Imposter Syndrome? Self-Pride?

[Nannarnaluk]

I was accepted into my number one school. This is my third time applying and I've worked really hard to get here. I am so extremely grateful. I'm struggling though, with this feeling that I am not proud of myself? I thought I would be but yet I still feel like I just "did the thing". This is a consistent feeling of mine, which I have always thought I was just humble, but now I'm starting to wonder if I don't know how to be proud of myself. My mental health is pretty good, but I do think I struggle with self-confidence and self-appreciation.

I'm wondering if anyone else is dealing with this? I think it is imposter syndrome, which I expected, but not necessarily in this way.

*I intend to start counseling again, and I think everyone should!*

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[sszoo]

I feel this in a way. I think it’s because we often are too hard on ourselves and feel like we just got “lucky” that we achieved something great and don’t recognize all of the hard work and dedication we put into it. You absolutely SHOULD be proud that you got into your #1 school and you ABSOLUTELY earned it through all of your hard work and accomplishments. You did an incredible thing and something that many many people only dream of. I, for one, am extremely proud of you for chasing this crazy dream and succeeding in not only your four YEARS of undergraduate education, but also every other endeavor that you have undertaken to get to this point. Congratulations!

 

[QuietTempest]

I definitely felt this way after my acceptances. Especially after looking at the admission statistics. Only a few days ago, I stopped logging into my application portal everyday just to make sure the acceptance was still there. Somewhere in my brain thought that maybe it was a mistake that I got in. That feeling definitely got compounded when people I thought were my friends made comments like “I’m surprised you got into x school”, “how did you manage to pull that off?”, or “I’m surprised they chose you over all the other people that applied”. Over the past few days, I’ve just been trying to remind myself that I got accepted into my top 2 programs, including my dream school. And if these programs believe in me, then I should believe in me, too.

Also, congratulations! You deserve it, and you will be an amazing veterinarian! Go celebrate, friend!

 

[riderrapidash]

So glad a thread was made on this. To be honest, I thought it wasn't common to feel this way so it's nice knowing there's others in the same boat- pretty reassuring. I've been incredibly fortunate and was dealt a perfect hand of upbringing with incredible family, friends, mentors and advisors who have supported me and despite my stress and anxiety concerning the process before applying, I've been granted several offers despite this being my first cycle. But I feel as if it's just that- luck. I'm not proud of myself at all really despite my family, friends, professors etc. telling me it's a huge accomplishment. I know it is and am immesurably grateful, but I feel undeserving of it. I also have some sort of weird guilt, too. Knowing many applicants work way harder and gain far more hours, research, etc. than I had and are on their second, third, fourth cycles makes me feel awful. Especially seeing some of them still get denied- like I stole an opportunity they've worked for twice or three times longer than I have. So many have had it many orders of magnitude harder than I have- and I feel like a terrible person for potentially taking the spot of someone who had a difficult upbringing, is first generation etc. who had to work far harder their whole life. So, I'm honestly sorry to anyone who is less fortunate than I was whose spot I may have taken- though I'll never know for sure. Sorry for the lengthy response- I guess I'm just sort of going on a tangent but just needed somewhere to put this. I just hope that by the time I start vet school I'm able to really treasure the experience and maybe feel less like this. I'm also constantly worried something bad will happen since it's been so good but that's a whole other can of worms lol.

 

[supershorty]

So glad a thread was made on this. To be honest, I thought it wasn't common to feel this way so it's nice knowing there's others in the same boat- pretty reassuring. I've been incredibly fortunate and was dealt a perfect hand of upbringing with incredible family, friends, mentors and advisors who have supported me and despite my stress and anxiety concerning the process before applying, I've been granted several offers despite this being my first cycle. But I feel as if it's just that- luck. I'm not proud of myself at all really despite my family, friends, professors etc. telling me it's a huge accomplishment. I know it is and am immesurably grateful, but I feel undeserving of it. I also have some sort of weird guilt, too. Knowing many applicants work way harder and gain far more hours, research, etc. than I had and are on their second, third, fourth cycles makes me feel awful. Especially seeing some of them still get denied- like I stole an opportunity they've worked for twice or three times longer than I have. So many have had it many orders of magnitude harder than I have- and I feel like a terrible person for potentially taking the spot of someone who had a difficult upbringing, is first generation etc. who had to work far harder their whole life. So, I'm honestly sorry to anyone who is less fortunate than I was whose spot I may have taken- though I'll never know for sure. Sorry for the lengthy response- I guess I'm just sort of going on a tangent but just needed somewhere to put this. I just hope that by the time I start vet school I'm able to really treasure the experience and maybe feel less like this. I'm also constantly worried something bad will happen since it's been so good but that's a whole other can of worms lol.

