe you can befriend the newbies to your program. Newbies generally tend to be a lot nicer since at first they are also going to try to fit in to the new work environment!

 

[zenman]

And here I sit...an American in Bangladesh...and I thought I had it bad

Wish I was at least in India!

 

[sunny123]

And here I sit...an American in Bangladesh...and I thought I had it bad

Wish I was at least in India!

What are you doing in Bangladesh?

 

[KaliforniaDoll]

Just hang there buddy, time will come when your colleagues will be able to relate to you - Just allow yourself and your colleagues some time and soon you'll be talking and hanging out with them. Or maybe you can befriend the newbies to your program. Newbies generally tend to be a lot nicer since at first they are also going to try to fit in to the new work environment!

I dont think 'fitting-in' in america for an educated indian (MD) who can speak perfect british english is difficult at all. It is just a matter of time to get rid of that 'jet lag'. I had difficulty to fit-in inside India when i moved from madras to Banglore state for my postgrad training. People were speaking totally different language and also Hindi which i did not know a bit. I have also seen MDs who came to southern india (particularly madras state due to tamil language domination) from northern india for postgraduate training after selected in All-indian competitive exams faced a great difficulty fitting in due to language barrier.

I really think i will have a serious problem practicing medicine in Bombay or Delhi than practicing in the united states. It is due to language barrier. It is a shame i cant speak my national language. It is all due to dirty politics in the south. They dont teach hindi in south indian schools.

 

[tmudi]

Good one
thanks

I dont think 'fitting-in' in america for an educated indian (MD) who can speak perfect british english is difficult at all. It is just a matter of time to get rid of that 'jet lag'. I had difficulty to fit-in inside India when i moved from madras to Banglore state for my postgrad training. People were speaking totally different language and also Hindi which i did not know a bit. I have also seen MDs who came to southern india (particularly madras state due to tamil language domination) from northern india for postgraduate training after selected in All-indian competitive exams faced a great difficulty fitting in due to language barrier.

I really think i will have a serious problem practicing medicine in Bombay or Delhi than practicing in the united states. It is due to language barrier. It is a shame i cant speak my national language. It is all due to dirty politics in the south. They dont teach hindi in south indian schools.