Father of two, with one having Trisomy 13

[Coldwater_Adler]

Hello everyone,

Please take the time to read this fairly long post so you can understand my situation and offer any encouraging tidbits or advice about how to make medical school a possibility for my future.

I found this forum at a difficult time and it has proven to be quite encouraging for me. I had originally planned to apply to medical school last May, but was hit with one of life's fast balls when my daughter was born with Trisomy 13. For those unfamiliar, Trisomy 13 is a life-limiting condition with a number of neurological and developmental disabilities. To the great dismay of my family, little Elisabeth may or may not make it to her first birthday. The medical literature on the conditions finds that roughly only 12% of people born with Trisomy 13 make it to their first birthday. She was born with a large chunk of the skin and bond missing on the crown of her head, which has since been repaired through surgery. We spent 7 weeks in the hospital with her after she was born, and have since returned multiple times due to respiratory issues - I have performed CPR on her two times already and she is only 6 months old. Recently, she started having infantile spasms that result in apneic episodes - her body simply forgets how to breath. As her father, I have gained experience in managing a terminal ill child who is fed through a g-tube. I have been responsible for her daily care including dressing and changing the bandage on her head, removing, installing, and maintaining her g-tube and multiple other things. It's as if we run a small clinic for one patient out of our home. I also have a healthy, albeit rambunctious, 2 yr-old son.

I decided to pursue a medical career about 2 years ago when I took human physiology. I plan to specialize in psychiatry and had originally planned to pursue a PhD in neuropsychology. However, after completing an internship at a neuropsychology concussion clinic, I discovered that I would be limited in what I would learn in school and what I could do as compared with a medical doctor. I feel strongly that the additional years involved in medical training would better prepare me to assist my future clients. I could explain that further, but the post is long enough already. Suffice it to say that I am driven and feel strongly about pursuing medicine; a thirst further reinforced by all I have observed with my daughter. I have already taken on a doctor/nurse dad role, lol.

Here is my question, am I being realistic in pursuing medicine when I have so much going on at home? I did have multiple obstacles throughout my undergraduate education and still maintained A's, well mostly. For those of you with children, how do you manage your competing roles as parent, spouse, and student? Also, my daughters geneticist strongly recommended I mention the birth of my daughter and my care of her at home.

FYI, here are my stats:

1) cGPA - 3.85
sGPA - 3.67
Magna Cum Laude

2) MCAT - we will see

3) Extracurriculars
- Volunteer 60 hours at local hospital - volunteered at front desk and about to volunteer in the ER
- Volunteered at a local psychiatric hospital ~ 20 hrs
- Worked as an undergraduate instructor while still an undergraduate student - unique program at my school
- Been a TA numerous times
- Worked with adults with disabilities, some having diabetes, for over 5 years. I supervise them in their home and the community, and help them follow behavior and medical plans
- Intern at a local concussion clinic ~ 40 hours
- Tutored youth with Autism ~ 30 hours
- Volunteered with a research-based family intervention program ~ 40 hours

4) Research - numerous presentations at professional and graduate psychology conferences in 5 different states. I also was second author on some research published at the local concussion clinic.

5) Leadership Experience
- Plenty

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[deleted480308]

That sucks man, I’m really sorry

You have to decide for yourself but I would spend what time she has with her

 

[Coldwater_Adler]

That sucks man, I’m really sorry

You have to decide for yourself but I would spend what time she has with her

I definitely am. My MCAT test preparation has now been extended from my original plan of 3 months to about 8. I hold her while studying, and do not study when she is in the hospital.

Thoughts from anyone else?

 

[star.buck]

Elisabeth has an amazing father. I think you’d make a fantastic physician, especially with your life experiences. As for your stats, with a good MCAT (or even a marginal one) you shouldn’t have an issue being accepted... especially if you apply DO.

Many parents of young children manage med school and fatherhood/motherhood well. It’s difficult - but they do it, usually quite well. If your wife and family are supportive, I don’t see where it’d be an issue at all. You have time however, I’d spend the time you have with Elisabeth, and apply to med school when you’re ready and won’t feel as torn between your family and a very demanding education.