You didn't take anyone's spot. You earned those spots you were offered.
All of you in this thread did.

 

[Nannarnaluk]

You didn't take anyone's spot. You earned those spots you were offered.
All of you in this thread did.

100% absolutely!!!

So glad a thread was made on this. To be honest, I thought it wasn't common to feel this way so it's nice knowing there's others in the same boat- pretty reassuring. I've been incredibly fortunate and was dealt a perfect hand of upbringing with incredible family, friends, mentors and advisors who have supported me and despite my stress and anxiety concerning the process before applying, I've been granted several offers despite this being my first cycle. But I feel as if it's just that- luck. I'm not proud of myself at all really despite my family, friends, professors etc. telling me it's a huge accomplishment. I know it is and am immesurably grateful, but I feel undeserving of it. I also have some sort of weird guilt, too. Knowing many applicants work way harder and gain far more hours, research, etc. than I had and are on their second, third, fourth cycles makes me feel awful. Especially seeing some of them still get denied- like I stole an opportunity they've worked for twice or three times longer than I have. So many have had it many orders of magnitude harder than I have- and I feel like a terrible person for potentially taking the spot of someone who had a difficult upbringing, is first generation etc. who had to work far harder their whole life. So, I'm honestly sorry to anyone who is less fortunate than I was whose spot I may have taken- though I'll never know for sure. Sorry for the lengthy response- I guess I'm just sort of going on a tangent but just needed somewhere to put this. I just hope that by the time I start vet school I'm able to really treasure the experience and maybe feel less like this. I'm also constantly worried something bad will happen since it's been so good but that's a whole other can of worms lol.

I understand your thought process, but please remember you didn't take someone's spot. You are deserving. Just because there are other deserving people who had different challenges and privileges or lack thereof from you, does not in any way invalidate your success. Your success is personal and individual, and theirs is too ❤️

 

[riderrapidash]

You didn't take anyone's spot. You earned those spots you were offered.
All of you in this thread did.

100% absolutely!!!

I understand your thought process, but please remember you didn't take someone's spot. You are deserving. Just because there are other deserving people who had different challenges and privileges or lack thereof from you, does not in any way invalidate your success. Your success is personal and individual, and there's is too ❤️

Thank you both, so much. I seriously am so glad I found this website and have received so much support from you both and other extremely kind people. I just wish we could all get in, honestly! I was so hyperfixated on getting in I didn't really think about all of this until now. Thank you two again for your kind words and reassurance. It really helps and makes a huge difference.

 

[katiemcat]

Tbh I still feel this way sometimes, like how on earth do I deserve to be here? You just have to remind yourself that admissions saw something in you and you were selected because they thought you would excel in the program in the field! Best of luck starting vet school! Be proud of yourself.

 

[Georgethecat]

I definitely felt this way after my acceptances. Especially after looking at the admission statistics. Only a few days ago, I stopped logging into my application portal everyday just to make sure the acceptance was still there. Somewhere in my brain thought that maybe it was a mistake that I got in. That feeling definitely got compounded when people I thought were my friends made comments like “I’m surprised you got into x school”, “how did you manage to pull that off?”, or “I’m surprised they chose you over all the other people that applied”. Over the past few days, I’ve just been trying to remind myself that I got accepted into my top 2 programs, including my dream school. And if these programs believe in me, then I should believe in me, too.

Also, congratulations! You deserve it, and you will be an amazing veterinarian! Go celebrate, friend!

