First Death

[Noelle]

Has anyone else experienced their first code or death on peds? I experienced both on my second night of call and don't think I'm dealing with it all that well. I never expected that I would have to experience this so early in my residency. I don't know if I'm just exhausted or what but I'm feeling somewhat bitter (and I'm not that kinda person) and it worries me. I love what i'm doing and the people i'm with are great - maybe it's just sleep deprivation and being home sick

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[drv]

Hi Noelle
What I am going to tell you, you already know it. This happens with everyone. I have marked we peddocs are little more sensitive then other docs.I think its good that you feel that way initially as it will make you think of ways how it could be prevented. and if you still feeling bad, wait for the moment when you alone save someone's life.........nothing can beat that. My advise to you is ....welcome to peds..(SO CALLED BRANCH WHERE YOU TREAT ONLY URTI)..you are doing fine...give this time....many more experiences await you which will make you a better peddoc one day..dont feel sad ..absorb it

 

[GeneGoddess]

Not officially, as I'm on a healthy newborn rotation. BUT, we take delivery call. And I "helped" resuscitate a 23wk baby. He, of course, went straight to the NICU and I think he died a few days later. It still depresses me...

 

[Homunculus]

I've been a part of a failed resuscitation of a 38 wk EGA crash section due to abruption. It was difficult to handle, especially after spending a block on the NICU resuscitating babies much much younger with much more morbidity/mortality. If you can do the hard ones, why not the easy one, right?

anyway, you hafta look at it like this-- the kid without you has no chance. We gave our kiddo the best chance possible to survive-- and unfortunately things didn't work out. It doesn't make it easier, but it does let you put things into perspective. You can give the kid all the chances in the world, but if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. Practice up and try to save the next one.

My only other pediatric death experiences were not unexpected-- which makes it easier. One was an adolescent with lyphoma, another was a 24 wk EGA with sepsis. Both were hard, but in different ways.

the best thing to do is to grab a few people who were there with you and talk about it. it's good to vent a little and know you have the right to be upset.

--your friendly neighborhood therapist caveman

 

[ekydrd]

I feel your pain. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Noelle]

Thanks everyone.
I think the hardest part of this is that this was a healthy infant, hospitalized for a routine thing. The autopsy didn't help me understand why the baby died either. I'm doing better than I was when I posted but I still wonder if there wasn't more we could have done for that child. I'm happy that I won't see as much death in Peds as I would in another specialty. It's just that when we do experience death in peds, especially unexpected ones, they are that much harder.