 

[Forever Geebs]

I don’t have any advice because your situation is unique and I couldn’t possibly imagine making any suggestions without knowing you better. Ultimately, there are many considerations and this situation is complex. You need to do what you feel is best for your daughter, your family, and yourself. Ultimately, you know what’s best and the decision won’t be easy. Lean on your loved ones and think long and hard on this. I wish you and yours the absolute best.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Coldwater_Adler]

Elisabeth has an amazing father. I think you’d make a fantastic physician, especially with your life experiences. As for your stats, with a good MCAT (or even a marginal one) you shouldn’t have an issue being accepted... especially if you apply DO.

Many parents of young children manage med school and fatherhood/motherhood well. It’s difficult - but they do it, usually quite well. If your wife and family are supportive, I don’t see where it’d be an issue at all. You have time however, I’d spend the time you have with Elisabeth, and apply to med school when you’re ready and won’t feel as torn between your family and a very demanding education.

Thank you for the encouragement. I am not really partial to either DO or MD; rather, it is about the schools. I really like Des Moines DO program, but it would also probably be better for my family if I can stay in state.

 

[Robin-jay]

Unique story. Hope it works out. I know another user said this, but the medical school path is unforgiving with time, so I would spend all of it with your daughter, until you can't anymore.

As far as your medical school question. Mostly depends on your MCAT score at this point. You would have a compelling personal statement, so you may get more leeway than the average applicant.

 

[Fishy fish]

I'm really sorry you and your family have to go through this..it's a tough situation, to say the least. Sounds like my story in terms of your change in career plans. I also was interested in getting a PhD in psychology but realized I could do a lot more with an MD. If your wife is on board and you believe you still have the motivation to get through medical school, I say go for it. I think your life experiences will really make you stand out. You can dedicate this decision to your little ones

 

[Goro]

Hello everyone,

Please take the time to read this fairly long post so you can understand my situation and offer any encouraging tidbits or advice about how to make medical school a possibility for my future.

I found this forum at a difficult time and it has proven to be quite encouraging for me. I had originally planned to apply to medical school last May, but was hit with one of life's fast balls when my daughter was born with Trisomy 13. For those unfamiliar, Trisomy 13 is a life-limiting condition with a number of neurological and developmental disabilities. To the great dismay of my family, little Elisabeth may or may not make it to her first birthday. The medical literature on the conditions finds that roughly only 12% of people born with Trisomy 13 make it to their first birthday. She was born with a large chunk of the skin and bond missing on the crown of her head, which has since been repaired through surgery. We spent 7 weeks in the hospital with her after she was born, and have since returned multiple times due to respiratory issues - I have performed CPR on her two times already and she is only 6 months old. Recently, she started having infantile spasms that result in apneic episodes - her body simply forgets how to breath. As her father, I have gained experience in managing a terminal ill child who is fed through a g-tube. I have been responsible for her daily care including dressing and changing the bandage on her head, removing, installing, and maintaining her g-tube and multiple other things. It's as if we run a small clinic for one patient out of our home. I also have a healthy, albeit rambunctious, 2 yr-old son.

I decided to pursue a medical career about 2 years ago when I took human physiology. I plan to specialize in psychiatry and had originally planned to pursue a PhD in neuropsychology. However, after completing an internship at a neuropsychology concussion clinic, I discovered that I would be limited in what I would learn in school and what I could do as compared with a medical doctor. I feel strongly that the additional years involved in medical training would better prepare me to assist my future clients. I could explain that further, but the post is long enough already. Suffice it to say that I am driven and feel strongly about pursuing medicine; a thirst further reinforced by all I have observed with my daughter. I have already taken on a doctor/nurse dad role, lol.

Here is my question, am I being realistic in pursuing medicine when I have so much going on at home? I did have multiple obstacles throughout my undergraduate education and still maintained A's, well mostly. For those of you with children, how do you manage your competing roles as parent, spouse, and student? Also, my daughters geneticist strongly recommended I mention the birth of my daughter and my care of her at home.

