For those who come straight from undergrad, the vast majority of us in grad school are used to the feeling that we are smart, competent, know how to do things, etc. Ever since day one of grad school I have been getting criticism that essentially translates to everything I am doing is wrong, even if it is in some small detail kind of way. This leads me to feel that I am not cut out for the program. I assume this feeling is one that I should get used to, so how do you cope with basically having your **** torn apart regularly without getting disappointed or feeling that you're an idiot (and that everyone else agrees)?
How to deal with "constructive" criticism
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Sorry to hear that. Are you receiving criticism about your academic work, or clinical work, or...?
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I think that folks who are high achievers have a tendency to be sensitive to feedback. I think it is important to acknowledge that:
a) Some things are subjective. You may be getting feedback from someone especially strict or with a particular perspective on whatever you are getting feedback on. Some people are not good at giving feedback.
b) It is possible that you are being oversensitive. You need to get used to having things returned with corrections. It is normal. I am not sure at all what kind of feedback that you have gotten, but it would need to be very extreme I think to say it "translates to everything I am doing is wrong" which is a global attribution of a specific piece of information. Be sure to let it sink in before drawing an extreme conclusion.
c) Sometimes we get so fixated on the negative feedback that we don't notice or fully appreciate the positive feedback.
Generally we've achieved a lot of success at the undergraduate level and are used to getting our work returned to us with superlatives, compliments, and smiley faces. But if we weren't being asked to raise the bar higher and learn how to do things differently in graduate school, what is the point of graduate school? It is NOT an extension of undergraduate studies - it is a different animal entirely.
But another option is to speak directly with the people giving you feedback. Ask them to go over it with you more closely to understand what you can do to improve. It might go a long way to alleviating your fears and confirming that there are things they think you are doing right as well.
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Unfortunately, this was my experience of grad school as well. Constant criticism and very little positive feedback even when we did something that was clearly an accomplishment (e.g., publications). But, it was helpful to me to realize was that everyone in my program was getting this sort of treatment and it wasn't just that I was a loser or something. I think grad school is a little like med school in this regard. "This was how we were treated so we are going to treat you the same way (even if it is cruel)." I think we may be a little blind-sided by it in clincal psych because we envision psychologists to be kind and supportive.
Often all you can do is have a little humility, don't expect praise, and practice good self-care. And remember there is a world of difference between being good at grad school and being a good psychologist.
Best,
Dr. E
D
deleted176373
Just suck it up and press on.
Fact is, much of what you might be doing could be improved. You have to be willing to explore it, evaluate it, and see if you can improve your performance. Looking back on it, you will see a tremendous amount of growth... and not because you were wrong, but because you were challenged to do better than you were doing.
Remember, it's a normal part of the process, and it's not the process that really matters to you, but the outcome. Head down, stay focused, don't take it personally. You're not an idiot, you're in the program and you will (provided you refuse to quit) graduate. It's meant to be extremely challenging... if it were easy, everyone would be doing it.
For what it's worth, I suspect that I had it worse than many people. As a non-traditional student, I was challenged in ways that other students did not have to deal with. We ALL have our own unique challenges in graduate school... no one has a cake walk through the process, even the brightest students are forced to find their limitations as well. Just remember, it's normal, it's not personal, and less academically talented people than yourself have attained what you want (assuming you're "average" amongst graduate students).
Mark
Personally, almost any time I've written a paper and gotten nothing but positive comments on it, I've felt that the reviewer was not looking at it critically enough. Constructive comments are part of grad school, none of us are perfect, and they are how we learn. Ultimately I think the best teachers are the ones who are critical without being overly critical.
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I agree with this, but to go further I think the best teachers and mentors are the ones who treat you exquisitely well as a person (making you feel like you are worthy of their attention) and direct their feedback on your work and behavior in such a way that it is nothing like criticism. They give you lots of kudos for what you do right and offer gentle suggestions from a place of respect. Unfortunately, some scarred (or lazy) people don't realize that treating someone in this way actually inspires them to do better--so they resort to criticism or put-downs.
