Got a psychology joke?

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LOL... nice ppl, this is very funny :laugh:... now I'll make my contribution but I feel it won't be as good as yours... what the hell? :)

Comments about social psychology from famous individuals:

"Not a bad role to play" -- Herbert Mead

"They always have food at their meetings" -- Ivan Pavlov

"No pigeon poop in their labs" -- B.F. Skinner

"They all have we-ness envy" -- Sigmund Freud

"It's just a stage people go through" -- E Erickson.

"I cannot imagine a higher pursuit than that of the social psychologist" -- Kohlberg

"They got a great network" -- Rumelhart and McClelland
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oh, oh, I know this thread is old but I just remembered this one. It was the funniest entry in one of those "how do you know" lists:

How do you know you've been in grad school too long?

Reference lists are more interesting than articles.

HA!
 
How about adding a bit of humor to the forum:

Something I ran across the net today...hehe

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
 
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I have to admit those are mildly amusing, but also have to admit that I feel this makes us come off as unprofessional, and having fun at the expense of real human suffering. This is a public forum and you never know who is reading these things. I'm very much up for making fun of us (psychologists), but not out patients really. When I hear oncology docs make cancer patient jokes, then I will be more willing to take part.:rolleyes:
 
to think playful humor is such a burden to humanity...
 
I'm of the opinion that humor has its place in nearly every setting/situation. If it's delivered with the right intentions and perceived accordingly, I don't see the harm in any of it. And, going with the oncology analogy, I'm sure there are plenty of physicians out there who are able to deliver jokes "at the expense of those who are suffering" all the while administering therapeutic humor. Moreover, I would think that the majority of outside individuals viewing this forum would not jump to the conclusion that a forum full of professionals and professionals-to-be would post stuff with the intentions to put down or harm.
I think you would be rather impressed to know that people (suffering or not) often respond to jokes about themselves positively - it often lightens the mood and sends out the message that human fallibility is inevitable and absolutely ok. Btw, therapeutic humor is actually a researched concept. Go read a little Stephen Sultanoff (UC-Berkeley).
 
sorry, didn't mean to start a duplicate forum:)
 
Oh I just thought I'd post it since someone else posted the same joke as you so obviously more than one person finds it funny.
 
Thank you for the thread, RayneeDeigh, LOL. Seriosly, it is so refreshing. we are so serious, so focused here (and in the real world). Let's laugh. Somebody famous said: "The world has sirvived because it laughed". Or so it seems in my translation from Russian.:)

Two psychologists meet at the conference. One comes up to the other and hits him in the face. The other psychologist (picking up his broken glasses): "Oh, your must have quite serious problems".
 
Neuroscience joke:

What do you call a happy glial cell?
"sMYELIN"


haha. that one still cracks me up.
 
Oh, ok. Here we go.

How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in and one to hold my mother. I mean my penis! I mean the ladder!
 
Not sure if any of you have seen this video yet, but it definitely made me laugh! I know which bus drivers hate me :)
 
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Psychstuca said:
Thank you for the thread, RayneeDeigh, LOL.
Click to expand...

I didn't make the thread but... you're welcome? haha.

*edit* - nevermind, I get it now. I was all confused with the thread change.
 
JockNerd said:
Oh, ok. Here we go.

How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in and one to hold my mother. I mean my penis! I mean the ladder!
Click to expand...

Lol. Thanks JN. I needed that laugh! :laugh:
 
JockNerd said:
Oh, ok. Here we go.

How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in and one to hold my mother. I mean my penis! I mean the ladder!
Click to expand...

Hee!:laugh: That's great!

Nueropsychologists
Click to expand...

Typo? Or is there a hidden joke in the spelling?
 
What an awesome thread, its nice to have some comic relief after the whole application process. These are some good ones....:lol:I'll have to find some of my own to post!
 
erg923 said:
I have to admit those are mildly amusing, but also have to admit that I feel this makes us come off as unprofessional, and having fun at the expense of real human suffering. This is a public forum and you never know who is reading these things. I'm very much up for making fun of us (psychologists), but not out patients really. When I hear oncology docs make cancer patient jokes, then I will be more willing to take part.:rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Will jokes from ER docs suffice?