Congratulations!!! You earned your acceptances and did NOT take a seat from anyone else. I'd take a long hard look at those that are telling you negative things like "I’m surprised you got into x school”, “how did you manage to pull that off?”, or “I’m surprised they chose you over all the other people that applied”.... Are these people actually your friends? Is there jealousy or envy at play here?

I truly hope that you can enjoy your acceptances and look forward to the next chapter in your life.

 

[QuietTempest]

Congratulations!!! You earned your acceptances and did NOT take a seat from anyone else. I'd take a long hard look at those that are telling you negative things like "I’m surprised you got into x school”, “how did you manage to pull that off?”, or “I’m surprised they chose you over all the other people that applied”.... Are these people actually your friends? Is there jealousy or envy at play here?

I truly hope that you can enjoy your acceptances and look forward to the next chapter in your life.

Thank you! I truly appreciate your kind words! I’ve definitely been reevaluating my friendships over these past couple weeks. It just came as a bit of a shock. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t help but wonder if they knew exactly what they were saying.

 

[QuietTempest]

Thank you both, so much. I seriously am so glad I found this website and have received so much support from you both and other extremely kind people. I just wish we could all get in, honestly! I was so hyperfixated on getting in I didn't really think about all of this until now. Thank you two again for your kind words and reassurance. It really helps and makes a huge difference.

Another thing to think about. You can only go to one school, so someone else will get to pursue their dream at whichever school you choose not to attend!

Congratulations on your accomplishments! You worked incredibly hard and were chosen by these programs. I look forward to being your colleague! Cheers to the class of 2027!

 

[Nannarnaluk]

Congratulations!!! You earned your acceptances and did NOT take a seat from anyone else. I'd take a long hard look at those that are telling you negative things like "I’m surprised you got into x school”, “how did you manage to pull that off?”, or “I’m surprised they chose you over all the other people that applied”.... Are these people actually your friends? Is there jealousy or envy at play here?

I truly hope that you can enjoy your acceptances and look forward to the next chapter in your life.

Absolutely this. Those people sound jealous. If they're important in your life I would sit down with them and explain their words are hurtful and ask if they meant for it to come across that way.

 

[Nannarnaluk]

So I don't know that I feel guilty or undeserving. I do think I deserve a chance as I have really taken a lot of extra steps to make up for my less than stellar undergraduate years. I think my feeling is more like... Apathetic maybe? I don't feel excited yet, though I'm sure I will. I just sort of feel like I marked a check box. It's a very strange feeling when everyone around me is so excited and expresses how proud they are. I myself don't feel excited or proud, when I genuinely thought I would be jumping for joy and filled with pride.

ETA: I do think some of this feeling could be that I'm neck deep in my masters and am set to defend in mid-March. The associated anxiety may be what's hindering me from allowing my brain to focus on the excitement of vet school.

 

[supershorty]

So I don't know that I feel guilty or undeserving. I do think I deserve a chance as I have really taken a lot of extra steps to make up for my less than stellar undergraduate years. I think my feeling is more like... Apathetic maybe? I don't feel excited yet, though I'm sure I will. I just sort of feel like I marked a check box. It's a very strange feeling when everyone around me is so excited and expresses how proud they are. I myself don't feel excited or proud, when I genuinely thought I would be jumping for joy and filled with pride.

ETA: I do think some of this feeling could be that I'm neck deep in my masters and am set to defend in mid-March. The associated anxiety may be what's hindering me from allowing my brain to focus on the excitement of vet school.

I vibe with this, tbh. I was super hyped when I got into my program, but when I defended my PhD, I had a very similar feeling to what you’re describing now.

Process it on your own time. There’s no one right way to celebrate major life accomplishments! And best of luck with your defense

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

So I don't know that I feel guilty or undeserving. I do think I deserve a chance as I have really taken a lot of extra steps to make up for my less than stellar undergraduate years. I think my feeling is more like... Apathetic maybe? I don't feel excited yet, though I'm sure I will. I just sort of feel like I marked a check box. It's a very strange feeling when everyone around me is so excited and expresses how proud they are. I myself don't feel excited or proud, when I genuinely thought I would be jumping for joy and filled with pride.