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I kind of see this as being part of a broader ability to think critically. This is something you're likely able to do, since it's a large part of being successful as an undergraduate and applicant to grad programs. I'd suggest reflecting on your own experience critiquing other peoples' work - whether it be colleagues or major names in the discipline. I'm sure that even your most "harsh" criticism still came from a place of respect.
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The exception might be if the OP feels s/he is being singled out due to membership in some particular social category (i.e. ethnic or sexual minority). I don't get that from the first post, but that would be a case where following advice to reflect on the criticism and/or persevere might not be best.
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It's hard to know what is going on when it is framed:
"that essentially translates to everything I am doing is wrong"
What exactly is being said, about what?
or "how do you cope with basically having your **** torn apart regularly"
Putting it in these terms really leaves it to the reader to try and figure out what is happening which will be colored by our own experiences and history.
"that essentially translates to everything I am doing is wrong"
What exactly is being said, about what?
or "how do you cope with basically having your **** torn apart regularly"
Putting it in these terms really leaves it to the reader to try and figure out what is happening which will be colored by our own experiences and history.
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I tend to agree with a lot of what Pragma, Markp, and Dr Eliza stated above.
The fact of the matter is that 3 or 4 years ago, I found my way to this very forum with the intent of complaining. I had my **** handed to me for the first time, and in a dramatic and confrontational manner that made me feel like it sounds like the OP feels.
It sucks. Mark was right- a lot of what you're doing probably can be better-- and if they're like the faculty in my department, they want better for you. They want you as a colleague and tough love might be what they think is going to get you there.
In my department, initially it felt very punitive. Over the next few years, very few people took a punitive stance- most often content with my work and progress academically and clinically. When not my supervisors, they'd reminisce with me about how grad school was the hardest time in their lives, etc.
Make it through- come out on top- and be all the better for it.
The fact of the matter is that 3 or 4 years ago, I found my way to this very forum with the intent of complaining. I had my **** handed to me for the first time, and in a dramatic and confrontational manner that made me feel like it sounds like the OP feels.
It sucks. Mark was right- a lot of what you're doing probably can be better-- and if they're like the faculty in my department, they want better for you. They want you as a colleague and tough love might be what they think is going to get you there.
In my department, initially it felt very punitive. Over the next few years, very few people took a punitive stance- most often content with my work and progress academically and clinically. When not my supervisors, they'd reminisce with me about how grad school was the hardest time in their lives, etc.
Make it through- come out on top- and be all the better for it.
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I agree with what others are saying. Learn from it, and knock down your belief that you don't deserve that criticism. Maybe you do. And even if you feel like you don't, remember that the exact same behavior can be totally appropriate in one system/context and wildly inappropriate in another system/context, so you might have to figure out how much you're willing/able to adjust your sails.
This. I had a thesis advisor as an undergrad who could say "your work looks like squirrel poop" and make me feel like she was giving me free beer. Most people can't do that. I'm tutoring at the graduate writing center this year and I think of her every time I feel like saying something snarky.
Also:
From http://academictimgunn.tumblr.com/.
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Yep, that's it. I try to be the same way with my students. Everybody is happy!! Who wouldn't want that?? You'd THINK psychologists would have this down by now! Lordy.
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I started out like that, but it got exhausting* and demoralizing because I felt like I'd become a professional liar. I was contorting myself to find ways to write something positive about horrendous slop papers that students had obviously thrown together with little forethought.
*I think we grade a lot more papers than the average bear on this forum. When I was an undergrad, my psych TAs griped incessantly about having to grade one 3 page paper per student per term. That would be a dream.
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I agree that it is exhausting, but I think it's much less exhausting than responding to late-teens or early-20's whining with a, "Grow up! Why didn't you read the syllabus!" attitude and getting more and more whining in response. My goal is to confuse them with cognitive dissonance.
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I getcha. And clearly I've been in a rut with the teaching thing for a while. But I really haven't found anything that reduces the complaining and grade-grubbing. It's a moving goal post.
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I getcha. And clearly I've been in a rut with the teaching thing for a while. But I really haven't found anything that reduces the complaining and grade-grubbing. It's a moving goal post.