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=257985
 
Lyn71785 said:
This one helped get me through the all-nighters filling out grad apps in triplicate!

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." (Source unknown)
Click to expand...

i think tom waits said that!
 
This is not necessarily a joke but my undergrad's Psychology club t-shirts said (on the back):

Yes I am analyzing you and your inner child needs a spanking. That will be $100, see you next week."

One of the profs came up with that, lol.
 
Academic-Bulls**t Phrases

"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"...
I didn't look up the original reference.

"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"...
These data are practically meaningless.

"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"...
An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.

"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"...
The other results didn't make any sense.

"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"...
This is the prettiest graph.

"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"...
I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

"IN MY EXPERIENCE"...
Once.

"IN CASE AFTER CASE"...
Twice.

"IN A SERIES OF CASES"...
Thrice.

"IT IS BELIEVED THAT"...
I think.

"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"...
A couple of others think so, too.

"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE" ...
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

"ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"...
Rumor has it.

"A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS"...
A really wild guess.

"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"...
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a beer glass.

"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"...
I don't understand it....and I never will.

"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"...
They don't understand it either.

"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"...
A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

"IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD"...
I am pleased to feed you bull****.
 
If you're OCD and you know it, wash your hands
 
A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?'
The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.'
He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.
The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row.
The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'
The man says, ‘We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98.
The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.

(I don't know when this was written, but $50 for therapy is some bargain shopping!)
 
I was looking around About.com's grad school website today (great site, by the way, lots of good info about preparing and surving grad school) when I found a specific section for humor. Here's my favorite one so far:

You just might be a graduate student if...

  • you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
  • your office is better decorated than your apartment.
  • you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.
  • you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
  • you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
  • you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
  • everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
  • you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
  • you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
  • there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours."
  • you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
  • you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
  • you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
  • you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
  • you consider all papers to be works in progress.
  • professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.
  • you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
  • you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
  • you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
  • you reflexively start analyzing those greek letters before you realize that it's a sorority sweatshirt, not an equation.
  • you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade".
  • you start refering to stories like "Snow White et al."
  • you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy
  • you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry
  • you have more photocopy cards than credit cards
  • you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication"
(http://www.cs.umbc.edu/www/graduate/how-to-tell.html)

Although I'm not technically a grad student yet, I already do some of these and I can definitely see myself doing others. Anyway, here's the link for the humor section on About's website

http://gradschool.about.com/od/gradstudenthumor/Grad_Student_Humor.htm

I also liked the one about what a professor says and what they really mean.

Enjoy!
 
“What’s the usual tip?” a man growled when, Jason, a college boy delivered his pizza.
“Well,” Jason replied, “this is my first delivery, but the other guys said if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great.”
“Is that so?” grunted the man. “In that case, here’s five dollars.
” “Thanks,” Jason said, “I’ll put it in my college fund.”
“By the way, what are you studying?” questioned the man.
Jason replied, “Applied psychology.”
 
I saw this the other day in Reader's Digest, thought it was cute (and totally applies to my husband by the way...)

I have CDO, it's just like OCD except the letters are in alphabetical order... like they're supposed to be.

hehehe
 
Hi,
I know this is supposed to be a reply, but I am new, and wanted to know, how can I post a brand new message and start a new thread topic?
thanks for your help
khatie
 
ivan87 said:
Hi,
I know this is supposed to be a reply, but I am new, and wanted to know, how can I post a brand new message and start a new thread topic?
thanks for your help
khatie
Click to expand...

Step1: Go here: http://forums.studentdoctor.net/forumdisplay.php?f=57
Step2: Click the button below


newthreadet5.jpg
 
A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless." Poof! He's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," the Genie says to the professor.

The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after lunch."
:D
 
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