Emergency Medicine Haikus for all to enjoy

[EM2BE]

Sleepy all the time
Naptime is not permitted
oh to go to bed

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[docB]

PMDs are closed
Do not come to the ER
For your narc refills

 

[lftbndlbrnchblk]

Cardiac arrest
Give him two amps of bicarb
What's the freakin' point?

 

[deuist]

Your ID says "Derm."
You want to help with the code?
Give chest compressions.

 

[NateintheED]

Ice outside all week
Lots of fall down and go boom
Ortho here they come!

 

[devlyyn]

Withdrawal too hard
Maybe I should eat hand foam
No doc, it's ice cream

 

[gutonc]

Withdrawal too hard
Maybe I should eat hand foam
No doc, it's ice cream

I'm going to break the cycle of excellent Japanese poetry here and just say that I had a patient (who swore up and down and was backed up by his wife) that he didn't drink. On hospital day 2, in the throes of EtOH withdrawal, while fighting off the nurse who was trying to restrain him so he didn't punch the TV, took the pump bottle of alcohol-based hand sanitizer off the wall, ripped off the pump top and squeezed a big glob into his mouth. He then lit a cigarette (oh right...swore he didn't smoke) and nearly caught his face on fire. It was awesome.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled haikus.

 

[Altruist]

From my ambulance days:

The Doctor on-scene
so eager to help--always
a podiatrist

 

[med2UCC]

Child yelling, running
Wild around the room. Go home!
Deathly ill he's not!

 

[Kubed]

Off service ortho month:

Blizzard on the way,
Old people walking on ice,
Of course I'm on call.

 

[Altruist]

Love cures broken hearts
but nitrates plus viagra
get you admitted

EDIT: Ditch doctor posted a similar one a few pages (and a few years) back, which I vaguely remembered only after I posted. My apologies.

 

[Apollyon]

Love cures broken hearts
but nitrates plus viagra
get you admitted

EDIT: Ditch doctor posted a similar one a few pages (and a few years) back, which I vaguely remembered only after I posted. My apologies.

Oh! Stealing haikus
Gets you kicked off the rank list
Residency-less!

(Unintentional, I know...I keed, I keed!)

 

[Altruist]

Oh! Stealing haikus
Gets you kicked off the rank list
Residency-less!

(Unintentional, I know...I keed, I keed!)

Now I'm imagining my interview:

Good scores and good grades...
Hey wait, are you Altruist?
Better luck next year!

 

[devlyyn]

wasted a whole year?
should have applied for DO
too late for you now

 

[omgwtfbbq?]

I will pee on you!
Says Haldol-resistant man
Attending? Too slow

 

[Cerberus]

I.M. rotator
Your HPI is a tome
Get to the point, please

 

[Kubed]

Old man checking mail,
Fell on ice and heard a "crack,"
Foot facing wrong way.

 

[MRSAful Fate]

So ancient and frail
Why on Earth are you full code?
Crunch crunch goes the chest

 

[kingb05]

Im just a student!
Why did you pimp me so hard?
Seeker just groped me.

 

[Kubed]

Counting down the days,
Waiting for the pain to end,
Last ward month ever.

 

[Birdstrike]

Im just a student!
Why did you pimp me so hard?
Seeker just groped me.

I can't think of a better EM haiku. Congrats.

 

[TrumpetDoc]

Metrics and surveys
The bullwhip of their control
Enslaved by numbers

 

[med2UCC]

Greeted, start of shift,
"Doc, Please come and intubate".
What happened to "Hi"?

 

[Birdstrike]

Alright, time for Birdstrike to take a crack at the EM haiku thread...


Heart stops in ED
Now I run very long code
Oh, when can I poop?

 

[Birdstrike]

bump

 

[Apollyon]

bump

Oh no you didn't!
You can't bump the haiku thread
And not write one, too!

 

[Birdstrike]

Oh no you didn't!
You can't bump the haiku thread
And not write one, too!

Alright Apollyon, are you ready?!!


"Much discontent here
You should have been zit poppers
ER docs so sad"

How ya like me now!?

 

[docB]

Unprotected sex
Now he wants the magic pills
They may not work, dude

 

[dchristismi]

Suboxone you need?
Your doc doesn't write for it?
Um, yeah. Me neither.

 

[EMmotherhen]

Interview season
ERAS, applicants: too much!
Just rank everyone

 

[EMmotherhen]

Lethal Raisenettes
Seriously uppity
Rodents meet their end

 

[dchristismi]

Epic necrobump
I love the EM Forum
Keep 'em coming, guys.

 

[deuist]

12 out of 10 pain.
Allergic to ev'rything,
except dilaudid.

 

[Doctor Bob]

Epic necrobump
I love the EM Forum
Keep 'em coming, guys.

Oooh.. very slick. I almost missed the subtle haiku.


It is 2 AM
You can refill my meds, right?
No? Who is your boss?

 

[EMmotherhen]

Oooh.. very slick. I almost missed the subtle haiku.


It is 2 AM
You can refill my meds, right?
No? Who is your boss?

Sir - my boss is ME
Take your drug seeking @ss home
and sleep off whatever

 

[Greenbbs]

Central line goes in.
Intensivist on the phone.
Yep, more work for them