Be the behaviorist! Set your goalposts by establishing your expectations via your syllabus (goals of class, assignment types, evaluation methods, attendance policy, extra credit...none!, etc). Be explicit about the importance of following the syllabus, and then enforce the syllabus. Be stern but fair. Positively reinforce good behavior, ignore most bad behavior (within reason). Most students will respect someone who is consistent and holds them accountable. Some won't...but those students tend to find things to complain about.
With that being said...I don't set foot in the classroom anymore, as I don't have the patience for it.
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Be the behaviorist! Set your goalposts by establishing your expectations via your syllabus (goals of class, assignment types, evaluation methods, attendance policy, extra credit...none!, etc). Be explicit about the importance of following the syllabus, and then enforce the syllabus. Be stern but fair. Positively reinforce good behavior, ignore most bad behavior (within reason). Most students will respect someone who is consistent and holds them accountable. Some won't...but those students tend to find things to complain about.
With that being said...I don't set foot in the classroom anymore, as I don't have the patience for it.
I feel you on that latter point. More and more I think my perspective on teaching mirrors the sentiments of the folks who aren't enamored with doing clinical work (see other active thread). No-shows, inconsistency, lack of motivation to progress. There appear to be a lot of parallels between students and clients/patients!
Overall though, I think that's one of the downsides of being a TA (rather than instructor of record). Level of enforcement really isn't up to you as an individual--you're there to support the instructor. The cultures of the departments I've worked for are very lax with enforcement. Students' expectations are already formed well before they ever meet you--and so are profs'. So if you try the "stern but fair" routine in a pre-established culture of permissiveness, you can set yourself up for trouble. Students who are used to routinely being granted extensions and "do-overs" complain to the prof, Prof is busy and doesn't like hassles, you = troublemaker TA. Also, come eval time, "stern but fair" has gendered consequences. I"m guessing you guys don't have to read evals where you're called a "bitch" because you told the student they couldn't drink a 45 in class.
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Wig, I can empathize to an extent, and being in the TA role is not exactly empowering.
But, to combat these issues as an instructor, I find using the students as positive peer pressure is effective. People like to be told the truth. I am very candid about my expectations on day 1, and I also have students vote on policies I can be flexible about. It has worked very well for me so far.
Forget the evals...I heard a tenure committee say recently that they viewed some of the student complaints as a positive...that the prof was not placating and was doing their job.
But, to combat these issues as an instructor, I find using the students as positive peer pressure is effective. People like to be told the truth. I am very candid about my expectations on day 1, and I also have students vote on policies I can be flexible about. It has worked very well for me so far.
Forget the evals...I heard a tenure committee say recently that they viewed some of the student complaints as a positive...that the prof was not placating and was doing their job.
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It varies depending on how married you are to your policy. But one example is my late assignment policy. I figure that if they decide on it themselves, it will save me the annoyance later. I don't let them just come up with it - I decide on 2-3 options that they can vote on.
Student participation in governing the course is an excellent way to get buy-in. I get great evals, I think in large part because I try to show a lot of respect up front. Then when the annoying students come along trying to bend the rules, they aren't just brushing up against an authority figure, but they are also going against what their peers have mandated. Works like a charm
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Are you talking about being an instructor, or a TA? Because yeah, you have power to actually set your own policies and stick to 'em if you're an instructor (even then there are still departmental and campus cultural norms to buck). TAs are also hamstrung to some extent by what the other TAs are doing. If you're the only one who wants to go for
"stern but fair" it won't fly--you get a ton of cross-section complaints ("my roomate is in Nice Norma's section and she got to..."). I've found that overwhelmingly profs like to go permissive--it keeps complaints and hassles down. If you "go rogue" as a TA (different policies, setting a different tone) you risk not getting hired by the prof the next season. So you suck it up and complain on the Internet...
I think some of this might be disciplinary as well. The volume of subjective grading of written work is immense, so that amplifies the opportunities for a) demands for student extensions and b) student complaints. My record is 700 papers in one term (70 students x 10 papers each). Guess how much research I got done that term?
