Do I belong here?

[saladsandsutures]

I need to extend this out to you guys because I truly don't know what to do or think. I was an average med student grade-wise but did very well during my clerkships due to good interpersonal skills/bedside manner/IM bread an butter cases. I though I would get into an ok place for residency and surprisingly matched into a very good program. I started internal med residency this July.

Idk if it's because the patients are a lot more complex at this program, if I forgot everything from med school, or just don't have a good foundation but I feel like my medical knowledge is completely insufficient. I feel like I know nothing, as if I never went to med school. What if I just memorized things and understood important concepts on the surface and somehow was able to get this far that way? I cannot fathom knowing as much as my seniors by the end of this year and I do not believe I am on the same level as most of my co-interns. To clarify, I have not gotten any negative feedback thus far but this is with seniors holding my hand a lot of the way and explaining things to me. I have gotten good evals thus far and have made some progress but I am terrified that I will be found out. A large component of this could be imposture syndrome but I feel the desperate need to study and revisit some foundational concepts. Is that still possible to do in intern year because I feel like it is too late at this point.

Has anyone ever felt this way and are there any resources I can quickly go through that are effective for reinforcing some of the foundational concepts? I need to do something because I am extremely anxious going into work every day and my hesitancy to do anything is very evident. I know I am not supposed to be at senior or attending level as an intern, but when asked some questions that I know are basic, I just freeze up and can't remember or give an answer. Any advice or insight would be much appreciated. Sorry for the long rant I am just panicking :/

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[rokshana]

I need to extend this out to you guys because I truly don't know what to do or think. I was an average med student grade-wise but did very well during my clerkships due to good interpersonal skills/bedside manner/IM bread an butter cases. I though I would get into an ok place for residency and surprisingly matched into a very good program. I started internal med residency this July.

Idk if it's because the patients are a lot more complex at this program, if I forgot everything from med school, or just don't have a good foundation but I feel like my medical knowledge is completely insufficient. I feel like I know nothing, as if I never went to med school. What if I just memorized things and understood important concepts on the surface and somehow was able to get this far that way? I cannot fathom knowing as much as my seniors by the end of this year and I do not believe I am on the same level as most of my co-interns. To clarify, I have not gotten any negative feedback thus far but this is with seniors holding my hand a lot of the way and explaining things to me. I have gotten good evals thus far and have made some progress but I am terrified that I will be found out. A large component of this could be imposture syndrome but I feel the desperate need to study and revisit some foundational concepts. Is that still possible to do in intern year because I feel like it is too late at this point.

Has anyone ever felt this way and are there any resources I can quickly go through that are effective for reinforcing some of the foundational concepts? I need to do something because I am extremely anxious going into work every day and my hesitancy to do anything is very evident. I know I am not supposed to be at senior or attending level as an intern, but when asked some questions that I know are basic, I just freeze up and can't remember or give an answer. Any advice or insight would be much appreciated. Sorry for the long rant I am just panicking :/

You are 2 months into your intern year… there should still be hand holding, especially if these 2 months have not been floor or icu work.
The fact that you are concerned that you need to study is actually a good sign… the interns that concern me the most are those that think that they do know everything… they are the ones that are gonna kill pts.

Remember what it was like the beginning of first year and the beginning of 3rd year…it’s overwhelming with the changes that come with going from college to Med school and basics to clinical.

read up on your pts…start with up to date and then look at studies to reinforce your knowledge… you will probably be surprised at how much you know.

ask your seniors if there is anything they think needs improvement and talk to your co interns…they prolly feel the same way.

 

[Dral]

I think you'll be ok. I remember having ups and downs. My first month was floors and I luckily had a lot of hand holding. I then had a month of VA floors and got my groove...didn't have to have any notes or anything. I was just presenting patients with plans off the top of my head.

Then my ICU month hit. I got overly confident from my VA month and crashed and burned. I got it back together, but that first week was rough.

It's part of the learning process. You're arguably at the most prominent transitional portion of your career thus far...transitioning from a learner to someone who has true responsibility. That can for sure cause a background emotional burden.

I would follow up the way rokshana mentioned. There is a fine line. Do things with intent and confidence, but be ever cognizant of knowing what you don't know and ask for help accordingly. Patient safety is paramount and nobody should ever think less of you if you are appropriately asking for help/reassurance if you're not exactly sure how to proceed. However, every time you ask for that help, be sure to spend some time thoughtfully analyzing the situation. That way, you may better integrate that experience into your base and be better equipped to apply the concepts in the future to a new similar situation.

You'll be fine.