FYI, here are my stats:

1) cGPA - 3.85
sGPA - 3.67
Magna Cum Laude

2) MCAT - we will see

3) Extracurriculars
- Volunteer 60 hours at local hospital - volunteered at front desk and about to volunteer in the ER
- Volunteered at a local psychiatric hospital ~ 20 hrs
- Worked as an undergraduate instructor while still an undergraduate student - unique program at my school
- Been a TA numerous times
- Worked with adults with disabilities, some having diabetes, for over 5 years. I supervise them in their home and the community, and help them follow behavior and medical plans
- Intern at a local concussion clinic ~ 40 hours
- Tutored youth with Autism ~ 30 hours
- Volunteered with a research-based family intervention program ~ 40 hours

4) Research - numerous presentations at professional and graduate psychology conferences in 5 different states. I also was second author on some research published at the local concussion clinic.

5) Leadership Experience
- Plenty

Very sorry to hear about this. From one parent to another, take the time to spend with your daughter. Med schools aren't going anywhere.

 

[Coldwater_Adler]

Very sorry to hear about this. From one parent to another, take the time to spend with your daughter. Med schools aren't going anywhere.

I understand that, but I am currently age 29 and will be 30 (almost 31) if I get in for the class of 2020. I was planning to apply early when they open up applications this May. I am concerned that if I wait too long then I will just never get around to it.

 

[sunshinefl]

I understand that, but I am currently age 29 and will be 30 (almost 31) if I get in for the class of 2020. I was planning to apply early when they open up applications this May. I am concerned that if I wait too long then I will just never get around to it.

I’ve been trying to figure out a way to convey my thoughts to you without sounding cold because online we only have words.

If your daughter has a good prognosis and years of lifespan ahead, and you have the basics figured out that apply to any family with a parent embarking on medical school, then go ahead and apply for 2019-2020 cycle.

If your daughter has a more short-term prognosis, then spend the time she has with her and then apply.

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

 

[Coldwater_Adler]

Another question for everyone: I am going back and forth about mentioning my daughter as one of the work/activities, or as a highlight of my PS. Her diagnosis strongly reinforced my desire to attend medical school as she literally would not be alive without the compassionate work put in by multiple specialists, but I am concerned that an ADCOM committee would see it as a red flag for me being unable to make the time for the rigors of medical school. It seems a shame not to mention it though as I have gained quite a bit of medical experience over the last several months, including: maintaining, installing, and removing g-tubes; suctioning her as she cannot swallow; applying, removing, and maintaining a head bandage; life-sustaining CPR on two occasions; experience handling a pulse-ox, a suction machine, oxygen, etc. However, I don't know... I am undecided. What are your thoughts? Be honest, it wont do me any good if you are not.

 

[Coldwater_Adler]

I’ve been trying to figure out a way to convey my thoughts to you without sounding cold because online we only have words.

If your daughter has a good prognosis and years of lifespan ahead, and you have the basics figured out that apply to any family with a parent embarking on medical school, then go ahead and apply for 2019-2020 cycle.

If your daughter has a more short-term prognosis, then spend the time she has with her and then apply.

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

Unrelated to the current topic, but do you have many non-traditional students at Nova Scotia?

 

[Coldwater_Adler]

Elisabeth has an amazing father. I think you’d make a fantastic physician, especially with your life experiences. As for your stats, with a good MCAT (or even a marginal one) you shouldn’t have an issue being accepted... especially if you apply DO.

Many parents of young children manage med school and fatherhood/motherhood well. It’s difficult - but they do it, usually quite well. If your wife and family are supportive, I don’t see where it’d be an issue at all. You have time however, I’d spend the time you have with Elisabeth, and apply to med school when you’re ready and won’t feel as torn between your family and a very demanding education.

First off, that quote you have by the 11th Doctor is one of my favorites! Second, why would you encourage DO specifically?

