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All the pre-meds in Who-ville,
liked interviews a lot,
but the Grinch who lived just south of Who-ville
did not!
Now the Grinch hated interviews, the whole interview season.
Don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
I could be that his suit was a little bit tight.
It could be that his GPA was just not quite right.
But I think that the most likely explanation of all
Was that his heart was two sizes too small (from lack of volunteering).
But whatever the reason, his grades or his suit,
He stood there on interview day, nasty brute,
Looking down his nose as they gathered around
Arriving for interviews in this medical town
For he knew every pre-med from most brilliant to least
Was dressing and prepping, and brushing their teeth.
All the pre-med guys and gals Would be at the top of their games
They’d rush to the office announcing their names
"They’re wearing black suits!" he snarled with a sneer,
"The interview hour! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop the interviewees from coming!"
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the pre-med guys and gals,
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their pals!
(everyone seems to see the same people over and over on the interview trail)
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
And then all the pre-meds, the small and the tall, would sit down to a feast
And they’d feast, and they’d feast and they’d feast, feast, feast, feast.
(Those interview lunches are legendary!)
They would feast on cookies and wraps of roast beast
This was something the Grinch couldn’t stand in the least.
"Why, for ninety-three days I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop these pre-med from coming! But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick rumpled shirt and white coat.
His smile just gleamed
"With this coat and this shirt, I look just like a dean.
The school windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the pre-meds were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little lab on the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Grinchy Dean hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the safety hood flue.
In the adcom office, interview nametags all hung in a row.
"These nametags," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Without the name tags, there’d be nobody present!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the young Pre-meds' feast!
He took pre-med-cookies! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took all their scholarship cash!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will take all those secondary fees!"
And the Grinch grabbed the fees, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw
Little Pre-med-Lou Who, who was there bright and early
The Grinch had been caught by this brave wonderkin
Who’d worked for a year on the chemistry of gin.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "Dear Dean, why,”
"Why are you canceling our interviews? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, you brilliant scholar," the fake fake Dean lied,
"There's a biased reviewer who tilts to one side."
"So I'm taking him back to my office, my dear."
"I'll retrain him up there. Then I'll bring him back here."
And his fib fooled the woman. Then he opened a tab
And he got her some gin and sent her to lab.
And when Pre-Med Lou Who went to lab with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the cash up!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
In “admissions” he left nothing but dust; it was dire
And the one speck of food That he left in that place
Was a crumb that was even too small to be acid or base.
Then He did the same thing To the other faculty labs
Leaving crumbs much too small for all those faculty crabs!
It was quarter past dawn... All the Pre-meds, still a-bed,
All the Pre-meds, still asnooze when he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their folders! The rosters! The wrappings!
The name tags! The lunches! The trinkets! The trappings!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
"PoohPooh to the Pre-meds!" he was grinchishly humming.
"They're finding out now that no interviewers are coming!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Pre-meds down in Whoville will all cry BooHoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Whoville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every pre-med down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any interviewers at all!
He HADN'T stopped interview day from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came without faculty! It came without staff!"
"It came without legacies, privilege or graft!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe passion he thought, "doesn't come from a score."
"Admissions...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...in Whoville they say,
That the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He plugged in the computers in the bright morning light,
And he brought back the pens! And the food for the feast!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch made the wraps of roast beast!
liked interviews a lot,
but the Grinch who lived just south of Who-ville
did not!
Now the Grinch hated interviews, the whole interview season.
Don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
I could be that his suit was a little bit tight.
It could be that his GPA was just not quite right.
But I think that the most likely explanation of all
Was that his heart was two sizes too small (from lack of volunteering).
But whatever the reason, his grades or his suit,
He stood there on interview day, nasty brute,
Looking down his nose as they gathered around
Arriving for interviews in this medical town
For he knew every pre-med from most brilliant to least
Was dressing and prepping, and brushing their teeth.
All the pre-med guys and gals Would be at the top of their games
They’d rush to the office announcing their names
"They’re wearing black suits!" he snarled with a sneer,
"The interview hour! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop the interviewees from coming!"
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the pre-med guys and gals,
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their pals!
(everyone seems to see the same people over and over on the interview trail)
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
And then all the pre-meds, the small and the tall, would sit down to a feast
And they’d feast, and they’d feast and they’d feast, feast, feast, feast.
(Those interview lunches are legendary!)
They would feast on cookies and wraps of roast beast
This was something the Grinch couldn’t stand in the least.
"Why, for ninety-three days I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop these pre-med from coming! But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick rumpled shirt and white coat.
His smile just gleamed
"With this coat and this shirt, I look just like a dean.
The school windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the pre-meds were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little lab on the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Grinchy Dean hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the safety hood flue.
In the adcom office, interview nametags all hung in a row.
"These nametags," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Without the name tags, there’d be nobody present!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the young Pre-meds' feast!
He took pre-med-cookies! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took all their scholarship cash!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will take all those secondary fees!"
And the Grinch grabbed the fees, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw
Little Pre-med-Lou Who, who was there bright and early
The Grinch had been caught by this brave wonderkin
Who’d worked for a year on the chemistry of gin.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "Dear Dean, why,”
"Why are you canceling our interviews? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, you brilliant scholar," the fake fake Dean lied,
"There's a biased reviewer who tilts to one side."
"So I'm taking him back to my office, my dear."
"I'll retrain him up there. Then I'll bring him back here."
And his fib fooled the woman. Then he opened a tab
And he got her some gin and sent her to lab.
And when Pre-Med Lou Who went to lab with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the cash up!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
In “admissions” he left nothing but dust; it was dire
And the one speck of food That he left in that place
Was a crumb that was even too small to be acid or base.
Then He did the same thing To the other faculty labs
Leaving crumbs much too small for all those faculty crabs!
It was quarter past dawn... All the Pre-meds, still a-bed,
All the Pre-meds, still asnooze when he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their folders! The rosters! The wrappings!
The name tags! The lunches! The trinkets! The trappings!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
"PoohPooh to the Pre-meds!" he was grinchishly humming.
"They're finding out now that no interviewers are coming!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Pre-meds down in Whoville will all cry BooHoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Whoville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every pre-med down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any interviewers at all!
He HADN'T stopped interview day from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came without faculty! It came without staff!"
"It came without legacies, privilege or graft!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe passion he thought, "doesn't come from a score."
"Admissions...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...in Whoville they say,
That the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He plugged in the computers in the bright morning light,
And he brought back the pens! And the food for the feast!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch made the wraps of roast beast!
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