ETA: I do think some of this feeling could be that I'm neck deep in my masters and am set to defend in mid-March. The associated anxiety may be what's hindering me from allowing my brain to focus on the excitement of vet school.

I think the reason a lot of people in the veterinary medicine pipeline think that way is because most, if not all of us, are obsessive high achievers and this dilutes our sense of internal pride over time.

For example, after years of busting your ass for As, you start to look at As as your baseline. Not something to be celebrated, it is just the "norm" for you. That's why people start freaking out if they get a B, because it is below this artificial baseline you have set for yourself. You can't always set your baseline as "wild success", because 1) you will never succeed at EVERYTHING, 2) you lose the well-deserved feeling of accomplishment when you do succeed. You start feeing like doing a fantastic job at something (like getting into vet school) is on the same level as washing your hair - it's just "something you do". Don't sell yourself short like that.

I felt similarly when I got my first faculty job. It was actually....anticlimactic? I remember feeling this "Huh, so I've "made it", Why don't I feel more excited? Why am I doubting myself?" It's a combination of imposter syndrome and my own warped goalposts.

Every now and then take a step away from the niche world of hyper-academic success and look at yourself the way a normal person with no skin in the veterinary game would feel about what you have done. They would be very proud!

 

[riderrapidash]

I think the reason a lot of people in the veterinary medicine pipeline think that way is because most, if not all of us, are obsessive high achievers and this dilutes our sense of internal pride over time.

For example, after years of busting your ass for As, you start to look at As as your baseline. Not something to be celebrated, it is just the "norm" for you. That's why people start freaking out if they get a B, because it is below this artificial baseline you have set for yourself. You can't always set your baseline as "wild success", because 1) you will never succeed at EVERYTHING, 2) you lose the well-deserved feeling of accomplishment when you do succeed. You start feeing like doing a fantastic job at something (like getting into vet school) is on the same level as washing your hair - it's just "something you do". Don't sell yourself short like that.

I felt similarly when I got my first faculty job. It was actually....anticlimactic? I remember feeling this "Huh, so I've "made it", Why don't I feel more excited? Why am I doubting myself?" It's a combination of imposter syndrome and my own warped goalposts.

Every now and then take a step away from the niche world of hyper-academic success and look at yourself the way a normal person with no skin in the veterinary game would feel about what you have done. They would be very proud!

Wow, honestly this is one of the best ways I've ever seen that mentality articulated. I feel this exact way- especially in regards to grades even on individual assignments. The logical part of my mind realizes a B or even an occasional C isn't a big deal, but I still get very stressed out and overwhelmed. The other day on a biochem quiz, my professor accidentally marked two of my answers wrong that were supposed to be right (just a simple mistake) and it ruined my entire day thinking I did that poorly before it was fixed. Similarly with vet school, I figured upon acceptance I'd be ecstatic, crying tears of joy etc. but it was just kind of "wow, I'm sure glad I actually got in". My mom even worried and made sure I was actually proud of myself about the accomplishment (which I am thrilled about) but it just seemed more like something to cross off in the path of what I want to become than be excited about as you stated. Do you have any ways you're able to take a step back like you said? I really want to improve my perspective.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I talk a big game but I'm terrible at taking my own advice, hah. I try to do small things when I feel down. b I read my resume (this sounds incredibly narcissistic but I promise it is not - it is a way to reminding yourself of all the things you have done). I go back and re-read my student evaluations and remind myself that I am great at what I do and they like me.

However, that's still kind of within the academic realm. The best thing to do is honestly try to disassociate your self-worth from it for a bit. It's REALLY hard. I didn't start being able to do it until my early 30s, when I realized I was incredibly burned out and was prioritizing my academic life over my actual life.

We all feel like we are chasing some mythical prize at the end of all this. Like if we just succeed enough, we will make it! That's what we have all been told from when we were in elementary school, right? But there is no "making it". There is no prize at the end of all of this for whoever works the hardest and sacrifices the most and achieves the most accolades. Nobody on their deathbed ever said "you know, I wish I had worked harder." Your life outside of your school and job is SO much more important, and that is where you can "achieve" things that are equally as worthwhile. Friends, experiences, family, etc. A wonderful vacation where you tried new foods and had unique experiences and made memories is just as much of an accomplishment as an A on a test - and the difference is, you will fondly remember that experience way more than you will that one stupid test. Or adopting an animal and living a life with them and making all sorts of memories - that's an achievement. LIFE achievements. Not just scholastic.