 

[gyngyn]

Another question for everyone: I am going back and forth about mentioning my daughter as one of the work/activities, or as a highlight of my PS. Her diagnosis strongly reinforced my desire to attend medical school as she literally would not be alive without the compassionate work put in by multiple specialists, but I am concerned that an ADCOM committee would see it as a red flag for me being unable to make the time for the rigors of medical school. It seems a shame not to mention it though as I have gained quite a bit of medical experience over the last several months, including: maintaining, installing, and removing g-tubes; suctioning her as she cannot swallow; applying, removing, and maintaining a head bandage; life-sustaining CPR on two occasions; experience handling a pulse-ox, a suction machine, oxygen, etc. However, I don't know... I am undecided. What are your thoughts? Be honest, it wont do me any good if you are not.

Your daughter is not an extra-curricular activity. There should be a place to discuss your experience in another part of the application. I'll bet it will be in the PS.

 

[DrElliotReid]

Another question for everyone: I am going back and forth about mentioning my daughter as one of the work/activities, or as a highlight of my PS. Her diagnosis strongly reinforced my desire to attend medical school as she literally would not be alive without the compassionate work put in by multiple specialists, but I am concerned that an ADCOM committee would see it as a red flag for me being unable to make the time for the rigors of medical school.....

I don't think it would be a red flag at all. I would highly encourage you to discuss it in your personal statement since that is essentially part of the motivation for medicine for you. It shows that you have an in depth understanding about medicine the typical pre-med does not, just like someone who experienced a critical illness or is dealing with a life-long disease that is applying to medical school. You will however, definitely be asked about it during an interview and I would just make sure you have a well thought out, solid answer to something along the lines of "How will you be able to handle the rigors of medical school with having to take care of your daughter?". The way you answer this question will probably be pretty crucial.

 

[star.buck]

First off, that quote you have by the 11th Doctor is one of my favorites! Second, why would you encourage DO specifically?

MD schools can be more traditionally focused, but I say this with a huge acknowledgement that this is a generalization and many MANY MD schools accept and look for nontrads (as my own MD school did).

DO schools CAN have a more well-rounded application process, they tend to look more at the whole applicant, and they can be highly non-trad focused and friendly. You may find more age-similar peers as well as more forgiveness for life experiences that may occur during school.

Again, this is a generalization on both sides. I think you stand a good chance either way, as you are a compelling applicant with a deeply personal experience that has lead you to and reinforced medicine as part of your future.

Also, that dr who quote is one of my favorites as well! I wish you and your precious family the very best.

 

[esob]

I put my med school goal on hold for 16+ years to raise two special-needs children. As Goro noted, med schools aren't going anywhere. Worry about it after you get through this phase of your life. I'm on the interview trail now and being a patient advocate for my children always comes up, so it will be part of your story when the time comes.

 

[kraskadva]

I'm sorry OP. That's an incredibly difficult thing to deal with and my heart goes out to you.
Spend the time with Elizabeth now, while it's still possible to do so. You will never get that time again.

Like everyone has said, medical school isn't going anywhere. What you have for your app so far is great and you just need to fill in an mcat score to be ready to apply. But, if I were in your shoes, I would not apply in this next cycle. Give yourself the time to spend with Elizabeth and the time to recover when you can't anymore. Even if that means you don't apply for a few more years.

Lots of folks in my class are non-trad. I started med school at 32, without any major preceding drama, just a convoluted path through the prereqs.
One of my classmates started at 38. She is a single mom with 2 kids, and her youngest was born with severe heart issues. She waited until he was healthy, stable, and older to apply because she knew she couldn't do both med school and the intensive home care he needed when he was younger. She's still the busiest person in my class, between the kids and still working part time, but it's possible for her now because her kids are older and don't need the same round the clock care.
Med school will require most of your time and attention, and you don't have that to give right now because Elizabeth needs it. If you start when your son is 5 or 6 or even older, everything is manageable. Many people do med school with small kids at home. But doing med school while taking care of Elizabeth will be nigh on impossible to manage and you shouldn't force yourself to feel torn between studying for an exam and being by her side.