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Are you talking about being an instructor, or a TA? Because yeah, you have power to actually set your own policies and stick to 'em if you're an instructor (even then there are still departmental and campus cultural norms to buck). TAs are also hamstrung to some extent by what the other TAs are doing. If you're the only one who wants to go for
"stern but fair" it won't fly--you get a ton of cross-section complaints ("my roomate is in Nice Norma's section and she got to..."). I've found that overwhelmingly profs like to go permissive--it keeps complaints and hassles down. If you "go rogue" as a TA (different policies, setting a different tone) you risk not getting hired by the prof the next season. So you suck it up and complain on the Internet...
I think some of this might be disciplinary as well. The volume of subjective grading of written work is immense, so that amplifies the opportunities for a) demands for student extensions and b) student complaints. My record is 700 papers in one term (70 students x 10 papers each). Guess how much research I got done that term?
I acknowledged that being a TA sucks. I was talking about being an instructor - hence "as an instructor"
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It varies depending on how married you are to your policy. But one example is my late assignment policy. I figure that if they decide on it themselves, it will save me the annoyance later. I don't let them just come up with it - I decide on 2-3 options that they can vote on.
Student participation in governing the course is an excellent way to get buy-in. I get great evals, I think in large part because I try to show a lot of respect up front. Then when the annoying students come along trying to bend the rules, they aren't just brushing up against an authority figure, but they are also going against what their peers have mandated. Works like a charm
Well, I'd certainly have to put some solid boundaries on this by carefully designing each of the options they get to vote on, but I like your line of reasoning. I think I'll try this out next time I teach. Thanks for sharing this strategy!
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Well, I'd certainly have to put some solid boundaries on this by carefully designing each of the options they get to vote on, but I like your line of reasoning. I think I'll try this out next time I teach. Thanks for sharing this strategy!
Good luck! Yeah you don't want to compromise any of your teaching values, but if you can settle on some options you can live with, it's fun to see how students reason their way through deciding. I have noticed a difference using this strategy.
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It is extremely common for doctoral students to have the *impostor syndrome* in which you feel that the school made a mistake by admitting you. It is also *extremely* common for doctoral program faculty to teach their students about psychopathology and especially personality disorders by exhibiting psychopathology in their behavior both individually and as a collective. Some of the most psychologically disturbed people you will ever find either in or out of treatment are doctoral program faculty. This is a toxic combination of student with self esteem issues and unstable people with power. Always remember that you are better than the way you view yourself, you are more competent, more caring, and a better human being than so many you will encounter in your training.
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Amen!
My joke was that we should create the illustrated DSM using our faculty as models.Dr. E
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I personally would disagree with this statement based on the simple idea that I don't think I'm a better human being than anyone, and I think viewing oneself as such can be dangerous. Sure, clinical psych faculty have a reputation of being somewhat "off," but I would argue that doesn't make them any less worthwhile as people (even the particularly difficult ones).
That's just me, though. I do agree that there can be an extensive amount of disordered relationships, depending on the particular program.
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First, I'd like to say that I'm sorry that you are dealing with such discouragement. I would like to share a few things that have helped me deal with this better over the years and grow as a future psychologist...
1. the perspective that, whether the feedback is accurate or not, you can make anything an opportunity to grow. You may be growing in opening up and receiving criticism, or growing in an area that you didn't know was a weakness, or you may be having experiences that you can use to become a more graceful/merciful supervisor for your students in the future.
2. self-care is key to coping and maintaining your own health through the difficult process of learning and growing. For me, its using ACT, mindfulness, yoga, and my social life to keep me grounded and focused on my values and health throughout the process. I encourage you to find whatever it is for you.
3. Even though it is difficult, this is the only time in your life that you will get this level of mentorship and oversight (ending at licensure, typically). Make the most of it! Though the delivery of the criticism may be more harsh or less compassionate than ideally would be so, don't let that stop you from receiving all that you can from the learning process. Again, I'm sorry that you are having less-than-ideal experiences in how the criticism is being given... that can make it even more annoying or frustrating (that's when you need to let off steam to your friends...), but once the steam dies down, incorporate as much of it as you can into your development as a psychologist.
I hope my personal lessons were helpful for you.... and good luck! Remember that there is a reason that you were accepted into your program, and that graduate training isn't forever! Best wishes as you continue on your journey.