I know that's a bit philosophical and roundabout, but that re-framing of what I consider to be "life achievements" really helped me.

Your school and your job are there to provide you with the means to live the life you want to live. They provide you with money and stability so you can make the most of your time here and explore and achieve in all the other parts of life. That doesn't mean you shouldn't like your job - hopefully you do! But you can't define your entire self worth by it.

 

[Nannarnaluk]

I talk a big game but I'm terrible at taking my own advice, hah. I try to do small things when I feel down. b I read my resume (this sounds incredibly narcissistic but I promise it is not - it is a way to reminding yourself of all the things you have done). I go back and re-read my student evaluations and remind myself that I am great at what I do and they like me.

However, that's still kind of within the academic realm. The best thing to do is honestly try to disassociate your self-worth from it for a bit. It's REALLY hard. I didn't start being able to do it until my early 30s, when I realized I was incredibly burned out and was prioritizing my academic life over my actual life.

We all feel like we are chasing some mythical prize at the end of all this. Like if we just succeed enough, we will make it! That's what we have all been told from when we were in elementary school, right? But there is no "making it". There is no prize at the end of all of this for whoever works the hardest and sacrifices the most and achieves the most accolades. Nobody on their deathbed ever said "you know, I wish I had worked harder." Your life outside of your school and job is SO much more important, and that is where you can "achieve" things that are equally as worthwhile. Friends, experiences, family, etc. A wonderful vacation where you tried new foods and had unique experiences and made memories is just as much of an accomplishment as an A on a test - and the difference is, you will fondly remember that experience way more than you will that one stupid test. Or adopting an animal and living a life with them and making all sorts of memories - that's an achievement. LIFE achievements. Not just scholastic.

I know that's a bit philosophical and roundabout, but that re-framing of what I consider to be "life achievements" really helped me.

Your school and your job are there to provide you with the means to live the life you want to live. They provide you with money and stability so you can make the most of your time here and explore and achieve in all the other parts of life. That doesn't mean you shouldn't like your job - hopefully you do! But you can't define your entire self worth by it.

Thank you for both of your responses, they deeply resonated with me and expressed exactly how I feel but was struggling to articulate ❤️

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Wow, honestly this is one of the best ways I've ever seen that mentality articulated. I feel this exact way- especially in regards to grades even on individual assignments. The logical part of my mind realizes a B or even an occasional C isn't a big deal, but I still get very stressed out and overwhelmed. The other day on a biochem quiz, my professor accidentally marked two of my answers wrong that were supposed to be right (just a simple mistake) and it ruined my entire day thinking I did that poorly before it was fixed. Similarly with vet school, I figured upon acceptance I'd be ecstatic, crying tears of joy etc. but it was just kind of "wow, I'm sure glad I actually got in". My mom even worried and made sure I was actually proud of myself about the accomplishment (which I am thrilled about) but it just seemed more like something to cross off in the path of what I want to become than be excited about as you stated. Do you have any ways you're able to take a step back like you said? I really want to improve my perspective.

If it makes you feel any better, I can get a block evaluation of 4.9/5 with dozens of students saying Dr. WTF is amazing, we love her, blah blah blah..... but you know the what sticks in my head and makes me negatively obsess? Even a single negative remark in a sea of positive ones. It's so stupid - I'm obviously good at what I do, who cares what one person says? But it still gets to me. Y'all are not alone. It's very difficult to extricate your brain from the "My happiness and self-worth is tied to my worldly success" line of thought, when that is pounded into your head since grade school.

 

[Lab Vet]

I felt similarly when I got my first faculty job. It was actually....anticlimactic? I remember feeling this "Huh, so I've "made it", Why don't I feel more excited? Why am I doubting myself?" It's a combination of imposter syndrome and my own warped goalposts.

This bit reminded me of...